6 Good Reasons to Remarry After Divorce
Should we remarry after divorce?
Divorce can be a tumultuous journey, leaving us with a whirlwind of emotions and uncertainties. The idea of remarrying may seem like a distant dream, riddled with doubts and fears. But amidst the shadows of the past, there is always room for a bright, new chapter filled with love and second chances. Life is a tapestry woven with threads of love and companionship, and remarriage presents a remarkable opportunity to rediscover the joy of being intertwined with another soul. It’s an invitation to reignite that spark, create new memories, and embark on a journey of emotional growth and self-discovery. Remarriage allows us to create a harmonious home where children from previous marriages can find solace and support. It’s an opportunity to foster open communication, embrace the challenges, and build unbreakable bonds that make the house truly feel like a home.
1 Rekindling Hope
When we open ourselves to the possibility of remarriage, we give ourselves permission to heal and grow. Love becomes a catalyst, fueling our emotional transformation and guiding us toward a brighter future. It has the power to mend the shattered pieces of our hearts, helping us find solace in the arms of another. Stories abound of individuals who, despite the pain of divorce, dared to believe in love again and found it in the most unexpected places. Their journeys are a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the unwavering desire to embrace second chances.
In the arms of a new partner, they discovered a love that surpassed their expectations and made them believe in the beauty of relationships once more. It’s a love that holds the promise of a future filled with shared dreams, laughter, and unwavering support.
2 Emotional Growth and Self-Discovery
Divorce, though painful, often becomes a catalyst for profound personal growth and self-discovery. It’s a journey that forces us to look within, examine our choices, and learn from our past. Through the trials of divorce, we emerge stronger and more self-aware. We gain a deeper understanding of our needs, desires, and boundaries. Armed with this knowledge, we can make conscious choices when it comes to choosing a partner for remarriage. By embracing self-discovery, we pave the way for a more fulfilling and authentic remarriage experience. We learn to communicate our needs effectively, set healthy boundaries, and prioritize our emotional well-being. These invaluable lessons become the building blocks of a stronger, more resilient partnership. Additionally, emotional growth is paramount when relocating with kids after divorce. Before you move with your little ones, be sure to give yourself permission to grow.
Remarriage allows us to rewrite our love story, guided by the wisdom gained from past mistakes. It’s an opportunity to create a relationship that aligns with our true selves, where both partners can thrive and grow together.
3 Building a Stronger Foundation
Divorce offers a unique vantage point from which we can gain valuable insights into what works and what doesn’t in a marriage. With this knowledge in hand, before we remarry after divorce, we should seize the opportunity to build a stronger foundation rooted in intention and compatibility. Having experienced the challenges of a failed marriage, we become more discerning in choosing a partner for remarriage. We actively seek qualities and values that align with our own, ensuring a solid groundwork for a fulfilling relationship. By recognizing red flags and listening to our intuition, we can navigate the dating landscape with a heightened sense of awareness. We no longer settle for less than we deserve but strive for a partner who complements and supports us on our journey.
When we remarry after divorce, we bring the lessons learned from our past into our present. We understand the importance of open communication, compromise, and mutual respect. With each step, we work towards building a nurturing and enduring partnership.
4 Creating a Harmonious Home
Blended families, born out of remarriage, offer a unique tapestry of love, resilience, and growth. Navigating the dynamics of a blended family can be challenging, yet it presents an opportunity to create a harmonious and supportive home for everyone involved. In remarriage, we embrace the beautiful responsibility of blending two families into one cohesive unit. It’s a journey that requires patience, understanding, and open-heartedness from all family members. Effective co-parenting becomes paramount in creating a stable and nurturing environment for children from previous marriages. By fostering open communication and mutual respect, we can build bridges that bridge the gaps and foster a sense of belonging for all.
Blended families thrive when there is a commitment to creating shared experiences, traditions, and rituals. It’s through these moments that bonds deepen, love grows, and a sense of unity is fostered.
5 Overcoming Fear and Embracing Vulnerability
To remarry after divorce? Yes, it can be daunting to take that leap of faith again, to expose our hearts to the possibility of being hurt once more. However, it is often through vulnerability that we find the deepest connections and the greatest rewards. By acknowledging our fears and insecurities, we give ourselves the opportunity to heal and grow. Transitioning from a place of fear to a place of openness requires courage, but the rewards are immeasurable. Embracing vulnerability means letting go of the past and allowing ourselves to invest fully in the present. It means having honest conversations, expressing our needs, and being willing to take emotional risks.
6 A Renewed Commitment to Love
With a renewed commitment, we bring a sense of intention and purpose to our remarriage. We make a conscious decision to prioritize our partnership, investing time, effort, and energy into nurturing its growth. Transitions can be challenging, but with patience and perseverance, we can navigate the ups and downs, knowing that love is worth the commitment. We weather storms together, using effective communication, understanding, and compromise as our compass. As we embark on this new chapter, we approach it with curiosity and eagerness to learn and grow together. We embrace the changes and challenges that come our way, knowing they can strengthen our bond.
Final words
So, what does it mean to remarry after divorce? It is a journey filled with hope, emotional growth, and the power of love. Remember, remarriage after divorce is not just a continuation of the past but a chance to create a love story uniquely yours. Embrace the journey, cherish the moments, and may your remarriage be a testament to the beauty of second chances, the power of love, and the resilience of the human spirit.
Bio:
Author John Foster is a talented freelance writer who specializes in exploring the intricate dynamics of human relationships. He’s currently working under Best Cross Country Movers wing, enjoying the rush of relocation adventures.
How to Cope with Guilt and Shame After Divorce
Divorce is a challenging and emotionally draining experience, often leaving individuals with lingering feelings of guilt and shame. Coping with these emotions is crucial for moving forward and rebuilding a fulfilling life. This article will explore eight tips to help you cope with guilt and shame after divorce. By implementing these strategies, you can find healing, self-compassion, and a renewed sense of hope.
Allow Yourself to Grieve
After a divorce, it is essential to permit yourself to grieve the loss of the relationship. It is a natural process, and suppressing emotions can hinder healing. Take the time to process your feelings, allowing yourself to experience the pain, sadness, and anger that may arise. By acknowledging and accepting your emotions, you can begin to cope with guilt and shame after divorce.
Seek Support
Seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist is vital in navigating the complex emotions associated with divorce. So taking care of your mental health is important during this time. Surrounding yourself with understanding and non-judgmental individuals can provide a safe space to express your feelings. Sharing your experiences and concerns with others who can empathize can help alleviate guilt and shame while providing valuable insights and perspectives.
Challenge Negative Self-Talk
Guilt and shame often stem from negative self-perception and self-blame. Recognize that divorce is a multifaceted process involving both individuals. Avoid blaming yourself solely for the outcome. Challenge negative self-talk by reframing your thoughts. Replace self-critical statements with self-compassionate and empowering ones. And remind yourself that mistakes are part of life, and this experience offers personal growth opportunities.
Practice Self-Compassion
During this challenging time, treating yourself with kindness and compassion is crucial. Engage in self-care activities that nurture your well-being. Exercise regularly, practice meditation or mindfulness, journal your thoughts and emotions, or pursue hobbies and interests that bring you joy. By prioritizing self-care, you can strengthen your resilience and create a positive foundation for healing.
Learn from the Experience
Reflecting on the lessons learned from your marriage and divorce can be a transformative process. Therefore, take time to identify emerging insights and growth opportunities. Recognize the strengths and qualities you possess, as well as areas for personal development. Embrace the opportunity for self-discovery and use this experience as a stepping stone toward a happier and more fulfilling future.
Set Healthy Boundaries
Establishing clear boundaries with your ex-spouse and others is essential for protecting your emotional well-being. Clearly communicate your needs and expectations regarding communication, co-parenting responsibilities, and interactions. Seek professional assistance, such as mediation or counseling, to facilitate healthy communication and enforce these boundaries. Maintaining these boundaries allows you to focus on your healing while minimizing potential triggers for guilt and shame.
Focus on the Future
Redirecting your energy toward building a fulfilling and happy life for yourself is key to overcoming guilt and shame. Set realistic goals that align with your aspirations and values. Explore new interests, hobbies, and activities that bring you joy and a sense of purpose. The pros from My Brooks Moving New Hampshire often advise moving to a new location if possible. Create a vision for your future, focusing on personal growth and self-fulfillment. By embracing new opportunities, you can shift your perspective from dwelling on the past to embracing the possibilities.
Forgive Yourself and Others
Forgiveness is a powerful tool for healing and freeing yourself from negativity. Forgive yourself for any perceived mistakes or shortcomings, acknowledge that you are human, and learn from the experience. Similarly, extend forgiveness to your ex-spouse, understanding that forgiveness does not imply condoning or forgetting the past but rather releasing the emotional burden and allowing yourself to move forward.
While maintaining healthy boundaries, work on letting go of the negativity associated with the divorce. This may involve reframing your perspective and focusing on the lessons learned rather than dwelling on past mistakes. Understand that forgiveness does not mean erasing the past but rather freeing yourself from the weight of resentment and anger.
Embrace Self-Reflection and Personal Growth
Amidst the turmoil of a divorce, embracing self-reflection and prioritizing personal growth is essential. Use this challenging experience as an opportunity for self-discovery and transformation. Reflect on your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors throughout the marriage and divorce process. Identify patterns, areas for improvement, and opportunities for personal growth.
Engage in introspection and self-examination to better understand yourself, your needs, and your desires. Explore your values, passions, and dreams that may have been overshadowed during your marriage. Furthermore, seek therapy or counseling to facilitate this self-exploration and gain professional guidance in navigating this transformative journey.
As you discover more about yourself, set goals and take actionable steps towards personal growth. This may involve acquiring new skills, pursuing educational opportunities, or engaging in activities that align with your passions and interests. Embrace opportunities to challenge yourself and step outside of your comfort zone. As you grow and evolve, you will gain a stronger sense of self-confidence and empowerment, reducing feelings of guilt and shame.
Remember, personal growth is a lifelong process, and it’s important to approach it with patience and self-compassion. Celebrate even the small victories and milestones along the way. Embracing self-reflection and personal growth will help you heal from the pain of divorce and pave the way for a brighter and more fulfilling future.
In Conclusion
So to cope with guilt and shame after divorce, you must accept it as a gradual and personal process. By implementing these eight tips, you can navigate the emotional aftermath of divorce and embark on a journey of healing and self-discovery. Allow yourself to grieve, seek support from understanding individuals, challenge negative self-talk, practice self-compassion, learn from the experience, set healthy boundaries, focus on the future, and embrace forgiveness. Remember, healing takes time, and being patient and kind to yourself throughout this process is essential. As you embark on this journey, remember that seeking professional help from therapists or counselors specialized in divorce and relationship issues can provide invaluable guidance and support. By taking proactive steps towards healing, you can regain your sense of self-worth, rebuild your life, and cultivate a brighter and more fulfilling future.
Author Bio: Mary J. is a divorced mom of three, a blogger, and a passionate potter. In her free time, you can find her elbows-deep in clay in her workshop or in the living room, reading the newest mystery novels.
When A Relationship Ends Abruptly – What To Do
One can go into full-blown shock when the other person abruptly ends your relationship. Even if there were a few hints something was amiss, it is still a shock. Hard to believe this is happening. As far as the other person is concerned, there is not much you can do. If they made up their mind to break it off, it is done.
Harder when the decision was made and you were not notified. You see then at work, a social event, their musical gig, whatever and find out at the same time as everyone else. They may take great pains to ignore you. Maybe are dramatic and turn their back if you get nearby. Not cool when done publicly at a gathering.
Of course, you would like an explanation and not be playing guessing games in your head. This may never happen. It is difficult when there are loose threads. In both cases – whether you got an explanation or were ghosted – closure is needed. Easier to move on when there is a clear-cut ending in your mind.
Accept what happened is final. Wishing for a reunion keeps you attached to them and is it not going to happen. You are wasting time and energy on this fantasy. This mental connection prevents one from moving on.
The big thing about an abrupt ending is not having closure. Since there is no communication, you cannot be sure if it was something you did or if got dropped for a new love interest. One is left hanging. If someone is upset that should be discussed. If a boundary was crossed into a no-go area, then at least you would understand why there is an ending. It is childish for them to do silence.
Emotionally getting through this situation
Spend a day really feeling your grief. Cry, wail, scream, curse or whatever else you feel needs expressing. You are experiencing a loss, a death of a relationship. Concentrate on dealing with it being over. Later as time moves on, you can appreciate the fun times. You got some life lessons from this episode.
Rally your support system around you. Call or go out with friends. Talk it out with them. Have some fun. Try a new café.
Get out in nature. Take walks in leafy areas. Exercise releases pent up energy and anxiety. One feels better after a run when the endorphins are increased. Getting a physical work out calms nerves and helps one be able to deal with this situation.
What to do or not do
Do not contact them no matter how tempting it is to text or call. This is giving them power to reject you again.
If they call, do not answer it. Go ahead and listen to their message later, if you want. If a text is sent, do not respond. If you cannot resist, then say “I accept that you ended our relationship. I am moving on now.”
They may beg for a second chance and promise to change. That would be short-lived and the disrespect would creep back in again. If they were really into you, this would not have happened in the first place.
There is a void – empty space inside of you from their departure. Fill it up. When one removes a dead tree, they do not leave a big hole. It is filled in with a plant or something else. Plant something else inside of you. Take up a new activity. Join a MeetUp.com group and expand your social network.
Getting into a new environment can help. You are not running into them or dealing with as many triggers. Travel to an enticing destination on your bucket list. The point is not to allow them to dwell in your head.
Ending a relationship abruptly is disrespectful and not valuing you. Do you really want a relationship where you are not cherished and it is all about them? No!! You deserve much more. Move on to someone who will appreciate you.
Situationship – Being In The Middle Ground When Dating
Do you feel you are neither in the friend zone or in the romantic one? Confused about what is happening in your relationship – or even if you are in one? You are caught in the middle ground which is called situationship.
What are the signs of situationship?
Lack of commitment
It is being in a relationship without commitment. People go out together – even exclusively – and there does not seem to be a future. Spontaneity is fun. Great to do things on the spur of the moment. It keeps life exciting, unless this is how it is always. These people usually do not make plans ahead of time. Cannot commit to a date next week. When plans are made for a later time, they often bow out. The future is not mentioned. It is one thing to live in the moment, another to be stuck there., They use the word “sometime.” “Would you like to go dancing/hiking (whatever) sometime?” You answer with an enthusiastic “Yes” and nothing is planned. The future is not discussed.
In regular dating relationships, there is forward movement. Although one person may go at a slower pace, the relationship still progresses. In situationship – it is on standstill.
Lack of commitment shows up in other areas. It may seem like you both are getting closer: talking in depth about your pasts, career goals and so forth. When you start intimating more contact, they step backwards. It is a dance which they want to lead. People in situationship do not want to be pinned down. They crave their freedom, yet still have someone they can call when feel like going out. It is a way to avoid closeness which can lead (in their minds) to dating drama.
Inconsistency
What is frustrating is the inconsistency – you may go out several times in one week, and nearly a month, goes by before the next date. There is no agenda or routine schedule. There is little or no contact between dates. These individuals rarely initiate a text. They can be good at responding., which is easier than generating one. They may answer in minutes and later take days to respond.
You are doing most of the work in this relationship. Phone calls may only be when they have not heard from you in a while and are asking you out at the last minute. Tone of texts can be flirty or almost rude. Hard to figure out where you stand in this relationship.
Incongruity between body language and words
In situationship where you are is undefined. The verbal may be incongruent with the non-verbal (actions). Warm kisses on the lips, or even sex, do not go with their behaviour. They do not go out regularly with you and are silent between dates. They snuggle with you in booths, give plenty of hugs and kisses and throw in some complements. This can be refereed to as crumbs. Enough to keep you interested, but not a main course. They are treating you romantically while saying you are “Just Friends.”
It is confusing when their friends seem to think you are a couple or ask you how long the two of you have been dating. Hard to answer when not really knowing if this is considered dating. Perhaps you like their friends and are part of the other’s inner circle.
What to do
Have a discussion of your needs and expectations. Express what you are feeling, “I’m into you – very attracted.” Let them respond, pause as long as it takes to get an answer. In one case, the man’s reply was “I am not ready to take this further.” Yes, vague, but something. She is not sure if that means for this entire decade or for the next few months. Communication is important in situationship.
When being told you are “just friends” for many months, consider dating again when an opportunity arises. This can help you become less fixated on the situationship which is going nowhere.
Questions to ask yourself
Are you getting anything out of it?
Are you better with or without them?
The answers help determine if you want to enjoy the relationship for what it is or if it is time to move on. People’s self-worth can be negatively affected, particularly if they feel there is a flaw within themselves. People coming out of a toxic marriage may feel they are not worthy of anything more and accept what is happening. Be aware of your mental health, and if feeling depressed or anxious, think about making an exit. Keep in mind, you are in a situationship because of the other person, not you. They are fearful, have a traumatic history, attachment disorder, or whatever it is.
One example where it does work out is this. A woman in a situationship with a musician, realized she enjoys going to his gigs and dancing. She has fun going out for pizza periodically in-between times. She decided to stay with the man, but start dating again. She has had several dates so far, and life is fun and fulfilling for her. There is no right or wrong answer, it is what ever is best for you.
Tips For Making A Long-Distance Dating Relationship Work
Long-distance dating relationships can be challenging. Easier to keep the passion high when you can call up your partner and say “Hey, come right over.” Long-distance requires planning, not spontaneity. Many people who have been through these types of relationships, say it was worth the separation. Being sure of each other’s commitment got them through this period.
Long-distance take extra effort to keep them alive. One person might be doing more in the reaching out and this can become frustrating. Logistics have to be factored in, who is travelling and who is not. It is one thing when in the same locale, to decide who pays. Quite another when getting together requires serious money. An example is Harry, who moved and had a six-year long-distance relationship. He resented paying 100% of transportation costs for them both. No give and take financially. Eventually Harry thought about how in other areas of their relationship he was his doing most of the work. Although relationships are rarely 50-50, there has to be somewhat of a balance.
People in long-distance relationships mention how getting together in short bursts is more like being in Disneyland. Fantasy vs reality. It is like being on a holiday, doing fun activities. While this may be fine for some, others want a relationship on a deeper level.
People brought up that they missed or ignored red flags in a long-distance relationship. They concentrated on having fun instead. They dealt with the cracks when these could no longer be ignored. A local relationship could have been patched up or ended sooner. Nip problems in the bud before they get huge. Your partner is not a mind reader, so bring them up.
The Pros
Distance allows commitment to be gradual. One is more conscious of it and makes a choice instead of falling into it. You decide to be a couple and less likely to take the other person for granted. When dating in town, one can fall into a pattern. On Friday night we do this, on Sunday we go out for brunch. When living in different locales, one is not in a predictable schedule or rut.
Being apart forces one to build a stable foundation. The relationship may be moving at a slower pace. One man said there are less triggers to get to him in his long-distance relationship as are in past local ones. He also said that they met on different levels before initiating physical intimacy. One was getting to know each other spiritually. They did not jump into bed right away, as what happens when dating locally. He feels they really got to know each other first before having sex.
Tips for making it work
Communication is imperative. Be conscious of word choice. Are they expressing your intention and exact emotion? Easier to give a more ambiguous communication when not done in person. Emails and texting can seem blunt without vocal quality.
Be aware of your own emotions
Other emotions can come through subconsciously with communication such as hostility or resentment. If you are angry, disappointed, then express them using “I” statements. “I feel hurt when you take several days to answer a text.” Be direct and not sarcastic.
Keep in touch, even if a quick text “Thinking of you. Hope your day is great.”
If becoming serious, discuss where to live together. A US man with a girlfriend in Norway, advises finding neutral territory to settle. They are looking for a city which fits both of their needs. Others may want to move to a place where one of them lives, especially if that person has children. Some couples live in different loculations indefinitely and spend time blocks together. One couple does six weeks together and six weeks apart. This is working fine. Discuss if there is a time table for when living together. Or, if commuting is desirable for you both.
Flexibility is a plus in a long-distance relationship
Here is an example with a happy ending. Matthew and Elizabeth became a couple when they attended university. Matthew went on to law school and Elizabeth studied to be an ophthalmologist in different cities. She had internships in various places during the summer months when Matthew did not have law school. He stayed with her during that time for three years. Elizabeth managed to get one in Matthew’s hometown. They got together at other times during the year. The long-distance part of their relationship for lasted three years. They are blissfully married with two children. When a couple is committed to make it work, it can.
Relationship PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)
Portrait Of Young Shy Couple Sitting On Sofa At Home
Trauma from past relationships affects a current one. The person may do the hot/cold dance – wanting to get closer, yet afraid of being burned again. Not only is relationship PTSD traumatic for the individual, but also to the other in the relationship. The person with PTSD can be afraid to acknowledge even to themselves, deep feelings – as this has led to heartbreak previously.
UK ‘s National Health Service (NHS) defines PTSD as an “anxiety disorder caused by very stressful or distressing events.” People with PTSD have high levels of stress hormones. When danger is perceived, the body produces adrenaline to trigger the fight or flight reaction. “People with PTSD have been found to continue to produce high amounts of fight or flight hormones even when there is no danger.”
How PTSD Manifests
In relationships, the person may bolt when things are getting serious. They are okay at the beginning – the Getting To Know You stage. When simple requests/demands are voiced by their dating partner, it can be overwhelming. “Do I stay and face a risk of rejection (whatever the trigger is)?” This person dances into a relationship, then dances right out again. Or keeps the partner at an arm’s length. You might be kept in the friend zone or friends with benefits one without a commitment.
The individual with relationship PTSD can be self-medicating with either drugs, alcohol, cigarettes or all three. This is to numb themselves and tamp down emotions. It feels more comfortable to put up an emotional blockade around themselves. If they are like a zombie, then there is no opening for trauma to sneak in. This is a faulty protection mechanism which is harmful to relationships. Insomnia is another problem for those with this PTSD. Some get flashbacks whether or not in a new relationship.
A person with dating PTSD is trying to avoid being hurt again. Also tries to avoid repeating patterns which led to the trauma -being left behind and heartbreak. The Lehigh Center for Clinical Research in Allentown, PA, USA states “Avoidance is a common symptom of PTSD. If you avoid communicating with your partner about important matters such as your feelings, because building a wall to protect yourself is easier, then you may be suffering from PTSD from your last toxic relationship.”
One man, Peter, had three traumatic dating relationships in a row and developed PTSD, complete with flashbacks. He opted not to date for 10 years. He became an alcoholic trying to deal with this trauma. Attending AA meetings gave him support dealing with his life. Now he is living with a fabulous woman.
What to do when dating a survivor of PTSD
- Go Slowly.
- Be Patient
- Learn when to pull back. They may crawl into their cave when the relationship is getting too intense.
- Give them space. They not initiate contact for a few weeks.
- Allow time to build a firm foundation. Then they can begin to trust you bit by bit.
It is a delicate balancing act
Pushing to get closer scares them away. Too little leaves them guessing if you are about to do a runner, which may have led to PTSD from previous relationship. Consider sending a short, to the point text “How is your day going?” or when something notable occurs. “I didn’t get the job” or “My short story won a prize.” Responding is easier than generating a text.
Have a full life
When you are busy, your mind is focused on these activities and less likely to be dwelling on the frustration of this dating relationship. You are more interesting and enticing when you do get together. They can laugh and wonder what antics/classes/events you are up to next. Your full life gives fuel for conversations. Taking improv acting classes, having fun at karaoke an d so forth, helps you seem different from previous dating partners where trauma occurred,
You may have to accept their pattern of being there and then backing away. No one can change another person. One can express needs with “I” statements. “I need you to text or call at least once a week.” “I want to get together at least every other week.”
Questions to ask yourself
- Are you getting frustrated with the dance backwards and forwards?
- Are you getting something out of the relationship?
- Are the good times outweighing the disappearing act?
- Are you feeling secure in the relationship?
- Are you both able to discuss personal history, problems, worries, etc?
- Are they focused on you when you are speaking?
- How strongly do you feel about them? In love? Or is it lust or merely a fascination?
Your dating partner is operating from fear. Fear is their reality. They are looking for indications that they may be mistreated again. You may be able to slowly build trust and have a successful relationship. Communication is imperative. Give it your all, and then if you need to bail, you know you did everything that you could. There is hope that after a bumpy start, your relationship can be successful.
Tips for Successful Dating – What To Do
Starting to date can be challenging – how much to share and when. These tips will get you started on having a successful dating relationship. While it is important to connect with your date, giving too much information too quickly is off-putting. Just the opposite effect than what is intended. Get to know them and build trust before spilling dark secrets. The beginning of a relationship is not the time to reveal past traumas. This can scare a person away when you have recently met.
Getting to know them
A successful strategy in business networking is allowing the other person to talk first. This tactic also works well post-divorce when starting to date again. People enjoy speaking about themselves and will view you positively when they have that chance. This gives the opportunity to learn about their interests. Bit by bit share yours, particularly the ones which are similar. Ask opened ended questions which gives them a springboard to share more details. You are building connections with conversions. Can be tempting when nervous, to dump a load of information on a date. It is fine to have periods of silence, instead of every second being filled with chatter. Let your date have space to digest what you have just said.
Building rapport
Match body language. This indicates that you are receptive. It is another way to connect. When your date leans forward, lean forward also. It builds camaraderie. Occasionally nod your head to show understanding. Try to be still without fidgeting or tapping your foot. These can come across as boredom or lack of interest. Crossing your arms can mean impatience or aggression. If you are tense and your body is rigid, this can seem like you are closed off. Breathe and relax your muscles.
Giving mixed messages?
Are you friendly one time and playing hard to get the next? Be yourself and stop playing games. Being who you are is what attracted them in the first place. Sometimes a dating partner does a dance. They step backwards when the other makes an advance to try and get closer in the relationship. This can be confusing. When this happens to me, I think maybe I misinterpreted the other’s interest. I do not know whether to move on or not. Be consistent in your interactions.
Agree to disagree
There may be areas where you are on opposite sides of the fence. Politics is one of these. If you enjoy their company and your values align, say “Let’s agree to disagree on that topic.” There are plenty of other subjects to discuss. Consider not getting into anything heavy right away in a new relationship. Discover their hobbies, hidden talents, travel bucket list instead of what they think of the Prime Minister or climate change. Stay off hot topics. You are not going to convince them to change their viewpoint.
Take your time getting to know someone
It is not a race to the finish line. Nor are you cramming for an exam and have to learn all about the other person right away. Individuals move at a different pace in a relationship. One may want to get serious – even marriage – before the other has decided whether or not to stop dating around. Respect the other’s slower pace. If you try to push or rush them, it can backfire. They may do a runner. Yes, it is frustrating, to move at a slow rate. Honouring their more cautious nature will pay off in the end – keeping the relationship. They may have had a traumatic divorce and want to be absolutely sure they can trust you before getting closer.
Non-negotiable issues
What is okay and what is a deal breaker for a relationship? Post-divorce, let the other person know your boundaries. I am upfront with a new guy when the relationship could become serious. I let him know that my friends -both male and female – are important. I will not drop anyone and will continue to see them. I make it clear that I am monogamous, so there is not a trust issue.
Not all relationships are going to work out as planned. You may find there is no sexual passion for the other person when on a date. Some of those guys have turned out to be good mates. They are a great resource for getting a guy’s perspective on my dating life.
Having a sense of humour is a big plus. It gets through awkward or embarrassing moments on a date when you can have a laugh. Originally was in The Divorce Magazine.
Author Wendi Schuller is a moving on coach who especially helps people getting back into dating after a break up or divorce globalguidetodivorce.com/shop/ globalguidetodivorce.com/coaching/
13 Reasons Why You’re Single And What To Do About It
When you are successful in your professional life because you’ve worked hard at it, it stands to reason that working hard at your love life in the same way will lead to the same result, right? So why aren’t your efforts yielding the desired outcomes? Why are you still single?
The following checklist will help you uncover 13 possible reasons and what to do about it. However, don’t let this list be a source of despair, because there is a solution!
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You don’t really believe there are great single men out there. Perhaps you think all men are just after 1 thing… Limiting belief systems are like sets of tinted glasses through which you view an altered reality, selectively seeking out and focusing on what you deem to be true to support your idea of reality.
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You are following the same destructive pattern by dating the same guy with a different face over and over again. We all know what the definition of insanity is, right? You need to start doing things differently if you want a different result.
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You are holding on to your past: The secret to closing the door on your past is letting go with love and forgiveness. If you don’t let go of your past it will destroy your future. But it’s not so easy, is it? (See point 1…)
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You are scared. You may have a fear of dating, of falling in love, being emotionally attached, trusting someone, losing someone close to you. You are not alone! Pretty much everyone seems to be affected by some degree of fear of social rejection, and this fear can be debilitating. It keeps you from taking action and tricks you into believing that you are better off staying in your comfort zone and striving to be happy there and not facing the fact that you are indeed miserable.
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You have Expectations! Oh NO! You have this perfect image of who you want to date and be in a relationship with and, try as you might not to, you expect your date to fit a certain type of pre-defined criteria. 100% chance of things going wrong – and you know it, but you still….
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Self-esteem issues anyone? If you are looking to enter into a healthy relationship it is best to start developing a healthy relationship with yourself first and foremost. ‘Like’ attracts ‘like’. We think we can hide low self-esteem but it shows up in so many unattractive ways. If you don’t think you’re worthy, how can someone else think so?
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Confidence. Closely related to the above, but worthy of its own point. Confidence is the key to dating success. If you aren’t confident about your worth, why would you expect someone else should take time out of their busy schedule to get to know you better?
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Boundaries! Boundaries are sexy and they tell men that you are valuable. Boundaries are evidence of high standards and values, indicate healthy self-esteem, and attract people who recognise what you live by and expect those close to you to live by. Even the most confident and successful career-woman can be tempted to loosen those boundaries to ‘keep a man’. If you are one of those, then you will always be someone else’s doormat.
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You don’t think you can be truly fulfilled without a partner, and it shows. There’s nothing attractive about that at best, and at worst it reeks of desperation. You should be living a full social life doing things you love doing with the friends and family you adore. Relationships flourish in the right social environment.
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You underappreciate the allure of your feminine energy. Many of us are out of touch with our dominant feminine energy and therefore lead unbalanced lives. Men are attracted to femininity and don’t respond well to masculine women in a romantic environment.
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You lack commitment in the area of love and relationships. You can still be living a full life, enjoy a successful career and be committed to finding a relationship. Yes you can indeed have it all! It shouldn’t drop off your ‘to do’ list in favour of chance. Where your energy goes, that’s where you go…or stay.
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You are dating from a mind-set of scarcity. You can’t imagine finding anyone, let alone opening your eyes to the abundance of choice that will become available to you when you turn that mind-set inside out and go forward with an ‘abundance mind-set’. I know it’s easier to sit back and wait for destiny to come knocking, but sorry, that’s not how it works. You therefore need to get out there and start creating choice in your love life.
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Singles are finding dating tough and telling each other just how tough it is. Well it’s tough because we are losing our social competence, especially when it comes to dating and relationships. Work on your interpersonal and face-to-face communication and conversation skills, work at being approachable – and you will be.
Perhaps you need some help?
The fact is that when it comes to your love life, the ‘work hard’ approach is clearly not enough, and if you don’t address the above, it often only leads to disappointment and frustration.
You need to stop and think about doing things differently! You know you need a new approach – and you need it now, because your intimate love relationship will affect pretty much every other area of your life. It will determine your happiness, fulfillment and overall quality of life more than any of your career success or achievements ever will.
So what are you to do if you are serious about having a loving and lasting relationship with someone amazing? Find yourself a reputable Love Coach to support and love you every step of the way. To your success in love!
Author of article is Bonita Grobbelaar. Biography: Relationships and the way we embark on them have changed, and Bonita Grobbelaar believes in helping her clients to do the work from the inside out. Women who have succeeded in all areas of their life but love, have benefited from consulting with Bonita. She puts her clients back in the drivers’ seat of their lives, and helps them to map out a journey to their intended destination in love.
A believer that all women not only deserve, but are fundamentally entitled to a life they love, in the company of a solid partner through the good and the bad, Bonita specialises in guiding and supporting successful women around the globe towards healthy, lasting relationships.
Her industry experience spans over a decade, and during this time, Bonita has helped thousands of women to find and keep love. Her own experiences saw Bonita living through ten years of negative dating and a failed marriage. Questioning the reasons for this led her to a journey of great self-discovery, where probing and testing brought her to the revelation of why all areas of her life, except love, were successful.
Today, Bonita is happily married and has two daughters. She experiences deep gratitude for a life she loves daily, and teaches her clients how to apply what she has learned, to help them find balance and relationship success in their own lives. www.lovecoachbonita.com
Join my NEXT FREE workshop: Unlock Lasting Love, Without Relying On Online Dating: bit.ly/UnlockLastingLove Find time in my calendar that suits you best and let’s figure out what’s stopping you from finding the love you want and how to change that: lovecoachbonita.com/apply/
Creative Ways To Date During Corona Virus
It is more challenging to date during the Corona Virus. Venues you usually pop into, may be closed during this global shutdown. Streets are deserted. Stores are shuttered. It feels like one is a character in a sci-fi film or waiting for the zombie apocalypse to begin. This time period is not the ideal circumstance to start a new dating relationship.
The same rules apply as they did before the virus. Particularly for women, if you do not know someone well, then do not invite them to your place. Be safe. If you break off the relationship, better for them not to know where you live. Also, you do not want to get into a tricky situation where your date thinks you are on the menu.
There are plenty of cafes and coffee shops which have lattes and luscious pastries for take away. There is often a bench nearby, where you both can sit down and get to know each other while enjoying your treats. One grocery store which sells lattes, has concrete benches in front. I meet up with a different friend from time to time. We are not in a crowd and are keeping the recommended social distance in this pandemic. This is where I planned to have my first date with a new guy.
Various restaurants are serving their tantalizing food in to go containers. Pick up your favourite food and enjoy it al fresco with the warmer weather. London, for example, has many parks where one can grab a bench and eat your lunch. Have an in-depth conversation over food you just purchased at the deli.
When you have gotten to know someone, then have them over to catch up on films you missed at the cinema or a marathon session watching a boxed set of DVDs. Feel free to invite several friends. You may want to play board games during this stay-at-home pandemic. Before the shutdown of our city, people were coming into the bookstore where I work and stocking up on puzzles.
Be outside on your dates. Go hiking, mountain climbing, skating, kayaking. A long walk provides the opportunity to learn more about your date. If you have dogs, plan on walking them together. Go for a drive in the country and unpack your picnic lunch out in nature.
Do an activity together. Pick a theme such as cooking Italian pasta, making tiramisu and watching an Italian film. The point is to be creative while following the rules of where you live during this corona virus outbreak.
Stay away from a crowd and have fun with your date. Going out with another couple is fine. Skip parties and gatherings. Keep hand sanitizer with you. Stay clear of people who are coughing. This is the time to avoid a one-night stand and possibly a goodnight kiss. I used to be a school nurse and was around viruses, strep throat, etc. and did not get sick. Taking precautions such as good handwashing, getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet reduces the chance of catching anything. Manuka honey is anti-viral and I take a teaspoon every day.
Continue dating during this time. Be creative where to go and how to have fun.
Tips On Dating For Introverts
Going on dates can be intimidating for the introvert. It is easier to stay at home and watch romantic films than go meet potential dating partners. Fear can stop people. Fear of getting tongue tied or sounding stupid can keep individuals from venturing out of their flat. There are ways to have dates and be in one’s comfort zone.
Think about going out in a group.
You can laugh and have fun without the pressure of carrying on a conversation solo. Members of the group all contribute comments. There is less of a feeling of being judged, when in a group setting, as opposed to only being the two of you. If you hit it off with someone, a private conversation is still an option.
If a person seems interested in you, it is less nerve-wracking to issue an invitation to a group activity. Say, “A bunch of us are going to the Greek Festival on Saturday. The food and music will be great – want to join us?”
Go where there is a community table.
I do this in several coffee shops and have talked to interesting people. One coffee shop is open late with led lighting which changes colour. It has DJ training classes which ensures edgy music and a lively vibe. I write in this place and encounter creative types like me.
Spend time with outgoing friends.
They will talk to others and draw people to your group. You can meet the individuals who come over for a chat. A potential date may be on the shy side too, and find talking to you in your group a bit less of a chance for rejection. Various podcasts give tips on how to meet people when by yourself or in a group.
Practice making connections.
Talk to people who are not potential dates – grannies, kids, a parent. This is like training wheels when learning how to ride a bike. Practice engaging others in conversation – the person behind you in the queue at the cashiers. I talk to people during the long wait at the post office. It makes the time pass quickly and the parting winks are nice.
Engage in conversation to those around you.
It will lead into talking to those who could be interesting to date. You are not targeting them specifically, when you talk to everyone. I chatted to people in a queue for a festival. One of them asked me out and we got engaged ten months later. One never knows.
Introverts can give off the wrong non-verbal message that they are not interested.
An introvert may turn away or avoid eye contact even though they are hearing wedding bells in their head. This is a deterrent for the other individual to pursue any more contact with the introvert. Force yourself to maintain eye contact. Turn towards the potential date. If you freeze and your brain cannot form a sentence, at least smile and nod. Anything to show interest and prevent them from misunderstanding your feelings and walking away.
Connecting with those you are interested in as a date, is a skill.
One does not learn how to play the violin overnight, so do not expect to be dazzling the first few times you attempt to meet people to date. Consider making friends with a variety of people. By doing this, an organic relationship can develop into a lifelong partnership.
Originally published in The Divorce Magazine thedivorcemagazine.co.uk
First Dates – What To Do And When To Bail
First dates can be tricky. What is expected. When to bail. The first of these two podcasts gives information about how to get ready and act on a first date. Advice given by Wendi Schuller and Daniel Isle Skye on a new dating series with podcasts released every week on datingcoach.coach
3rd podcast First Date podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dating-coach/id1492513803
Dating disasters. Wendi and Daniel share dates which did not work out and how to avoid these blunders.
4th episode Bad Dates podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dating-coach/id1492513803
7 Ways To Express Your Love For Your Partner Without Saying It
Love is that effortless emotion that can transform even the most impassive person. Sometimes we miss out on the signs or moments where we can express our love, without saying a single word. These are simple gestures towards our partner. Understanding the tiniest detail of your loved one shows how much you love him/her.
Saying ‘I Love You’ always works and will end your fights magically. Here are a few other creative ways to express your love for your partner without having to say it.
- Share your deepest fear/secrets
Our deepest and darkest fears or secrets are very personal. Sharing these with your partner will make him/her believe that you trust them entirely. This can make them feel really special and loved. It expresses your faith in your loved one and assures he/she is the most important person in this entire world. Also, it allows your partner to help you get out of it if you wish to. Growing together in love, eliminating flaws or accepting them, finding serenity is all that matters.
- Attention to Details
When does he/she wake up? What is his/her favorite dish? Or favorite T.V show? Small details can bring immense happiness. If you know your partner’s favorites, what keeps them happy or what puts them off, you will be able to express your compassion towards them. It will show that you care for the minute details only to bring that smile on your partner’s face. For instance, opening the car door for her, placing the food on her plate, keeping the hot water ready for his/her bath. Small acts matter in love. And these are not just a onetime action. Practice it to engrave it in your nature. Be genuine and don’t make it pretentious.
- Listen
Listening involves paying interest to no matter what your partner is saying. Put your phone down, and prioritize the person in front of you longing to communicate. To listen to your partner is to show that you genuinely care for him/her. It shows your involvement physically and mentally. Look at them and show your concern, and when the need arises, give your opinion. Your partner might need your consideration or assistance with something which they might have shared just yesterday. It is the simplest way of expressing your affection without the need for uttering a word.
- Send Gifts
Yes, and there is no need for any special occasion. Randomly pick a flower and surprise her. Send gifts to his/her office, giving them a chance to chuck out tensions. As said earlier, a gesture of your love, your presence that you are there for him/her forever, makes a huge impact. That is how you can convey love. Send your girlfriend a dainty piece of casual white dress to let her know that she is the angel of your life. Or surprise him by planning for an adventure, a dinner date, where you could cook for him and eat with some wine like Stella Rosa Black and champagne like Totts or maybe a football game date or any other sport he enjoys the most.
- Understand Each Other’s Ambitions or Choices
At the end of the day, you and your partner are two separate individuals with different aims in life. Your ideologies are compatible, but ambitions might differ. Your way of expressing affection should involve an understanding of that. Compassionate love is about appreciating by allowing your partner’s individual growth and success. It becomes a matter of respect. Give your partner space. Believe it, giving each other space will make your relationship healthier. How much you value your partner’s dream to achieve something. Learning how to cook a new dish is also an achievement. Celebrate it without any reason to show her love.
- The Magic of Touch
Animals express their love through touch, and that is always mesmerizing to witness. The magic of touch is effective enough to heal even an ailing person. Hold hands while watching a movie. Make your partner feel exceptional because he/she has you to support and stand by any day. A simple act of touch and cuddle can tickle that spark between you every time. A kiss on the forehead itself speaks a thousand words.
- Stay Positive
‘To err is human; to forgive, divine.’ Focusing too much on flaws will bring negativity to your relationship. Instead, ignore those aspects and center your relationship on positive things. What binds you together? What do you love about him/her? Life is too short to hold on to grudges or fights. Be thankful for who your partner is. Imperfection makes us the person we are. So, figure out how to accept those and move on. That will show your true love.
Conclusion:
Communication is the key to build that mutually engaging relationship where both can pour out energy and soul in making each other feel special every day. Compromising at times on petty issues will prevent unnecessary arguments. Love might mean different for each one us. Do not conclude that your partner doesn’t love you on the basis of these. He/she might express it in another way. An act of kindness, a piece of thoughtful advice, touch, is some everyday actions that show love and compassion.
Author’s Bio:
“Jessica Smith has been writing for a few years now. She is a writer by day and reader by night. She was a very quiet child but writing always inspired her and that is why she began writing in her free time. She loves reading, be it a newspaper, a book or anything. She also loves cooking, traveling and dancing. She wants to be a successful writer as writing is her passion.”