The Role of Forgiveness in Divorce
Divorce hurts, regardless of how you look at it. Your life is permanently changed, as is your children’s. You must face an infinite stream of challenges for a while. But you endure because you are aware that you must go on, and finally, you ask yourself, “How can I forgive and move forward?” The pain you are feeling due to your divorce is at the heart of this issue, and that’s why forgiving is crucial. Because divorce involves so many wounds, betrayals, and lost dreams, it’s also one of the most challenging difficulties to overcome while recovering after divorce. Therefore, let’s learn more about the role of forgiveness in divorce. We begin by explaining what forgiveness is.
What is forgiveness?
Forgiveness implies different things to every one of us. But generally speaking, it means consciously letting go of resentment and anger. The person or thing who injured or humiliated you could always be with you. But, you may loosen the grasp that behavior has on you by working on your forgiveness. It also helps release you from the grip of the person who hurt you. Occasionally, forgiving someone inspires compassion, understanding, and empathy for the person who injured you. However, forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or excusing the wrongdoing done to you. It also doesn’t always entail making amends with the person that hurt you. Instead, forgiveness gives a particular type of tranquility by allowing you to focus on yourself and continue your life.
What is the role of forgiveness in divorce?
Forgiving can be challenging, depending on the circumstances and problems at hand. However, while going through an extremely tough and traumatic event, forgiving could be one of the most significant and probably most powerful feelings you could have. To help you understand what it could mean to forgive your ex-spouse, here are some benefits of forgiveness in divorce:
Forgiveness teaches you to set healthy boundaries
By forgiving, we set healthy boundaries and avoid saying or implying that what was done to us was okay. The best approach to ensure that you are never hurt by someone again is not to hold a grudge. Being upfront about what you are and are not prepared to do as you move forward is a stronger, better mindset.
You can regain control over your life by forgiving
There are several approaches to forgiving someone during a divorce. For many individuals, some of these approaches will be more effective than others. However, forgiving others may be uplifting during a divorce, regardless of the method. Why? Because many believe they lose control of their life during and after a divorce. In truth, they still control their feelings and thoughts over the whole process. They just need to realize these facts, and forgiveness can help. The ability to consciously let go and move on can help a person’s future, and this new chapter in their life be free from any influence from past hurts or even the ex-spouse themself. As a result, the role of forgiveness in divorce is to help you regain control over your life.
Forgiveness can change your perspective
When we can accept other people as they are and give up on trying to change them, it frequently changes how we relate to them, what we demand from them, and how much we need to be able to forgive them. If there is no expectation that they are anything other than who they truly are, having a realistic perspective of another person will help reduce anger and resentment toward them. You might even realize that there is nothing to forgive and that the truth was lying in front of you all this time. You just needed to see it.
Forgiving will keep you healthy
During a divorce, your mental and physical health suffers. You are stressed, anxious, can’t sleep, can’t eat, and feel like you are falling apart bit by bit. According to research, when we practice forgiveness, we lessen these intense emotions, which lowers our heart rate, blood pressure, and general stress levels. At the same time, it reduces our level of exhaustion, tension, and inner conflict. Perhaps it even improves our ability to sleep at night. As the saying goes: “ Never go to bed angry!” Therefore, set your priorities and practice forgiveness, and you will have a healthy mind and body to get you through your most difficult times.
Forgiveness in divorce will help your children
Nobody gains from spending time with someone resentful and hostile toward others, especially if it’s someone they care about. Therefore, you may set a positive example for your kids by trying to refrain from talking negatively about or toward your ex-spouse. It’s a simple technique to reduce their stress and make it easier for them to benefit from their interactions with both parents. As a result, you will have happier kids wanting to spend more time with you.
Forgiveness gives you closure
Deciding to let go of your hatred and bitterness against your ex-spouse is similar to wrapping your divorce in pretty packing paper. You may peacefully shut that door by stating that you can forget the mistakes made in your previous relationship. Again, you won’t experience total forgiveness instantly. But if you work on it daily, you’ll get there sooner than expected.
Forgiveness will help you avoid a messy divorce
If you can forgive your ex-spouse, reaching an agreement with them will be much easier. And that can be vital when you want a fast and clean divorce that will leave as few marks as possible. On the other hand, the more you argue and disagree with your former partner, the messier your divorce might become. So what do you choose? The decision is entirely up to you!
Closing thoughts
While forgiveness doesn’t require forgetting, it does give you a chance to be free. In truth, forgiveness is one of the most valuable gifts you can offer yourself during the divorce process. It won’t always be simple, just like everything else, but you’ll find it gratifying. So never overlook the importance of forgiveness in divorce. Your future life depends on it!
Author bio: Lisa Perry is a divorce survivor and single mom navigating the often-turbulent journey of post-divorce life. Lisa is writing and working with Bright Futures Treatment Center experts to help others find their light at the end of the tunnel.
Meta: Do you know the role of forgiveness in divorce? If not, learn from this article the great benefits forgiveness can bring.
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The Biggest Benefits of Decluttering After Divorce
Dealing with a divorce might be one of the most challenging things you have ever faced. It isn’t going to be easy, but it’s one of those times and opportunities life gives you to come back stronger than ever before and to blossom into your newly discovered self. Nevertheless, don’t forget that allowing yourself to grieve is an integral part of healing. But, the crucial moment is the beginning of a new chapter in your life. This is why decluttering after divorce has numerous benefits. Therefore, in this article, globalguidetodivorce.com will share its numerous benefits to your healing journey.
Why decluttering after divorce is essential
Since dealing with a divorce is usually overwhelming and tiring, you might not feel capable of cleaning and decluttering your home and choose to postpone it. Nevertheless, even if it is painful, it needs to be done – like ripping off a bandage. If you choose to postpone it, it might hurt more after some time to stir up your feelings by going through the items that remind you of your former spouse. Therefore, decluttering as soon as possible is an essential part of the road to recovery after divorce. So, please don’t put it off; gather the strength to do it, and let the healing process begin.
Decluttering your home after a divorce can reduce stress and anxiety
There is nothing better than clearing your home to clear out your mind. Many feng shui experts state that individuals who don’t keep unnecessary things in their homes are more relaxed and less likely to feel stress and anxiety. Creating more space lets you breathe – is a sentence used quite often.
Many individuals opt for minimalistic decorations precisely for this reason. They don’t give out the feeling of a cluttered space that holds no room for anything else, and that can be suffocating when you are going through a sensitive period in your life. Besides, decluttering after divorce will ensure that you take the first step to let go of the past. And once you do, there will be no more room for stress or anxiety. You will see how liberating it can feel to let go. Therefore, out with the old and in with the new.
Caption: Decluttering after divorce means creating space for new and positive things in your life. The sooner you start decluttering, the sooner you start healing.
How to declutter
While you may not be eager to eliminate the memories that were a part of your life for so long, it is crucial for moving on. Throwing away anything that isn’t necessary or useful to you on your healing journey is a move for the bold, but it is fine if you are not ready for this step. There are many more alternatives. Go easy on yourself. It is entirely normal to still feel connected to specific items that remind you of pleasant times. However, if they trigger painful memories, it might be a good idea to hide them for a while. For example, preparing your items for storage is an excellent step forward. You can get your items ready to be taken away, and you won’t have to look at them and be reminded of your past life. Once you are healed, you may feel differently about them and do the things you didn’t have the strength to do before.
Redecorating can bring a sense of a fresh new start
Getting creative when it comes to redecorating and creating a new space in your life can be incredibly healing. According to some psychology experts, eliminating large pieces of furniture can even be therapeutic. It would be an excellent idea to redecorate your home entirely according to your taste. However, this isn’t always practical since divorces can get pretty expensive, and you may not have the necessary funds to do so. Nevertheless, changing even the smallest of details means that you are taking positive action in life. Getting something new that is just for you can influence you to think positively. Maybe now you can buy that thing you always wanted but knew your spouse would hate.
Caption: Redecorating your entire home has numerous positive effects on your nervous system that will help you get through a tough time.
Making the big change
The final cause of decluttering and redecorating is to make things feel different and fresh. This might mean you will have to eliminate everything from your past life. It’s not unusual for people to move to another state after divorce. But before you start a new chapter, ensure you are free from any attachment to things or people. Letting go of the things you were once attached to is essential to healing your broken heart, especially if you find that they often make you sad or lonely. Please do it for your future self, who will be happy and full of life after you heal.
Caption: It’s not unusual for many people to decide to move after a divorce. A new city gives numerous opportunities for a fresh start.
Final words
Letting go of the past is usually painful and awakens many negative feelings like anger, sadness, anxiety, or even depression. However challenging it may look now, try to think about what lies ahead. Once you get through this, you will experience change and growth. There is much wisdom in pain, so allow yourself to grieve. After your tears dry, it’s time to take action. After reading this article, you have seen the many benefits of decluttering after divorce. So, get some boxes and start making space for the good things life will inevitably bring your way.
Meta Description: If you are having difficulties moving on after a divorce, you may want to see the biggest benefits of decluttering after divorce.
Author’s bio: Angie Johnson is a writer who takes a keen interest in psychology and whose articles are primarily dedicated to self-help topics. She is happily divorced and lives in Massachusetts with her daughter Julie and their golden retriever Sparky.
Changing Careers Mid-Life
Ever think about changing your career after age 45? Feel stuck or unfulfilled? Want to join this trend? If so – you are in good company. CBS Evening News with Norah O’Donnell said that “60% of American workers change careers after 45.” Today individuals are less likely to spend decades in the same job.
What can cause people to jump ship from an established career and try something new? Life changes such as divorce is one reason. People may be getting back into the job market when their marriage dissolves. This happened to me. I opened up a medical practice in my twenties and lost it in my divorce in my forties. I was out of a job which then propelled me to pursue a different track.
Another cause is Empty Nest. The chicks have flown the nest. You have time for yourself and the energy to discover what work seems interesting. One is forced to deal with change when a place of employment folds. Sometimes there is not much notice.
A way to get started in finding a new career option is to follow your passion. What is it that gives purpose and meaning to your life? Could that become a career? A friend is a wonderful artist. Her passion is saving animals. She put this dream into action after her divorce. She set up a small non-profit sanctuary for farm animals. Ones that are retired, neglected or might be killed. Then she began to paint these new residents. What came as a surprise was how well these paintings of sheep, cows and so forth, sold. She branched out in to having cards and prints made of her pictures. The bonus is that it helps fund the sanctuary.
Another example is my son’s kindergarten teacher. Her passion has always been flowers. Mid-life, Miss Marla left teaching and opened up her own florist shop. Years later she was so happy to make a prom corsage for my son’s girlfriend. Let your passion be your guiding star.
It can be helpful to have a firm idea of what you will be doing after leaving current job. My friend’s husband is in his early sixties. He will be retiring from an intensive engineering position in a few years. His passion is riding his dirt bike and motorcycle. He already has a job lined up at a store, selling parts for motorcycles and dirt bikes. He is looking forward to this career change.
Do an assessment. What skills do you currently have that could be utilized in your new career? Do some research. Will you need to get more training? Can you update your knowledge by taking online courses? Look at your finances. Do you have enough to fund more education if this is needed? Going to part-time is one way to still bring in income, while pursuing other job options.
Internships are a great method to gain practical skills for working in a different field. Although they might be unpaid, the knowledge learned is invaluable. It may be possible to volunteer when contemplating starting over again. A veterinarian student volunteered in an animal clinic. Although her motive was to gain experience, volunteering helped Chloe realize this was not the career change which best suited her. Her passion is animals and becoming a vet seemed to be the logical choice. Chloe was traumatized when animals were in pain or had to be euthanized. Before plunking a huge amount of cash down for a new path, ensure it is the best fit for you.
Remove obstacles. What is holding you back? Is it others telling you what you want to do will not work or are pressuring you to stay in a high paying job which you loathe? This is your life and you decide how to live it.
Is fear of failure holding you back? If you let an opportunity pass by (new career) you will be talking about it on your deathbed. As a nurse, I have been the recipient of these type of conversations. When feeling confused or pulled indifferent direction, consider seeing a professional, such as a career coach. They can look at your situation realistically and help you formulate strategies to achieve your career goal.
When A Relationship Ends Abruptly – What To Do
One can go into full-blown shock when the other person abruptly ends your relationship. Even if there were a few hints something was amiss, it is still a shock. Hard to believe this is happening. As far as the other person is concerned, there is not much you can do. If they made up their mind to break it off, it is done.
Harder when the decision was made and you were not notified. You see then at work, a social event, their musical gig, whatever and find out at the same time as everyone else. They may take great pains to ignore you. Maybe are dramatic and turn their back if you get nearby. Not cool when done publicly at a gathering.
Of course, you would like an explanation and not be playing guessing games in your head. This may never happen. It is difficult when there are loose threads. In both cases – whether you got an explanation or were ghosted – closure is needed. Easier to move on when there is a clear-cut ending in your mind.
Accept what happened is final. Wishing for a reunion keeps you attached to them and is it not going to happen. You are wasting time and energy on this fantasy. This mental connection prevents one from moving on.
The big thing about an abrupt ending is not having closure. Since there is no communication, you cannot be sure if it was something you did or if got dropped for a new love interest. One is left hanging. If someone is upset that should be discussed. If a boundary was crossed into a no-go area, then at least you would understand why there is an ending. It is childish for them to do silence.
Emotionally getting through this situation
Spend a day really feeling your grief. Cry, wail, scream, curse or whatever else you feel needs expressing. You are experiencing a loss, a death of a relationship. Concentrate on dealing with it being over. Later as time moves on, you can appreciate the fun times. You got some life lessons from this episode.
Rally your support system around you. Call or go out with friends. Talk it out with them. Have some fun. Try a new café.
Get out in nature. Take walks in leafy areas. Exercise releases pent up energy and anxiety. One feels better after a run when the endorphins are increased. Getting a physical work out calms nerves and helps one be able to deal with this situation.
What to do or not do
Do not contact them no matter how tempting it is to text or call. This is giving them power to reject you again.
If they call, do not answer it. Go ahead and listen to their message later, if you want. If a text is sent, do not respond. If you cannot resist, then say “I accept that you ended our relationship. I am moving on now.”
They may beg for a second chance and promise to change. That would be short-lived and the disrespect would creep back in again. If they were really into you, this would not have happened in the first place.
There is a void – empty space inside of you from their departure. Fill it up. When one removes a dead tree, they do not leave a big hole. It is filled in with a plant or something else. Plant something else inside of you. Take up a new activity. Join a MeetUp.com group and expand your social network.
Getting into a new environment can help. You are not running into them or dealing with as many triggers. Travel to an enticing destination on your bucket list. The point is not to allow them to dwell in your head.
Ending a relationship abruptly is disrespectful and not valuing you. Do you really want a relationship where you are not cherished and it is all about them? No!! You deserve much more. Move on to someone who will appreciate you.
Guide for Moving to a New State After a Divorce
After a divorce, you may be looking to turn a new leaf and start afresh in a completely different location. But before you pin a map to the wall and throw a dart at it to find your new spot, there are a few things – and people – you need to take into consideration. So let’s go over four instances where planning ahead will help you make the right decision:
If You’re Looking for a New Place to Live
Costs of living vary greatly from state to state and even from city to city, so take that into consideration before you settle on a place to live and consider what you’ll be able to afford, taking into account spousal support, child custody, and other expenses. And before you even look at your options, if you and your ex-spouse have children together, discuss how you’ll share custody once you two live further apart, and make sure you have your co-parent’s consent in writing before you take off to a different state. Look at the available amenities in the neighborhoods you are considering moving into, and make sure they are safe and suitable for your children.
If You’re Ready to Relocate
Before you book your movers to take you to your new home, make sure your divorce is completely finalized and take inventory of what you have, what you plan on taking with you, and what you want to get rid of. When you have shared assets with your ex-spouse, it’s best to discuss together how you’re planning on dividing those and come to an amicable agreement. Also, remember that if you’re the one moving away, it will cost you less money to transport fewer items across states than a complete household move would. Once you’ve decided on what you’re keeping, look for movers in your area and get at least three quotes in writing before choosing a company. And don’t forget to read reviews online to avoid scam artists and unreliable people.
If You’re Starting a Business
If you’re planning on launching a business after you relocate, make sure you check the legal requirements for business ownership in your new state in order to stay compliant and avoid penalties. Create a plan describing your company, detail how you’re planning on selling your products or services, explain how your business will be structured, include what funding you’ll need to get your startup off the ground, and come up with some financial projections to attract possible investors. And if you’re looking to find partners for your new venture, think about joining the local chamber of commerce, or renting a coworking space where you’ll get to mingle with other solopreneurs and make new friends in your new city.
If You Need to Find a New Doctor
Relocating to a different state means you’ll need to find new doctors, such as a dentist and a general practitioner, to help you manage your health and to treat you in case of illness or injury. If you haven’t found your bearings in your new place yet, you can find an online doctor and get an appointment for a remote consultation. This is an easy, safe, convenient, and private way to seek treatment if you’re not feeling well, or if you’re just in need of a checkup. You’ll be able to book a same-day appointment from anywhere, and if you need medication, your prescription will be sent to the pharmacy of your choice for added convenience.
Making a complete life change after a divorce by relocating to a different state may help you in your emotional recovery. But before you embark on your next adventure, make sure you do your research. And don’t leave any loose ends that could cause you and your ex-spouse potential issues later.
Looking for advice on dating, relationships, or divorce? At globalguidetodivorce.com, you’ll find tips on co-parenting, legal issues, and much, much more.
Author is Suzie Wilson ⎸info@happierhome.net ⎸Happier Home
Celebrating Your Divorce Anniversary
Do you celebrate your divorce anniversary? Is it a day you mourn or instead viewed as Independence Day? Easy to have mixed emotions.
We do hear about extravagant parties to small gatherings of friends marking the occasion when a divorce is finalized. Some hire limousines to whisk their group away to the pubs. No drunk drivers. There are paper plates, napkins and decorations to spice up the divorce party’s atmosphere. My friends took me out for lattes that first month after the divorce decree was issued.
What about the anniversaries? For the first few years my two sons gave me flowers and chocolate on that date. We went out for lattes or did something else special.
One January a few years post-divorce, my sons and I went to Disneyland. I was not thinking about my divorce. The woman at the check-in desk asked if we were celebrating any occasion. I told her “No.” When we got up to our room, my younger son asked why I had lied. “Lied?”
He explained, “Yes, you told that lady we weren’t celebrating anything. This is the week of your divorce anniversary!” I said “Well, I’ll go back down and tell her.” My older son jumped up and accompanied me to the lobby. I felt a bit strange informing that clerk about it. Her face froze. My son quickly intervened. “We are so happy about this occasion so we are celebrating.” She laughed and was quite relieved. We were handed three large pins saying “I’m celebrating” written across them.
I cannot remember laughing so hard for two days straight. When strangers came up and asked what we were celebrating, we informed them. They laughed at the unexpected answer. The boys were giggly too. This was one of our best holidays.
My sons went to college and moved into their own places. This past January, my younger son was at home. “Congratulations Mum” he said. It dawned on me it was my divorce anniversary. We collected his brother and went out for lattes.
Your divorce may have been tragic, especially if dumped for someone else. A day you do not want to be reminded of ever again. You have the right to ignore it. Or perhaps use it to reflect where you were and how far you have come. You moved forward. You got past a traumatic event. Perhaps made some big changes in your life for the better.
You have the option of reframing it from an ending to becoming a new tradition. It can be your meet up with friends day each year. You plan fun activities and enjoy their camaraderie. I think about how less stressful my life is by not being in a toxic marriage.
A consideration is the children. They may feel torn between loyalties or are having a rough time with their parents not being together. A celebration would not be appropriate. In my case, for years afterwards, the boys periodically asked “What took you so long to divorce?” They were flowers which bloomed post-divorce.
When this date is about to roll around, perhaps get out of town. Avoid old triggers which remind you of your relationship or its end. Go on holiday abroad or explore new sights closer to home. Do what feels right to you. Ignore it or celebrate. Your call.
Continuing Self-Care Trends in the New Normal
Signs of the new normal are emerging as newly-vaccinated Americans venture out of their homes, and it’s not the raucous “Roaring 20s” everyone predicted. Rather than racing to return to normal, Time magazine notes that people are holding onto the habits and routines they built during 2020-21. That’s not to say we aren’t eager to see old friends and hug relatives. However, people are rethinking what it means to look and feel their best in a post-pandemic world. Wendi’s Tips shares four trends shaping the way we present ourselves.
Comfort Over Fashion
Staying home more in the past meant the privilege of working in pajamas and slippers. Now, people are questioning why “real clothes” have to be so uncomfortable and redefining the meaning of professional attire.
For fashion, that means more athleisure and dressed-up loungewear. Think joggers in trendy prints and durable leggings that are just at home in the grocery store as they are in the gym. Office dress codes are relaxing, too, with workers opting for pared-down professional wardrobes composed of comfortable basics. If you’re dreading the day you have to give up your “work sweatpants,” tap into comfort-first workwear trends like loose-fitting trousers and slacks for your return to the office.
Back-to-Basics Skincare
Women are abandoning heavy makeup as they shift beauty spending to skincare. If you’re one of the many people affected by maskne, you’ve probably started paying more attention to skincare during the pandemic yourself.
There’s a dizzying array of skincare products out there. Where do you start if all you’ve ever used is moisturizer and SPF? There’s no one-size-fits-all answer to skincare because everyone’s skin is different. However, if you’re new to skincare regimens, Elle magazine lists a few kits designed for your skin type, which is a great place to start. When you want to take your look up a notch, opt for a tinted moisturizer or a glow kit instead of foundation. These lightweight alternatives are less likely to clog pores. This is also the perfect time to experiment with fun eye makeup looks.
Returning to Our Roots
Many people looked forward to their first salon haircut during the new normal. But while some people are going bold with their new look, others are embracing their roots by growing out their hair, keeping their grays, and letting their natural curls shine. In fact, L’OFFICIEL notes that the past year has seen a surge in products designed to enhance hair health. This includes shampoos and conditioners designed for your hair type, whether you want to clarify, hydrate, repair, thicken, define, or grow.
If you do go for a dramatic new look, donate your tresses to a good cause. Locks of Love, Children with Hair Loss, and Wigs for Kids are among the leading organizations that accept hair donations.
Embracing New Ventures
Feeling your best in 2022 isn’t just about the way you look. The toll that the pandemic took on so many lives seems to have intensified interest in not just self-care but nursing itself. Improving oneself may include career goals, particularly going back to school to get a degree in business. Whether it’s taking courses online or in person, many programs are set to maximize convenience and thoroughness, and some are extremely timely. Going this route provides you with the latest information and technology, preparing you to advance your career or take it another direction.
You may also be looking at changing jobs or starting a new business. If it’s the latter, be sure to check off a few essential boxes right away. This includes getting a business plan together, creating a home office if you plan to work from home, and lining up all the legal requirements. It’s important to determine what type of business you plan to operate by choosing which type to form as, whether it’s a self-proprietorship, a partnership, or an LLC. Fortunately, you can outsource the process with the help of an online formation service, which is quick and affordable.
People are also asking how they can maintain healthy habits now that responsibilities have returned to normal. Many of us have spent more time working on ourselves, getting active, appreciating nature, and utilizing naturopathic medicine and massage therapies during the pandemic, and we may be reluctant to relinquish that self-care time.
For the most part, schedules have shifted to what they used to be, but it’s still possible to make time for wellness. The key is scheduling it. Build self-care, fitness, and other healthy routines into your schedule the same way you would a business meeting to ensure wellness is given the priority it deserves. A huge part of this is embracing relationship changes as well, so identify the toxic people or situations in your life and call on dating coach Wendi Schuller to help you navigate your options.
Life looks much different now after the pandemic — and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. The past couple of years led us to rethink priorities, from how we spend time to how we present ourselves to the world. As we step out in 2022, it might not be back to the old normal. However, the new normal we’re building takes a more holistic view of what it means to be well.
Author is Chelsea Lamb clamb@businesspop.net She has spent the last eight years honing her tech skills and is the resident tech specialist and co-founder of BusinessPop.net. Her goal is to demystify some of the technical aspects of business ownership and entrepreneurship
Dating coach Wendi Schuller of Wendi’s Tips draws upon her knowledge as a nurse, neuro-linguistic programmer (NLP), and hypnotherapist to provide a blueprint to guide people through divorce and beyond. Contact Wendi today to schedule your coaching session, or to find out more! wendischuller@hotmail.com
You 2.0: How to Regains Confidence After a Divorce
None of us get married planning to be single again. But, whether it be for incompatibility, infidelity, or money issues, divorce happens in about 50% of all first marriages, and the rates are even higher for subsequent nuptials. No matter how many people you know that have gotten divorced, it is still a personal challenge that can have a serious impact on your finances, emotions, and health.
Here are some tips on how to take back your life.
Wait to date.
While there is no magic formula that can tell you when the time is right to date, most experts – and divorcees – agree that it’s best to wait until you know it’s truly over so that you can really focus on yourself. While it’s perfectly normal to get lonely, you must learn how to be comfortable in your own presence so that you can truly figure out what you want. Although dating apps might provide you with some form of affirmation, you’re not going to find happiness in the praise of others, but in the love of yourself.
Check your finances.
Money is a significant issue, especially for the economically disadvantaged spouse. But, money is not everything, and what you lose in financial support, you may gain in freedom, independence, and happiness. If you’re concerned about your finances, Global Guide To Divorce suggests examining your credit, making a budget, and giving yourself an emergency fund.
Consider making another major change.
A divorce changes your life significantly, but many aspects may still stay the same, especially if you remain living in your marital home. If you want to truly break free from the memory of your marriage, you might want to make other life changes, such as going back to school to earn your master’s degree. Even if you have kids and a full-time job, getting a degree in a field that you’ve always been interested in (perhaps education or business) will give you the credentials and skills you need to break out of your comfort zone and into a new life. Similarly, you might even go back to school to learn skills, such as accounting or business, so that you can become an entrepreneur, which Biz Journals acknowledges gives you a chance to build a future for yourself.
Improve your self-image.
If you have put on a few pounds after divorce, you’re not alone. Men’s Divorce explains that marital transition changes a person’s eating habits. This can lead to weight gain or weight loss, either of which can have a negative impact on your self-image. If this is the case, you can start working on your weight by exercising and eating well. That takes time, so, in the interim, focus on buying clothing and accessories that make you feel attractive right now. For women, a pair of butt-lifting leggings or a cozy sweater will go a long way. Jewelry, such as a Tiger’s eye necklace – Tiger’s eye shows with alternating colors, depending on the light source, making it a versatile piece – can also go a long way toward improving how you feel about your appearance. For men, a new pair of jeans or a nice suit will enhance a lackluster wardrobe.
Change your habits.
Habits are hard to break, especially for those of us who were in long marriages and are now divorced. But, you have to give yourself permission to live your life on your terms. Don’t be shy about breaking habits, such as having tacos every Monday or visiting a specific city on vacation. You now have a precious opportunity to build your world the way that you want it, you don’t have to let relics from the past define what you do in the present.
Divorce is not easy for anyone. It’s difficult to find your sense of self and to be confident enough to live your life on your terms. But, trust that with a few habit changes and a positive mindset, you will get over the greatest challenges. Good luck in your new single life, may it be better than you could have imagined.
Visit Global Guide To Divorce often for more tips from experience dating coach Wendi Schuller.
Author Rhonda Underhill is a classic example of a health scare leading to a complete lifestyle change. She hopes her site, Getwellderly.com, can encourage adults approaching their golden years to get serious about their physical health now rather than later.
Grief May Surprise You After Divorce Or A Break Up
One may think they are over their relationship or got past divorce and later feel the loss. Grief can sneak up on you and catch you by surprise. It is like swimming in calm waters and a big wave comes up and slaps you hard. It takes time to mourn a marriage or love interest. One day you are fine and the next in tears. It can be lonely at first. Grief comes in stages and one can move back and forth between them.
Denial
This is avoiding the situation. Pretending that things are not happening. Not dealing with reality, such as thinking if you do not hire an attorney, then the divorce will not happen. Or he/she will come to their senses and stay with you. It is delusional thinking. Denial may be manifested as carrying on as usual with the same routines as if nothing is happening.
Anger
This is when a person realizes denial is not stopping the divorce or a break up. The other person is firm, “It is over.” They have collected any personal belongings at your place and have dropped off yours. In a divorce situation, it is no longer possible to deny the divorce is happening. Papers are served. The other party’s attorney has contacted you or perhaps a court date has been set. One is furious that their life is in such an upheaval. Anger can have one reacting instead of responding. Reacting is impulsive and not thinking with a clear head.
Anger can lead to revenge – such as using the children as weapons. Too often in the news, a parent kills the children in a divorce situation to get back at the other one. It can be trashing a spouse’s reputation on social media.
Bargaining
It is hoping that if you change your behavior then the divorce or break up will be stopped. One may try and make a deal with the other person. “I can change. I won’t do (whatever annoyed them) anymore.” Or with a marriage, “I will agree to a divorce if we go to a weekend retreat to try and patch up our relationship.”
Being in the bargaining stage is acknowledging the situation which is not done in the denial stage. It is moving along in the grief process. It is wishing for a miracle to happen.
Depression
Depression in grief is not the same as the chronic clinical one. Rather, it is numbness. Feeling as if stumbling around in slow motion. There may be brain fog or lethargy. The body is worn out from having the strong surge of emotions from earlier in the divorce process. These ranged from shock, panic to despair. It can be a time to take a pause and nurture yourself. The stress hormones, such as cortisol, have flooded one’s body. This quieter time can be a way to chill out and regroup.
Acceptance
This last stage might come during the proceedings or a bit later. One has come to terms with what happened – no longer being married. When it is a break up, finally realizing that person is no longer in your life. One acknowledges the loss and begins to look ahead to the future. A new chapter is opening in life which can include changing careers or relocation. Taking up new challenges and hobbies. It is a time of exploration – whether it is a self-assessment or travel to enticing destinations. Time to start a new chapter in your life. Many of us change careers.
This is based on my article published in the Divorce Magazine out of Toronto.
Divorced? Here Is What To Do With Your Diamond Ring
A diamond wedding ring’s value and meaning to you will obviously change after divorce. However, that doesn’t mean its value goes away entirely. Although the marriage may be over, the ring is still worth something to someone.
Selling a diamond is certainly an option; however, a smart way to take advantage of this is to redesign your post-divorce diamond jewelry. Since you likely won’t want to keep the metal setting, removing the diamond and using it in a new way ensures it isn’t wasted.
Are you interested in redesigning your divorce jewelry? If so, consider the following project ideas.
A Necklace
Setting a diamond into a necklace or making it a pendant is a simple but incredibly effective way to elevate a piece of jewelry.
When planning your design, consider how every detail will impact the look of the necklace. The diamond may be the most noticeable feature, but it is by no means the only feature worth paying attention to.
You also want to look into chain options. You want to decide whether adding pearls to the necklace will complement the diamond’s beauty, or distract from it. If you choose to add them, you want to make sure you pick the ideal size pearls.
Luckily, this can be a fun experience, giving you the opportunity to explore and express your own personal creativity!
Earrings
Earrings prove just how gorgeous a diamond can be. Despite being very small, diamond stud earrings can nevertheless transform any look.
Thus, you might want to use the diamond from your old wedding ring to create half of one pair. Work with a jeweler to find a similar diamond for the other half, or if you prefer, simply wear one earring; some people find this unique twist to be very stylish.
A New Ring
It’s worth noting that redesigning your diamond jewelry after a divorce doesn’t need to involve completely changing the nature of it. If you like the look of a diamond ring, you can still remove the diamond from its original setting (it’s best to hire a professional to do this for you if you lack the proper experience) and insert it into a new setting.
This is another instance when you should take the time to consider your preferences and tastes. Research different setting styles to find one that appeals to you.
This is the most important point to keep in mind. For understandable reasons, you might assume the process of redesigning post-divorce jewelry will be upsetting.
It certainly doesn’t have to be. Instead, it can be a joyful experience, giving you the chance to learn about yourself as you embark on the next stage in your life.
Author of this article Rae Steinbach is a graduate of Tufts University with a combined International Relations and Chinese degree. After spending time living and working abroad in China, she returned to NYC to pursue her career and continue curating quality content. Rae is passionate about travel, food, and writing.”
Letting Go Of The Past After Divorce Or Break Up
It can be hard to let go of the past when married life is over. Focusing on what was instead of what is, hinders an individual from moving on post-divorce. Divorce may come as a shock and fixating on what used to be, gets in the way of taking action now. Some people interviewed, kept dreaming about the past, as the present was too painful. Yet others felt if they denied what was happening (a spouse leaving), things would go back to what they were.
One sign that a person is hanging on to an ex-spouse and not letting go, is by talking endlessly about them. An acquaintance went on and on about her former husband until somebody else changed the subject. She did not date, but instead wallowed in that relationship which she failed to leave behind post-divorce. There were no children and it was a clean break.
I occasionally run into her former husband who has never brought up his ex and was able to move on in life. He is happily remarried and is a proud step-father. It is a choice whether to stay mentally attached to a former partner or face the cold truth of reality that the other person is not coming back.
Part of getting beyond reliving the past is that the void has to be filled. When an old life and marital relationship ends – something has to fill this gaping hole. This was the problem with my acquaintance. She did not try to meet people, take a class or pursue new endeavours. The void remained.
A first step to moving on, is replacing the loss of people and things with new adventures, activities, and friends. Expand your social circle by joining a special interest group or renewing friendships that may have fallen by the wayside when married. I joined travel and book clubs. Other divorced pals are in film and hiking ones. There are many studies globally that show the health benefits of being connected to others.
A new job during the early phase of my divorce proceedings, was mentally stimulating. There was less time to think about my losses. Others have taken courses or changed career paths after a divorce. Take up a sport for a physical challenge. The goal is to keep mentally and physically active to fill the void and find life more fulfilling. When one’s agenda is crammed full of events, and pleasurable pursuits, looking ahead instead of behind is easier.
Please read more www.divorcemag.com/blog/how-to-let-go-of-the-past-after-divorce/
The Way to Let Go Is Through Forgiveness
As human beings, we instinctively do everything we can to avoid harm. We look before we cross the road, we’re careful when chopping vegetables, wear protective equipment when we’re engaging in potentially dangerous tasks and so on. Indeed, our desire not to damage ourselves is so ingrained that there are too many examples to name – but there’s one exception.
Whilst we actively do our utmost to prevent ourselves from suffering emotional pain, an awful lot of us seem to make an exception when we believe someone else is to blame for our suffering – something which is particularly true of disgruntled divorcees.
It’s strange how when one spouse wants a divorce and the other doesn’t the reluctant party usually relents, recognising that there’s little point in remaining married to someone who no longer loves them, but continues to harbour resentment towards their former spouse. It’s completely understandable that the rejected party feels hurt, of course, but without a concerted effort on their part, it’s all too easy for hurt to become hatred which, in turn, becomes prolonged pain and suffering. Worst of all, afflicted spouses that find themselves in this position are reluctant to let go of their anger. Some even feel that these horrific feelings – and the pain they cause – are necessary; a reminder of why they should never trust the person that brought them such anguish.
Forgive for your own good
I myself know how difficult it can be to forgive and forget. I suffered from severe bullying throughout my time at school and I spent a significant portion of my life hating the perpetrators. People that cared about me recognised this was causing me pain and encouraged me to forget things and move on. Their suggestions fell on deaf ears – I was even offended by them, as if they were taking the side of the bullies and dismissing my feelings. They weren’t, they were trying to help me help myself.
As much as a part of me felt like I would have been letting my tormentors off the hook if I forgave them, it was actually myself who benefited when I bit the bullet and sought the help I needed to deal with my painful memories. My quality of life improved immeasurably as a result and I can assure you that, however hard or even impossible forgiving your former spouse may seem, it is possible and, more importantly, it’s in your best interests to do so.
Seek help if you need it
If you find that you can’t forgive your former spouse, you’re far from alone. Many people need professional help to let go of painful memories – I did, and I can assure you that it’s the best decision I’ve ever made. The anxiety I previously felt is all but gone, my self-esteem has improved and I’m a significantly happier person.
If you’re able to forgive and forget without assistance, great. If you aren’t, there’s no shame in seeking the help of a professional like a counsellor or psychiatrist and I’d strongly recommend you do. It’ll benefit those around you and, most importantly of all, you too.
Author Bio: Jay Williams works for Quickie Divorce, one of the UK’s largest providers of quick online divorce solutions and divorce papers. He lives in Cardiff with his wife and two-year-old daughter Eirys.