Co- Parenting: How To Keep Your Kids Safe While On Their Phones

Co-parenting is not an easy path. For couples preparing to go through a divorce, or for already divorced couples working together to create a safe, consistent co-parenting arrangement, there are countless logistics to sort out.

In the digital age that we live in, ensuring that both parents are able to keep in touch with the kids means giving kids access to digital technology. But there is a tricky balance to strike, between allowing your kids freedom to use their phones as they wish, without interfering in their communications with their other parent, and keeping them safe as they navigate social media apps and potential spammers.

In this article we will take a look at some tips for co-parents who want to keep their kids safe while on their phones.

Clear Expectations, Clear Communication

One of the key elements of creating a successful co-parenting dynamic is to establish clear expectations and boundaries. Both parents should be willing to communicate their expectations and preferences when it comes to their kids’ cell phone use. And equally both parents should be open to negotiating and listening to what the other parent has to say.

Alert the other co-parent far in advance of purchasing a phone or phone accessory for your child, so there is ample time to discuss how and when your child will be allowed to use the phone and whether they will bring the phone with them between houses. The last thing you want is for your child to feel they are carrying a “secret device” that one of their parents is not aware of. That would make it clear that both parents are not on the same page.

Consistency is key for maintaining a peaceful home atmosphere for the kids’ sake, so both parents should agree on a clear set of rules before explaining them to the kids. If one parent household allows certain things that are restricted in the other home, power struggles and insecurity can result. Co-parents may want to consider drawing up a contract before they give their children free range to explore the internet and the world of social media.

With the rules clearly set down in writing, children can have a definite understanding of what is allowed and not allowed when it comes to phone use. And so can both parents. Drawing up a contract or tech management plan can clear up any potential misunderstandings and help co-parents work together to maintain healthy boundaries that both parties have agreed upon ahead of time, keeping tech rules consistent across both households. Or, if both households do not agree on the same tech management plan, establishing the written rules can help kids know what rules they are expected to abide by when they visit each home.

What Kinds of Risks Do Kids Face on Their Phones?

There are several types of risk that children can encounter while using a cell phone. Some of these can be filtered out more easily, such as setting parental controls to restrict access to websites with adult content, like pornography, black market trading sites, drug paraphernalia online shops, video sites that feature violent or sexually explicit content, or gambling websites. But there is another layer to keeping your kids safe while using their phones: cybersecurity.

Even people who already take precautions to protect their email inboxes and home internet connection from possible cyberattacks often forget that their phones also present a risk. In fact, 1 in 36 mobile devices already has high risk software installed. Social media apps like Facebook messenger, Snapchat, TikTok, or Instagram can provide a space for unsafe characters to access your children’s personal accounts. This may come in the form of an innocent-seeming message or a message that appears to be coming from someone that your child already knows.

When a bad actor attempts to steal personal information, access login details, or pin the geospatial location of a phone or app user by impersonating someone that seems legitimate, it is called phishing. A hacker that uses phishing techniques can then install malware (malicious software) or spyware on the device in use. Without knowing they have done so, your child may accidentally grant a bad actor access to their personal device or to sensitive information, like your home address or credit card information.

Share Oversight Responsibilities

In order to keep your kids safe from potential hackers, spammers, or other bad actors, it is important to share monitoring responsibilities wherever possible. If you are comfortable with new tech, you can install monitoring software on all devices your child or children may use. This can help ensure that your children are not accidentally accessing pornography, gambling sites, or other forms of adult content that are inappropriate for their age group.

Both parents can agree to install apps like Qustodio, Kidlogger, and Family Shield, among others. Share the research to find the best tech monitoring app to satisfy the safety requirements for both households. Co-parents may want to split the cost of tech monitoring software, to ensure that they are on the same page when it comes to protecting their kids online and on apps.

Then, when you install the monitoring apps, you can set the notifications so that both parents receive alerts if there is some suspicious activity online. Co-parents can also agree to share their kids’ log in details and passwords for every app across devices, so they can regularly check in and monitor activity as needs be.

Both parents should, however, be sure to respect the privacy of the other household. Some tech monitoring apps include real time live tracking information, including the child’s whereabouts. Respectful co-parents should avoid using the tracking software as an opportunity to spy on the other parent household. Establishing healthy boundaries with both children and co-parents is key.

Working Together Across Two Households

Wherever possible, talk to your co-parent to communicate any concerns, apprehensions, or ideas you may have about your child’s phone usage. The more consistent and clear both households are, the more peaceful a transition your child will have as they move across homes. If both co-parents are able to communicate, it it much more likely that your child will maintain consistent tech safety as they use their phone and other tech devices in both households.

Establish clear boundaries, stay firm, and be willing to work together with your co-parent and child to set up strong household rules that can protect your child and allow you to monitor phone usage.

Author of this article is Deb Smythe