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Global Guide to Divorce

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C0-parenting after divorce

How to Parent Your Way After a Divorce

You may feel that you have ruined your child’s life following a divorce but do not fret because you haven’t. Yes, a divorce can play a large part in the life of a child but ultimately, how they develop, is down to both parents.

There will be times where you may come across situations that are common following a divorce but how you deal with them is important, ensuring that your child does not get affected.

It is important to understand that after a divorce you are going to find it difficult. You are likely to feel a whole range of emotions and so will your child but in reality you have every right to fall apart. Remember that you do not have to hide all of your feelings but do not tell them too much as it puts them in the position of an adult. Instead, explain that you are having a difficult time but it will become easier.

Understanding that your child is also going through many different emotions is important but do not let guilt get the better of you so that you become more lenient. If they break rules then ensure that you enforce the same punishment as you would have previously. However, find out why they are behaving like this and see what they have to say.

It is important that your child remains a child as many can often feel that they have to fill the void left by the other parent. If this happens then let your child know that they have to live their own life and not worry about how you care for yourself.

Some children act out after a divorce for reasons such as unwanted changes, sad emotions and they may even feel that the divorce is their fault. Trying to understand this behaviour is the way to tackle it and letting your child know that you need them to work with you and not against you is the way to move forward.

When parents split they often parent in different ways but remember that when you have your children with you, you are in charge. So make rules and enforce them and expect your child to follow them when they are with you. However, if possible, work with your ex-partner because suggestions can be made and concerns can be aired.

Of course, many relationships end because of constant disagreements which means your ex may disagree with your parenting methods. If this is the case then tell them that you are satisfied with the way in which you are doing things and that is all they need to know.

Children should not get caught in the middle, where they feel like they have to take sides. Do not talk negatively about your ex and if your child repeats the negative thoughts of your ex then answer in a non-defensive way so that it does not look like a battle.

Some children play one parent off the other but do not allow that to happen. Explain to your child that they will have to abide by your rules when they are with you. There is one way to deal with this and that is to talk to the other parent to find out if they have changed the rules or even if you can negotiate with each other but do not give messages to your child to relay back to the other parent.

Moving between houses can be difficult for children and they may begin to act out which could be their way of expressing their anger. Understand these behaviours and what is causing them by asking them why they may seem angry or sad. If the behaviour continues, ignore it until they have calmed down and then respond but makes sure that positive behaviour is acknowledged.

Author Bio K J Smith Solicitors are specialists in family law, with an expert team of family law professionals who are experienced in all aspects of family and divorce law.