Global Charities to Help with Divorce
During divorce there are online and offline groups to help one get through this life changing transition. In the States, it is common for a judge, interim psychologist, or the solicitors to mandate that the spouses take a co-parenting class (separately). However, after divorce, when I particularly wanted assistance for myself, it was scarcer. Of course I could have gone to a life coach, which is helpful, but I wanted the type of interaction only found in group setting. In the UK today, there are several organisations in the UK that provide post-divorce support and guidance in such a setting. The charity Divorce Recovery Workshops (DRW) is mainly staffed by volunteers who have gone through divorce themselves. Their six sessions are around two hours and cover such topics as “Coping with your ex-spouse”, “Letting Go and Forgiveness” and “Thinking about new relationships.” A video is shown first, followed by a discussion and sharing of experiences. The participants realize that others are going through the same problems and “recovery from traumatic experiences can bring opportunities for personal growth.” DWR has quarterly weekend retreats in lovely country hotels from Friday evening to after Sunday lunch. Since they are a non-profit organization, fees are kept reasonable. Go online to find a workshop near your area www.drw.org.uk Divorce Care is a global organization that has branches in the UK and elsewhere. I tested this by selecting the various cites of London, Cape Town, Auckland, New South Wales, Australia, Cincinnati (USA) and Chicago and yes there were groups in these places. Divorce Care meets weekly and shows a “video seminar” first and then there is a discussion and sharing of the participants’ lives. People learn practical tips that help them recover from divorce. Some Divorce Care participants have stated that it is like becoming part of…
How to Deal with Children’s Anger with Divorce
Divorce is a death of a marriage and former life. Anger is a stage in the grief cycle of Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. It is natural for your children to go through these normal stages of grief, and dealing with their anger is an expected by-product of divorce. Even if kids are relieved that their parents are divorcing, there is still the fallout of stress and an upheaval in their lives. How you deal with your own fury will reflect how the children deal with their anger issues. Are you erupting like a volcano or are you an oasis of calm? You are a role model for the kids, so think how you may be contributing to their angry outbursts. Exhibit the behavior that you wish your kids to emulate. When I react, it does not work as well as when I pause and then respond. My responses are calmer, targeting the problem, rather than angry demands of my child. Reactions, as opposed to responses, are more apt to inflame an already volatile child, rather than giving guidance. Take a deep breath or count to three to maintain your composure when the kids are pushing your buttons. Here are a few helpful ways to deal with your child’s anger: 1. Use “I” statements when addressing angry kids. Say “I feel disrespected when…” or “I will be fine doing that for you, when you ask in a calm voice.” You are taking responsibility for your own emotions and not giving kids power by inferring that they have control over you, as in, “You make me feel…” When you have house rules that apply to all, enforcing them is not personal. A good standard rule is, “In this house we treat others with respect and use quiet voices.” – See more…
Arranged Marriages
The divorce rate is much lower (4-6%) for arranged marriages than for traditional ones (40-45%). India leads the world with the lowest divorce rate (1.1%) with 90% of their marriages being arranged in some fashion. Are arranged marriages better than love matches? There are pros and cons to each type. In some cultures, especially Asian and Middle Eastern ones, divorce is less acceptable than in the Western world. Spouses may be informally separated which would not be reflected in the divorce statistics. In areas where domestic abuse is higher, there may not be a support system in place for women wanting to leave their husbands. Some families paid a dowry, so disentangling is more complicated. Having a divorced offspring may bring shame to a family. These are external forces keeping a couple together. Parents or matchmakers determine the personality traits, outlooks, interests, and temperament of a person and find a suitable mate with similar qualities. The young people are from the same background, educational level, class, and religion to ensure compatibility. Some of the divorces in the West are due to vastly different backgrounds which become insurmountable when problems surface down the road. The parents check on potential mates’ backgrounds and more modern ones may hire a private detective. Please read more… http://divorcedmoms.com/articles/are-arranged-marriages-more-successful-than-traditional-marriages
Anger Keeps You Attached to your Ex
Anger is another way to keep you attached to your ex after divorce. Here are reasons to sever the anger tie that keeps you bound to your ex. 1. Anger can shrink rather than expand your social network. One divorced woman I know was perpetually angry with her ex and his truly awful family. Instead of being pleased that she got out of that mess, got her Master’s degree, and an exciting job, Penny kept harping on her ex. She endlessly kept going back to that subject, even though her friends lost patience eons ago. She drove pals away when they responded “enough is enough” and Penny refused to listen. Anger can turn a friendship from give and take to just being a sounding board for someone’s misery. 2. Anger is energy that is spent thinking about your ex or plotting various ways of his demise. It may be a two way street with your anger fuelling his, with retaliation. Anger robs people of time and energy that can be used in a more constructive manner. If you are neutral about someone, such as a co-worker or neighbor, there is no specific tie to them. You interact with them, but then go on you merry way about your own business. Anger is a strong emotion – no take it or leave it attitude. Do you really want this attachment to your ex? 3. Anger builds a wall around people. it is like wearing a “No Trespassing” sign around your neck – stay away. One woman who was bitter post-divorce would yell at her daughter over trivial things. Anger towards her ex splashed over into most areas of her life. The girl did not have much of a relationship with her mother until after college when they were more like friends….
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