How to Get Over an Ex-Spouse or Past Relationship
Part of moving on after divorce is leaving your reconciliation fantasy behind. When one is feeling lonely, that makes it tempting to dwell in the past and ponder if an old romance could be rekindled. A few people have wondered if they were too speedy in wanting a divorce and could have hung on longer. Really think through why the relationship ended. Was there any abuse or lack of respect? Do not fall into the “What if trap.” “What if we had tried…..” Relationships end when interest wanes. Sometimes people are too different to really make a go of it. My friend Connie was having a bad patch in her marriage and looked up a former love. They have different lifestyles which may have clashed in the long run. He is happily married with a very active life in the political arena in Washington D.C. He makes the news with the parties he attends and his well-dressed appearance. Connie rarely entertains, is more of a blue jeans type of a girl, and is vegan. When asked if she would throw lavish soirees, serve meat or be elegantly attired on a regular basis, she had difficulty responding. Eventually Connie realized that if they had stayed together, maybe she would not be as happy as she had fantasized. When she and her husband made up, that longing for that past relationship diminished. Please read more… http://blogsondivorce.com/getting-over-an-ex-spouse-or-former-love/
Ways to Negotiate Child Support
States have a formula to determine the amount of child support, but this is not an arbitrary figure. Negotiations can increase this amount. Parents have the right to come to their own agreement on child support and not rely on their state’s guideline. Submit the agreement to the court in order to make it official, in case there is difficulty in collecting it at a later date. Child support is non-modifiable (no changes allowed) or modifiable (may be changed at a later date). I chose non-modifiable because I did not want to deal with any divorce issues again. If it looks like your spouse might be in for a big promotion, or his artwork is starting to sell, then modifiable may be the right choice. Then you can go to court when this happens to ask for an increase. If your husband has a good job and you think that might change, then you may choose non-modifiable so the rate does not dip. The judge looks at the potential earning ability of both parents as part of determining child support. If the state’s guideline for child support seems too low, consider working with your spouse on this issue. If you are having a court divorce, it is hard to know how the judge will rule on it. Perhaps a spouse would take a few more household items and artwork in exchange for a slightly higher child support amount. Go online to your state’s “calculator” to get an idea of what to expect before the negotiation. Wish I had done that. Get documentation and financial records pertaining to your children together for negotiations. Figure out your expenses including your rent (the kid’s shelter), food, clothes and activities to show why you would require a higher rate for support. Offer proof with…
Divorce Stigma
Society has come a long way in accepting divorce, but still has more to do. Growing up in the late 1960’s meant that I was different because I had a divorced mother. I was mortified when my first grade teacher, Sister Julie Clare, said that she would pray that my parents would get back together. I was sure that nuns had more clout with God, so was afraid that this tragedy might occur. My mother assured me that there was no way in hell that this would happen, so I became my happy self again. There was only one other girl in the school with a divorced mother and none in my neighborhood. No one overtly teased me, but I still felt judged by my situation. Fast forward four decades and it almost seems like the norm to be divorced. Kids discuss their half-siblings and step-relatives with ease, as if it is to be expected. It has been more elderly people who have attempted to give me condolences, instead of the high five. My happily married friends share divorce stories of other friends and relatives to reaffirm my normalness. They joke that being in long-term marriages seems to be the new anomaly. That said, in some cities in the UK and US, divorce is less accepted. I went to India which has a 1.1% divorce rate, so expected to be looked down upon in my divorced state. What a surprise to be so wrong. A leading Indian women’s magazine had an article on how to get through your divorce `. Our guide was reading the section in the paper where parents were looking for good mates for their offspring. There was even a part for parents seeking new spouses for their previously divorced sons and daughters. No one batted an…
Girlfriends Got Me Through My Divorce
Girlfriends helped me keep my sanity during the crazy time of divorce. When I was falling apart, they put me back together again. They were my cheerleaders and reality check. When teetering on the brink of a breakdown or meltdown, they knew just what to say. I would not have been able to move on this well without them. What is the difference between girlfriends and friends? I have an eighty-seven year old friend that I have known since the 1980’s. I can confide in her and we are close. There are boundaries that I do not cross, such talking about sex, or telling her what I really think about some of her family members. My girlfriends are more chatty and catty. They bluntly express when I am acting stupid, spending too much money, or need to step back from a college-age kid, to let him make his own mistakes. Friends may be more diplomatic, but girlfriends keep me right on track. Both friends and girlfriends are invaluable for reducing stress and getting on with life. One girlfriend bought me a relaxation CD at the onset of my divorce. Putting it on before bedtime, or to chill out in the afternoon, reduced the tightness in my muscles and induced sleep. Another gave me some spa items which were bliss. Going out for lattes helped me to feel connected to the outside world when my life centered around collaborative divorce meetings and the numerous e-mails in between. My girlfriends listened to my rants over and over again, while my friends were more impatient. My friends discussed many interesting topics which took the focus off me and I appreciated this diversion. Tell people what you want and need, since they most likely are not telepathic. Let others know that even going out…
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