Things to Consider When Facing an Empty Nest Divorce
Divorce can be a tumultuous journey, stirring a pot of mixed emotions and uncertainties. Yet, when you’re facing an empty nest divorce, the challenge amplifies. The echoing quietness of the home that once resonated with laughter and chaos, combined with the reality of marital dissolution, can be overwhelming. But this transition offers a chance for reflection, reinvention, and renewed strength. Here, we delve into seven critical considerations when navigating this unique juncture in life.
The Double Whammy: Divorce and an Empty Home
Experiencing a divorce is like weathering a storm; it’s challenging, unpredictable, and requires immense resilience. Now, imagine facing an empty nest simultaneously. The home, once bustling with activity, the daily joys, challenges, and the ever-present rhythm of family life, suddenly stands eerily quiet. The empty corridors and vacant rooms are now poignant reminders of a family that once was.
The compounded emotions of an empty nest coupled with divorce can be overwhelmingly devastating.
Therefore, facing an empty nest divorce can be likened to navigating two storms at once. Each alone is daunting, but together, they create a unique maelstrom of emotions that demands understanding, patience, and time. As you stand at this intersection of change, acknowledging the weight of both experiences becomes the first step toward healing and rediscovery.
1. Embracing Emotional Well-being
The emotional whirlwind of facing both an empty home and a pending divorce can be overwhelming. Prioritizing your emotional health becomes paramount. Engaging in self-care activities, from attending therapy sessions to rejuvenating spa days, can act as a salve for the soul.
Furthermore, the role of support groups and community during divorce is invaluable. These platforms don’t just offer a listening ear, but they also present real-life tales of resilience, coping strategies, and avenues for healing. By sharing and listening, you gain perspectives, enabling you to process emotions healthily.
2. Redefining Identity Beyond Parenthood and Partnership
With the culmination of decades-long roles as a parent and a spouse, one’s self-perception can sometimes become blurry. The question looms large: Who are you beyond these identities? This transition presents an unparalleled opportunity to embark on a journey of self-reclamation.
It’s a phase to dive deep into passions pushed aside or perhaps explore new pursuits that ignite the spirit. Maybe it’s a musical instrument you’ve always wanted to master, an art form that calls out to you, or even academic courses that pique your intellectual curiosity. This isn’t merely about filling the void but a genuine chance to craft a vibrant mosaic of personal identity that resonates with your true essence.
3. Considering Relocation
Staying anchored in a place saturated with memories can sometimes amplify the pain of a lost relationship. Each corner and room can serve as a silent testament to moments gone by. For many, the thought of relocating begins to hold appeal and becomes an enticing proposition, not just to distance oneself from poignant memories but to find rejuvenation in new surroundings. As you research where to move to after divorce, explore different locations and consider not only the geographical change but the emotional and psychological reset it offers. Relocating to a tranquil countryside, a bustling metropolis or a seaside town becomes more than just a physical move—it’s a symbolic step into a world of new possibilities and fresh experiences.
4. Navigating the Social Seas
The social dynamics shift post-divorce. Events with mutual friends or family gatherings that were once routine might now feel like navigating a minefield. It’s crucial to tackle these social situations with grace, ensuring no additional stress or drama.
When facing an empty nest divorce, seeking support, be it professional guidance or a comforting loved one, is vital.
Avoid speaking ill of the ex-partner and maintain dignity and maturity. At the same time, expanding your social circle, perhaps by joining clubs or attending workshops, can provide an escape from the familiar and introduce you to new, refreshing experiences.
5. Building Financial Security
Navigating the financial waters post-divorce can feel both daunting and empowering. The split means not only dividing assets but also taking the reins of personal fiscal responsibility. For many, it’s the first time managing expenses, investments, and savings all on their own.
Diving into this realm might involve familiarizing oneself with taxation intricacies, re-evaluating investment portfolios, and strategizing for future goals. Attending financial seminars or collaborating with a financial advisor can provide clarity and confidence. Embracing this challenge head-on ensures financial independence and fortifies one’s sense of self-worth and capability in a new chapter of life.
6. Openness to Future Relationships
The end of a marital chapter doesn’t imply the close of your personal narrative on love and relationships. While healing is paramount and rushing is ill-advised, remaining receptive to future connections is a testament to human resilience and hope. The world is filled with experiences and potential partners who could resonate with your journey.
Whether it’s the simple joy of new friendships, the thrill of casual dating, or even the profound decision to remarry after divorce, each opportunity is a window to growth and understanding. Embracing this openness with self-awareness ensures that future relationships become pillars of support and joy rather than mere rebounds.
7. Strengthening Bonds with Grown-Up Children
An empty nest doesn’t equate to empty relationships. In fact, this is an opportune moment to redefine and deepen bonds with your grown-up children. Shift the dynamics from caretaker to confidant.
Reinforcing connections with grown-up children can be a heartwarming anchor during tumultuous times.
Engage in mature conversations, seek their opinions, and build a relationship rooted in mutual respect and understanding. Remember, they, too, might be adjusting to the new family dynamics, and a strong bond can be a pillar of strength for both sides.
A New Chapter Awaits
Life’s transitions, like facing an empty nest divorce, can be intense. Yet, with every change comes the promise of renewal, growth, and rediscovery. As you stand at this crossroads, remember that the path ahead is brimming with opportunities—fresh experiences, new relationships, and personal evolutions waiting to be embraced. Armed with knowledge, resilience, and optimism, you’re poised to embark on a journey that’s not just about recovery but also about flourishing in vibrant, uncharted territories. So, celebrate this new dawn and the endless possibilities it heralds.
Author’s Bio:
Rebecca Mitchell is an accomplished content writer with over a decade of experience crafting insightful articles across various subjects. Having navigated through her own life’s challenges, including a divorce, she writes with genuine empathy and depth. When she’s not weaving words, Rebecca is an avid traveler, keen on exploring the world’s myriad cultures, and an enthusiastic bibliophile, always with a book at arm’s reach.
Divorce Etiquette How to Navigate Social Situations with Grace
Divorce, regardless of how mutual or peaceful, is a significant life change that has the potential to stir up emotions and social dynamics. Amidst the papers and legalities, another challenge often arises: how to navigate social situations with grace. While the end of a relationship can be both liberating and saddening, the subtle art of divorce etiquette can make the transition smoother for all involved.
The Unspoken Strain: Facing Social Nuances After Divorce
No matter what type of divorce you go through, the journey post-separation is never free from challenges. Divorce etiquette is often an overlooked yet essential aspect of this journey. The way we present ourselves, interact, and manage expectations can greatly influence our personal healing and the comfort of those around us.
But fret not! From here on, we’ll delve into seven tangible ways to grace every social situation you might find yourself in post-divorce.
1 Open and Honest Communication
In a post-divorce landscape, clear, transparent communication is one of the most impactful tools in your arsenal. This becomes particularly crucial when considering the potential misunderstandings and misconceptions that can arise within your social and familial circles.
But beyond the immediate circle, there’s another vital aspect to consider — how to minimize the impact of divorce on kids. If children are involved, fostering an environment of open dialogue becomes even more paramount. Their world, much like yours, has experienced a seismic shift. Honest conversations can aid in alleviating their anxieties and ensuring they don’t become the silent recipients of second-hand information or unintended bias. By talking with them and other close family members, you’re setting a foundation of trust.
Now, maintaining open communication doesn’t necessitate sharing every intricate detail of your journey. Instead, it’s about providing a balanced overview tailored to the understanding and emotional capacity of the listener, ensuring that future interactions and relationships are rooted in clarity and respect.
2 Graceful Presence in Social Gatherings
Attending social events in the post-divorce period can bring to the forefront the impact of divorce on extended family relationships. It’s not just about adjusting to the absence of your former partner but also about understanding the subtle shifts in family dynamics and connections. While the initial foray might seem challenging, the key lies in understanding how to navigate social situations with grace.
Embrace the fact that every interaction is an opportunity to redefine your presence, bridge gaps, and nurture existing relationships. By demonstrating resilience and understanding, you not only ease the path for yourself but also for those who might be grappling with the new dynamics. Remember, it’s less about the event and more about the quality of connections you nurture.
3 Handling Overlapping Social Circles
Having mutual friends with your ex can complicate social scenarios. It’s not just about attending events but also about ensuring these friends don’t feel torn or trapped in the middle.
A conversation with your ex can help streamline things, maybe even setting up an informal system. For example, alternating attendance at gatherings can ease tension. Proactivity ensures that shared friends can maintain their relationships with both parties without undue stress.
4 Departures and Goodbyes with Grace
The decision to relocate after divorce often carries a weight of mixed emotions. As you move towards a fresh start, saying goodbye becomes an essential piece of closure. When you’re considering how to say goodbye to your neighbors when moving, you’re not just leaving a physical space but also the emotional bonds and memories you’ve cultivated over time.
Therefore, you should let them know you’re leaving with genuine appreciation. Perhaps organize a modest farewell gathering, or take the time for individual conversations. This doesn’t merely mark an ending but also symbolizes respect and gratitude for the shared moments and mutual support. It demonstrates your commitment to maintaining connections, even as you step into a new chapter.
5 Valuing Privacy in a Digital Age
Today’s digital age can sometimes push us towards over-sharing, especially on social media. But maintaining a modicum of privacy about your divorce details can be beneficial in the long run. Not only does it prevent potential misinterpretations or misuses of your personal narrative, but it also protects your emotional space.
Similarly, resisting the allure of delving into your ex’s post-divorce life is vital. Focusing on your healing journey ensures a smoother transition to the next chapter, and it helps you learn how to navigate social situations with grace.
6 Boundary Setting for Future Interactions
Establishing boundaries in post-divorce isn’t merely about self-preservation; it’s about cultivating an environment where you can thrive. With the transition from a married individual to a single one, there may arise considerations like reasons to remarry after a divorce or how to maintain connections with mutual friends. Each person’s journey is unique, but the need for clarity remains universal.
So whether you’re setting guidelines on which gatherings to attend or defining personal topics that remain private, these boundaries act as compasses. They guide us in uncharted territories, ensuring that our well-being remains paramount and our interactions remain enriching.
7 Accepting Change while Leveraging Support
Change, no matter how inevitable, always brings with it a basket of challenges and potential rewards. In the realm of post-divorce social interactions, leaning into this change while actively seeking support can make all the difference.
Many avenues are available, from formal therapy and support groups to candid conversations with close friends. By recognizing and accepting your need for support, you not only foster personal growth but also enrich the quality of your social engagements.
Navigating New Beginnings
Navigating the complexities of post-divorce life requires tact, understanding, and a lot of resilience. Whether setting boundaries, ensuring open communication, or understanding the larger impact on extended relationships, the journey offers many lessons. Embracing the challenge head-on and learning how to navigate social situations with grace isn’t just about personal growth; it’s also about healing and forging stronger connections for the future.
Author’s Bio:
Samantha Mitchell is a seasoned relationship and life transitions coach known for her keen insights into interpersonal dynamics. When not penning articles or conducting sessions, Samantha finds solace in hiking with her two dogs and exploring the world through her passion for photography.
The Impact of Divorce on Extended Family Relationships
Divorce – a word that stirs up a potpourri of emotions. This event often leaves a trail of change for the individuals directly involved and those in the periphery. The impact of divorce on extended family relationships can reverberate as a pebble dropped in a pond, touching lives far beyond the immediate family.
The Ripple Effect of Divorce: Beyond the Nuclear Family
A vast landscape of relationships lies beyond the realm of the couple and their children. When a couple of parts ways, this landscape also experiences a seismic shift. It’s not only the couple who navigates the stormy waters of separation but extended family members, too, are set adrift
So let’s explore six ways divorce impacts extended family relationships, showing that the implications of this process, regardless of the type of divorce you had, reach far and wide, intertwining lives in complex ways. And more importantly, let’s learn how to make the most of this difficult period.
1. Shifting Dynamics and Boundaries
Divorce instigates an undeniable shift in the dynamics and boundaries within the extended family structure. Once clearly defined, family roles may morph into new shapes and structures as extended family members adjust to the new reality. Grandparents may be stepping into more prominent roles, aunts and uncles may become key support figures, and siblings may have to adjust to varying degrees of presence and distance.
This transformation can be challenging, requiring family members to handle shifting relationships with tact and understanding. Amid these changes, the onus often falls on the extended family to create an environment that lessens the overall stress of the divorce. They must do so while respecting the new boundaries and ensuring their actions and attitudes foster a positive atmosphere for healing and adaptation. Balancing these responsibilities can be demanding, but ultimately it is essential to maintaining healthy relationships after a divorce.
2. Emotional Upheaval and Stress
The emotional impact of divorce extends far beyond the couple involved. Extended family members, too, may find themselves grappling with an assortment of emotions – sadness, confusion, anger, and a sense of loss. This emotional upheaval can be extremely taxing, causing anxiety and stress that affect overall well-being and relationships within the family.
In such emotional turmoil, communication may suffer, and misunderstanding may rise, leading to strained relationships. Extended family members may feel uncertain about how to address the situation, or they might find their actions misinterpreted, exacerbating the tensions. Maintaining open communication channels becomes crucial, and exercising patience and practicing empathy to sustain the relationships and ease emotional distress becomes crucial.
3. Altered Family Traditions
Family traditions often serve as the glue that binds extended families together. These traditions – from shared holidays and birthday celebrations to annual family reunions – foster a sense of belonging, unity, and continuity. However, divorce can invariably change these deeply ingrained family traditions.
There might now be discomfort and awkwardness where there was once joy and anticipation. The gatherings, once a source of fond memories, may become a battleground of conflict and resentment. In such circumstances, it becomes vital for extended families to adapt with understanding and grace. They may need to reframe traditions, establish new ones, or find alternative ways to maintain connections and celebrate family bonds while managing their emotions and those of the couple and children involved in the divorce.
4. Impact on Children’s Relationships with Extended Family
The ripples of divorce reach far and wide, and nowhere is it more pronounced than in the relationships children share with their extended family. Divorce can introduce shifts in these relationships due to factors such as custody arrangements, geographical relocation, or moving on short notice. On top of that, the responsibility to make the experience less stressful often falls on the family members’ shoulders, requiring sensitivity, tact, and respect for the new boundaries.
Children might spend less time with their grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins or engage with them differently. These changes can cause feelings of loss, confusion, and instability in the children. On the flip side, extended family members also need to adapt to these changes, ensuring they continue providing support and stability to the children.
Therefore, it’s important to maintain consistency and keep lines of communication open with the children during this time. These connections with extended family can serve as an anchor, helping the children navigate the tumultuous waters of divorce with a greater sense of security and understanding. That is one of the best ways to minimize the impact of divorce on kids.
5. Potential for Conflict and Sides-taking
The talk about your divorce doesn’t end when you break the news to your family and friends and have that difficult conversation. In the aftermath of divorce, extended family members may unwittingly find themselves in a position where they feel compelled to take sides. That can inadvertently create conflict, cause rifts, and strain relationships within the family. It can be challenging, fostering an environment of tension and unease and inhibiting open communication.
Family members must strive to remain neutral and provide support without fostering division. That might involve avoiding derogatory discussions about the divorced couple, maintaining equitable relationships with both parties, and ensuring their actions do not incite conflict. Such actions can go a long way in preserving the unity and harmony of the extended family during such difficult times.
6. Opportunity for Evolving Relationships and Personal Growth
Despite its challenges, divorce can also be an unlikely catalyst for growth and evolution in extended family relationships. The very challenges thrown up by divorce can push family members to adapt, learn, and grow. It can foster resilience, empathy, and understanding as family members learn to navigate change, manage conflict, and support each other.
Such situations can bring family members closer together, strengthening bonds as they jointly navigate adversities. Moreover, individuals may experience personal growth, develop resilience, and better understand their strengths and abilities. In this way, the impact of divorce on extended family relationships is not entirely negative but can lead to profound personal and relational growth.
Turning the Page: Lessons From the Impact of Divorce on Extended Family Relationships
Unquestionably, the impact of divorce on extended family relationships initiates a transformation journey. While the path may initially seem fraught with challenges, it’s crucial to perceive the potential for positive change within this upheaval. As dynamics shift and evolve, so do opportunities for growth, understanding, and deeper connections. Embracing these changes, rather than resisting them, can turn the tide in favor of resilient and meaningful relationships. Remember, change is not synonymous with loss, and even in the wake of divorce, enduring familial bonds can be both a beacon of hope and a testament to familial resilience.
Author bio:
John Hastings is a seasoned content writer at Centennial Moving. With a knack for crafting engaging content, John provides insights and advice on various topics, including relationships, life changes, and wellness. He enjoys reading and playing baseball with his two boys in his spare time.
The Role of Forgiveness in Divorce
Divorce hurts, regardless of how you look at it. Your life is permanently changed, as is your children’s. You must face an infinite stream of challenges for a while. But you endure because you are aware that you must go on, and finally, you ask yourself, “How can I forgive and move forward?” The pain you are feeling due to your divorce is at the heart of this issue, and that’s why forgiving is crucial. Because divorce involves so many wounds, betrayals, and lost dreams, it’s also one of the most challenging difficulties to overcome while recovering after divorce. Therefore, let’s learn more about the role of forgiveness in divorce. We begin by explaining what forgiveness is.
What is forgiveness?
Forgiveness implies different things to every one of us. But generally speaking, it means consciously letting go of resentment and anger. The person or thing who injured or humiliated you could always be with you. But, you may loosen the grasp that behavior has on you by working on your forgiveness. It also helps release you from the grip of the person who hurt you. Occasionally, forgiving someone inspires compassion, understanding, and empathy for the person who injured you. However, forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or excusing the wrongdoing done to you. It also doesn’t always entail making amends with the person that hurt you. Instead, forgiveness gives a particular type of tranquility by allowing you to focus on yourself and continue your life.
What is the role of forgiveness in divorce?
Forgiving can be challenging, depending on the circumstances and problems at hand. However, while going through an extremely tough and traumatic event, forgiving could be one of the most significant and probably most powerful feelings you could have. To help you understand what it could mean to forgive your ex-spouse, here are some benefits of forgiveness in divorce:
Forgiveness teaches you to set healthy boundaries
By forgiving, we set healthy boundaries and avoid saying or implying that what was done to us was okay. The best approach to ensure that you are never hurt by someone again is not to hold a grudge. Being upfront about what you are and are not prepared to do as you move forward is a stronger, better mindset.
You can regain control over your life by forgiving
There are several approaches to forgiving someone during a divorce. For many individuals, some of these approaches will be more effective than others. However, forgiving others may be uplifting during a divorce, regardless of the method. Why? Because many believe they lose control of their life during and after a divorce. In truth, they still control their feelings and thoughts over the whole process. They just need to realize these facts, and forgiveness can help. The ability to consciously let go and move on can help a person’s future, and this new chapter in their life be free from any influence from past hurts or even the ex-spouse themself. As a result, the role of forgiveness in divorce is to help you regain control over your life.
Forgiveness can change your perspective
When we can accept other people as they are and give up on trying to change them, it frequently changes how we relate to them, what we demand from them, and how much we need to be able to forgive them. If there is no expectation that they are anything other than who they truly are, having a realistic perspective of another person will help reduce anger and resentment toward them. You might even realize that there is nothing to forgive and that the truth was lying in front of you all this time. You just needed to see it.
Forgiving will keep you healthy
During a divorce, your mental and physical health suffers. You are stressed, anxious, can’t sleep, can’t eat, and feel like you are falling apart bit by bit. According to research, when we practice forgiveness, we lessen these intense emotions, which lowers our heart rate, blood pressure, and general stress levels. At the same time, it reduces our level of exhaustion, tension, and inner conflict. Perhaps it even improves our ability to sleep at night. As the saying goes: “ Never go to bed angry!” Therefore, set your priorities and practice forgiveness, and you will have a healthy mind and body to get you through your most difficult times.
Forgiveness in divorce will help your children
Nobody gains from spending time with someone resentful and hostile toward others, especially if it’s someone they care about. Therefore, you may set a positive example for your kids by trying to refrain from talking negatively about or toward your ex-spouse. It’s a simple technique to reduce their stress and make it easier for them to benefit from their interactions with both parents. As a result, you will have happier kids wanting to spend more time with you.
Forgiveness gives you closure
Deciding to let go of your hatred and bitterness against your ex-spouse is similar to wrapping your divorce in pretty packing paper. You may peacefully shut that door by stating that you can forget the mistakes made in your previous relationship. Again, you won’t experience total forgiveness instantly. But if you work on it daily, you’ll get there sooner than expected.
Forgiveness will help you avoid a messy divorce
If you can forgive your ex-spouse, reaching an agreement with them will be much easier. And that can be vital when you want a fast and clean divorce that will leave as few marks as possible. On the other hand, the more you argue and disagree with your former partner, the messier your divorce might become. So what do you choose? The decision is entirely up to you!
Closing thoughts
While forgiveness doesn’t require forgetting, it does give you a chance to be free. In truth, forgiveness is one of the most valuable gifts you can offer yourself during the divorce process. It won’t always be simple, just like everything else, but you’ll find it gratifying. So never overlook the importance of forgiveness in divorce. Your future life depends on it!
Author bio: Lisa Perry is a divorce survivor and single mom navigating the often-turbulent journey of post-divorce life. Lisa is writing and working with Bright Futures Treatment Center experts to help others find their light at the end of the tunnel.
Meta: Do you know the role of forgiveness in divorce? If not, learn from this article the great benefits forgiveness can bring.
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When A Relationship Ends Abruptly – What To Do
One can go into full-blown shock when the other person abruptly ends your relationship. Even if there were a few hints something was amiss, it is still a shock. Hard to believe this is happening. As far as the other person is concerned, there is not much you can do. If they made up their mind to break it off, it is done.
Harder when the decision was made and you were not notified. You see then at work, a social event, their musical gig, whatever and find out at the same time as everyone else. They may take great pains to ignore you. Maybe are dramatic and turn their back if you get nearby. Not cool when done publicly at a gathering.
Of course, you would like an explanation and not be playing guessing games in your head. This may never happen. It is difficult when there are loose threads. In both cases – whether you got an explanation or were ghosted – closure is needed. Easier to move on when there is a clear-cut ending in your mind.
Accept what happened is final. Wishing for a reunion keeps you attached to them and is it not going to happen. You are wasting time and energy on this fantasy. This mental connection prevents one from moving on.
The big thing about an abrupt ending is not having closure. Since there is no communication, you cannot be sure if it was something you did or if got dropped for a new love interest. One is left hanging. If someone is upset that should be discussed. If a boundary was crossed into a no-go area, then at least you would understand why there is an ending. It is childish for them to do silence.
Emotionally getting through this situation
Spend a day really feeling your grief. Cry, wail, scream, curse or whatever else you feel needs expressing. You are experiencing a loss, a death of a relationship. Concentrate on dealing with it being over. Later as time moves on, you can appreciate the fun times. You got some life lessons from this episode.
Rally your support system around you. Call or go out with friends. Talk it out with them. Have some fun. Try a new café.
Get out in nature. Take walks in leafy areas. Exercise releases pent up energy and anxiety. One feels better after a run when the endorphins are increased. Getting a physical work out calms nerves and helps one be able to deal with this situation.
What to do or not do
Do not contact them no matter how tempting it is to text or call. This is giving them power to reject you again.
If they call, do not answer it. Go ahead and listen to their message later, if you want. If a text is sent, do not respond. If you cannot resist, then say “I accept that you ended our relationship. I am moving on now.”
They may beg for a second chance and promise to change. That would be short-lived and the disrespect would creep back in again. If they were really into you, this would not have happened in the first place.
There is a void – empty space inside of you from their departure. Fill it up. When one removes a dead tree, they do not leave a big hole. It is filled in with a plant or something else. Plant something else inside of you. Take up a new activity. Join a MeetUp.com group and expand your social network.
Getting into a new environment can help. You are not running into them or dealing with as many triggers. Travel to an enticing destination on your bucket list. The point is not to allow them to dwell in your head.
Ending a relationship abruptly is disrespectful and not valuing you. Do you really want a relationship where you are not cherished and it is all about them? No!! You deserve much more. Move on to someone who will appreciate you.
Reviving A Long-Term Relationship
Tips on how to add sparkle to a long-term relationship and avoid a divorce. Before calling it quits, explore different ways to bring the relationship back to life. Does your marriage feel like a prison sentence? Boredom and being in a rut can make a marriage seem dull and lifeless. Hints on how to revive your marriage.
Several couples took up golf together with the added bonus of improving their game in foreign locales. See if you can build upon a common interest – plus it gives you both something to talk about. Some couples have bought a holiday home and renovating it reignited the spark in their marriages.
Go out to a neutral place, such as a café and have a respectful conversation about your feelings. Use “I” statements, “I feel…” without blame or accusations. Intently listen to his responses and what he feels could be changed in your marriage.
S00metimes people rely too much on their spouse for companionship and to meet their social needs. The happiest couples I know each have some individual pursuits and interests outside of their relationships. Consider widening your social network through such groups as MeetUp.com to enrich your life and to see if this improves your marriage.
Take a vacation together to provide time to talk in a pleasant atmosphere. It may be easier to have structured group time, such as being on a tour or cruise. Then there is a balance between interacting with others and having alone time. Getting away from your routines and environment, plus having a lot to talk about can realign a relationship.
If you have been drifting apart and pass each other as two ships in the night – plan for couple time. Each week, alternate who selects the agenda for a night out. What fun trying new restaurants, attending concerts and seeing films. Some celebrities have claimed they split up due to lack of time together.
Put yourselves in each other’s shoes to see a new perspective to the other’s point of view. Is there validity to their complaints? Some couples have come up with this compromise – each stopping an annoying habit. One husband habitually threw his towel and clothes on the floor. The wife’s cosmetics and lotions covered the bathroom counter. Each spouse ceased the aggravating behavior and now have been married for over two decades.
Sometimes a partner has to leave for a period of time to really think things through. They may choose a work sabbatical or live in a distant land to determine if they should stay or divorce. Some have to get out of their place to gain clarity for their situation.
You may want to get legal advice and have a trial separation handled by an attorney. This formal separation may become the first step to a divorce.
If there is abuse – get out of the situation quickly. A domestic violence shelter can advise one how to extricate herself in the best way from an abusive spouse.
Consider marital counselling with your spouse. It can show you how to communicate more effectively which is important both in marriage or divorce. The Retrouvaille Program has weekend retreats for couples to get their marriages back on track. If divorce is imminent, then counselling helps a couple to have an easier time parting ways.
Divorce does not have to be the end of a relationship, but rather a change in it.
Situationship – Being In The Middle Ground When Dating
Do you feel you are neither in the friend zone or in the romantic one? Confused about what is happening in your relationship – or even if you are in one? You are caught in the middle ground which is called situationship.
What are the signs of situationship?
Lack of commitment
It is being in a relationship without commitment. People go out together – even exclusively – and there does not seem to be a future. Spontaneity is fun. Great to do things on the spur of the moment. It keeps life exciting, unless this is how it is always. These people usually do not make plans ahead of time. Cannot commit to a date next week. When plans are made for a later time, they often bow out. The future is not mentioned. It is one thing to live in the moment, another to be stuck there., They use the word “sometime.” “Would you like to go dancing/hiking (whatever) sometime?” You answer with an enthusiastic “Yes” and nothing is planned. The future is not discussed.
In regular dating relationships, there is forward movement. Although one person may go at a slower pace, the relationship still progresses. In situationship – it is on standstill.
Lack of commitment shows up in other areas. It may seem like you both are getting closer: talking in depth about your pasts, career goals and so forth. When you start intimating more contact, they step backwards. It is a dance which they want to lead. People in situationship do not want to be pinned down. They crave their freedom, yet still have someone they can call when feel like going out. It is a way to avoid closeness which can lead (in their minds) to dating drama.
Inconsistency
What is frustrating is the inconsistency – you may go out several times in one week, and nearly a month, goes by before the next date. There is no agenda or routine schedule. There is little or no contact between dates. These individuals rarely initiate a text. They can be good at responding., which is easier than generating one. They may answer in minutes and later take days to respond.
You are doing most of the work in this relationship. Phone calls may only be when they have not heard from you in a while and are asking you out at the last minute. Tone of texts can be flirty or almost rude. Hard to figure out where you stand in this relationship.
Incongruity between body language and words
In situationship where you are is undefined. The verbal may be incongruent with the non-verbal (actions). Warm kisses on the lips, or even sex, do not go with their behaviour. They do not go out regularly with you and are silent between dates. They snuggle with you in booths, give plenty of hugs and kisses and throw in some complements. This can be refereed to as crumbs. Enough to keep you interested, but not a main course. They are treating you romantically while saying you are “Just Friends.”
It is confusing when their friends seem to think you are a couple or ask you how long the two of you have been dating. Hard to answer when not really knowing if this is considered dating. Perhaps you like their friends and are part of the other’s inner circle.
What to do
Have a discussion of your needs and expectations. Express what you are feeling, “I’m into you – very attracted.” Let them respond, pause as long as it takes to get an answer. In one case, the man’s reply was “I am not ready to take this further.” Yes, vague, but something. She is not sure if that means for this entire decade or for the next few months. Communication is important in situationship.
When being told you are “just friends” for many months, consider dating again when an opportunity arises. This can help you become less fixated on the situationship which is going nowhere.
Questions to ask yourself
Are you getting anything out of it?
Are you better with or without them?
The answers help determine if you want to enjoy the relationship for what it is or if it is time to move on. People’s self-worth can be negatively affected, particularly if they feel there is a flaw within themselves. People coming out of a toxic marriage may feel they are not worthy of anything more and accept what is happening. Be aware of your mental health, and if feeling depressed or anxious, think about making an exit. Keep in mind, you are in a situationship because of the other person, not you. They are fearful, have a traumatic history, attachment disorder, or whatever it is.
One example where it does work out is this. A woman in a situationship with a musician, realized she enjoys going to his gigs and dancing. She has fun going out for pizza periodically in-between times. She decided to stay with the man, but start dating again. She has had several dates so far, and life is fun and fulfilling for her. There is no right or wrong answer, it is what ever is best for you.
Tips For Making A Long-Distance Dating Relationship Work
Long-distance dating relationships can be challenging. Easier to keep the passion high when you can call up your partner and say “Hey, come right over.” Long-distance requires planning, not spontaneity. Many people who have been through these types of relationships, say it was worth the separation. Being sure of each other’s commitment got them through this period.
Long-distance take extra effort to keep them alive. One person might be doing more in the reaching out and this can become frustrating. Logistics have to be factored in, who is travelling and who is not. It is one thing when in the same locale, to decide who pays. Quite another when getting together requires serious money. An example is Harry, who moved and had a six-year long-distance relationship. He resented paying 100% of transportation costs for them both. No give and take financially. Eventually Harry thought about how in other areas of their relationship he was his doing most of the work. Although relationships are rarely 50-50, there has to be somewhat of a balance.
People in long-distance relationships mention how getting together in short bursts is more like being in Disneyland. Fantasy vs reality. It is like being on a holiday, doing fun activities. While this may be fine for some, others want a relationship on a deeper level.
People brought up that they missed or ignored red flags in a long-distance relationship. They concentrated on having fun instead. They dealt with the cracks when these could no longer be ignored. A local relationship could have been patched up or ended sooner. Nip problems in the bud before they get huge. Your partner is not a mind reader, so bring them up.
The Pros
Distance allows commitment to be gradual. One is more conscious of it and makes a choice instead of falling into it. You decide to be a couple and less likely to take the other person for granted. When dating in town, one can fall into a pattern. On Friday night we do this, on Sunday we go out for brunch. When living in different locales, one is not in a predictable schedule or rut.
Being apart forces one to build a stable foundation. The relationship may be moving at a slower pace. One man said there are less triggers to get to him in his long-distance relationship as are in past local ones. He also said that they met on different levels before initiating physical intimacy. One was getting to know each other spiritually. They did not jump into bed right away, as what happens when dating locally. He feels they really got to know each other first before having sex.
Tips for making it work
Communication is imperative. Be conscious of word choice. Are they expressing your intention and exact emotion? Easier to give a more ambiguous communication when not done in person. Emails and texting can seem blunt without vocal quality.
Be aware of your own emotions
Other emotions can come through subconsciously with communication such as hostility or resentment. If you are angry, disappointed, then express them using “I” statements. “I feel hurt when you take several days to answer a text.” Be direct and not sarcastic.
Keep in touch, even if a quick text “Thinking of you. Hope your day is great.”
If becoming serious, discuss where to live together. A US man with a girlfriend in Norway, advises finding neutral territory to settle. They are looking for a city which fits both of their needs. Others may want to move to a place where one of them lives, especially if that person has children. Some couples live in different loculations indefinitely and spend time blocks together. One couple does six weeks together and six weeks apart. This is working fine. Discuss if there is a time table for when living together. Or, if commuting is desirable for you both.
Flexibility is a plus in a long-distance relationship
Here is an example with a happy ending. Matthew and Elizabeth became a couple when they attended university. Matthew went on to law school and Elizabeth studied to be an ophthalmologist in different cities. She had internships in various places during the summer months when Matthew did not have law school. He stayed with her during that time for three years. Elizabeth managed to get one in Matthew’s hometown. They got together at other times during the year. The long-distance part of their relationship for lasted three years. They are blissfully married with two children. When a couple is committed to make it work, it can.
Relationship PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)
Portrait Of Young Shy Couple Sitting On Sofa At Home
Trauma from past relationships affects a current one. The person may do the hot/cold dance – wanting to get closer, yet afraid of being burned again. Not only is relationship PTSD traumatic for the individual, but also to the other in the relationship. The person with PTSD can be afraid to acknowledge even to themselves, deep feelings – as this has led to heartbreak previously.
UK ‘s National Health Service (NHS) defines PTSD as an “anxiety disorder caused by very stressful or distressing events.” People with PTSD have high levels of stress hormones. When danger is perceived, the body produces adrenaline to trigger the fight or flight reaction. “People with PTSD have been found to continue to produce high amounts of fight or flight hormones even when there is no danger.”
How PTSD Manifests
In relationships, the person may bolt when things are getting serious. They are okay at the beginning – the Getting To Know You stage. When simple requests/demands are voiced by their dating partner, it can be overwhelming. “Do I stay and face a risk of rejection (whatever the trigger is)?” This person dances into a relationship, then dances right out again. Or keeps the partner at an arm’s length. You might be kept in the friend zone or friends with benefits one without a commitment.
The individual with relationship PTSD can be self-medicating with either drugs, alcohol, cigarettes or all three. This is to numb themselves and tamp down emotions. It feels more comfortable to put up an emotional blockade around themselves. If they are like a zombie, then there is no opening for trauma to sneak in. This is a faulty protection mechanism which is harmful to relationships. Insomnia is another problem for those with this PTSD. Some get flashbacks whether or not in a new relationship.
A person with dating PTSD is trying to avoid being hurt again. Also tries to avoid repeating patterns which led to the trauma -being left behind and heartbreak. The Lehigh Center for Clinical Research in Allentown, PA, USA states “Avoidance is a common symptom of PTSD. If you avoid communicating with your partner about important matters such as your feelings, because building a wall to protect yourself is easier, then you may be suffering from PTSD from your last toxic relationship.”
One man, Peter, had three traumatic dating relationships in a row and developed PTSD, complete with flashbacks. He opted not to date for 10 years. He became an alcoholic trying to deal with this trauma. Attending AA meetings gave him support dealing with his life. Now he is living with a fabulous woman.
What to do when dating a survivor of PTSD
- Go Slowly.
- Be Patient
- Learn when to pull back. They may crawl into their cave when the relationship is getting too intense.
- Give them space. They not initiate contact for a few weeks.
- Allow time to build a firm foundation. Then they can begin to trust you bit by bit.
It is a delicate balancing act
Pushing to get closer scares them away. Too little leaves them guessing if you are about to do a runner, which may have led to PTSD from previous relationship. Consider sending a short, to the point text “How is your day going?” or when something notable occurs. “I didn’t get the job” or “My short story won a prize.” Responding is easier than generating a text.
Have a full life
When you are busy, your mind is focused on these activities and less likely to be dwelling on the frustration of this dating relationship. You are more interesting and enticing when you do get together. They can laugh and wonder what antics/classes/events you are up to next. Your full life gives fuel for conversations. Taking improv acting classes, having fun at karaoke an d so forth, helps you seem different from previous dating partners where trauma occurred,
You may have to accept their pattern of being there and then backing away. No one can change another person. One can express needs with “I” statements. “I need you to text or call at least once a week.” “I want to get together at least every other week.”
Questions to ask yourself
- Are you getting frustrated with the dance backwards and forwards?
- Are you getting something out of the relationship?
- Are the good times outweighing the disappearing act?
- Are you feeling secure in the relationship?
- Are you both able to discuss personal history, problems, worries, etc?
- Are they focused on you when you are speaking?
- How strongly do you feel about them? In love? Or is it lust or merely a fascination?
Your dating partner is operating from fear. Fear is their reality. They are looking for indications that they may be mistreated again. You may be able to slowly build trust and have a successful relationship. Communication is imperative. Give it your all, and then if you need to bail, you know you did everything that you could. There is hope that after a bumpy start, your relationship can be successful.
How Single Parents Can Better Manage Stress
Life can be stressful for single parents and their kids. For parents, there is financial stress, job stress, interpersonal stress, and the overarching stress of having to raise the kids alone. For kids, there is a completely different type of stress – fear of the unknown and feeling self-conscious about coming of age without their mother or father in the picture. As a single parent, it’s hard to manage it all.
Here are some tips to help give you some ideas on how to minimize stress.
Cut Yourself Some Slack
The first tip is likely the hardest, but it’s something you must strive toward. Single parents often set high expectations for themselves – often too high. However hard it may be, try to cut yourself some slack. Despite any shortcomings, you’re doing the best you can.
Practice Relaxation Techniques
The seemingly obvious way to reduce stress is to remove the stressor from your life. Unfortunately, when it comes to managing a single-parent household, this isn’t always an option. So take steps to alleviate the effects of that stress instead. This is where relaxation techniques come into play.
Meditation can be very effective. Listen to guided meditations or try to focus on whatever brings you inner peace. Simply put, meditation is being mindful in the moment.
You can repeat a mantra, or you can just be in the moment consumed by your present surroundings. If your kids are old enough, you can even get them in on the practice. As Psychology Today points out, meditation is scientifically proven to boost all the best parts of life while removing negativity.
When you’re meditating, make sure you’re in a quiet space in your home to promote relaxation. Wearing comfortable clothes like leggings and a roomy T-shirt can also help you focus.
Get Your Kids Involved
You’re not being a bad parent if you want some free time. You need it if you want to keep your sanity. One way to increase your alone time is to get your kids involved in activities. After-school clubs, sports, community arts groups — you can find an organization that specializes in facilitating the exploration of their interests.
Cultivate their love for community service and volunteering by registering for animal welfare or environmental organizations. If your child is athletic, team sports are a great way for them to meet new people and encounter new role models. Talk to your kids about their interests, and there will surely be something they’d love to get involved in.
Foster a Stress-Free Home Environment
You spend most of your time at home, so it’s naturally going to have a lot of impact on your stress level. A messy, disorganized home is a stressful home. Even if you aren’t a super tidy person, excess clutter can be a problem. This is especially true for a family run by a single parent who is already busy. Take some time to fully declutter your home from top to bottom so it’s more manageable. You can also use some sensory tips and tricks to reduce stress. Plants, essential oils, aromatherapy candles, and natural light can help people feel relaxed. Open those curtains and let the sun shine in.
As a single parent, you are managing a family alone. There’s no way around that. There will be a lot of stress to deal with — both your own and that of your kids. Try to combat this stress by getting your kids involved in engaging activities, making sure you have a clean, organized, calming home environment, and setting some time aside to practice relaxation exercises.
Author Janice Russell believes the only way to survive parenthood is to find the humor in it. She created Parenting Disasters so that parents would have a go-to resource whenever they needed a laugh, but also to show parents they aren’t alone. She wants every frazzled parent out there to remember that for every kid stuck in a toilet, there’s another one out there somewhere who’s just graced their parents’ walls with some Sharpie artwork!
Grief May Surprise You After Divorce Or A Break Up
One may think they are over their relationship or got past divorce and later feel the loss. Grief can sneak up on you and catch you by surprise. It is like swimming in calm waters and a big wave comes up and slaps you hard. It takes time to mourn a marriage or love interest. One day you are fine and the next in tears. It can be lonely at first. Grief comes in stages and one can move back and forth between them.
Denial
This is avoiding the situation. Pretending that things are not happening. Not dealing with reality, such as thinking if you do not hire an attorney, then the divorce will not happen. Or he/she will come to their senses and stay with you. It is delusional thinking. Denial may be manifested as carrying on as usual with the same routines as if nothing is happening.
Anger
This is when a person realizes denial is not stopping the divorce or a break up. The other person is firm, “It is over.” They have collected any personal belongings at your place and have dropped off yours. In a divorce situation, it is no longer possible to deny the divorce is happening. Papers are served. The other party’s attorney has contacted you or perhaps a court date has been set. One is furious that their life is in such an upheaval. Anger can have one reacting instead of responding. Reacting is impulsive and not thinking with a clear head.
Anger can lead to revenge – such as using the children as weapons. Too often in the news, a parent kills the children in a divorce situation to get back at the other one. It can be trashing a spouse’s reputation on social media.
Bargaining
It is hoping that if you change your behavior then the divorce or break up will be stopped. One may try and make a deal with the other person. “I can change. I won’t do (whatever annoyed them) anymore.” Or with a marriage, “I will agree to a divorce if we go to a weekend retreat to try and patch up our relationship.”
Being in the bargaining stage is acknowledging the situation which is not done in the denial stage. It is moving along in the grief process. It is wishing for a miracle to happen.
Depression
Depression in grief is not the same as the chronic clinical one. Rather, it is numbness. Feeling as if stumbling around in slow motion. There may be brain fog or lethargy. The body is worn out from having the strong surge of emotions from earlier in the divorce process. These ranged from shock, panic to despair. It can be a time to take a pause and nurture yourself. The stress hormones, such as cortisol, have flooded one’s body. This quieter time can be a way to chill out and regroup.
Acceptance
This last stage might come during the proceedings or a bit later. One has come to terms with what happened – no longer being married. When it is a break up, finally realizing that person is no longer in your life. One acknowledges the loss and begins to look ahead to the future. A new chapter is opening in life which can include changing careers or relocation. Taking up new challenges and hobbies. It is a time of exploration – whether it is a self-assessment or travel to enticing destinations. Time to start a new chapter in your life. Many of us change careers.
This is based on my article published in the Divorce Magazine out of Toronto.
10 Signs it Might be Time to Talk to a Divorce Attorney
Marriages are complex relationships that have ups and downs. According to the APA, 40 to 50 % of husband and wife in the United States takes divorce. This complicates the choice to divorce. In today’s post, we’ll go over some of the most typical warning signs that your marriage is on the verge of divorce, as well as when it’s appropriate to contact Divorce Lawyers Toowoomba
1. You’re getting into a lot of fights.
Disagreements may be a good aspect of a marriage if they are used to negotiate and grow. Unfortunately, harmful behaviour such as blaming, name-calling, and even emotional or physical violence may occur during fights. If your disputes with your spouse are becoming increasingly heated, it may be time to explore a change.
A famous relationship researcher, John Gottman, discovered that he could predict if a couple will divorce with 93 per cent accuracy. According to him, it all boils down to four behaviours: criticism, defensiveness, disdain, and defensiveness.
If these activities are normal in your relationship and you’ve tried and failed to prevent them, it’s an indication that your marriage is on the verge of falling apart.
2. Your children are suffering as a result of this.
Children are extremely sensitive, particularly when it comes to the persons in their life who are the most precious to them. For many couples who are unhappy in their relationships, it takes a detrimental influence on their children for them to recognise it is time to make a change. If your child has observed several conflicts between you and your partner, you may want to consider the influence of watching this conflict on them.
It has been shown that, in certain cases, children’s emotional well-being increases after their parent’s divorce.
According to one research, 82 per cent of children who have suffered family breakdowns would desire that their parents divorce if they are unhappy. Most parents want to model good relationships for their children; if yours has been less-than-healthy recently, it may be time to consider the next step.
3. Your self-esteem has collapsed.
Is your spouse supportive and appreciative of your greatest attributes, or is he or she critical of you? Everyone has the right to feel comfortable about themselves, particularly in the context of their marriage.
Even if you feel valued by your partner, persistent disagreement inside a relationship can sometimes make people feel inadequate to live up to the standards of a healthy marriage. If your self-esteem has recently suffered, it might be a sign that you are not in the ideal relationship.
4. Your values are the opposite.
Perhaps you had huge aspirations before you married, but they died out when you found your partner didn’t share them. It’s also normal for couples to admit their differences at first and then expect they’ll ultimately get on the same page; perhaps this was the case in your relationships, and you couldn’t meet in the middle.
Opposite thinking and values, regardless of the situation, may produce a lot of difficulties in a relationship and make it difficult to imagine a future together. If you want a large family but your partner does not want children, you may find it difficult to reconcile your opposing desires.
This may be a good moment to take a step back and consider whether you’re prepared to compromise in order to continue in your relationship.
5. The negatives overshadow the positives.
A hard patch is one thing; every partnership goes through them from time to time. On the other hand, if you constantly feel as if a dark cloud is hovering over your marriage, you may want to reconsider. Which issue is more complicated when you list the positives and negatives of your relationship? Approach this with a cool mind and evaluate recent life events and challenges that may be affecting your relationship right now.
6. You two have grown apart.
Sometimes partners begin life on the same road but wind up with opposing ambitions. “You either evolve together, or you grow away,” as the phrase goes. If you and your partner don’t have the same connection you did when you first met, it might cause big problems in your relationships.
The emotional distance between couples can make communicating your wishes and needs to each other challenging. To make matters worse, a lack of communication has regularly been identified as one of the leading reasons for divorce. If you and your partner feel as if you are no longer communicating with each other, you may want to consider divorce seriously.
7. You’ve made changes, but nothing has changed.
Many couples give counselling a go before calling it quits. Some people also strive to make small changes in their everyday lives that will make them both happier. If you believe you’ve done everything and nothing has strengthened your relationship, it might be a sign that you’ve exhausted all choices and should contemplate divorce. Nobody wants to remain miserable for the rest of their lives; you have to draw the line someplace.
8. A Partner is Having an Extramarital Affair
For some people, infidelity means the end of a marriage. They are unable to forgive their partner for having an affair. Some couples can overcome infidelity and maintain a devoted relationship.
If your partner wants to be with the individual, the marriage is gone. It is a clear indication that it’s time to talk to a divorce attorney.
9. Trust Issues
Another pillar of a happy marriage is trust. You must have faith in your spouse to remain faithful and make decisions that are in the family’s best interests. It might be difficult to reestablish trust if your spouse refuses to accept his or her role in losing it.
Trust is supported with respect. It may be tough to sustain a marriage if your partner does not appreciate you. Because of a lack of trust and respect, you may struggle with a variety of difficulties, including investment choices, child-raising decisions, and job choices.
10. Intimacy is lacking.
A lack of emotional and physical closeness indicates a developing loss of interest in the relationship. It might be a sign that your partnership is in danger if you feel more like roommates than two individuals in love.
Taking the Next Move
When you begin to explore divorce, you should speak with a family divorce attorney who can clarify your alternatives. If you have a cooperative partner, you may have a Friendly Divorce and guarantee that each partner’s financial and emotional requirements are fulfilled. It’s critical to find a family law attorney that listens to you and advocates for your rights so you can feel like your old self again in no time.
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If you are considering divorce, information is critical in determining how to proceed. Family Lawyers in Toowoomba provides a 100% private, no-obligation, fixed-fee first consultation with Divorce Lawyers in Toowoomba to discuss your case and explore your choices. If you need our help preparing for a divorce, please contact us, and we will gladly lead you through the procedure at your pace.