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Global Guide to Divorce
Jack Jack the Cat

Divorcing a Passive-Aggressive Person

Having a rough marriage with a passive aggressive person, gives a glimpse of what lies ahead with divorce. The characteristics that drove you nuts may be intensified during this process.

When contemplating divorce have an exit plan ready. When actually leaving, do this swiftly and be prepared for the charm to be turned on full force. They may not want to let you go, and make promises that will not be kept.

Ways to Know if Your Spouse or Ex is Passive Aggressive:

1.  Passive aggressive people do not deal with anger in a direct way. Be prepared for longer court proceedings. This will mean higher legal costs with these stalling tactics. Tell your attorney right away about this personality disorder so she plan strategies accordingly. Mosby’s medical dictionary states they have “indirect expression of resistance to occupational or social demands. It results in a persistent ineffectiveness, lack of self-confidence, poor interpersonal relationships and pessimism.” By not openly expressing anger, this sabotages proceedings.

2. They avoid confrontations. Strong emotions are hidden and hostility fuels their actions. On the surface he/she appears calm, so it is difficult to know what they are really thinking.

3. Passive aggressive spouses are big blamers. Others are to blame for the problems in their lives and nothing is their fault. It is his wife’s spending that caused their financial woes, not his vintage car collection. Her boss is keeping her from getting the promotion, not the quality of his work. The spouse is a target of this blame which spills over into the divorce proceedings.

4. Passive aggressive people excel with the silent treatment. By not having confrontations, this can result in silence. They sabotage communication by not being an active participant, or may answer questions tersely.

5. The essence of being passive aggressive is not following through with something.  They will agree to bring financial records to the next divorce meeting, but not show up with them. They agree to do a report on the job, but do not have all of the components finished. Post-divorce they say, “The check is in the mail.” Their hostility is expressed by not doing a task that is expected of them.  Please read more: