Getting Past Obstacles Post-Divorce

During or after divorce – there are obstacles which make chasing a dream or pursuing a goal challenging. Sometimes barriers to success are more in our minds than in actuality. People are stressed out and often do not think a situation through, but more on a superficial level. This is where friends come into the picture. Discuss where you feel stuck and are not able to get past an obstacle. Let friends bounce their ideas around and a feasible solution may be discovered. Really listen and be open to their suggestions. Several people I know who had problems post-divorce, talked about them endlessly. However when we gave practical tips on how to solve these dilemmas, they were quick to find reasons why they could not work. It was as if they did not want to move on and enjoyed wallowing in their dramas.

Reframe Your Situation

Getting through an obstacle post-divorce correlates with how first aid is performed. One does an assessment of the injury or situation. One looks at what is really going on, how it happened and the extent of the damage. The next step is to evaluate one’s capabilities. Is one able to remedy the problem or is additional help required? With a patient, they may need an x-ray or stitches which is out of your scope of practice. Next is to reframe the situation and act on it. Instead of seeing a situation as a catastrophe, it is reframed as being a minor setback. One cleans a wound and applies a bandage or comforts an individual until an ambulance arrives.

Can You Fix It?

When facing a barrier hindering your success, do an assessment. Really look at your situation and attempt to understand what happened. Is it something totally out of you control that you just have to accept, at least for right now? Or does it look like you have some options for getting past it? It can be beneficial to discuss this blockage with a life coach to help you devise with some strategies for dealing with it. Evaluate your capabilities to find ways to remove the obstacle. Visualize different scenarios for getting past the barrier between where you are now and where you want to be. Analyse what your strengths are and utilize them in getting on with your life. Reframe the situation in your mind to take on a more positive view.

Several people who were made redundant with their jobs, said they felt their careers were over. When reframing that they had the chance for new opportunities their lives turned around. Some did freelancing and had a better work/home life balance. Others capitalized on their hobbies by turning them into new careers. People have started online businesses after losing jobs and remarked how their stress level went down.

An obstacle in life is unreasonable people, You can change your actions, but cannot not change someone else. You only have control over yourself.  In a mathematical equation, changing one variable can alter its outcome. When you are the variable that changes in a situation that can alter how an obstacle affects you. Several people wanted out of the marriages quickly and their spouses were creating roadblocks which prevented this during the divorce process.

When these individuals changed their behaviour and told the spouses to take whatever they wanted from the houses, that barrier was removed. The divorces then moved along quickly and these folks got their freedom. It is your choice how to react when facing a barrier with divorce. A minor change in your perception or reaction can mean a big change in your circumstance down the road.

Originally published in The Divorce Magazine  thedivorcemagazine.co.uk