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Global Guide to Divorce

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Your Guide to Moving and Starting a Business at the Same Time

Are you starting a new business and going through a divorce? If you need to move to a new home, follow the outline below to help you simplify your move and business startup.

Find Out How Much You Can Afford

One of the first steps you should take when starting a home-based business is figuring out how much you can afford to invest in the business. This will vary depending on your individual situation, but it is important to find out how much you can afford to invest before you start looking for potential investments.

Once you know how much money you can put toward your business, you will be able to look at larger investments such as buying a home and a business location.

Get Pre-Approved for a Loan

Getting pre-approved is the first step before getting approved for a loan. This is a normal part of the overall process and serves to let lenders know whether you’re a good fit for a loan.

You should make sure that your credit is in good standing and nothing is in collections. This will go a long way in getting your pre-approved and ultimately approved.

Find a Real Estate Agent

If you are purchasing your first home, it is important to find a real estate agent that specializes in helping first-time homebuyers.

Mashvisor points out that a real estate agent can help you find the perfect home for your budget. They may also be able to help you find local contractors and home improvement stores for your project ideas. If you’re considering saving money upfront by purchasing a home being sold “as is,” do so with an air of caution. If the property has major issues (e.g., problems with the foundation, HVAC, plumbing), it’s usually incumbent on you to pay for all the repairs, which can quickly add up. Again, a trusted real estate agent can help you navigate your options.

Search for a Home Online

Your local real estate agent can also help you find listings online. With the advent of online resources, finding a listing for a home is easier than ever before. While you can always visit your local real estate agent and ask them to help you find listings, an online resource makes this process even easier.

You can use a number of websites to find listings in your area. You can also search for listings based on your desired features, price range, and other preferences.

Market Your Company

Once you have settled in your new home, it is time to start thinking about a marketing plan. This is crucial as it will help you get your brand noticed by the rest of the world.

A catchy and appealing logo is one of the best ways you can make your company known to the public. Your logo is what makes you stand out among the rest. Although you may be tempted to hire a professional to design your logo, an online logo maker is a better option. This option is usually cheaper and more flexible than hiring a professional to create your brand logo. You can choose from many different logos online. You can also adjust every aspect of the logo, including colors and text, once you have found the logo you want.

Invest in Payroll Services

Payroll services can also help to ensure that your employees are paid accurately and on time. This can help to improve morale and reduce turnover, both of which can save your business money in the long run. You’ll get payroll services processed quickly, and many payroll service providers offer additional features such as direct deposit and tax filing assistance. As a result, choosing to outsource your payroll can offer a wide range of benefits for your business.

With the tips in mind, the daunting task of simultaneously moving to a new home after a divorce and launching your own business can be tackled successfully. This groundwork lays the foundation from which your venture will be up and running in no time!

Author of this article is Kristin Lewis  is a former advertising copywriter. She’s a loving mom to two boys: oldest is 10 and youngest is 7. She recently created parentingwithkris.com, where she puts her skills to work writing about the trials and tribulations of parenting.”

 

Celebrating Your Divorce Anniversary

Do you celebrate your divorce anniversary?  Is it a day you mourn or instead viewed as Independence Day? Easy to have mixed emotions.

We do hear about extravagant parties to small gatherings of friends marking the occasion when a divorce is finalized. Some hire limousines to whisk their group away to the pubs. No drunk drivers. There are paper plates, napkins and decorations to spice up the divorce party’s atmosphere. My friends took me out for lattes that first month after the divorce decree was issued.

What about the anniversaries? For the first few years my two sons gave me flowers and chocolate on that date. We went out for lattes or did something else special.

One January a few years post-divorce, my sons and I went to Disneyland. I was not thinking about my divorce. The woman at the check-in desk asked if we were celebrating any occasion. I told her “No.” When we got up to our room, my younger son asked why I had lied. “Lied?”

He explained, “Yes, you told that lady we weren’t celebrating anything. This is the week of your divorce anniversary!”  I said “Well, I’ll go back down and tell her.” My older son jumped up and accompanied me to the lobby.  I felt a bit strange informing that clerk about it. Her face froze. My son quickly intervened.  “We are so happy about this occasion so we are celebrating.” She laughed and was quite relieved. We were handed three large pins saying “I’m celebrating” written across them.

I cannot remember laughing so hard for two days straight. When strangers came up and asked what we were celebrating, we informed them. They laughed at the unexpected answer. The boys were giggly too. This was one of our best holidays.

My sons went to college and moved into their own places.  This past January, my younger son was at home. “Congratulations Mum” he said. It dawned on me it was my divorce anniversary. We collected his brother and went out for lattes.

Your divorce may have been tragic, especially if dumped for someone else. A day you do not want to be reminded of ever again. You have the right to ignore it. Or perhaps use it to reflect where you were and how far you have come. You moved forward.  You got past a traumatic event. Perhaps made some big changes in your life for the better.

You have the option of reframing it from an ending to becoming a new tradition. It can be your meet up with friends day each year. You plan fun activities and enjoy their camaraderie. I think about how less stressful my life is by not being in a toxic marriage.

A consideration is the children. They may feel torn between loyalties or are having a rough time with their parents not being together. A celebration would not be appropriate.  In my case, for years afterwards, the boys periodically asked “What took you so long to divorce?” They were flowers which bloomed post-divorce.

When this date is about to roll around, perhaps get out of town. Avoid old triggers which remind you of your relationship or its end.  Go on holiday abroad or explore new sights closer to home.  Do what feels right to you. Ignore it or celebrate. Your call.

A Woman’s Running Guide

So you want to start running? Congratulations! This can be a great way to improve your health and lose weight. Women can get a lot of health benefits once they make a habit of daily running. We know taking a start isn’t easy, but we’ll help all the women out there start their running routine through this article. But before you take a step, there are some things you need to know.

Get Yourself the Right Running Shoes

It’s important to choose suitable shoes if you’re going to start running. Make sure that you have the right type of shoe for your foot and running style. Here are some tips on how to choose the right running shoes for women:

  • If you’re a beginner, go for a lightweight, low-profile shoe that is flexible and has good shock absorption.
  • If you’re an experienced runner, consider getting a more supportive shoe that will help improve your mileage and speed.
  • Look for shoes with a heel cushion or stability ball at the heel to provide extra cushioning and support.

Decide Why You Want To Start Running

Running is a great way to get your heart rate up and burn calories. It can be a great way to improve your fitness level and feel better overall. However, if you’re not sure why you want to start running, here are some reasons to consider:

  • Running can help prevent or reduce the risk of diseases such as heart disease, stroke, diabetes, and some types of cancer.
  • Running can also improve your mood and mental well-being.
  • It’s a great way to connect with nature and get some exercise while doing so.

Find A Appropriate Time And Place To Start Running

All the women looking to start running should look for the appropriate time to start running. The best time and place to start may vary depending on your current fitness level. Beginners should try starting out by running short distances (around a block or two) outside during daylight hours. As you become more comfortable, you can gradually increase your distance and run in different locations, including at parks or other open spaces.

Make A Plan For Yourself

Its really easy to think about running, but it can be hard to get started. However, with a proper plan, you can get started easily. Make a plan for yourself and follow it as closely as possible to ensure you achieve the best results. Start slowly and gradually increase your distance over time, gradually building up your endurance. Find a running group or join an online community to support and motivate you along the way.

Get Started

Once you make up a plan, start implementing it at your earliest. Don’t wait for tomorrow; start the routine from the current day. There is a philosophical proverb “that it will never be tomorrow because when tomorrow arrives, it becomes today.” If you are new to running, it can be helpful to start with a beginner’s routine. There are many different running routes and distances to choose from, so find one that is challenging but manageable for you. Once you have started running, keep a diary of your progress so that you can track your performance and progress to see how much you have improved.

Benefits of running for women

Running is a great exercise for women of all ages and fitness levels. It has many benefits, including decreasing stress and improving mood, heart health, joint health, and weight management. In addition to these general benefits, running can also help improve your overall fitness level and help you lose weight.

How does running improve mood?

It has been seen that running help improve mood and mental well-being in both men and women. In fact, research suggests that running may be one of the most beneficial exercises for overall mental health. One study found that people who ran had lower levels of stress hormones in their bloodstream than those who did not run. Another study found that people who ran tended to have better mental health than those who did not run at all. This is likely because running releases endorphins, which are chemicals that reduce pain and increase feelings of pleasure.

How does running improve heart rate?

Running has long been known to be a finest way to improve heart rate. In fact, running at a moderate intensity can help increase your heart rate by up to 50%. This is because running increases your metabolic rate, which in turn helps burn more calories.

How does running reduce stress?

Running is a proven way to reduce stress levels. In one study, runners who completed a moderate-intensity run reported feeling less stressed than those who didn’t run at all. Researchers believe that this is because running releases endorphins, which are hormones that can decrease pain and inflammation. Additionally, running has a positive impact on mental health by helping people to de-stress and connect with their surroundings.

How does running help in weight management?

Running can help burn a lot of calories and help in weight management. The average person burns 80-140 calories per mile, depending on your speed and weight, so running can help you lose weight.

Conclusion

Now you must have a clear idea of what to do, so get out there and run!

Running is one of the simplest and most effective exercises you can do for your health. It’s low-impact, calorie-burning, and can be done anywhere. Plus, it’s a great way to connect with nature. Ensure your running shoes are comfortable enough and fit perfectly. Running in uncomfortable shoes can lead to injury.

All the women out there thinking about running should start the routine from today. Start slowly and gradually increase your running time as you become more comfortable and confident in your ability to run long distances. Find a safe place to run that is also convenient for you – whether that’s at a park or other open spaces.

Continuing Self-Care Trends in the New Normal

Signs of the new normal are emerging as newly-vaccinated Americans venture out of their homes, and it’s not the raucous “Roaring 20s” everyone predicted. Rather than racing to return to normal, Time magazine notes that people are holding onto the habits and routines they built during 2020-21. That’s not to say we aren’t eager to see old friends and hug relatives. However, people are rethinking what it means to look and feel their best in a post-pandemic world. Wendi’s Tips shares four trends shaping the way we present ourselves. 

Comfort Over Fashion 

Staying home more in the past meant the privilege of working in pajamas and slippers. Now, people are questioning why “real clothes” have to be so uncomfortable and redefining the meaning of professional attire. 

 For fashion, that means more athleisure and dressed-up loungewear. Think joggers in trendy prints and durable leggings that are just at home in the grocery store as they are in the gym. Office dress codes are relaxing, too, with workers opting for pared-down professional wardrobes composed of comfortable basics. If you’re dreading the day you have to give up your “work sweatpants,” tap into comfort-first workwear trends like loose-fitting trousers and slacks for your return to the office. 

Back-to-Basics Skincare 

Women are abandoning heavy makeup as they shift beauty spending to skincare. If you’re one of the many people affected by maskne, you’ve probably started paying more attention to skincare during the pandemic yourself. 

 There’s a dizzying array of skincare products out there. Where do you start if all you’ve ever used is moisturizer and SPF? There’s no one-size-fits-all answer to skincare because everyone’s skin is different. However, if you’re new to skincare regimens, Elle magazine lists a few kits designed for your skin type, which is a great place to start. When you want to take your look up a notch, opt for a tinted moisturizer or a glow kit instead of foundation. These lightweight alternatives are less likely to clog pores. This is also the perfect time to experiment with fun eye makeup looks. 

Returning to Our Roots 

Many people looked forward to their first salon haircut during the new normal. But while some people are going bold with their new look, others are embracing their roots by growing out their hair, keeping their grays, and letting their natural curls shine. In fact, L’OFFICIEL notes that the past year has seen a surge in products designed to enhance hair health. This includes shampoos and conditioners designed for your hair type, whether you want to clarify, hydrate, repair, thicken, define, or grow. 

 If you do go for a dramatic new look, donate your tresses to a good cause. Locks of Love, Children with Hair Loss, and Wigs for Kids are among the leading organizations that accept hair donations. 

Embracing New Ventures 

Feeling your best in 2022 isn’t just about the way you look. The toll that the pandemic took on so many lives seems to have intensified interest in not just self-care but nursing itself. Improving oneself may include career goals, particularly going back to school to get a degree in business. Whether it’s taking courses online or in person, many programs are set to maximize convenience and thoroughness, and some are extremely timely. Going this route provides you with the latest information and technology, preparing you to advance your career or take it another direction. 

 You may also be looking at changing jobs or starting a new business. If it’s the latter, be sure to check off a few essential boxes right away. This includes getting a business plan together, creating a home office if you plan to work from home, and lining up all the legal requirements. It’s important to determine what type of business you plan to operate by choosing which type to form as, whether it’s a self-proprietorship, a partnership, or an LLC. Fortunately, you can outsource the process with the help of an online formation service, which is quick and affordable.  

 People are also asking how they can maintain healthy habits now that responsibilities have returned to normal. Many of us have spent more time working on ourselves, getting active, appreciating nature, and utilizing naturopathic medicine and massage therapies during the pandemic, and we may be reluctant to relinquish that self-care time. 

 For the most part, schedules have shifted to what they used to be, but it’s still possible to make time for wellness. The key is scheduling it. Build self-care, fitness, and other healthy routines into your schedule the same way you would a business meeting to ensure wellness is given the priority it deserves. A huge part of this is embracing relationship changes as well, so identify the toxic people or situations in your life and call on dating coach Wendi Schuller to help you navigate your options. 

 Life looks much different now after the pandemic — and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. The past couple of years led us to rethink priorities, from how we spend time to how we present ourselves to the world. As we step out in 2022, it might not be back to the old normal. However, the new normal we’re building takes a more holistic view of what it means to be well. 

 Author is Chelsea Lamb  clamb@businesspop.net      She has spent the last eight years honing her tech skills and is the resident tech specialist and co-founder of BusinessPop.net. Her goal is to demystify some of the technical aspects of business ownership and entrepreneurship

Dating coach Wendi Schuller of Wendi’s Tips draws upon her knowledge as a nurse, neuro-linguistic programmer (NLP), and hypnotherapist to provide a blueprint to guide people through divorce and beyond. Contact Wendi today to schedule your coaching session, or to find out more! wendischuller@hotmail.com 

Relationship PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)

Portrait Of Young Shy Couple Sitting On Sofa At Home

Trauma from past relationships affects a current one.  The person may do the hot/cold dance – wanting to get closer, yet afraid of being burned again. Not only is relationship PTSD traumatic for the individual, but also to the other in the relationship. The person with PTSD can be afraid to acknowledge even to themselves, deep feelings – as this has led to heartbreak previously.

UK ‘s National Health Service (NHS) defines PTSD as an “anxiety disorder caused by very stressful or distressing events.” People with PTSD have high levels of stress hormones. When danger is perceived, the body produces adrenaline to trigger the fight or flight reaction. “People with PTSD have been found to continue to produce high amounts of fight or flight hormones even when there is no danger.”

 

How PTSD Manifests

 

In relationships, the person may bolt when things are getting serious. They are okay at the beginning – the Getting To Know You stage. When simple requests/demands are voiced by their dating partner, it can be overwhelming. “Do I stay and face a risk of rejection (whatever the trigger is)?”  This person dances into a relationship, then dances right out again.  Or keeps the partner at an arm’s length.  You might be kept in the friend zone or friends with benefits one without a commitment.

The individual with relationship PTSD can be self-medicating with either drugs, alcohol, cigarettes or all three. This is to numb themselves and tamp down emotions. It feels more comfortable to put up an emotional blockade around themselves. If they are like a zombie, then there is no opening for trauma to sneak in. This is a faulty protection mechanism which is harmful to relationships.  Insomnia is another problem for those with this PTSD. Some get flashbacks whether or not in a new relationship.

A person with dating PTSD is trying to avoid being hurt again. Also tries to avoid repeating patterns which led to the trauma -being left behind and heartbreak. The Lehigh Center for Clinical Research in Allentown, PA, USA states “Avoidance is a common symptom of PTSD. If you avoid communicating with your partner about important matters such as your feelings, because building a wall to protect yourself is easier, then you may be suffering from PTSD from your last toxic relationship.”

One man, Peter, had three traumatic dating relationships in a row and developed PTSD, complete with flashbacks. He opted not to date for 10 years.  He became an alcoholic trying to deal with this trauma. Attending AA meetings gave him support dealing with his life.  Now he is living with a fabulous woman.

 

What to do when dating a survivor of PTSD

  • Go Slowly.
  • Be Patient
  • Learn when to pull back. They may crawl into their cave when the relationship is getting too intense.
  • Give them space.  They not initiate contact for a few weeks.
  • Allow time to build a firm foundation. Then they can begin to trust you bit by bit.

It is a delicate balancing act

Pushing to get closer scares them away. Too little leaves them guessing if you are about to do a runner, which may have led to PTSD from previous relationship. Consider sending a short, to the point text “How is your day going?” or when something notable occurs. “I didn’t get the job” or “My short story won a prize.”  Responding is easier than generating a text.

 

Have a full life

When you are busy, your mind is focused on these activities and less likely to be dwelling on the frustration of this dating relationship. You are more interesting and enticing when you do get together.  They can laugh and wonder what antics/classes/events you are up to next. Your full life gives fuel for conversations.  Taking improv acting classes, having fun at karaoke an d so forth, helps you seem different from previous dating partners where trauma occurred,

You may have to accept their pattern of being there and then backing away. No one can change another person. One can express needs with “I” statements. “I need you to text or call at least once a week.” “I want to get together at least every other week.”

 

Questions to ask yourself

  • Are you getting frustrated with the dance backwards and forwards?
  • Are you getting something out of the relationship?
  • Are the good times outweighing the disappearing act?
  • Are you feeling secure in the relationship?
  • Are you both able to discuss personal history, problems, worries, etc?
  • Are they focused on you when you are speaking?
  • How strongly do you feel about them? In love? Or is it lust or merely a fascination?

Your dating partner is operating from fear. Fear is their reality. They are looking for indications that they may be mistreated again.  You may be able to slowly build trust and have a successful relationship. Communication is imperative.  Give it your all, and then if you need to bail, you know you did everything that you could. There is hope that after a bumpy start, your relationship can be successful.

 

 

 

Fear Is A Stumbling Block In Divorce

Fear can be paralysing. In divorce. One can be hesitant to take a step in any direction. Afraid whatever move made will be wrong.  One is stuck in status quo and wants to stay in the same place. Movement is perceived as leaving the safety zone. Staying rooted in one spot only delays the inevitable, the divorce will be finalised at some point.  Not wanting to think about divorce during this process does not stop it. It makes it worse by dragging it out longer.

Hanging on to something out of fear, backfires

I hung on to the marital house during divorce. It prolonged the proceedings. It delayed the sale, since it needed some refurbishing before going on the market. We signed the divorce papers before the house sold. Our assets could not be split until the sale since the final number could not be determined at that point. Fear of not being able to get a loan for another one kept me clinging to the marital home.  The issue does not go away by ignoring or refusing to face it. Instead, it gets worse like cancer would if not delt with at the onset.

Knowledge is the antidote to fear

Perhaps it is fear of the unknown – the outcome of your divorce – which is keeping you rooted in one spot. Not knowing what lies ahead.  Ask your lawyer what is realistic.  Many have imagined a worst-case scenario which had no connection to what could really happen.   You may be pleasantly surprised what is a realistic expectation for dividing assets.

If scared about what financial future will be post-divorce, consider paying for a consultation with a financial advisor. Things most likely will not be as bleak as they seem.  They will get an idea of your situation and can reassure that you will not be destitute. This is what helped me to relax during my divorce. Also, this person can make helpful suggestions how to invest and make a budget.

Fear can keep you clinging to people who drain you

Better to be alone than being in the company of these energy vampires who suck the life right out of you. I dropped a few doom and gloom acquaintances who tried to predict a catastrophe during proceedings. Instead of being around those who escalate your fears, choose spending time with optimistic individuals who encourage you to see the positives.  This is the time to strengthen other relationships and make new friends who are supportive.

Dealing with Fear

Make a list of the top fears you are facing in divorce in one column. Next to them, write what can be taken to deal with them.  For example, for finances one could get a job or increase hours of a current one. One divorcing friend asked to clean our houses for a little extra cash.  Sell personal property. I sold presents from my mother, who put in writing that these had been mine alone. This included Waterford light fixtures. (Be careful not to sell joint property during proceedings).

Writing fears down is a way to overcome them. Get them from swirling around in your brain to being out in the open. A parent shines a light in the darkness when a child fears a monster is hiding under the bed. They see nothing is there. Or perhaps it is something that can easily be dealt with like a kitten playing with a toy under the bed.

Express fears to friends

Brainstorm together. Friends will give opinions how to get past your stumbling block, the fear holding you back. They may have faced it too in their divorce and have practical advice. Support is crucial in this turbulent time. Talking out your concerns and fear shares the load. You have a team on your side who will cheer you on.  After my friends had a good laugh over my financial fear, they quickly let me know it was out of line with reality.  I was relieved.

Whatever your fear is, talking to a knowledgeable expert in that field will give you accurate facts. You will be in control, instead of the fear controlling you.

Author Wendi Schuller has travelled to around seventy countries. She is a moving on coach who especially helps people getting back into dating after a break up or divorce globalguidetodivorce.com/shop/    globalguidetodivorce.com/coaching/

This was originally published in The Divorce Magazine  www.thedivorcemagazine.co.uk/

How Single Parents Can Better Manage Stress

Life can be stressful for single parents and their kids. For parents, there is financial stress, job stress, interpersonal stress, and the overarching stress of having to raise the kids alone. For kids, there is a completely different type of stress – fear of the unknown and feeling self-conscious about coming of age without their mother or father in the picture. As a single parent, it’s hard to manage it all.

Here are some tips to help give you some ideas on how to minimize stress.

 

Cut Yourself Some Slack

The first tip is likely the hardest, but it’s something you must strive toward. Single parents often set high expectations for themselves – often too high. However hard it may be, try to cut yourself some slack. Despite any shortcomings, you’re doing the best you can.

 

Practice Relaxation Techniques

The seemingly obvious way to reduce stress is to remove the stressor from your life. Unfortunately, when it comes to managing a single-parent household, this isn’t always an option. So take steps to alleviate the effects of that stress instead. This is where relaxation techniques come into play.

Meditation can be very effective. Listen to guided meditations or try to focus on whatever brings you inner peace. Simply put, meditation is being mindful in the moment.

You can repeat a mantra, or you can just be in the moment consumed by your present surroundings. If your kids are old enough, you can even get them in on the practice. As Psychology Today points out, meditation is scientifically proven to boost all the best parts of life while removing negativity.

When you’re meditating, make sure you’re in a quiet space in your home to promote relaxation. Wearing comfortable clothes like leggings and a roomy T-shirt can also help you focus.

 

Get Your Kids Involved  

You’re not being a bad parent if you want some free time. You need it if you want to keep your sanity. One way to increase your alone time is to get your kids involved in activities. After-school clubs, sports, community arts groups — you can find an organization that specializes in facilitating the exploration of their interests.

Cultivate their love for community service and volunteering by registering for animal welfare or environmental organizations. If your child is athletic, team sports are a great way for them to meet new people and encounter new role models. Talk to your kids about their interests, and there will surely be something they’d love to get involved in.

 

Foster a Stress-Free Home Environment

You spend most of your time at home, so it’s naturally going to have a lot of impact on your stress level. A messy, disorganized home is a stressful home. Even if you aren’t a super tidy person, excess clutter can be a problem. This is especially true for a family run by a single parent who is already busy. Take some time to fully declutter your home from top to bottom so it’s more manageable. You can also use some sensory tips and tricks to reduce stress. Plants, essential oils, aromatherapy candles, and natural light can help people feel relaxed. Open those curtains and let the sun shine in.

As a single parent, you are managing a family alone. There’s no way around that. There will be a lot of stress to deal with — both your own and that of your kids. Try to combat this stress by getting your kids involved in engaging activities, making sure you have a clean, organized, calming home environment, and setting some time aside to practice relaxation exercises.

Author Janice Russell  believes the only way to survive parenthood is to find the humor in it. She created Parenting Disasters so that parents would have a go-to resource whenever they needed a laugh, but also to show parents they aren’t alone. She wants every frazzled parent out there to remember that for every kid stuck in a toilet, there’s another one out there somewhere who’s just graced their parents’ walls with some Sharpie artwork!

 

 

You 2.0: How to Regains Confidence After a Divorce

None of us get married planning to be single again. But, whether it be for incompatibility, infidelity, or money issues, divorce happens in about 50% of all first marriages, and the rates are even higher for subsequent nuptials. No matter how many people you know that have gotten divorced, it is still a personal challenge that can have a serious impact on your finances, emotions, and health.

Here are some tips on how to take back your life.

Wait to date.

While there is no magic formula that can tell you when the time is right to date, most experts – and divorcees – agree that it’s best to wait until you know it’s truly over so that you can really focus on yourself. While it’s perfectly normal to get lonely, you must learn how to be comfortable in your own presence so that you can truly figure out what you want. Although dating apps might provide you with some form of affirmation, you’re not going to find happiness in the praise of others, but in the love of yourself.

Check your finances.

Money is a significant issue, especially for the economically disadvantaged spouse. But, money is not everything, and what you lose in financial support, you may gain in freedom, independence, and happiness. If you’re concerned about your finances, Global Guide To Divorce suggests examining your credit, making a budget, and giving yourself an emergency fund.

Consider making another major change.

A divorce changes your life significantly, but many aspects may still stay the same, especially if you remain living in your marital home. If you want to truly break free from the memory of your marriage, you might want to make other life changes, such as going back to school to earn your master’s degree. Even if you have kids and a full-time job, getting a degree in a field that you’ve always been interested in (perhaps education or business) will give you the credentials and skills you need to break out of your comfort zone and into a new life. Similarly, you might even go back to school to learn skills, such as accounting or business, so that you can become an entrepreneur, which Biz Journals acknowledges gives you a chance to build a future for yourself.

Improve your self-image.

If you have put on a few pounds after divorce, you’re not alone. Men’s Divorce explains that marital transition changes a person’s eating habits. This can lead to weight gain or weight loss, either of which can have a negative impact on your self-image. If this is the case, you can start working on your weight by exercising and eating well. That takes time, so, in the interim, focus on buying clothing and accessories that make you feel attractive right now. For women, a pair of butt-lifting leggings or a cozy sweater will go a long way. Jewelry, such as a Tiger’s eye necklace – Tiger’s eye shows with alternating colors, depending on the light source, making it a versatile piece – can also go a long way toward improving how you feel about your appearance. For men, a new pair of jeans or a nice suit will enhance a lackluster wardrobe.

Change your habits.

Habits are hard to break, especially for those of us who were in long marriages and are now divorced. But, you have to give yourself permission to live your life on your terms. Don’t be shy about breaking habits, such as having tacos every Monday or visiting a specific city on vacation. You now have a precious opportunity to build your world the way that you want it, you don’t have to let relics from the past define what you do in the present.

Divorce is not easy for anyone. It’s difficult to find your sense of self and to be confident enough to live your life on your terms. But, trust that with a few habit changes and a positive mindset, you will get over the greatest challenges. Good luck in your new single life, may it be better than you could have imagined.

Visit Global Guide To Divorce often for more tips from experience dating coach Wendi Schuller.

 Author Rhonda Underhill is a classic example of a health scare leading to a complete lifestyle change. She hopes her site, Getwellderly.com, can encourage adults approaching their golden years to get serious about their physical health now rather than later.

 

The Key To Effective Communication During and After Divorce

Divorce is hard enough without communication throwing a spanner in the works during proceedings. Spouses are angry or hurt and these strong emotions are often reflected in their choice of words. Think about your purpose with communication – to relay content or to use as a weapon to get back at a former partner. Getting into a verbal battle can bog down negotiations and prolong your case. Here are some tips for communicating more effectively to get through divorce in a better way.

Leave emotion out of communication

Treat it as you would a business one – just the facts. The innuendos and thinly veiled barbs can be triggers that set off the other person. They react to the negative words instead of to the message. Be straightforward, such as when tweaking a shared care schedule. Yes, we are annoyed with our spouse/ex, but vent to friends. Get the anger out of your system before you send that text.

Respectful communication gets results

In the States, there is an expression which is applicable in divorce. “You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.” In the splitting of assets, if there is a painting that you really desire, be nice about it. Perhaps say “I really want the landscape one – what pieces would you like in order to make this happen?” Politeness will get you a lot further than angry demands in the minefield of dividing personal property. Hateful words said during divorce makes it harder to have a good relationship down the road with an ex.

Communicate directly if possible and do not use the children as messengers

Do not burden mutual friends to act as a go-between with you two. If communication is breaking down, discuss this with your solicitor as there are ways to decrease interactions. An online calendar or app lets the parents insert the kids’ activities into a schedule. Both have access to check on school events, recitals, parties and other things happening in their children’s lives. Each parent then is responsible for keeping track and cannot blame the other one for not telling them about an event. There are services where spouses/exes send e-mails to the company, who deletes the naughty words. They edit the message to get to the point in a neutral way.

Language is important in communication

Take responsibility for your feelings by using “I” statements. “I feel frustrated when you pick Maisy up late. Last week I got to the theatre after the play started and had to wait to be seated during intermission.”  Show a willingness to work out the kinks. Say something like “If you are in a bind – please call me so we can figure out what to do.”  Avoid using the words “always” and “never.” “You always do….” “You never are…” These are a block to effective communication.

Getting a divorce changes lives in my ways and one of these is with how you discuss issues with your soon-to-be ex. Communication is a work in progress with some days being great and other times with a bit of tension.  Some people I know feel it is easier to talk with their former partners after parting ways. They view their exes as friends with less baggage and issues, than they did when married. One guy brings new girlfriends to meet his ex to get her valued opinion. Others enjoy meeting up with an ex from time to time. These examples show that while speaking with a divorcing spouse now may be fraught with anxiety, it can be much easier down the road.

 

Is dating part of your New Year’s resolution?

In our Secrets to Successful Dating event on January 5th, at 7 pm followed by the film: “He’s Just Not That Into You” dating coach @WendiSchuller will talk through all the do’s and don’ts of the dating world. Get your tickets today: goelevent.com/JeanCocteau/e/SecretstoSuccessfulDating

Tips For Getting Through The Holiday After a Divorce, Break-Up Or When Single

The holiday season can be hard to face after a break-up or divorce. If you want a quiet season, then let people know. They may be trying to fix you up with a date or adding your name to guest lists. Be direct and state that you will sit this one out and not be on the party circuit this year. Some single people want to escape the frivolities and this is fine. One way to get out of your environment is to go away and rent a flat, as one acquaintance did in Rome. She gorged herself on pasta, wine and ancient ruins. Another divorced friend went to Asia over these holidays on a tour. She enjoyed the sunshine and fabulous temples. Post-divorce, my sons and I took a cruise around New Zealand and to Australia. We felt the stress and tension from my acrimonious divorce melt away. It was healing. There are some great last minute deals for those that want to take a break from divorce in an exotic locale.

Others may want the distraction of throwing themselves into the frenzy of the season. Individuals might revel in attending office parties, neighbourhood potlucks, films and more. There are plenty of places that you can go solo, to enjoy the festivities. I go to concerts at St. Martin- in- the- Fields in London by myself. Weeks before my marriage was over, I went to a Christmas pantomime of Cinderella. It was hilarious and took my mind off my situation, plus many other singles were in in the audience. Post-divorce I have gone by myself to the lighting of Oxford Street, yet have been surrounded by thousands. You can have fun going to functions alone, when no longer part of a couple.

One can concentrate on family gatherings and avoid the rest of the seasonal events. Borrow some nieces and nephews and do kid related activities. Release your inner child by going ice skating or pursuing other amusements. If you are a parent, ask your youngsters what holiday rituals that they would like to continue and what new things can be added. Shake up your routines during divorce and adopt a few new holiday traditions. This helps one to let go of the past and to move on. My sons and I changed what we do on Christmas. We substituted a big brunch for Christmas dinner and go to a movie. Afterwards, we partake in a simple, but elegant supper. The bonus is I now have more fun and am not stuck in the kitchen.

Be kind to yourself. Buy yourself a present, such as something pampering like a luxurious skin serum or decadent chocolates. One guy is purchasing fitness equipment this year that he has been coveting. Take a pause this season to put your feet up with a good book, go on a hike or whatever is rejuvenating. Whether or not you are staying in, consider the short-cut of buying delicious take away and bakery items to savour over the holidays. When feeling overwhelmed during divorce, see what can be eliminated in your life.

When children are in the picture, you may be splitting up the holidays with the other parent. This is hard, so have an activity planned for their absence. Perhaps go over to your parents’ or get together with other singles for a meal. Some meet up with friends at the pub. Have a distraction ready, so that you are not sitting around feeling blue. My sons would ask me what I was going to do when they were gone. I did not want them to worry about me, so this forced me to find something enjoyable. Celebrations do not have to happen on the actual day and if presents are opened before or after Christmas, then okay.

Post-divorce, I make less types of cookies, do less decorating and entertaining. Instead I have gained so much more quality time with my sons and am relaxed. I enjoy the holidays now that I am divorced, instead of running around ticking things off my to-do-list as I did when married. If you are struggling, talk to friends about your feelings. They can be a source of support.

Tips for Successful Dating – What To Do

Starting to date can be challenging – how much to share and when. These tips will get you started on having a successful dating relationship. While it is important to connect with your date, giving too much information too quickly is off-putting.  Just the opposite effect than what is intended.  Get to know them and build trust before spilling dark secrets.  The beginning of a relationship is not the time to reveal past traumas.  This can scare a person away when you have recently met.

Getting to know them

A successful strategy in business networking is allowing the other person to talk first.  This tactic also works well post-divorce when starting to date again. People enjoy speaking about themselves and will view you positively when they have that chance. This gives the opportunity to learn about their interests. Bit by bit share yours, particularly the ones which are similar. Ask opened ended questions which gives them a springboard to share more details.  You are building connections with conversions. Can be tempting when nervous, to dump a load of information on a date. It is fine to have periods of silence, instead of every second being filled with chatter. Let your date have space to digest what you have just said.

Building rapport

Match body language. This indicates that you are receptive. It is another way to connect. When your date leans forward, lean forward also. It builds camaraderie. Occasionally nod your head to show understanding. Try to be still without fidgeting or tapping your foot. These can come across as boredom or lack of interest. Crossing your arms can mean impatience or aggression.  If you are tense and your body is rigid, this can seem like you are closed off. Breathe and relax your muscles.

Giving mixed messages?

Are you friendly one time and playing hard to get the next? Be yourself and stop playing games.  Being who you are is what attracted them in the first place. Sometimes a dating partner does a dance. They step backwards when the other makes an advance to try and get closer in the relationship. This can be confusing. When this happens to me, I think maybe I misinterpreted the other’s interest. I do not know whether to move on or not.  Be consistent in your interactions.

Agree to disagree

There may be areas where you are on opposite sides of the fence. Politics is one of these. If you enjoy their company and your values align, say “Let’s agree to disagree on that topic.” There are plenty of other subjects to discuss. Consider not getting into anything heavy right away in a new relationship. Discover their hobbies, hidden talents, travel bucket list instead of what they think of the Prime Minister or climate change. Stay off hot topics. You are not going to convince them to change their viewpoint.

Take your time getting to know someone

It is not a race to the finish line. Nor are you cramming for an exam and have to learn all about the other person right away. Individuals move at a different pace in a relationship. One may want to get serious – even marriage – before the other has decided whether or not to stop dating around. Respect the other’s slower pace. If you try to push or rush them, it can backfire. They may do a runner. Yes, it is frustrating, to move at a slow rate. Honouring their more cautious nature will pay off in the end – keeping the relationship. They may have had a traumatic divorce and want to be absolutely sure they can trust you before getting closer.

Non-negotiable issues

What is okay and what is a deal breaker for a relationship? Post-divorce, let the other person know your boundaries. I am upfront with a new guy when the relationship could become serious. I let him know that my friends -both male and female – are important. I will not drop anyone and will continue to see them. I make it clear that I am monogamous, so there is not a trust issue.

Not all relationships are going to work out as planned. You may find there is no sexual passion for the other person when on a date. Some of those guys have turned out to be good mates. They are a great resource for getting a guy’s perspective on my dating life.

Having a sense of humour is a big plus. It gets through awkward or embarrassing moments on a date when you can have a laugh. Originally was in The Divorce Magazine.

Author Wendi Schuller is a moving on coach who especially helps people getting back into dating after a break up or divorce globalguidetodivorce.com/shop/    globalguidetodivorce.com/coaching/