How To Lower Your Shared Parenting Anxiety After Divorce

Shared parenting is a kind of agreement after divorce, in which both parents continue a positive presence in the lives of children. It provides for the need for the child to stay with each parent more or less equally.

The joint custody agreement may vary depending on each specific situation. According to Wikipedia, the time spent by the child with each parent can be divided 50 to 50, or the child can live with one of the parents for four days, and the rest of the week with the second, and so on. That is, the main essence of this concept is to ensure quality rather than quantity. 

According to Onlinedivorce, a joint custody order cannot be entered if either spouse is guilty of abusive behaviour, domestic violence, or suffers from chemical or alcohol addiction. In other cases, shared parenting may be requested by the parents, or be awarded by the court as a preferred option due to the presumption (now, more and more US jurisdiction declare that shared parenting is in the best interest of the child.) 

Why Co-Parenting Matters So Much

Most children also prefer co-parenting to traditional but outdated measures, in which one of the parents loses the opportunity to communicate with the child and becomes only a rare guest (notorious “weekend dad” phenomenon.) With a joint upbringing, the child retains the possibility of a meaningful relationship with each of the parents. Otherwise, relationship problems both with the custodian and non-custodial parent often occur. There are two quite common situations:

– Either the child lose the close connection with the non-custodial parent (even if they meet and spend some time on holidays, but the parent is not involved in the child’s daily life, preferring just to compensate for poor parenting with splashy gestures and gifts);

– Or vice versa – due to the absence of one of the parents, the child begins to idealize him subconsciously. This inner image of the father (or mother) often becomes divorced from reality. While quarrels with the parent, who has taken on the upbringing process with all its difficult moments, are only becoming more frequent. 

Yet, despite all these obvious and proven pros of shared parenting, a lot of parents feel anxious no less than their children while adjusting to the new conditions. How to overcome this feeling? How to decide on delegating responsibility? How to maintain close relationships with your child and healthy relationships with your former spouse?

You are not alone! People who divorce amicably and with no mess, still face a lot of problems and fears concerning custody and parenting issues, and this is normal. For the spouses who have kids, calm and friendly divorce is just the first step, and then, they need to manage their new lives so as not to lose what they already have and keep the feeling of a loving family for the child.

Let’s sort out, how to deal with shared parenting and your own fears and doubts.

Author of this article is  Dina Caldwell from  www.onlinedivorce.com/