Letting Go Of The Past After Divorce Or Break Up

It can be hard to let go of the past when married life is over. Focusing on what was instead of what is, hinders an individual from moving on post-divorce. Divorce may come as a shock and fixating on what used to be, gets in the way of taking action now. Some people interviewed, kept dreaming about the past, as the present was too painful. Yet others felt if they denied what was happening (a spouse leaving), things would go back to what they were.

One sign that a person is hanging on to an ex-spouse and not letting go, is by talking endlessly about them. An acquaintance went on and on about her former husband until somebody else changed the subject. She did not date, but instead wallowed in that relationship which she failed to leave behind post-divorce. There were no children and it was a clean break.

I occasionally run into her former husband who has never brought up his ex and was able to move on in life. He is happily remarried and is a proud step-father. It is a choice whether to stay mentally attached to a former partner or face the cold truth of reality that the other person is not coming back.

Part of getting beyond reliving the past is that the void has to be filled. When an old life and marital relationship ends – something has to fill this gaping hole. This was the problem with my acquaintance. She did not try to meet people, take a class or pursue new endeavours. The void remained.

A first step to moving on, is replacing the loss of people and things with new adventures, activities, and friends. Expand your social circle by joining a special interest group or renewing friendships that may have fallen by the wayside when married. I joined travel and book clubs. Other divorced pals are in film and hiking ones. There are many studies globally that show the health benefits of being connected to others.

A new job during the early phase of my divorce proceedings, was mentally stimulating. There was less time to think about my losses. Others have taken courses or changed career paths after a divorce. Take up a sport for a physical challenge. The goal is to keep mentally and physically active to fill the void and find life more fulfilling. When one’s agenda is crammed full of events, and pleasurable pursuits, looking ahead instead of behind is easier.

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