post-divorce

Post-Divorce, Spend Time vs Money On Your Children

Divorce takes up a lot of time – preparation, getting records together and the proceedings itself. It can be easier to buy X-Box games or toys to keep your children occupied while you focus on your divorce. Buying expensive stuff is a way to assuage your guilt, but is not what kids need in this chaotic period. Their world is changing and what they require is your extra attention. Take time to stop what you are doing and make eye contact to be fully present with them. Give them undivided attention daily, even if in short bursts. Ask them open ended questions to facilitate communication and encourage the little ones to express their feelings.

There is an ongoing debate about quality vs quantity of time spend with your youngsters. Various studies suggest it is quality which is more important. Many parenting experts disagree and claim it is quantity that matters in the long run. Hang out with your kids even if doing separate activities as the close proximity is beneficial. I tend to be in the middle where we have special family activities, but also do our own thing nearby each other. Doing errands and chores together counts as spending time with your sons and daughters.

Consider having a routine where you have scheduled events. It may be a picnic in the park every Thursday in the summer, or excursions to the ice cream shop. My sons and I enjoyed pizza while watching DVDs one night a week year-round. When my sons reminisce about our new lives post-divorce, it is not about any gadgets, but rather our family togetherness. Children understand more than we give them credit for – and can come up with low cost fun. Like other families we knew, my boys and I also enjoyed playing board games. Finances are stretched with divorce, so instead of spending money which you do not have, spend time that you do have available.

There was a daycare in the building where I used to work, which had a thought provoking poster. It was a parent holding the hand of a toddler along with a great caption. It said in a hundred years, it will make no difference how much money you made or the car you drove, but rather how much time you spent with your child. Please read more  www.divorcemag.com/blog/spend-time-not-money-on-your-children-post-divorce

Tips To Lower Stress in Divorce and Other Life Transitions.

Self-medicating is an unhealthy way of dealing with acute   stress and people shared how they survived divorce and beyond without hitting the bottle.  Gardening is what got Aiden through a tough divorce situation, and is a wonderful way to center oneself by taking care of plants. They depend upon you, giving purpose and focus with a daily routine to your life. Aiden looks forward to and is rewarded by vibrant flowers and organic vegetables.  He has a connection to others by sharing his bounty.

Jane got in a singles group post-divorce with both genders to meet a variety of people for friendships. She also joined a women’s group since many others had relationship woes and understood what she was experiencing. They have been in similar situations and can impart their insights. Lastly, Jane became a member of a divorce group who discussed the specific aspects of this situation, such as visitation and in-laws.  Jane felt these three types of groups gave her an outlet for dealing with divorce rather than by heavy drinking.

Reach out to others in order to take the focus off yourself. Volunteering is a great way to achieve this and it boosts your self-worth. One young man started developing an alcohol problem when downing beers at home to counteract loneliness. When a few people started commenting on his alcohol aroma, he took that to heart. Instead of treating loneliness by self-mediating with beer, he adopted a cat. Delia is quite a talker and shares is interest in video games. Finding out the cause of self-medicating is the first step in finding a solution.   www.thedivorcemagazine.co.uk/divorce-self-medicating/