Single on Valentine’s Day – How to Have Fun
Valentine’s Day is just around the corner and one can feel like an outcast from Noah’s Ark – where everyone is half of a pair. It is difficult to be alone when it is the first time in a decade or so on this romantic holiday. Here are some suggestions on how to get through this difficult period. A valentine does not have to be a partner, but rather anyone! My four cats are my valentines and we will all devour some treats, me chocolate and them, tuna. If you have children at home, cooking a nice meal together including a decadent dessert will keep you occupied. Babysitting the neighbor’s kids or your nieces and nephews will be engaging and a bit of fun. Children and pets are entertaining and a diversion from any gloom. Get out of town and have an adventure! Last year I had a business trip to a large city and arrived early afternoon on February 14th. It was one of my best Valentine’s Days and I was alone. My centrally located hotel was near a lovely bookstore and I purchased a British mystery. I ended up at a department store where I had a facial and bought chocolates. Reading late in a teahouse was heavenly. Sometimes being away from your familiar environment is the antidote to sadness on this particular night. There are plenty of packaged tours that will send you to a glorious place in the sun or to an exotic locale where the holiday may not be a big deal at all. Surviving this holiday involves distraction. Shake up your usual routine and do something different. Go to an ethnic restaurant or a place with a communal table. My son will be working at a Japanese restaurant on this night and I will…
Dating Scene – How to Tell the Good Ones from the Bad Ones
Post-divorce you may be stepping back into the dating scene with some trepidation. The rules seemed to have changed and the phrase, “He just isn’t that into you” is floating around in your head. Now you meet someone who seems like a dream and adores you. That is wonderful, or is it? Here are eight tips for differentiating the good date from the bad date. These tips are pertinent for both genders, 1. A good dating partner takes their time getting to know someone and a bad one may push for a commitment right away. A relationship is not a race from the starting line to the finish (marriage). A good partner wants to get to know you too in order to determine if you are marriage material. If someone is pressuring you for nuptials quickly, then wonder why. Is there some dark secret lurking in the background that you are not to discover until too late? 2. A good dating partner lets you go out with friends and family while a not so good one has to always know your whereabouts. She will contact you frequently to see where you are and whom you are with, to make sure it is with the guys. This type of person may start to insert themselves into your social plans, even when just out with some pals. It was awkward when a friend’s fiancé did this and she and I lost contact soon after her wedding. This controlling behavior may escalate after getting married into emotional abuse. Some newlyweds become isolated from friends and family or only visit when the spouse is present. 3. A good date is respectful to all and treats those in the service industry the same as a CEO. They do not belittle anyone for faults, ethnic/religious differences, or for any other reason. They are a good citizen, may volunteer or help people/animals…
Preparing for Divorce
Your marriage may be turbulent – but you may not be sure if you want to jump ship. Whatever the outcome may be – reconciliation, separation or divorce – there are steps to take in the interim. – Get a hold of financial records including tax returns, bank and credit card statements. Find retirement and investment accounts, plus a life insurance policy. Make copies and put them in a secure place and on a flash drive for easy access. Gather information on loans, mortgage or rent, and other monthly expenses to get a full financial picture. Scrutinize joint credit card statements to see if your spouse has been buying presents or spending marital money on a lover. Some spouses have been successful in getting these expenditures reimbursed during divorce proceedings. If there seems to be chunks missing, then possibly your spouse has been liquidating assets or “giving” them to family and friends. After the divorce, these “gifts” would be returned to your ex-spouse. During financial disclosure in divorce, a forensic accountant may be brought on board to investigate any financial discrepancies. Obtain a credit card in your name only. If you have one already, then remove your spouse as a signer on it, if she has that privilege. Having a credit card in one’s name helps to build up a credit rating which is especially crucial once single again. Order a credit report to correct any mistakes, see what the number is, or if your spouse has caused it to take a nose dive for some reason. If you find yourself in an emergency, then a credit card is invaluable. I could not have managed during the six weeks from when my husband left, until the interim support started, without it. – Open a bank account in your name only…
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