Sign Up for
Wendi's Thoughts

Global Guide to Divorce Available at your local bookstore,  amazon US, amazon UK

Jack Jack the Cat

co-parenting

How to support your children though a divorce

The year 2020 has been a pretty brutal one for most people. Some people have been able to find some comfort in the bonds of family and friendship. For others, however, those bonds have been stretched to breaking point. If you’re in the latter group, here is some advice on how to support your children through a divorce.

Have a basic plan in place before you break the news

For a child, there are no positives to a divorce. This means that you need to focus on minimizing negatives. Ideally, you want to be able to show your child that, effectively, nothing is going to change for them. If that is not possible, then explain how you’ll minimize the negative impact of any changes.

It’s best if you and your partner have a complete plan ready before you break the news to your child. At the same time, however, you want to make sure that they hear the news from you, not social media. For practical purposes, therefore, it may be best just to outline your plan and then tell your child. Commit to keeping them in the loop as your plans develop.

Involve your child in discussions/mediation

Wrapping up a marriage almost always involves lengthy discussions, especially where children are involved. For many couples, mediation sessions are a practical and affordable way of keeping these discussions civil and productive. These are probably going to be where you and your partner iron out the practicalities of your split.

Some of those practicalities will have a massive impact on your child. This means that, whenever possible, they should have age-appropriate input into the discussions. They don’t have to know everything. In fact, it’s often better that they don’t. They certainly shouldn’t see their parents openly arguing. They do, however, need a reasonable degree of information and involvement.  

Try to maintain a consistent routine

Right now, COVID19 is probably causing more than enough disruption to their lives, especially when it comes to co-parenting through a pandemic. This means that it’s more important than ever to maintain stability as much as you can.

As a minimum, stick to regular mealtimes and nap/bedtimes. Resist any temptation to try to soften the blow by excess use of treats such as sweets and late nights.

If COVID19 means that you and your partner are stuck with each other’s company for longer than you’d like, keep it civil. You’re probably going to have disagreements. Recognize this in advance, own the fact and agree on a process for dealing with them privately. If you’re able to move out physically, have a plan in place to maintain contact, even if it’s only virtually.

Stay consistent with discipline

This is really a sub-point of keeping to a consistent routine. It is, however, important enough to deserve a mention on its own. Children handle divorce differently. In fact, the same child can handle divorce differently on different days. This is particularly true if they’re going through a lot of hormonal changes.

Recognize the difference between understanding their feelings and handing them control. Maintaining consistent rules and boundaries may be challenging in the short term. It will, however, help your child’s long-term recovery and personal growth.

Author Bio

K J Smith Solicitors are specialists in family law, experienced in all matters relating to divorce, civil partnerships, cohabitation disputes and collaborative law.

 

Family Law and Custody Issues in Divorce Cases Remain Complicated

With the change in time and technology, the approach of people has changed a lot towards numerous things. And why not? After all the new innovations and approaches have been brought to the limelight to ease the life of the people. Yet there are some aspects that have not been changed and are still complicated and ruptured marriages are one of them, not only that parents involved in getting the custody of the child are still the same.

Well, the situation is not only about who gets it but when and how long do parents have to wait. In these situations generally, children have the maximum loss. and if you are dealing with divorce and the child custody in San Bernardino you definitely need to consult family law attorney San Bernardino or child custody lawyers San Bernardino or divorce attorney San Bernardino.

Family law and custody issues in divorce cases remain complicated with the time yet as a parent it is really important to know your rights and what kinds of child custody agreements are available and what are the grants in each of the agreements. Though, understanding the agreements is not that difficult yet can be a bit confusing in order to understand as you are going through so much stress and dealing with both divorce and child custody issues.

Types of custody you need to deal in

Legal Custody– A quite common type of custody is legal custody. This involves both the parents and is shared mutually. it is a merely straightforward type of custody and you have all the rights reserved to take the decision which you find beneficial for your child, not only for any crucial matter but you can be the part of day concerns as well.

Physical Custody–  This is another form of custody in which the child has the right to stay with one parent for a period of time and for another specific time with the other parent.  Usually, one parent has a longer period for the child to stay due to the logistics of physical custody.

This can also be said to be a shared custody type of arrangement involving both the parents with the child visitation schedule created by the lifestyles of the parents. And with the best interest of the children.

Sole Custody– This form of custody involves situations where one parent or the other gets sole custody of the child that means legal and physical custody both. This type of custody usually tends to take place when one of the parents is not capable of taking care of the child or maybe abusive and can only get custody in extreme situations.

Joint Custody– This type of custody is awarded to both the parents. This means both the parents get to share legal and physical custody. This custody is usually preferred by the court and it seems to be the best for the child. However, the situation could not be the same for all cases it differs from cases to cases.

Conclusion

Well, you are now much aware of the complexity of family law and custody issues and from the old age to the modern time things haven’t changed as required. However, you need proper guidance from the experienced and skilled family law attorney in San Bernardino that helps you to get a better vision of family law and custody cases. it is one of the most essential decisions of life and you need to go through the whole process with expert knowledge. I wish you all the luck that prevails!

 

A Family Attorney Can Settle Some Child Custody Related Issues in Divorce

Divorce is not an easy task, and especially when children are concerned there are many aspects you need to take care of. With the whole procedure of divorce, you definitely don’t want to overlook your children and there are several other issues you need to discuss. In those situations definitely want to take help from the divorce attorneys Stuart or child custody attorney, Stuart.

A family attorney can settle some child custody related issues in Divorce.

  • The topmost priority in this situation is generally the custody of the children. There are manifold options that include opting for joint custody in which you and your spouse both have the opportunity to be with the kids. Keeping the children half of the month with you and making the spouse keep half of the month makes it easy for both parties.
  • You can opt for sole custody and let your spouse visit the kids as per their choice.
  • Well, you need to know that there is a concept of physical and legal custody. Physical
  • custody involves the decision with the kids to live with whereas the legal custody involves all the religious, medical, and educational decisions made for the kids. Here is the role of your family attorney to help you out with the most preferred decision and work on the decisions you made for the best outcome.
  • Once the choices are made in terms of custody there are financial aspects as well that need to be taken care of. Well, no matter who gets the custody and what may be the decision the financial responsibility is generally taken care of by both the parties. And whoever gets to keep the kids will be owed money by the other parent. The entire procedure of expense depends upon the situation and creating a favorable situation depends upon your attorney, so it is highly important for you to choose wisely.
  • You definitely require an experienced family law professional attorney, who has immense knowledge about child support cases.
  • While taking the divorce there are many multiple custody rights you must be aware of. Your family attorney helps you out by guiding with all the custody rights and details.
  • There are situations where the father may have a doubt about the kid and think they might not be the father. In such a situation, your family attorney can plead for a paternity
  • DNA test on your behalf. Not only that there might be a situation when the father is sure that the children are his yet mother claims they are. In those cases also family attorneys can plead for a paternity / DNA test on your behalf.

Conclusion

There are many such situations that family attorneys deal within a regular basis. However, it’s the regular work of a family attorney to settle some child custody related issues in divorce. All you need to do is hire an experienced and skillful attorney that can make conditions work in your favor. Taking divorce is kind of a life-changing decision and when kids are involved it is really important to make all the important decisions wisely that also includes choosing an experienced family law attorney Stuart. I wish you all the luck that prevails.

 

Thinking about Divorce? Steps You can still Take during COVID

Whatever the cause, making the choice to divorce from your partner may be one of the hardest you’ll ever make, particularly when it’s a choice to start you awake in the face of a mountain of other concerns and stuff.

No matter when you reach the decision, it is essential to be prepared for the challenges ahead before you split.

In this COVID-19 case, Gold Coast Lawyers will use alarming evidence and also set out some primary factors.

Look for guidance 

If you contemplate divorce, the first thing you have to do is receive advice about the procedure, law and the issues you encounter. You will get full information at a time when most issues seem too unregulated. Ask those you know and have faith to give that advice to attorneys in your area who practice in divorce and then make a few consultations.

Even though it is certainly not at this time feasible to hold an in-person appointment, most clinicians are prepared to arrange a telephone or video conference and would even be readier now, since most court cases have been stopped.

To determine how to continue, the timeline and whether to go forward, a comprehensive consultation would provide you with all the relevant details.

Collect relevant documentation

With most operations stopped and citizens at home now, it is appropriate to gather paperwork needed if you intend to divorce. Records are important. Essential financial records include tax statements, sales reports and pension plans, loans, policy information, property assessment papers, etc. It is far too late to learn and find and appreciate this material, whether you have never been involved or taken part in financing. If you really need assistance, call the independent financial planner.

If you divorce you can probably save time and money in the long term by scheduling some of this material. It is also a perfect time to learn and work out your finances. When you actually split, this is a valuable practice. Note that with the sudden closing of some employers, things might have improved financially.

Focus on improving your children

It is important to note that being a parent should triumph above all the spousal and personal disagreements. For the sake of the kids, it is best to shield them from marital strife as isolated as possible. Bear in mind that you will have to keep parenting together given your conflicts, even if your relationship might not long.

Evaluate a strategy

Now is the time to take your choices into consideration and schedule a session. If the relationship is over and nice, you and your husband will be able to resolve the problems and see if there are anything you may compromise on. Settlement persists and at this time agreement through teleconferencing persists feasible.

You may also conclude and observe a detailed mediation deal with your respective attorneys. The majority of courts still stay available to filings such as spousal support concerns if you want to start that process.

Remain calm

It is impossible to be calm in an unhealthy relationship and the increased strain to confront a death and economic catastrophe pandemic definitely makes things that much more complicated.

Harsh comments by email and text might come back to annoy you in a future trial, even though you stay in the same home, and disruptive or abusive acts that often take place at court can result in domestic abuse. Find opportunities to keep quiet and relaxed instead. Think, go out for a fresh air or find other ways to relax and avoid constant conflict.

How this will affect your children 

If you have kids together or from a previous relationship, it is important to consider how they would be influenced by that. During this period, it is important that your children feel secure and are shielded from any tension created by the breakup, especially because most children are at home during this time and subjected to any unpleasant encounters with you two.

It is necessary to obtain counsel on any family plans that you plan to decide to and consider the consequences and responsibilities that you commit to.  

Bio:

Gary Mallett is counted amongst the finest lawyers in Gold Coast. Serving as an Associate at OMB Solicitors, he proudly holds decades of experience focussing primarily on cases such as financial agreement preparation and advice, parenting disputes, property disputes, divorce, child support issues, and domestic violence cases.

Choosing a Mediator for Child Matters during COVID-19

When a child’s parents do not live together, they will decide how the child’s care should be distributed. Child custody disputes may be politically charged, particularly in cases involving divorce or dissolution of a relationship.

However, if parents can put aside their disputes and come to an understanding without interference from the judge, it would be less difficult for those involved.

One choice that helps parents to decide custody of a child without the intervention of the courts is child custody mediation.

Most family law attorneys may claim that alternate dispute resolution (ADR) methods such as Family Law mediation, arbitration, and partnership are more successful than family law lawsuits. Regardless of COVID-19, (ADR ) is the only direct alternative available to others.

Several family courts hold proceedings electronically through Zoom, but they are often unable to settle non-emergent conflicts. As of now, judges are not requiring mediation through Zoom, so attorneys and clients will decide to join.

What Is Mediation?
Most divorced spouses use mediation to help settle problems relating to divorces, such as compensation, property separation, and child custody. In divorce mediation, the spouses hire a neutral third party (the mediator) to help them discuss and resolve their differences. Many divorce mediators are qualified family law lawyers who have received advanced mediation training.

Throughout the area of family law, mediation is an efficient, non-adversarial form of alternate conflict settlement where parties try to settle matters of separation, custody, and control, property distribution, and child care.

Benefits of Mediation

The mediation process is normally private and mediation is usually performed without a trial reporter. As such, parents should talk openly without fear of someone knowing what has been addressed. Mediation is a considerably more cost-effective method for settling custody issues than intervening in protracted lawsuits.

Mediation also tends to reduce the tension or hostility toward parents, since it works on alleviating conflict.

Preparation for Child Custody Mediation

There are several crucial steps to take before you start mediating child custody:
• Try getting professional advice from a lawyer: it’s best to engage in consultation with a good knowledge of your custody rights and obligations.
• Write down detailed daily routines for you and your kids.
• Prepare your plan for custody and visits.
• Keep any appropriate information for your child, including vital medical reports, index cards, and any correspondence from your child.

Reasons to Choose Mediation for Your Family Law Matter

1. Control

Control and certainty appear to elude us all, as we begin to experience an unpredictable return to what we know as “natural” before. Unlike the traditional litigation method, the settlement process now helps parties to influence the outcome of their dispute – and not, ideally, in the immediate future at an undetermined date.

If the parties choose the mediation process, the parties or their representatives decide on a mediator by mutual consent. The mediator is an impartial facilitator with no power to select a settlement or decide on any part of the situation. The mediator is there to foster discussion and to help the parties overcome.

2. Creativity

Mediation gives the parties the ability to be creative when a settlement is reached, while the court may be limited in its powers. The innovative value of mediation is especially evident now in the middle of the novel coronavirus pandemic which has put a screeching halt to all but usual court operations.

3. Confidentiality

The mediation process is private, confidential, and entirely voluntary, meaning a group or mediator may cancel it at any time. Individuals who want to mediate in their family law issues that never have to reach a courtroom or turn over their cases before a judge, a virtual outsider, which has little actual everyday experience about their family’s structure.

In these uncertain times, the non-adversarial mediation process will allow the parties to sit down and have tough discussions about what life will be like when they agree to split their households.

This shared effort to accept communication with a mutual objective of getting on with each other’s lives will be crucial as the wages and lifestyles of the participants may be deeply changed, and also their own emotional and physical well-being.

Bio-

You should contact Mediations Australia if you are interested in learning more about the mediation process and how it can help you overcome your family problem amid COVID-19. We believe that almost anything relating to family law can be settled by our proven family law mediation process.

Reminder: You Can’t Buy Your Children’s Love

It’s a common scenario. Parents get separated or divorced and have joint custody of their kids. One of the parents then starts showering the kids with extravagant gifts from concert tickets and designer clothes to electronics and trips to fun or exotic places. They might let the kids get away with everything, allowing them to stay up late, eat anything they want and enjoy as much screen time as they like.

If you’re guilty of any of these, it’s time to reconsider your behavior.

Divorce is often hard on everyone involved and where you used to enjoy unlimited access to your kids, you now find yourself co-parenting and splitting the time you spend with them with your ex. This can trigger feelings of insecurity tempting you to try to buy your kids’ affection.

Maybe you are still reeling from the divorce and your unresolved feelings are driving you to upstage your ex-spouse in the gift-giving arena. Or perhaps you feel guilty about putting your kids through the trauma of divorce and so you try to buy their love. On the other hand, you might genuinely care for your children and want to spoil them once in a while, especially if you don’t get to see them that often.

Regardless of the reason, you need to stop and reevaluate your actions. Your quest to be known as the favorite parent or secure your children’s favor might be doing more harm than good. An all too common parenting mistake is giving into your kid’s every whim. While it might seem like a sure way of getting into their good books, in reality, you’re just creating entitled kids. Similarly, giving your children extravagant gifts isn’t bad, but you should never do it to compensate for your poor parenting. Otherwise, your kids might come to equate love with “things”.

Making things right

Recognizing that you’ve fallen into a common parenting pitfall is the first step towards changing things for the better.

You can’t buy your kid’s love but you can foster it. Here’s how you can do that:

  • Speak your kid’s love language.

Love can be expressed and received in different ways. Discovering and speaking your kid’s primary love language ensures that they feel loved and allows both of you to build and reap the rewards of a fulfilling relationship.

  • Put their needs first.

In the wake of a divorce, it’s easy to lose sight of your children’s needs. But no matter how confused, angry or hurt you feel, you shouldn’t turn the situation into a competition for your kid’s affections. It’s important to learn how to meet not only their physical but also their emotional needs.

  • Don’t be afraid to discipline them.

You might want your kids to consider you the fun parent so you hold back on disciplining them. However, letting them get away with all kinds of behavior isn’t love. Kids need consistency and structure to thrive so don’t be afraid to lay some ground rules and set consequences.

To get true love from your kids, you need to treat them well and spend time building a healthy lasting relationship with them. Get to really know them and be the best parent you can be. Remember that while presents are nice, what your children really want is your time and attention. These stand the test of time and are way more valuable than any possessions you can get them.

Author of this article, Tyler Jacobson, enjoys going to the mountains near his home in Draper, Utah to connect with his wife and children through camping, hiking, and quality time together. When he isn’t rebooting in the outdoors, he shares his fatherly experiences with the world through writing and creative work. Tyler shares the ups and downs of family life and the solutions he’s found through lengthy research and involvement in the industry and his own experiences to help parents everywhere. Follow Tyler on: Twitter

Navigating a Teenager’s Bad Behavior Learned From The Ex’s House

When a marriage ends in divorce, co-parenting is the best way to ensure that your teen’s needs are met. It’s great when a teenager can spend time with both parents, with both of them playing an active part in their child’s life. 

In an ideal world, both you and your ex would collaborate in raising your teen, discussing issues and agreeing on the best way forward. However, in real life, divorce is messy and joint custody arrangements can be stressful, especially if you’re dealing with a vindictive, irresponsible ex. Co-parenting can also be difficult if both you and your ex-spouse are not on good terms. 

One problem that can arise in such a situation is when both you and your ex fail to co-parent as a team. Your children need consistent guidelines and routines to thrive and nowhere is this more important than when disciplining them. Having different ideas on discipline results in your teen being allowed to act one way at your ex’s house or even getting away with certain behavior that you might not agree with. Sometimes they can even pick up bad habits from the ex. 

Needless to say, this can throw a spanner in the works if you’ve been trying to establish certain rules and consequences with your teen. Here’s how you can deal with the problem before it becomes deeply entrenched. 

Try and improve communication with your co-parent. 

Successful co-parenting is only possible when there’s clear, consistent communication between you and your ex. No matter how acrimonious the divorce was, keep your feelings about it separate from those of your co-parenting relationship. Be respectful and let conversations between the two of you focus on your teen and what’s best for them. 

Communicate how you feel about your ex allowing your teen to get away with certain things and listen to their side of the story. Maybe what happened was a misunderstanding that can be easily cleared up or maybe it’s a sign of lazy boundary-setting and discipline on the part of your ex. You won’t know until you talk to them. 

Get on the same page about discipline. 

It’s important for both you and your ex to get on the same page about disciplining your teen. Consistency from both of you helps your teen avoid confusion and also ensures that they can’t play you against each other. 

Discuss this with your ex and outline what you both think should be healthy rules and guidelines as well as effective consequences especially around issues like curfews, homework, hanging out with friends and any off-limit activities. While the rules don’t have to be exactly the same in both households, they should be similar enough to provide consistency. 

Don’t bad mouth your ex. 

Whatever happens, don’t ever bad mouth your ex to your teen. You need to remember that your ex-spouse is still their parent and they love them regardless of what happened between the two of you. Always speak respectfully about them and find other ways to vent your feelings e.g. talking to your friend or therapist. 

Call in professional help. 

If you’ve tried addressing the issue with your ex-spouse and they refuse to stop enabling your teen’s behavior, maybe it’s time to get some professional help. While the courts won’t interfere with some decisions, they can still step in when major issues are involved e.g. allowing your teen to get away with underage drinking and other kinds of risky behavior.  

Another option to consider is family therapy. This route gets everyone involved in expressing themselves and working towards a solution together with a neutral mediator.  

If these tactics don’t work, you might consider sending your teen to a therapeutic treatment center for troubled teens. where they can receive dedicated help from qualified professionals in a supportive environment to get his behavior back on track. 

Sticking to your guns and instilling discipline in your teen might not make you the fun parent, but it will ensure your teen grows up to become a responsible adult.  

Author of this article, Tyler Jacobson, enjoys going to the mountains near his home in Draper, Utah to connect with his wife and children through camping, hiking, and quality time together. When he isn’t rebooting in the outdoors, he shares his fatherly experiences with the world through writing and creative work. Tyler shares the ups and downs of family life and the solutions he’s found through lengthy research and involvement in the industry and his own experiences to help parents everywhere. Follow Tyler on: Twitter

Single Moms – Tips To Learning To Read Your Boys’ Emotions

Bringing up kids together with a spouse is one thing, raising a son as a single mom is another. Boys aren’t known to be very emotionally expressive and going through a divorce can make them even more reticent. The lack of a male role model or influence can further complicate things, leaving your son confused as to how to act and express his emotions. As the mom, it’s up to you to learn to read and interpret your son’s emotions.

Unfortunately, society teaches boys and men that they can’t have or express certain emotions. Expressing emotions like loneliness, fear or sadness is often considered feminine and is seen as a sign of weakness. So often these feelings come out as anger and aggression- the emotions that are seen as socially acceptable for boys and men to express.

It’s not uncommon for kids who have been through a divorce to experience a wide range of feelings from anger to anxiety and loneliness. Add adolescence to the picture and you have a young man with a cauldron of emotions churning through him with no socially acceptable way to express them. Without proper guidance to find healthy emotional outlets, he might suppress his feelings or start acting out.

Research has shown that emotional suppression has negative outcomes on children and can lead to depression in teenagers, anxiety disorder, and poor sleeping patterns, among other issues. Acting out, on the other hand, can put your son at risk of substance abuse, disciplinary issues and even run-ins with the law. It is, therefore, crucial for you to help your son find healthy ways to express his emotions.

Interpreting Your Son’s Emotions

Boys may not be adept at expressing their feelings but with a little observation, you can learn to read and interpret them.

Your son may convert stereotypically feminine feelings like vulnerability, nervousness or sadness into pride or anger which are more socially acceptable for boys to experience. He might even cover up these feelings with nonchalance. For instance, if he’s about to take a major exam, he might cover his nervousness with indifference. Alternatively, if he’s feeling fearful or anxious in a certain situation, he might lash out in anger to hide his true feelings.

Suppressed emotions may also leak out in the form of physical ailments. For example, if you might notice that your son regularly complains of headaches or stomach aches when he’s anxious or nervous e.g. before an exam, before playing in a major game, etc.

Helping Your Son To Express Himself

Here’s how you can teach your son to be more emotionally expressive:

  • Model emotional expression. If your son sees you showing a variety of emotions, he’ll become comfortable embracing all his feelings. So let him see you happy, anxious, sad and everything in between. Seeing how you manage these emotions will also teach him how to regulate his.
  • Listen to him. Learn to give your son your complete attention whenever he chooses to express his feelings. Don’t rush to give your opinion, advice or solutions, just listen without judgment to what he’s saying. Seeing you pay attention and take him seriously will encourage him to open up more.
  • Find male role models. Since you’re divorced, your son isn’t likely to see his father every day even if you’re on good terms. This means that he needs strong father figures in his life to mentor him. The male role model could be an uncle, a pastor, counselor, or coach.
  • Teach him healthy coping mechanisms for negative emotions. Left unchecked, negative emotions can wreak havoc in your son’s life. Let him understand that while it’s okay to experience anger, frustration, grief, sadness, discouragement and a host of other such emotions, he’s still responsible for his behavior. Help him find healthy ways to purge these feelings either through physical exertion e.g. playing sports, going to the gym, taking a walk or through creative outlets like music, art or journaling.

In order for boys to grow into well-adjusted men with rich emotional lives and deep connections with others, they have to be taught to embrace their emotions as well as learn to express them in healthy ways.

Author of this article, Tyler Jacobson, enjoys going to the mountains near his home in Draper, Utah to connect with his wife and children through camping, hiking, and quality time together. When he isn’t rebooting in the outdoors, he shares his fatherly experiences with the world through writing and creative work. Tyler shares the ups and downs of family life and the solutions he’s found through lengthy research and involvement in the industry and his own experiences to help parents everywhere. Follow Tyler on: Twitter

 

Co-Parenting A Teenager That Is Vaping Behind Your Back

Raising a child as a single parent thanks to divorce is no mean feat. If that child is a teenager, then things often become more complicated and you need to know how to handle it..

Take, for instance, the vaping craze that’s exploded among teens. What happens when you discover that your teen is vaping behind your back? How will you handle it? How do you and your ex work together to discover a solution?

Why is Vaping Dangerous?

You might be wondering why vaping is a serious issue. Don’t worry, you’re not alone. Most parents and teens are under the impression that vaping simply involves inhaling harmless water vapor and flavor. There’s a misconception that e-cigarettes are better than conventional cigarettes.

However, while e-cigarettes are smoke and tobacco-free, most still contain nicotine. This is a dangerous, highly addictive substance that can wreak havoc on teens’ developing brains, affecting their learning ability, attention span as well as their mood and impulse control.

Additionally, the CDC reports that the vapor or aerosol from e-cigarettes isn’t as benign as once thought. It contains chemical fruit or candy flavorings that have been linked to certain lung ailments. What’s more, the nicotine in e-cigarettes might put users at risk for addiction to other drugs in the future.

Co-parenting A Vaping Teen

Teens can turn to vaping for several reasons including acting out because of divorce or because of peer pressure. Here’s how you and your ex-spouse can handle the situation:

Discuss the issue with your ex-spouse.

You and your ex-spouse need to sit down and discuss how you’re going to handle this situation. Things won’t work if one of you sees that vaping is a problem and the other thinks there’s nothing wrong with it. Get on the same page on how you’ll raise the issue with your teen, the consequences they’ll have to face and what kind of help they should receive, if necessary.

Have a discussion with your teen.

Next, have a discussion on vaping with your teen either separately or together as his parents. Avoid scolding or lecturing and instead, ask open-ended questions to initiate dialogue. This way, you have a chance of discovering the root cause of their behavior. During the discussion, educate your teen on the dangers of vaping.

Outline consequences to your teen.

For consistency, both you and your ex-spouse should agree on suitable consequences for your teen’s vaping. These consequences should be clear and should match the committed offense. For instance, you could ground your teen for some days or withdraw some of their privileges for a while. Ensure that consequences set are enforced by both of you and that rules are the same at both homes.

Seek professional help.

Finally, if you both notice that you’re not having any impact on your teen, seek professional help. It can be hard to quit vaping but it is possible as long as your teen is willing to do it. There are trained professionals who can guide your teen on how to become vape-free.

As parents, both you and your spouse should find ways to co-parent your teen through a vaping incident, keeping in mind that his well being is the most important thing.

Author of this article, Tyler Jacobson, enjoys going to the mountains near his home in Draper, Utah to connect with his wife and children through camping, hiking, and quality time together. When he isn’t rebooting in the outdoors, he shares his fatherly experiences with the world through writing and creative work. Tyler shares the ups and downs of family life and the solutions he’s found through lengthy research and involvement in the industry and his own experiences to help parents everywhere. Follow Tyler on: Twitter

How To Lower Your Shared Parenting Anxiety After Divorce

Shared parenting is a kind of agreement after divorce, in which both parents continue a positive presence in the lives of children. It provides for the need for the child to stay with each parent more or less equally.

The joint custody agreement may vary depending on each specific situation. According to Wikipedia, the time spent by the child with each parent can be divided 50 to 50, or the child can live with one of the parents for four days, and the rest of the week with the second, and so on. That is, the main essence of this concept is to ensure quality rather than quantity. 

According to Onlinedivorce, a joint custody order cannot be entered if either spouse is guilty of abusive behaviour, domestic violence, or suffers from chemical or alcohol addiction. In other cases, shared parenting may be requested by the parents, or be awarded by the court as a preferred option due to the presumption (now, more and more US jurisdiction declare that shared parenting is in the best interest of the child.) 

Why Co-Parenting Matters So Much

Most children also prefer co-parenting to traditional but outdated measures, in which one of the parents loses the opportunity to communicate with the child and becomes only a rare guest (notorious “weekend dad” phenomenon.) With a joint upbringing, the child retains the possibility of a meaningful relationship with each of the parents. Otherwise, relationship problems both with the custodian and non-custodial parent often occur. There are two quite common situations:

– Either the child lose the close connection with the non-custodial parent (even if they meet and spend some time on holidays, but the parent is not involved in the child’s daily life, preferring just to compensate for poor parenting with splashy gestures and gifts);

– Or vice versa – due to the absence of one of the parents, the child begins to idealize him subconsciously. This inner image of the father (or mother) often becomes divorced from reality. While quarrels with the parent, who has taken on the upbringing process with all its difficult moments, are only becoming more frequent. 

Yet, despite all these obvious and proven pros of shared parenting, a lot of parents feel anxious no less than their children while adjusting to the new conditions. How to overcome this feeling? How to decide on delegating responsibility? How to maintain close relationships with your child and healthy relationships with your former spouse?

You are not alone! People who divorce amicably and with no mess, still face a lot of problems and fears concerning custody and parenting issues, and this is normal. For the spouses who have kids, calm and friendly divorce is just the first step, and then, they need to manage their new lives so as not to lose what they already have and keep the feeling of a loving family for the child.

Let’s sort out, how to deal with shared parenting and your own fears and doubts.

Author of this article is  Dina Caldwell from  www.onlinedivorce.com/

How To Get Your Child Help When Your Ex Thinks That Nothing Is Wrong

When a child is raised in two different households, it can cause some problems when it comes to childcare. One thing that sometimes happens is different opinions are formed over the behavior of the child. If one parent believes the child is showing signs of ADD or ADHD, the other may think their child is being disorganized and unfocused but not in a way that is unusual for a kid.

The only way to be sure is by visiting health care professionals so that your child can be assessed, and that can be tricky. Since doctors visits and medication still require joint consent, it can sometimes be difficult to get your ex-partner to consent.

If you are stuck in this position right now, there are some steps you can take to work with your ex and convince them that your child needs help.

Ask For A Meeting At Neutral Territory

When you are ready to talk to your ex about your concerns, it is best to meet at a neutral place. Often, meeting at either of your homes or that of grandparents homes, can leave the other person off-balance and on the defensive.

Instead, to create a conducive environment of cooperation, I would recommend you two meet together at places like a park, cafe, or reserve a meeting room at your local library. Not only are these places neutral, but they are public enough that outbursts are likely to be held to a minimum.

Have Clear Examples Of Concerning Behavior

If your ex-partner doesn’t believe there is anything wrong with your child, it is important that you bring clear examples of the concerning behavior with you to the meeting. This aspect can especially important if you are the main custodial parent and the other parent doesn’t see the child enough to notice the problem you are concerned with.

For instance, say you are concerned that your child has anger management issues. Outline recent outbursts, reports from teachers, and other examples when you discuss the issue with your ex. This tactic works with most problems, from insidious issues like teenage narcissism to eating disorders.

Maintain Focus On The Child, Not Past Issues

As you talk about the issues your child is facing, be sure to keep the conversation on the topic. It can be hard for both of you to not open up past wounds, especially if the issues your child is facing is likely caused by either the divorce or the behavior of your ex.

But, picking a fight with your ex or re-hashing old hurts will not help you gain their cooperation. You may have to be the adult in the conversation and redirect your ex back to the important matter by saying something like this, “I don’t think now is the time to talk about that. Can we please discuss Billy and his anger management issues?”

Offer Options And Ask For Their Opinions

While it can be frustrating, especially if you have done all the research and found the best option when it comes to the care of your child, do your best to offer options. As the other parent, your ex is more likely to consent to treatment if they feel like they had the ability to help in choosing a course of treatment.

For instance, say that you have researched anger management treatment and found that specific therapeutic treatment for teenage boys is the best route. While you should say that you believe that is the ideal solution, be sure to offer other acceptable ones that may help such as different types of therapy and perhaps medication.

Your ex may also have opinions on the course of treatment. Do your best to listen to them and allow them to feel heard, though you can discuss why you discounted those options during your own research.

Be Prepared To Cover Costs On Your Own

It is unpleasant to think about, but some ex-partners block treatment just because they don’t want to pay for it. With that in mind, you may need to be prepared to offer to pay for some or all the treatment to get your ex to agree.

If needed, there are tools that can help you find sliding scale healthcare, which takes your income into account when it comes to paying for services. Many therapists also offer sliding scale payments, so you shouldn’t feel like you are without resources.

It can be tough to work with an ex-spouse that is combative, but for your child’s sake, it is important that you do your best to work together so that your child can receive the care they need.

Author of this article, Tyler Jacobson, enjoys going to the mountains near his home in Draper, Utah to connect with his wife and children through camping, hiking, and quality time together. When he isn’t rebooting in the outdoors, he shares his fatherly experiences with the world through writing and creative work. Tyler shares the ups and downs of family life and the solutions he’s found through lengthy research and involvement in the industry and his own experiences to help parents everywhere. Follow Tyler on: Twitter

 

Understanding Co-Parenting- Complications And What To Expect

Co-parenting may seem like a modern or new term but in practice it’s been around as long as divorce has. The dynamic and arrangement of each family is different, there’s no wrong or right way but many families throughout history have adopted an approach which we would now label as some form of co-parenting or parallel parenting.

Co-parenting is simultaneously simple yet complicated. The concept is easy to understand, two parents who for one reason or another (but usually through mutual desire to separate) have decided to parent their children separately. Whether this means the children live permanently with one parent or if it’s a more equal shared parenting setup obviously varies on an individual basis.

Co-parenting well on the other hand can be complicated as it incorporates many varying factors. I’ll try to simplify them so that if you’re new to co-parenting you can absorb the basics easily and identify the imperative points and inevitable pitfalls.

Communication

The key to every relationship, romantic or otherwise is communicating effectively. As someone whose partner is from another country and a completely different cultural background I can testify in regards to the difficulty of always communicating well and also the consequences of miscommunication.

After a divorce and all that comes with it, barriers in relation to communication may be at an all-time high between you and your ex. However if you wish to forge a successful parenting relationship for the sake of your children you need to sit down together and work out your parenting plan, whether this is with the help of a therapist or mediator depends on how co-operative your ex-spouse is. You both need to be clear on where you stand in terms of obligations and expectations to avoid potential future disagreements and conflict.

Keep in contact and keep each other updated in order to fulfil your co-parenting duties and stick to the schedule you have agreed upon to the best of your abilities. You are a parenting team now and need to be able to work together which means being able to voice your concerns or misgivings without initiating a giant argument. Easier said than done! You will come across obstacles; no two parenting styles are exactly the same. Learn to lead by example, communicate your issues politely and calmly, encourage rather than disparage and be assertive but not confrontational.

Trust

An essential component of parenting well together is learning to trust in your co-parent. Don’t continually hold them up to your standards or you’ll always be left disappointed and frustrated. That being said they need to fulfil agreed upon obligations, don’t be afraid to take the necessary action if they continually fail on their end of the agreement, it takes two people to co-parent!

Non damaging aspects of your ex partner’s parenting style are better to accept. Trust is compromise and you should learn to respect your differences. After all this is a clean break for you, you can parent the way you always wanted now, create a new dynamic. It’s an opportunity to invent a new routine, game, activity or go on trips with your children that you always wanted to. Your parenting time is now truly yours and unique.

Trust is generally reciprocated which helps form a healthy co-parenting relationship, it fosters a sense of responsibility and you can motivate each other to meet that responsibility. The more you trust the more you will let your children’s relationship develop naturally with their other parent, this is vital for your children and benefits them indefinitely.

Stability and consistency

Your ability to communicate effectively with your co-parent affects stability which in turn directly affects the well-being of your children. They need stability, consistency and structure in the form of routine to help them adapt to this new form of parenting and family life. Your parenting plan and schedule whilst not inflexible (it can help to have a temporary agreement whilst you adjust to your new schedules, leave room for change in your initial agreed up schedule) need to be clear. Establish routine and remember the schedule is not designed to be convenient for the parents. The goal is the best possible parent-child relationship for your children and a smooth transition to this new set-up with minimum disruption to them. Although parent styles differ, ensure you keep the rules more or less the same in both households, stability in this way minimizes the risk of separation anxiety.  

Terms

Another confusing aspect of co-parenting is the documentation that comes with it and also the interchangeable terms for said documentation. A parenting plan is essentially the same thing as a custody agreement, a detailed document which outlines your custody schedule or calendar along with certain provisions legal or otherwise as to how you will both manage the custody of your children.

The terms can be used interchangeably or sometimes a plan is said to contain the agreement or the agreement said to contain the plan! In order to avoid misunderstandings it is better to just remember that your plan or agreement should include a regular custody visitation schedule/calendar, a holiday custody visitation schedule/calendar, all the relevant provisions, child support information and any extra relevant details that can help you and your fellow co-parent raise your child or children.

There are custody agreements or parenting plans to meet everyone’s needs or expectations. Agreements designed specifically for long distance co-parenting, temporary custody agreements to help through transitional stages and also agreements intended for parents with shared/joint custody or when one parent has sole or primary custody.

Lastly I would say it pays to have a non-verbal agreement. Getting it in writing gives you action to take for (and evidence of) repeated violations/unfulfilled obligations. The less formal option may be appealing if you are really amicable with your ex-spouse but that option will most likely lead to future complications.

Co-parenting when done well gives your children what they need whilst giving you more quality time with them and more free time for yourself. If you are new to co-parenting keep an open mind it may be much more rewarding than you are expecting!

This article was authored by Krishan Smith: senior editor and content specialist at Custody X Change, a custody software solution. Custody X Change provides software for developing and managing custody agreements, parenting plans and schedules whilst additionally providing free co-parenting resources.

 

 

 

Co-Parenting with Divorce

Co-parenting can be easier as time marches on and heals wounds. Remember this is all about the children and not about scoring points or being in a popularity contest. Leave emotions and judgments out of interactions with your ex. If he becomes agitated, suggest resuming the discussion when he is calm. Do not let him trigger your hot buttons. Try to be on the same page with basic routines, such as meals and bedtimes. Children are clever and may try to manipulate you both into getting extra privileges. If you have a united front, than this is less problematic and you can both firmly state the common rules.

Be flexible when the other parent’s request is reasonable, such as having the kids a little extra time when his out-of-town relatives are visiting. Children will appreciate your generosity and could feel hurt if they missed a reunion. Do not say “no” out of vindictiveness, only if it is not in the children’s best interest. If you feel that requests are getting out of hand or there is too much switching going on, then perhaps meeting with a mediator or counsellor may be in order. This is a reality check for you both, so that a better plan can be implemented.

Children want both parents to attend school events and important milestones. If you can sit together for these, then great. If not, keep your emotions in check and remain polite, even if from across the auditorium. There will be important functions such as First Communions or Bar Mitzvahs that you both will want to attend. Even if the other parent brings the person who broke up your marriage, smile when you grit your teeth, because he/she is the kids’ step-parent. They may be very loving and kind to your offspring. You do have class and model this dignity to your children.

Of course, the other parent gave the kids half of their DNA, so never say anything mean about him or her. In my case, I find it better to say nothing whatsoever at all.  Do not make children choose sides. If you can have a few friendly words on the doorstep or occasionally invite him in for coffee, the kids will appreciate this.  Some former spouses get together on holidays with their children, for at least part of the day. You may have had an adversarial marital relationship, but that is now behind you. What lies ahead is being on the same team to ensure the children are safe, happy and thriving.

If co-parenting truly is unmanageable, then a mediator can step in to handle all communication between both of you.  Co-parenting is a skill which is learned by trial and error. Give both of you some slack to make some missteps, especially in the beginning. I have talked to and read about former couples who really like their exes’ new partners, and getting together for birthday parties and other events is enjoyable.

Originally published in The Divorce Magazine   thedivorcemagazine.co.uk

 

 

 

 

Divorce Talk Radio California

Click here to listen my interview on Divorce Talk Radio California!

I join the show at 17 mins in.

We talk about the different types of divorce, children and parenting, alternative therapies, professional custody evaluations, and my book on Amazon.

 

www.divorcetalkradiocalifornia.com/20140315/