single parenting and children

Being a Single Parent has Brought Me Closer to My Children

A bad marriage takes a lot of energy away from the children. As a single mother, I now have lots to spare. It took effort keeping up appearances and being an enabler in the happy family façade. I can be my authentic self and just hang out with the kids, being more light-hearted:

  1. I bring a sense of fun and adventure to my sons’ lives and show them that life itself is an adventure. Whether it is riding elephants in India, walking through ruins in Carthage, or meeting a quirky character in a local café, life is a blast. We no longer tip-toe around someone else’s moods or hide in our rooms, but rather enjoy our new found freedom post-divorce. Now my sons look around for fun escapades and encounters with interesting people of all ages and cultures. Serendipity is the spice of our lives.
  2. When asking my kids about what I do better after divorce they came up with some answers. I really listen to my sons. When one is caught up in being in a bad marriage and getting through a tumultuous divorce, just surviving is an achievement. One hears their children, drives them to activities, but may not intently listen to them. Schedule family meetings to give the kids an opportunity to be heard and nip any little problems in the bud. Ask for their input whether it is reducing expenses, or what new holiday rituals they would like to start. Taking a walk with a son is a way for him to open up at his own speed without feeling pressured.
  3. My sons say that I am more patient now. I used to feel like a pressure cooker ready to explode when married. Now life meanders along and I am caught up in the flow, not fighting to keep my head above water. Other mothers have mentioned being more relaxed post-divorce which leads to being more patient. If you are ready to lose it due to stress, patience is not going to be high on your list of priorities.
  4. We single moms can be more spontaneous. No planning meals, weekends, or entertaining our spouses’ clients with military precision. We can have impromptu picnics, activities, and guests. If I want to use frequent flier miles and go to a far flung place with my sons, we can (both are over eighteen). During my marriage, plans had to be made around my husband’s schedule and post-divorce, this freedom is liberating.   Please read more divorcedmoms.com/articles/i-am-a-better-mom-now-that-im-single