Imminent Signs of Divorce

There are red flags that divorce may be just right around the corner. Sometimes we are the last to recognize these signs and are surprised when others say “I knew you’d get a divorce.”  It takes extra energy being in a toxic relationship and one may feel overwhelmed and not see the end coming.

I have observed several husbands who seemed nervous and jittery when around their wives. Their interactions were stiff and the husbands looked like they wanted to flee. One was about to tell his wife that he was going to start a relationship with her best friend. The other wanted his freedom. I completely missed it when my spouse was doing the same shaky behavior.  When a spouse suddenly starts acting nervous and can barely get his words out, then there is a serious problem.

If one’s spouse is critical and that escalates to put downs in most social situations, then that marriage is about to explode. In one extreme case, the other  young wives and I discussed these cruel remarks behind the couple’s back. We did not know whether to say something to the husband directly about how we felt regarding his disrespectful behavior towards his wife, or not. We made the mistake of remaining quiet, but did not laugh at his “jokes.” Now I would immediately speak up.

If one’s spouse becomes very secretive and more distant that is another indication that something is amiss. Being more unavailable or unable to make future plans  is a tip off that something or someone else is occupying their time. Are they whispering on the phone and not letting you be in the vicinity when receiving texts?

Check your accounts to see if any funds are not accounted for or if there is missing money. Are there more ATM withdrawals recently? This could be a sign that cash is being squirreled away for a nefarious reason that does not include you. Have there been any financial changes?  My husband colluded with our  CPA to take me off being able to sign business checks or pay bills from that account. During our divorce, I was told that he had a wad of 100s when buying girl scout cookies. A forensic accountant still could not discover where it came from. Be aware that finances can be a clue that a divorce is on the horizon.

Is he or she hanging around more with single friends particularly when they are out picking up people at bars?  One single woman found a familiar ad on Match.Com. Turned out it was the husband of a friend who was in a divorce. A copy of this ad was given to the children’s’ therapist and the custody evaluator.

If you see unsettling behavior from your spouse or weak explanations, consider marital therapy.  A divorce may be imminent.