The Valentine’s Day Blues

Facing your first Valentine’s Day during or post-divorce can be like pouring salt into an open wound or a “non-event” as many people disclosed.  You may feel like holing up at home screaming at the world, or out and about as if it were any other day.  Assess your feelings to see which strategies would work best for you.

Those that did not really celebrate Valentine’s Day while married had the easiest time post-divorce.  A few who had been married to doctors that either were too busy, or chose not to commemorate this occasion, did not even remember their first Valentine’s Day when newly divorced. Kelly has been divorced twice, yet can only recall recent ones. People who had the most difficult time when newly single, were the ones who had been wined and dined on this holiday. This would be the time to start inventing new Valentine’s traditions that are special for you.

Some friends have said that their children have been a happy distraction on Valentine’s Day post-divorce.  They have a special dinner and play games or watch a movie.  They stated that it is difficult to feel lonely or “poor me” when busy with youngsters. Endear yourself to friends by offering to babysit their little tykes on this night.  Invite your niece over for a pajama pizza party and show chick flicks. Veronica had a full-blown party for her young son and his buddies on her first post-divorce Valentine’s Evening with yummy food, fun activities and luscious treats. She was having a great time and was too busy being hostess, to dwell upon any sad thoughts. This is still Veronica’s best Valentine’s Day.

Coffee shops and cafes often have a communal table where solo diners can enjoy being around others on Valentine’s Day. These gatherings sometimes become a party, and one couple who met at a restaurant’s singles’ table, are now happily married.  After Benny’s breakup, he discovered the communal table at his upscale natural grocery store and spends his holidays there. They have a salad bar and gourmet food that can be eaten on the premises with lattes. He enjoys the camaraderie especially during a holiday and now shuns invitations from his married friends. Erin went to her country club solo for her first post-divorce Valentine’s Day dinner. She forgot that the country club’s clientele was mainly married, so was the only diner at the single’s table.

Originally published in The Divorce Magazine