How to Co-Parent with a Difficult Ex-Spouse
Co-parenting is a challenge with a difficult ex from an acrimonious divorce, however there are ways to make this task easier. The main point is to fly under his/her radar. These people are looking for ammunition to get back at you for leaving, so do not give any opportunity for an attack. This includes not mentioning them or divorce details on social media. The less direct contact one has with this type of ex, makes co-parenting smoother. A way to make co-parenting with a high conflict individual easier is to make sure you are nurtured. Get a massage. Go out and vent to buddies. Join a support group who can give you understanding and strategies on getting through this ordeal. Do activities that bring you joy and may have been buried during marriage. Get yourself in the best place possible, mentally, physically, and spiritually to be able to deal calmly with a co-parent who does not want to cooperate. Whatever you can do to empower yourself and become stronger – weakens the hold of these contentious co-parents. Take a class which could lead to a new career path. Do a charity bike ride in a far flung place. Trek up Mt. Kilimanjaro for a life changing experience, as one divorce pal did. These physical challenges have awakened a new sense of power and increased self-esteem in many people. Sometimes one’s self-esteem and self-worth took a battering in a toxic marriage and requires this boost. Connect with others through volunteering. When you have other interests, a social network, and new areas of expertise – you are less able to be manipulated or controlled. Approach interactions with your ex, without emotion as if it were business ones. Redirect communication to stay focused, so the high conflict parent does not go off on…
Missing your Ex-spouse After Divorce
Now that you are divorced, you may be having second thoughts because you miss your ex. Even if you initiated it, you are not immune from this feeling. Maybe post-divorce is a bit lonelier than anticipated. There are ways to get through this period and confirm that your decision was the right one. Try to differentiate between actually missing him/her as a person, or missing the whole package of married life itself. Do you miss their qualities and characteristics specifically, or just being half of a duo? It is crucial to determine if this is more about losing a housemate, or rather him/her as an important person in your life. If your residence seems empty and you have to fill this void, that is not missing your ex as a person. How should you manage if you truly miss his jokes, advice, and other sterling traits? Let some time pass and do not contact him. Your emotions are still raw and you need to heal first. This would be a good time to discuss your feelings with a divorce coach to clarify them. Was your ex-wife extremely hurt or angry with the divorce? I know of some former couples who are good friends now but, took a long timeout after their breakups. This may be possible for you down the road. I know a young couple who got married right after high school when she became pregnant. The marriage only lasted a few years because they were young and constantly pushed each other’s buttons. Years later they felt that they had matured and could not live without each other, and so remarried. Unfortunately, they got married again without addressing the issues that initially drove them apart. They had another child and later an explosive divorce. Do not even think of getting…
Tips on How to Have Fun When the Kids are away on Visitation
The first several visitations post-divorce can be particularly difficult. I cried during the second one and realized that making an effort to do fun things was a logical solution to this situation. What worked was polling some divorced pals on what they did during visitations. The key to surviving visitations is distraction. Discover diversions and amusements to keep you occupied and the time can fly by. 1. Play tourist in your own city. Have you avoided your local art museum because it did not make your children’s top twenty list? Rediscover interesting and quirky places that might not appeal to the kids. Do you live near a winery that could be a leisurely day trip? Grey Line Tours and your local ones go to interesting sites around and beyond your locale. I sent my son and a house guest to a nearby tourist town and they had a great time. They enjoyed the others on this day tour as much as they did the itinerary. 2. Go to an amusement park, circus, or similar fun place. Post-divorce I took my sons to Disneyland for a long weekend and had a 45 minute chat in line with the lady behind me. Apparently her kids were at visitation and she “needed” to have a bit of fun. She was laughing and discussing the other rides that she had been on earlier. I had never thought about going to an amusement area by myself before, but this is something to think about for your situation. 3. Check out upcoming festivals in your town. There are crowds and I usually run into people I know. Quite a lot of singles are enjoying these fun events, so I don’t feel like I stick out in a crowd. In two places where I have lived, there…
Tips on Helping Others Get Through Divorce
Getting through an acrimonious divorce makes one an expert. You learned the ins and outs and discovered what worked. Making it through this difficult life transition enables you to illuminate the path for others. Just be careful of how you do this. 1. Do not give unsolicited advice to your friend during her divorce. None whatsoever. Yes, they may be making the same mistakes, but even well-meaning advice can be perceived as criticism or judgmental. Bite your tongue if necessary. There are ways to get information across plus share your wisdom by speaking about personal divorce experiences. 2. Pick relevant divorce scenarios that you survived and your friend is facing now. If you wished your ex’s pension plan had been divided in half and you received less of another asset, then let your friend know. She/he is making financial decisions too. Maybe you bought your spouse out of your marital home and wished that it had been sold and profits divided — that is a helpful tip. Letting them know what worked and what didn’t in your divorce gives one information to digest about their own situation. An acquaintance told me the best thing she did in her divorce was to select a strong therapist for her son who was comfortable going to court. I asked for his name and he ended up going to court post-divorce for my younger son. She never told me what to do. Use statements like, “Have you thought about,” or “Did your attorney consider?” 3. Inquire if they want some divorce resources to help get through divorce. Inform them of what helped you in your community. I tell people about our local community college’s women in transitions course which brought in speakers on a plethora of topics, such as finances, dealing with stress and moving on. This class is available across…
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