Divorce Changes Friendships
Divorce shakes up friendships and you may be surprised at who leaves and who remains. Tips on what to expect and how to deal with relationships through this transition. Divorce is a transition which means a change in many aspects of life. One of these areas is relationships, particularly with friendships. Divorce is a time to reevaluate these friendships to see if they are still beneficial or have run their course. Pals that have stuck by you through thick and thin may no longer be as supportive and it is better to not be taken by surprise. If someone is really your friend they will stick around. If they do not, is that a person you really want in your life? Divorce gets rid of these dead branches and allows new growth (friendships) to appear. Miranda met someone in her women’s group and they clicked right away. They became close friends and had frequent lunches together. Carolyn was right there when Miranda had two miscarriages and they later got to know each other’s children. Once in a while their husbands attended birthday and holiday parties. Miranda confided about her stressful marriage and eventual divorce proceedings. Miranda also shared with Carolyn, recently revealed abuse that prevented overnight visitation. She was shocked and her sons upset when Carolyn stated several times that she loved both Miranda and her ex and would support them both. In abuse situations, this is not a helpful thing to say to children in therapy or to a longtime friend. Carolyn refused to take sides and that friendship withered away. People whom you assumed were close, may choose to side with your former partner. Grieve for this loss in your life and the heartache. As you move on, you may see how shallow these people really are. Friendships Change after Divorce
Children’s View on Divorce
Parents may feel that they are sailing through divorce, yet children can view it quite differently. As a part-time school nurse, I have listened to many children who end up in my nurse’s office with stress induced health issues. Here is what kids wish their parents knew: We are not property that has to be divided equally. One youngster developed an eye twitch after his parents’ divorce. They tried to be fair splitting assets and this carried over to shared care 50/50. The boy did not like the frequent switches to each parent’s home. I spoke to the mother about this boy’s concern. The parents were able to negotiate that he would spend 75% at his mum’s and 25% with dad. His dad would be able to pick Aiden up at his mum’s for an activity and return him there afterwards. The twitch went away with this new arrangement and Aiden enjoyed time with each parent. Do not march into battle over us. It may be appropriate in a Victorian novel to fight over a loved one, but not in this era. I had one student who spent all morning in my nurse’s office while his parents went to war in court over custody that day. His teacher sent this lad to me, since he was incapable of learning in the classroom. Reassure the child that his custody wishes will be taken into consideration. Keep kids out of the divorce drama and do not share details with them. We want to know that there will be some continuity in our lives. Let the kids know that while divorce details are still being decided, the main points in their lives will remain the same. The children will attend their current schools and maintain contact with friends. They will still go to…
Single on Valentine’s Day – How to Have Fun
Valentine’s Day is just around the corner and one can feel like an outcast from Noah’s Ark – where everyone is half of a pair. It is difficult to be alone when it is the first time in a decade or so on this romantic holiday. Here are some suggestions on how to get through this difficult period. A valentine does not have to be a partner, but rather anyone! My four cats are my valentines and we will all devour some treats, me chocolate and them, tuna. If you have children at home, cooking a nice meal together including a decadent dessert will keep you occupied. Babysitting the neighbor’s kids or your nieces and nephews will be engaging and a bit of fun. Children and pets are entertaining and a diversion from any gloom. Get out of town and have an adventure! Last year I had a business trip to a large city and arrived early afternoon on February 14th. It was one of my best Valentine’s Days and I was alone. My centrally located hotel was near a lovely bookstore and I purchased a British mystery. I ended up at a department store where I had a facial and bought chocolates. Reading late in a teahouse was heavenly. Sometimes being away from your familiar environment is the antidote to sadness on this particular night. There are plenty of packaged tours that will send you to a glorious place in the sun or to an exotic locale where the holiday may not be a big deal at all. Surviving this holiday involves distraction. Shake up your usual routine and do something different. Go to an ethnic restaurant or a place with a communal table. My son will be working at a Japanese restaurant on this night and I will…
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