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Global Guide to Divorce

Jack Jack the Cat

Wendi Schuller

How to Help Your Kids Feel Comfortable in Two Homes

When parents separate or divorce, it can be difficult for children to adjust to having two homes, one with each parent. Children are notoriously bad at adapting to new environments and regular changes. On the other hand, a kid gets a brand new place to call his or her own, a fresh bedroom to personalize, and a whole new area to discover. You may make the transition to dual residence easier on everyone by taking some measures, whether you’re setting up a new address or keeping the current one throughout the separation or divorce. Here are some ways to help your kids feel comfortable in two homes. 

Give them their own space 

Many people don’t realize how chaotic divorce may be. It may still be a hassle even when everyone is on the same page. However, once family law professionals have helped you reach a resolution, it is time to prioritize your children’s health and happiness. 

First, make sure you and your ex-spouse both provide a room for the children. They can have their own room, a section of the closet, or even just a corner of the living room to store their belongings and do their homework. Having their own space may make a big difference in how youngsters adjust to their new environment. 

Establish routines 

Children benefit significantly from routines because they provide stability and predictability. Create consistent patterns for them to follow from house to house. Make an effort to coordinate with your ex so that your children have consistent routines in both homes, particularly regarding scheduling activities, such as bedtime, screen time, and curfews. It’s okay for each parent to have their own rules and routines, but it’s preferable if there isn’t a massive difference if you want to help your kids feel comfortable in two homes. 

Keep in touch with your kids 

Discover a strategy to stay in touch with your children when they are staying with their other parent, without intruding on the time that parent is spending with the children. You may set up a daily phone conversation, video chat, or at least check in every few days. You can support your kids during the divorce in this way. In order to assist your kids in keeping track of when they should be there, a color-coded calendar might be kept in each house. 

Keep your cool 

Although it may seem simple, this is typically the hardest to do. The only time some parents see each other is during their child’s transition, and they may utilize this time to work out their differences. Keep your youngster out of the center of your disagreements by having these talks behind closed doors. Besides, such matters can be discussed by email or phone call between visits. Make sure there is no unnecessary drama throughout the changeover. 

Have open conversations 

Open communication about both households is another strategy to help your kids feel comfortable in two homes. It’s sometimes hard to make decisions when you’re divorced, and communication is usually very hard to upkeep. It’s tough to deal with the emotions that come with a divorce, but remember that your children value both of their homes. It’s important to show them that you value their opinion and are willing to give them the attention and validation they need because they are an integral part of your life. Your child should feel no remorse for enjoying the love and support of both families. So, keep things upbeat and civil. 

Don’t compete 

It might be difficult for the parent who stays at the original house to hear their children talk enthusiastically about the new room at the other parent’s house. However, this is not the time to attempt to outdo the other parent by renovating your children’s former bedroom. In this situation, the last thing a youngster needs is additional change. Their excitement about the new home shouldn’t make them feel bad about themselves, so try not to compete. 

Make a packing plan 

Traveling back and forth between many residences can be taxing on everyone’s energy levels. Toiletries, pajamas, spare clothes, books, and movies should be kept on hand at both residences to help ease this burden. Assist smaller children with their overnight packing the night before. Make sure you pack some of their favorite toys, too. Here are some simple tips you can use for packing toys that will ensure your smallest ones feel comfortable leaving home. This can be another gentle hint to your kiddo that it’s about time to go visit the other parent. 

Have them do chores and don’t spoil them 

Having kids pitch in with household chores makes them feel more included in the family. Ensure the youngsters don’t perform more or less work than their siblings do and that the chores are similar at both houses. You can also help them learn to take care of themselves. 

Additionally, as a means of making their children feel at home or due to feelings of guilt associated with the breakup, some parents who have gone through a divorce may indulge their children with presents and lax regulations. They won’t feel more loved if they’re spoiled, and it may make them feel as though their love is being bought if they act entitled. 

Plan activities 

A child’s emotions are tested throughout a divorce, and it takes more than a few days for them to feel normal again. Therefore, while they are living with you, it is essential to organize some enjoyable activities to get their minds off of the situation. In the end, kids will remember the good times they had at your house, not the sad memories of the divorce. To help your kids feel comfortable in two homes, put in the additional effort to spend quality time together doing things like arts and crafts, playing football in the garden, or working on a project. 

Final words 

It’s natural for children to feel down after a divorce. Everyone needs time to settle into their new habits and acclimate to the changes. There is no doubt that you and your ex-spouse want what is best for your children. So, follow this guide to help your kids feel comfortable in two homes and provide them with a safe and fulfilling upbringing. 

Meta: If you’re going through a divorce, you’ll want to read this guide to help your kids feel comfortable in two homes. 

 Author’s bio: Mary K. is a happily divorced mother of four and a passionate blogger with a green thumb. Between juggling her children, caring for her plants, and writing helpful content for divorcees, Mary enjoys hosting dinner parties for friends. 

 

Why Owning a Pet is Beneficial for You and Your Family

The majority of us have great experiences growing up with pets in our homes. They are usually our very first closest friends, and they help us get through some of the most difficult periods in our lives. However, pets are much more than just furry friends. Owning animals can genuinely improve both mental and physical health, as well as the development of young children who live with cats, dogs, and other family pets.

Therefore, think twice before rejecting your child’s request for a cute dog or kitten the next time they make the request. You could be pleasantly surprised by the advantages of keeping a pet for your kids. Here are some of the reasons why you should consider:

 

  1. More sympathy, care, and respect for others

 

According to research, kids who often engage with pets have an edge when forming connections with other people. Even for adults, socializing may be difficult, so you can only imagine how frightening it can be at times for kids. Pets are an excellent way to practice developing relationships since they don’t judge your child whether they forget to be polite or are having a bad day. But most importantly, they want accountability and care. As they look out for their pets, children will grow more sensitive to the needs of others.

There’s no denying that kids and animals can connect on a unique level—we’ve all read books and watched movies about kids and dogs that have unbreakable relationships. Giving your kids responsibility for the care of your pet will strengthen this attachment and teach them valuable lessons. Simple duties like feeding the dog in the morning or cleaning the cat’s litter box can be included. When your children finish up their pet chores, compliment them and give them greater responsibility if they show signs of maturity.

 

  1. Better mental and physical well-being

 

The benefits of having a household pet are not just limited to cats or dogs; experts have also found relaxing effects from having fish and other small animals at home. Both kids and adults do better emotionally and physically when they have a pet.

  • The happy hormones that promote positive feelings like pleasure, happiness, and even love, can be increased by playing with pets.
  • Owners of pets have lower triglyceride and cholesterol levels than non-pet owners, which are risk factors for heart disease.
  • When under extreme stress, people who own pets have lower blood pressure than those who do not.

 

  1. A close companion for your child

 

Every week, parents spend many hours attempting to keep their kids happy and engaged. Simple daily activities for your child, like petting the household cat or taking the dog for a walk, can be enjoyable and calming. Additionally, playing with pets is a wonderful method for your kid to develop relationships with these beloved members of your family.

Friendship issues can arise in children of any age. While a 15-year-old might be concerned about rifts splitting their buddy group apart, a 5-year-old might be worried about making friends at school. But despite all the difficulties we face in our interactions as children and adults, our pets remain our loyal, loving companions.

 

  1. Opportunities to learn

 

The best pets are those that have been taught; they can follow simple instructions, act appropriately in public, and are safe with other animals and people. With the proper equipment and some parental assistance, the majority of children are quite competent in training friendly, non-aggressive animals. Even training a new dog or cat may be a family effort that strengthens your bonds.

Your children will develop their patience and consistency by training a new pet. They’ll develop healthy habits and learn the advantages of exerting themselves to accomplish a task.

 

  1. A bond that will last forever

 

Owning a pet is like expanding your family by one. They are always around you and are likely to accompany you on camping trips, family reunions, and other significant gatherings. They will appear in family portraits and be the center of many great memories. In addition, your children’s bond with your pets may be their first exposure to loving and caring for someone who is more innocent than themselves. They won’t ever forget those precious memories.

Pets can be a wonderful addition to any household and have a lot to give. To find the ideal pet for your family, it is essential to do as much research and explore the market as you can. Although getting a pet requires a substantial commitment, the benefits for your family make the effort worthwhile.

Author is Michael Morris of 6XD Media

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

7 Tips for Moving Out After a Divorce

Whether your relationship lasts for three months or thirty years, ending it is challenging. Furthermore, living with the one you’re leaving makes things even more difficult. Every post-relationship move-out has unique difficulties. For instance, you must consider any kids or pets while making your plans. If both parties agree, you must split your property. And, if you were married, you’ll need to contact a lawyer. However, even though each move-out is unique, there are a few best practices and tips for moving out after a divorce. Here are some recommendations for making the whole process easier.

1.  Wait for the divorce to finalize

Always, but always, wait until your divorce is fully finalized before leaving the house. It might be a very normal reaction to want to stand up and go when emotions are overwhelming. However, divorce lawyers claim that it is one of the worst errors you can make. And it’s easy to understand why. Legally, you are regarded to have abandoned the family if you do this. Furthermore, if the divorce is messy, your ex-spouse may use it against you to get the house, the kids, and other assets. Therefore, first put an end to everything legally and then continue with moving out after the divorce.

2.  Dividing your belongings

After a divorce, moving out also means dealing with the inconvenience of dividing up your joint possessions. And even if it might be alluring to take everything you’ve ever purchased with you, mainly if you believe your ex has harmed you somehow, don’t. Moving too many things after a breakup can easily prove to be a mistake from a practical, economical, and emotional standpoint. Moreover, even if you’re doing it to punish your former spouse, just give it some thought. Shortly, the reasoning will become clear.

3.  Declutter

After a divorce, moving out of the house offers you an excellent reason to purge your possessions. After all, relocating to your new place will be much simpler if you downsize your stuff. As a result, be careful to go through everything you own and divide it into piles. The keeping pile should contain only the things that you need or use. The throw-away pile is self-explanatory. Get rid of everything that you can’t use anymore. Also, consider getting rid of emotional belongings connected to your ex-spouse since you want to make your fresh start as simple as possible. For instance, you shouldn’t keep old photos from when you were happily in love. After all, you don’t want to bring melancholia or depression into your new life.

The last pile should contain items you can give, sell, or donate. And if you don’t have where to keep them until they find a new home, remember that extra storage space can help a lot in these situations. Many people need a safe space to keep their belongings after the divorce, and storage units are the perfect solution.

4.  Remember that you are not alone

You shouldn’t be left to manage moving out after a divorce alone. In most circumstances, you’ll feel physically exhausted after ending a marriage. That can make it difficult for you to pull off a successful self-move. Moreover, the emotional toll of ending a chapter of your life will also negatively impact your physical health. Therefore, friends’ and family members’ emotional and physical support is essential at such a trying time. You will need to rely on their support more than ever before you can relocate and claim a new place as your own.

Ask friends if you can stay with them until you find a place or if they can come over and help you pack. Call family members to come and keep you company or to do relaxing activities together. Fill your time and heart with the people you love and that love you, and moving out won’t seem like such a tragedy anymore.

5.  Start packing what you are taking with you

It is best to begin packing as soon as possible. Therefore, try to start your packing at least ten days in advance. Pack unnecessary goods first, followed by necessities. If you are moving to a new state, keep toiletries and prescription drugs in a personal bag you can easily access. Having everything you need at hand while on the road is essential. In addition, give each package a descriptive label. Then, pack everything smaller in a box that will fit. All these tips will make moving day much more straightforward.

6.  Find good movers

Throughout this journey, you will rely on friends and family immensely. Therefore, moving out after a divorce is best left in the hands of professional movers who are objective and detached from emotion. However, the more in advance you can book the movers, the better. Even if scheduling your movers weeks in advance may not be feasible given the current situation, doing it on time is better. Many movers will also accept last-minute reservations. Or, you might consider relocating yourself if you don’t have the money or need movers. But if you decide you’re relocating by yourself, at least reserve your rental vehicle early on.

7.  Start fresh

Your next big adventure will be figuring out your new single, post-divorce existence. You can have a fresh beginning when you move into your new house. It will feel almost therapeutic to figure out your new style and decorate your home to reflect it. In truth, your new life chapter beginning is here. With a house that represents your tastes and serves as your oasis, you will soon go on the path of your choice.

Final words

Nobody can say that moving out after a divorce is easy. However, you can make it more manageable with a few simple tips. Be sure to follow them and ask for support from friends and family each step of the way. And if the whole process overwhelms you, hire professionals to do the hard work for you. A helping hand is always welcome.

Author is Amy Baker   Content manager @ US Content Group

Meta: Moving out after a divorce doesn’t have to be challenging. Read our to make your experience easier to handle.

KW: Moving out after a divorce

www.pexels.com/photo/woman-standing-near-open-door-about-to-step-outside-2297663/

 

Improv Acting Saved My Life

Two scary characters peered into our store windows. Instead of locking the doors right away, we just hoped they would move on.  Big mistake. These bald men were covered with tattoos beginning at the top of their heads. They entered our store. I did not hear Babs whisper “Run out the back door.” She sprinted out the front to the shop next door.

After spotting the outline of a gun in one of the thug’s pockets, with his hand on it, I decided to stay put – more afraid of being shot in the back. After a few minutes of the pair walking around the store, I wondered why the police had not yet arrived. Dead quiet with no sirens. They looked high on meth and were missing some teeth in spite of being in their early thirties.

They went over to where gold jewellery was hanging on the wall. I remained calm and decided improv acting could be my ticket to safety. I took on the role of the airhead blonde, clueless and nonthreatening. One fingered the chains and slipped some in his pocket. I suggested he examine them and gently retrieved them and held them up.

“There, see what I mean” I sang out as I hung them back on the hook. “They are tin – painted gold, very cheap.” “Oh” the robber replied, “What about this one?” the confused man asked. I answered “Notice it is slightly curved like a tin can. Why would you want these?” I had the dumbest look on my face pretending I thought they were shoppers.

At this point, they forgot about grabbing the cash and focused on why they would want tacky stuff. Seems like they were thinking about how they would not get much money for them. Since these guys are not the sharpest tools in the box, I asked. “Wouldn’t you rather have the really good jewellery from the shop around the corner?” No shop was really there.

Of course, the only answer was “Yes” for these connoisseurs of quality. I opened the door and told them “I have to point it out to you from the sidewalk so you go the right way. You make a turn (gesturing right) Come on; I have to show you.”

The greedy, gullible men followed and went outside as I kept pointing. As they looked in that direction, I quickly slipped inside and shut the door. They rattled the locked door of the store next door. My co-worker ran in from the back door. Babs had called 911 who refused to help since she had gotten out of the store. They claimed she was not in danger. Did not matter to them that I was still there. Ludicrous.

Babs proceeded to call the police and explained about the attempted robbery and the perpetrators were still in the vicinity of our downtown store.  We closed the store and in the half hour we were still there, the police never arrived.

Doing imrov acting saved me from possibly getting shot. The dumb blonde act helped the robbers to relax and not be trigger happy. I remained calm while acting. As  I as getting in my car, I started shaking after this adventure.

Changing Careers Mid-Life

Ever think about changing your career after age 45? Feel stuck or unfulfilled?  Want to join this trend? If so – you are in good company. CBS Evening News with Norah O’Donnell said that “60% of American workers change careers after 45.” Today individuals are less likely to spend decades in the same job.

What can cause people to jump ship from an established career and try something new? Life changes such as divorce is one reason. People may be getting back into the job market when their marriage dissolves. This happened to me. I opened up a medical practice in my twenties and lost it in my divorce in my forties. I was out of a job which then propelled me to pursue a different track.

Another cause is Empty Nest. The chicks have flown the nest. You have time for yourself and the energy to discover what work seems interesting. One is forced to deal with change when a place of employment folds. Sometimes there is not much notice.

A way to get started in finding a new career option is to follow your passion. What is it that gives purpose and meaning to your life? Could that become a career? A friend is a wonderful artist. Her passion is saving animals. She put this dream into action after her divorce. She set up a small non-profit sanctuary for farm animals. Ones that are retired, neglected or might be killed. Then she began to paint these new residents. What came as a surprise was how well these paintings of sheep, cows and so forth, sold. She branched out in to having cards and prints made of her pictures. The bonus is that it helps fund the sanctuary.

Another example is my son’s kindergarten teacher. Her passion has always been flowers. Mid-life, Miss Marla left teaching and opened up her own florist shop. Years later she was so happy to make a prom corsage for my son’s girlfriend. Let your passion be your guiding star.

It can be helpful to have a firm idea of what you will be doing after leaving current job. My friend’s husband is in his early sixties. He will be retiring from an intensive engineering position in a few years. His passion is riding his dirt bike and motorcycle. He already has a job lined up at a store, selling parts for motorcycles and dirt bikes. He is looking forward to this career change.

Do an assessment.  What skills do you currently have that could be utilized in your new career? Do some research. Will you need to get more training? Can you update your knowledge by taking online courses? Look at your finances. Do you have enough to fund more education if this is needed?  Going to part-time is one way to still bring in income, while pursuing other job options.

Internships are a great method to gain practical skills for working in a different field. Although they might be unpaid, the knowledge learned is invaluable. It may be possible to volunteer when contemplating starting over again. A veterinarian student volunteered in an animal clinic. Although her motive was to gain experience, volunteering helped Chloe realize this was not the career change which best suited her. Her passion is animals and becoming a vet seemed to be the logical choice. Chloe was traumatized when animals were in pain or had to be euthanized. Before plunking a huge amount of cash down for a new path, ensure it is the best fit for you.

Remove obstacles. What is holding you back? Is it others telling you what you want to do will not work or are pressuring you to stay in a high paying job which you loathe? This is your life and you decide how to live it.

Is fear of failure holding you back? If you let an opportunity pass by (new career) you will be talking about it on your deathbed. As a nurse, I have been the recipient of these type of conversations. When feeling confused or pulled indifferent direction, consider seeing a professional, such as a career coach. They can look at your situation realistically and help you formulate strategies to achieve your career goal.

Helping Kids Care for Themselves: Parental Strategies That Work

Growing up in our modern world is as challenging as ever. Part of our job as co-parents is to give children the skills for handling whatever comes their way. The following guide from Wendi’s Tips explores a few practical tactics for raising self-sufficient individuals that are unafraid of tackling life’s challenges.

Modeling Behavior

We come into our lives without knowing anything, so growth begins through imitation. Infants and toddlers, especially, learn by copying adults. Caregivers that overly rely on digital entertainment for occupying tykes risk granting Hollywood too much influence. Circumvent this by switching off devices and engaging in family time. One substitute is instituting a game night. The presence of healthy competition allows you to demonstrate how to lose gracefully and that failure isn’t a tragedy. As a bonus, many games teach fundamentals, such as numbers and colors.

Should your child flip over the board in a fit of rage, take the opportunity to discuss different coping practices. For instance, punching a pillow is a harmless approach to burning away anger. Writing down frustrations and tearing the paper into tiny pieces can also provide emotional release. Meditation requires more time and knowledge but has longer-lasting effects. When outside forces cause grownup stress, let young ones observe you washing away frustration through Eastern practices.

Another refocusing technique is exercise. Make physical activity a joyful experience by turning it into a performance or family dance party. If your child is more an artist than an athlete, draw, paint, or otherwise get messy while putting feelings on canvas. Storytelling allows youth to divulge serious issues they might not be comfortable addressing directly. Set the stage for expressing inner observations by weaving a tale of your own.

Creating Peace

The first step to a peaceful, healthy home environment is to make sure that the products you purchase, whether kitchen gadgets or toys, are conducive to health and safety. To learn about potential purchases, it’s best to seek out unbiased reviews online. A good review can fill you in on need-to-know information about a product’s quality, which can keep you from making a poor purchase decision.

It’s easiest for everyone to be calm in an environment that facilitates that end. Start by decluttering, which has the benefit of making the air healthier. Tossing junk also creates additional room for activities and supports clear thinking.

Refresh your newly decluttered space with houseplants. Choose flora that’s ideal for boosting moods and reducing stress. Involve juveniles by allowing them to pick a few they find appealing. That and assigning them watering duties should help them bond with nature. Position plants in spots with ample light so they’ll grow. Keep blinds and shades open, as exposure to the sun also positively affects humans and pets. Using an oil diffuser makes homes smell fresh and happy. Be careful that the one you choose cannot harm your pets.

Your peaceful home should also extend to your yard, which should be an enticing place for you and your children to play. To help keep your yard looking its best, search online for an aeration service near you. You can quickly find a list of companies that can perform yard maintenance along with customer reviews and ratings. This can help you make an informed decision about who to hire.

Prioritizing Youth

Besides creating a calm house and showing children how to deal with setbacks, positive growth is dependent on spending quality time around one another. Fulfilling this responsibility as a single parent can be tricky, especially during busy times of the year. The best way of assuring your kids get the attention they need is by creating a plan, which should make reaching your goal less stressful.

Daily routines you might want to incorporate into your household lifestyle include bedtime rituals, such as teeth brushing and book reading. Before suppertime, set the expectation that kids complete simple chores around cooking duties. As a reward for completing these tasks, plan a day trip to an offbeat museum or age-appropriate escape room. These excursions will give your entire tribe something worth anticipating.

Divorce and life as a co-parent can be both challenging and scary, so follow Wendi’s Tips for help navigating this phase of you and your children’s lives.

Author Janice Russell believes the only way to survive parenthood is to find the humor in it. She created Parenting Disasters so that parents would have a go-to resource whenever they needed a laugh, but also to show parents they aren’t alone. She wants every frazzled parent out there to remember that for every kid stuck in a toilet, there’s another one out there somewhere who’s just graced their parents’ walls with some Sharpie artwork!

When A Relationship Ends Abruptly – What To Do

One can go into full-blown shock when the other person abruptly ends your relationship. Even if there were a few hints something was amiss, it is still a shock. Hard to believe this is happening. As far as the other person is concerned, there is not much you can do. If they made up their mind to break it off, it is done.

Harder when the decision was made and you were not notified. You see then at work, a social event, their musical gig, whatever and find out at the same time as everyone else. They may take great pains to ignore you. Maybe are dramatic and turn their back if you get nearby. Not cool when done publicly at a gathering.

Of course, you would like an explanation and not be playing guessing games in your head. This may never happen. It is difficult when there are loose threads.  In both cases – whether you got an explanation or were ghosted – closure is needed. Easier to move on when there is a clear-cut ending in your mind.

Accept what happened is final.  Wishing for a reunion keeps you attached to them and is it not going to happen. You are wasting time and energy on this fantasy. This mental connection prevents one from moving on.

The big thing about an abrupt ending is not having closure. Since there is no communication, you cannot be sure if it was something you did or if got dropped for a new love interest. One is left hanging.  If someone is upset that should be discussed. If a boundary was crossed into a no-go area, then at least you would understand why there is an ending.   It is childish for them to do silence.

Emotionally getting through this situation

Spend a day really feeling your grief. Cry, wail, scream, curse or whatever else you feel needs expressing. You are experiencing a loss, a death of a relationship. Concentrate on dealing with it being over. Later as time moves on, you can appreciate the fun times.  You got some life lessons from this episode.

Rally your support system around you. Call or go out with friends. Talk it out with them. Have some fun. Try a new café.

Get out in nature. Take walks in leafy areas. Exercise releases pent up energy and anxiety. One feels better after a run when the endorphins are increased. Getting a physical work out calms nerves and helps one be able to deal with this situation.

What to do or not do

Do not contact them no matter how tempting it is to text or call. This is giving them power to reject you again.

If they call, do not answer it. Go ahead and listen to their message later, if you want. If a text is sent, do not respond. If you cannot resist, then say “I accept that you ended our relationship. I am moving on now.”

They may beg for a second chance and promise to change. That would be short-lived and the disrespect would creep back in again. If they were really into you, this would not have happened in the first place.

There is a void – empty space inside of you from their departure. Fill it up. When one removes a dead tree, they do not leave a big hole. It is filled in with a plant or something else. Plant something else inside of you. Take up a new activity. Join a MeetUp.com group and expand your social network.

Getting into a new environment can help. You are not running into them or dealing with as many triggers.  Travel to an enticing destination on your bucket list. The point is not to allow them to dwell in your head.

Ending a relationship abruptly is disrespectful and not valuing you. Do you really want a relationship where you are not cherished and it is all about them? No!! You deserve much more. Move on to someone who will appreciate you.

 

 

Reviving A Long-Term Relationship

Tips on how to add sparkle to a long-term relationship and avoid a divorce. Before calling it quits, explore different ways to bring the relationship back to life. Does your marriage feel like a prison sentence? Boredom and being in a rut can make a marriage seem dull and lifeless. Hints on how to revive your marriage.

Several couples took up golf together with the added bonus of improving their game in foreign locales. See if you can build upon a common interest – plus it gives you both something to talk about. Some couples have bought a holiday home and renovating it reignited the spark in their marriages.

Go out to a neutral place, such as a café and have a respectful conversation about your feelings. Use “I” statements, “I feel…” without blame or accusations. Intently listen to his responses and what he feels could be changed in your marriage.

S00metimes people rely too much on their spouse for companionship and to meet their social needs. The happiest couples I know each have some individual pursuits and interests outside of their relationships. Consider widening your social network through such groups as MeetUp.com to enrich your life and to see if this improves your marriage.

Take a vacation together to provide time to talk in a pleasant atmosphere. It may be easier to have structured group time, such as being on a tour or cruise. Then there is a balance between interacting with others and having alone time. Getting away from your routines and environment, plus having a lot to talk about can realign a relationship.

If you have been drifting apart and pass each other as two ships in the night – plan for couple time. Each week, alternate who selects the agenda for a night out. What fun trying new restaurants, attending concerts and seeing films. Some celebrities have claimed they split up due to lack of time together.

Put yourselves in each other’s shoes to see a new perspective to the other’s point of view. Is there validity to their complaints? Some couples have come up with this compromise – each stopping an annoying habit. One husband habitually threw his towel and clothes on the floor. The wife’s cosmetics and lotions covered the bathroom counter. Each spouse ceased the aggravating behavior and now have been married for over two decades.

Sometimes a partner has to leave for a period of time to really think things through. They may choose a work sabbatical or live in a distant land to determine if they should stay or divorce. Some have to get out of their place to gain clarity for their situation.

You may want to get legal advice and have a trial separation handled by an attorney. This formal separation may become the first step to a divorce.

If there is abuse – get out of the situation quickly. A domestic violence shelter can advise one how to extricate herself in the best way from an abusive spouse.

Consider marital counselling with your spouse. It can show you how to communicate more effectively which is important both in marriage or divorce. The Retrouvaille Program has weekend retreats for couples to get their marriages back on track. If divorce is imminent, then counselling helps a couple to have an easier time parting ways.

Divorce does not have to be the end of a relationship, but rather a change in it.

 

Guide for Moving to a New State After a Divorce

After a divorce, you may be looking to turn a new leaf and start afresh in a completely different location. But before you pin a map to the wall and throw a dart at it to find your new spot, there are a few things – and people – you need to take into consideration. So let’s go over four instances where planning ahead will help you make the right decision:

If You’re Looking for a New Place to Live

Costs of living vary greatly from state to state and even from city to city, so take that into consideration before you settle on a place to live and consider what you’ll be able to afford, taking into account spousal support, child custody, and other expenses. And before you even look at your options, if you and your ex-spouse have children together, discuss how you’ll share custody once you two live further apart, and make sure you have your co-parent’s consent in writing before you take off to a different state. Look at the available amenities in the neighborhoods you are considering moving into, and make sure they are safe and suitable for your children.

If You’re Ready to Relocate

Before you book your movers to take you to your new home, make sure your divorce is completely finalized and take inventory of what you have, what you plan on taking with you, and what you want to get rid of. When you have shared assets with your ex-spouse, it’s best to discuss together how you’re planning on dividing those and come to an amicable agreement. Also, remember that if you’re the one moving away, it will cost you less money to transport fewer items across states than a complete household move would. Once you’ve decided on what you’re keeping, look for movers in your area and get at least three quotes in writing before choosing a company. And don’t forget to read reviews online to avoid scam artists and unreliable people.

If You’re Starting a Business

If you’re planning on launching a business after you relocate, make sure you check the legal requirements for business ownership in your new state in order to stay compliant and avoid penalties. Create a plan describing your company, detail how you’re planning on selling your products or services, explain how your business will be structured, include what funding you’ll need to get your startup off the ground, and come up with some financial projections to attract possible investors. And if you’re looking to find partners for your new venture, think about joining the local chamber of commerce, or renting a coworking space where you’ll get to mingle with other solopreneurs and make new friends in your new city.

If You Need to Find a New Doctor

Relocating to a different state means you’ll need to find new doctors, such as a dentist and a general practitioner, to help you manage your health and to treat you in case of illness or injury. If you haven’t found your bearings in your new place yet, you can find an online doctor and get an appointment for a remote consultation. This is an easy, safe, convenient, and private way to seek treatment if you’re not feeling well, or if you’re just in need of a checkup. You’ll be able to book a same-day appointment from anywhere, and if you need medication, your prescription will be sent to the pharmacy of your choice for added convenience.

Making a complete life change after a divorce by relocating to a different state may help you in your emotional recovery. But before you embark on your next adventure, make sure you do your research. And don’t leave any loose ends that could cause you and your ex-spouse potential issues later.

Looking for advice on dating, relationships, or divorce? At globalguidetodivorce.com, you’ll find tips on co-parenting, legal issues, and much, much more.

Author is Suzie Wilson ⎸info@happierhome.net  ⎸Happier Home

Tips How To Make Decisions During Divorce

Divorce knocks the wind right out of you. Even the simplest decision can be overwhelming. Some individuals do not want to think about choices which need to be made during proceedings. Trying to avoid decisions does not work any better than reacting hastily just to be done with them.  An obstacle to decision making during divorce is having tunnel vision. This is having focus on the here and now and not seeing the broader picture. It is understandable to be concentrating on what is immediately happening. Not giving a thought to what is down the road can affect one’s financial future.

Unfortunately, I fell into this trap. Retirement was not on my radar when I divorced in my forties. I was concerned about getting liquid assets that would pay down my mortgage on a house I recently purchased. There was plenty of time to build up a portfolio for my elderly years, or so I thought.  Unforeseen expenditures included the times post-divorce, that my ex-spouse took me to court for shared care issues. He lost each time, but since his solicitor was his drinking buddy, it only cost him a few beers.  My legal fees were high. Helping sons with university expenses was another chunk spent. Plan ahead.

There are ways to help decision making during divorce go a bit smoother.

  • Get in a calm state of mind. Stress floods our body with hormones such as cortisol. This causes the brain to perceive a threat which then activates the Flight or Fight response. It is hard to make a rational decision when the body is prepared for battle. What helps many is doing meditation which has a calming effect on the brain. Other avenues are deep breathing, prayer, mindfulness and practicing gratitude. Engaging in physical exercise decreases anxiety. Yoga or martial arts such as Tai Chi, help bring relaxation to the body and mind.
  • Go to experts. They are a fresh set of eyes to analyse one’s assets and determine what is most advantageous to receive. When dividing personal property, an expert’s opinion can be invaluable. I had an art appraiser come to my house to informally look at a few paintings. He suggested which ones to request. It speeded up the negotiations. A tax advisor can see which investments may have tax issues. Getting advice from these individuals can make decisions easier.
  • Ascertain what are your short-term and long-term goals. A person in their thirties will have different priorities than those in a Grey Divorce. If you want to start your own business post-divorce, then perhaps getting investments that can be cashed easily makes more sense than a large retirement package. Get realistic numbers for what you require to start a new enterprise after divorce. Knowing what you need right away helps with decisions during negotiations.
  • Feel free to ask for a short delay in order to think things through for your situation. Acting in a panic can backfire later. If you need a break from decision making, then take it. My break in the middle of my divorce was a river cruise down the Rhine. I came back to the proceedings refreshed and ready to continue with negotiations.
  • Break down decisions into smaller segments if possible. Looking at the multitude of decisions as a whole can be traumatic. Start with smaller ones first and work up to the larger ones. When looking at a huge decision, such as whether to stay in the marital home, I looked at the details. I wanted to stay in the house with the boys. The details showed it would be a financial disaster. I bought a much smaller house which turned out to be wise. The added bonus is that I do not have bad memories attached to it, like I would in the marital one.
  • Gather your support system around you. When wavering between which decision to make, trusted friends can give you advice. They may have trod the same path as you are on now. Friends’ and acquaintances’ wisdom helped me to make appropriate choices. These people were my cheering section who helped get me through divorce.

Your solicitor is on your side. When you feel overwhelmed and cannot think, let them know. Their experience will guide you through this turbulent time.

Originally published on Paradigm Law, UK web site

Spring and Summer Safety: Tips to Protect Your Kids

As parents, we instinctively want to shield our kids from danger. Sometimes, however, the outdoors can present hazards we might not even dream of, especially during the warmer months of the year. Courtesy of Jack Jack the Cat, we share some tips for ensuring your children are protected.    

Outdoor Inspection   

Even if you took precautions last fall, it may be time to tidy up once spring arrives, as winter can be hard on a home’s exterior. Take a walk around your property, looking carefully for potential concerns. Trim trees and shrubs to prevent growth from encroaching on your home, and cut them back at least two feet to keep pests from getting too cozy or to eliminate any hazards to your children.   

You should also inspect the fence that surrounds your property, if you have one. Make sure there are no areas that need to be replaced or repaired. Strong fences are especially important if you live in a high traffic area or a neighborhood with a low walk score. In other words, if foot traffic is low because the area doesn’t have many shops within walking distance, then you are likely to experience more auto traffic. Then, a good fence is important for your kids’ and your home’s safety.   

Also, sometimes when we live with things, we don’t think of them in terms of posing dangers. Eliminate sources of standing water such as toys left in the yard or flipped open garbage bin lids, as they also provide opportunities for mosquitoes and other pests to thrive.    

Pool Safety  

Pools are an obvious source of potential danger. If you have a pool, the Red Cross recommends having your children take swimming lessons. It’s vital to keep ladders and steps secure to prevent children from falling into the water, and remove ladders when the pool is not in use. Install protective barriers and use a safety cover. Also keep the water clean and ensure the chemicals are at the right levels.   

Secure Equipment   

Outdoor equipment can be inviting to curious children. Ensure items such as grills, lawn care equipment and electrical appliances are secured properly. Pick up and properly stow sharp objects and tools. Also lock storage sheds, garages and barns, and install childproof locks on gates.    

Sun Exposure   

Just like adults, kids need some sunshine to help their bodies produce vitamin D. However, too much can damage your youngster’s skin. Raising Children explains it’s particularly important to keep toddlers and babies safe from damaging ultraviolet rays. Dress your child appropriately, using a hat to protect your child’s head from the sun’s rays. Infants do best in soft hats that allow babies to relax comfortably. Choose one with a chinstrap or tie, and if your little one objects, keep trying until she or he accepts it as part of the normal routine.    

Also, prolonged exposure to sunshine puts your child at risk for future cataracts. Sunglasses can help guard against damage to your child’s eyes; opt for close-fitting, wraparound glasses for the best protection.   

Riding Toys   

A big part of warm weather fun is getting on a tricycle, skateboard or bike. If your youngster has riding toys that come out as soon as temperatures rise, ensure the proper safety equipment is at hand. Some experts recommend helmets when riding on toys, but note helmets should be removed for playground or swing set play as they pose choking hazards.   

When using strollers, use the safety straps provided by the stroller manufacturer, and if your baby is too little to sit up on her own, steer clear of hauling her in wagons with low sides. If your kids are old enough for bicycling on streets, Healthline notes you should teach them the rules of the road, such as riding the same direction as traffic, obeying traffic signals, using hand signals, watching for other vehicles and not riding on sidewalks.   

Preparations Mean Safety   

Keeping your child safe is one of your first priorities. Warm months present special hazards, but with proper preparations you can prevent tragedy. Working parents often need support during the summer, like trading play dates with neighbors or having a teenager watch the kids while you work. It’s important that you share these tips with anyone who might be watching your child so that everyone involved provides your child with a safe environment through carefully thought-out precautions.   

If you’re looking for some summer reading options, check out Jack Jack the Cat. Whether Jack Jack is at home or exploring the jungle, he is sure to find himself in the middle of an adventure. Check our website for more information about Jack Jack and his weekly adventures for plenty of summertime fun. 

Situationship – Being In The Middle Ground When Dating

Do you feel you are neither in the friend zone or in the romantic one? Confused about what is happening in your relationship – or even if you are in one?  You are caught in the middle ground which is called situationship.

What are the signs of situationship?

 Lack of commitment 

It is being in a relationship without commitment. People go out together – even exclusively – and there does not seem to be a future.  Spontaneity is fun. Great to do things on the spur of the moment. It keeps life exciting, unless this is how it is always. These people usually do not make plans ahead of time. Cannot commit to a date next week.  When plans are made for a later time, they often bow out. The future is not mentioned. It is one thing to live in the moment, another to be stuck there., They use the word “sometime.”   “Would you like to go dancing/hiking (whatever) sometime?”  You answer with an enthusiastic “Yes” and nothing is planned.  The future is not discussed.

In regular dating relationships, there is forward movement. Although one person may go at a slower pace, the relationship still progresses. In situationship – it is on standstill.

Lack of commitment shows up in other areas.  It may seem like you both are getting closer: talking in depth about your pasts, career goals and so forth. When you start intimating more contact, they step backwards. It is a dance which they want to lead.  People in situationship do not want to be pinned down. They crave their freedom, yet still have someone they can call when feel like going out. It is a way to avoid closeness which can lead (in their minds) to dating drama.

Inconsistency

What is frustrating is the inconsistency – you may go out several times in one week, and nearly a month, goes by before the next date.  There is no agenda or routine schedule. There is little or no contact between dates. These individuals rarely initiate a text. They can be good at responding., which is easier than generating one. They may answer in minutes and later take days to respond.

You are doing most of the work in this relationship. Phone calls may only be when they have not heard from you in a while and are asking you out at the last minute.  Tone of texts can be flirty or almost rude. Hard to figure out where you stand in this relationship.

Incongruity between body language and words

In situationship where you are is undefined. The verbal may be incongruent with the non-verbal (actions).  Warm kisses on the lips, or even sex, do not go with their behaviour.  They do not go out regularly with you and are silent between dates.  They snuggle with you in booths, give plenty of hugs and kisses and throw in some complements.  This can be refereed to as crumbs. Enough to keep you interested, but not a main course.  They are treating you romantically while saying you are “Just Friends.”

It is confusing when their friends seem to think you are a couple or ask you how long the two of you have been dating.  Hard to answer when not really knowing if this is considered dating. Perhaps you like their friends and are part of the other’s inner circle.

What to do

Have a discussion of your needs and expectations. Express what you are feeling, “I’m into you – very attracted.”  Let them respond, pause as long as it takes to get an answer. In one case, the man’s reply was “I am not ready to take this further.” Yes, vague, but something. She is not sure if that means for this entire decade or for the next few months.  Communication is important in situationship.

When being told you are “just friends” for many months, consider dating again when an opportunity arises. This can help you become less fixated on the situationship which is going nowhere.

Questions to ask yourself

Are you getting anything out of it?

Are you better with or without them?

The answers help determine if you want to enjoy the relationship for what it is or if it is time to move on.  People’s self-worth can be negatively affected, particularly if they feel there is a flaw within themselves. People coming out of a toxic marriage may feel they are not worthy of anything more and accept what is happening. Be aware of your mental health, and if feeling depressed or anxious, think about making an exit. Keep  in mind, you are in a situationship because of the other person, not you. They are fearful, have a traumatic history, attachment disorder, or whatever it is.

One example where it does work out is this. A woman in a situationship with a musician, realized she enjoys going to his gigs and dancing. She has fun going out for pizza periodically in-between times.  She decided to stay with the man, but start dating again. She has had several dates so far, and life is fun and fulfilling for her.  There is no right or wrong answer, it is what ever is best for you.