A Parent’s Guide to Step-Parents
Parents often do not realize what a step-parent’s role is and cast them into other unwanted ones. Two step-parents resented their assigned positions of negotiator and grief counsellor. Some step-parents said that they are a family friend to the children and not a go-between for the parents. Trevor married a woman with children, who had gone through a contentious divorce. Dealing with her ex was challenging and she admitted to being impatient and losing her cool. Her mild-mannered second husband was drafted to be the intermediary between these two warring parents. Trevor was the unofficial negotiator trying to find a middle ground for co-parenting. When I saw him, Trevor was suffering from low back pain as a result of this stressful circumstance. He had heard that emotional issues could also affect the back, with not feeling supported correlating with low back pain. Using that as a wakeup call, we devised strategies on how Trevor would inform his wife and her ex that he was vacating the position of negotiator. His role was husband – to be supportive of his wife and to enjoy his step-kids without managing their co-parents. Trevor convinced the former couple to work with a mediator and this was an effective solution to an unhappy situation. No matter how well your new spouse gets along with your former one – allow them to be friends and not enlist your new partner as a messenger. Find a professional for the negotiator role. Angus and Katharine, both divorced, met at a conference and the attraction was powerful. They got married and both had children who did well in this blended family, although only Katharine’s daughter Kim lived with them. Katharine tried to be on good terms with her ex and he was invited over on holidays and family events….
How To Pick Right Marriage Partner
Sometimes we pick the wrong partner due to inexperience and youth, or because someone’s true colours show up later. Alice admits to being the personification of the cliché “Love is blind.” When Alice was quite young she married a Vietnam veteran who had Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and he self-medicated with marijuana. In the era of anti-war protests, this couple’s friends were other veterans and their wives. Her husband’s war buddies also were stoners. Alice said that she was too young and meek to make a stand that this was unacceptable to her. When the group gift at their sons’ first birthday party was a bag of pot, that was a wakeup call for Alice that this situation was out of control. They divorced after three years of marriage. She now warns others not to think you can change or fix someone after marriage. Alice and her young son moved across country where she got a job at a university. She developed an acute medical condition which required surgery. Then her mother and close friend died while she was recovering which added to her misery. Alice’s child support was minimal and she struggled financially as a single parent. Henry, a professor in her department, reached out to Alice in her vulnerable state. Henry helped her financially and emotionally as she was trying to cope. Henry became Alice’s mentor, lifeline and then husband. He excelled in the caretaker role – helping Alice get through her medical crisis and mourning. When Alice felt better, this couple adopted a toddler. Alice metamorphosed from a victim into a strong person and an equal partner in the marriage. She voiced her opinions. Henry did not want to step out of his role as caretaker and advisor. He did not like sharing his power and became…
Action to Take When Denied Visitation
It is maddening, not to mention illegal when one parent prevents the other one from seeing their children. Studies indicate that children do better academically and with their behaviour when both parents are in the picture. The key is to remedy this situation and reconnect with the kids as soon as possible. Hindering visitation is violating the parenting plan and has legal ramifications. Being behind in child support is not a reason to be banned from contact with the little ones. Document. Document. Document. This is crucial in building a case, particularly when taking legal action. Save all texts, voice and e-mails and jot down the times and dates of conversations. Keep records of any contact with your ex. Some parents have a calendar which they write on when they have visitation and when they have been blocked from it. Try to communicate and work with your former partner on why visitation is being disrupted. Let them know that you are willing to listen to their concerns. Could there be any validity to their accusations – that you are chronically late returning the youngsters or sometimes cancel at the last minute? See if it is possible to negotiate a new visitation agreement that meets the kids’ needs in a better way. Remember the goal of shared care time is what is in the best interests of the children – not the parents. If you are told that the kids do not want to see you, remind the co-parent that visitation is to take place unless legally stopped. Parental alienation may be happening with the other parent lying or telling the kids that you stopped contact. Parental alienation’s goal is to turn the children away from the absent parent and get him/her to go away. Go to the Cafcass officer or…
Reviving Marriage Before Heading for Divorce
Does your marriage feel like a prison sentence? Boredom and being in a rut can make a marriage seem dull and lifeless. Before ending it, see if it can be revived. Several couples took up golf together with the added bonus of improving their game in foreign locales. See if you can build upon a common interest – plus it gives you both something to talk about. Some couples have bought a holiday home and renovating it reignited the spark in their marriages. Go out to a neutral place, such as a café and have a respectful conversation about your feelings. Use “I” statements, “I feel…” without blame or accusations. Intently listen to his responses and what he feels could be changed in your marriage. Sometimes people rely too much on their spouse for companionship and to meet their social needs. The happiest couples I know each have some individual pursuits and interests outside of their relationships. Consider widening your social network through such groups as MeetUp.com to enrich your life and to see if this improves your marriage. Take a vacation together to provide time to talk in a pleasant atmosphere. It may be easier to have structured group time, such as being on a tour or cruise. Then there is a balance between interacting with others and having alone time. Getting away from your routines and environment, plus having a lot to talk about can realign a relationship. Please read more http://www.splitsville.com/love/10-steps-take-significant-choosing-divorce/?utm_content=buffercaf6f&utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter.com&utm_campaign=buffer
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