Financial Fasting a New Trend
Financial Fasting works much like diet fasting does when one reduces calories for a day of two a week. This is particularly helpful for those just emerging from a life transition, such as divorce. Fasting may be short lived, such as when one wants to lose a few pounds before a special event. Or it can be long term, as some of my European friends do. Think of your finances in a similar vein. UK’s Women & Home magazine’s August 2013 issue has an article describing this latest trend. Cut down on expenses for one or two days a week and spend your normal amounts on the other days. This will get you ahead of the financial game and put some extra cash in your bank account. You may want to just have a designated time period for this financial fast, such as three months with an option to extend it. For me, seeing a short-term goal makes it easier to do. The article suggested the usual, bring your lunch and leave your credit cards at home on fasting days. It also suggested viewing the financial fast as a trade. You are giving up some extra frivolous expenditures for something that you would really enjoy, such as a facial. You could have a special ongoing goal as my sons and I do. We have a vibrant pottery canister that is our “Travel Fund.” We forgo extra clothes, gadgets, etc and put that money into the Travel Fund. We fast financially, by going to coffee shops instead of expensive dinners. Give this Financial Fast a go and see your dream reached a little quicker.
Family Dynamics Changing Post-divorce
Some family relationships may take a nose dive post-divorce and you may go through the grieving process for what is lost and will never be again. Take Naomi for example, she had written her step-mother regularly and sent cards for every occasion. She felt that they had a good long distance relationship. Her sons had told their step-grandmother about some abuse that they had suffered during the marriage and subsequent therapy post-divorce. The step-grandmother kept in contact with the ex, despite the boys’ wishes. Naomi wrote her step-mother saying that she and the boys would be in town for a short visit and gave two possible dates to get together. Imagine her shock when her step-sister wrote a scathing note back stating that her mother did not want to see them because the ex had a different story regarding his sons. The step-sister and Naomi only exchanged Christmas cards, so she was surprised at the intensity of the venom. The step-sister also was a friend of the ex on Facebook, although she had not seen him in over 15 years. Sometimes you just have to let people go and realize that this is in your own and children’s best interest. If someone has an idea so entrenched in their brain, it may be better just not to respond. Or keep them at a distance and only exchange holiday cards, without a personal message. Another issue in a situation like this, is how to gently explain something to your children. Part of the vitriol of that letter was specifically directed at her younger son. She told both boys that Grandma was unable to meet up with them for that visit. Naomi is going to show her other son (in his early 20s) that letter a bit later. You don’t want to…
Visitation When There Has Been Previous Abuse Pre-divorce
During the divorce process, there are two attorneys and possibly an interim child psychologist looking over the parents’ shoulders during visitation. They are checking to make sure that a parent is not trying to alienate the other one and that the children are having smooth transitions. In the majority of cases visitation goes well with children benefiting with the presence of both parents in their lives. When there has been some past abuse or the children feel threatened, or unsafe, then measures can be taken. These tips help children feel more comfortable. Get a track phone for your child with an x amount of prepaid minutes. Some of these phones will let you program a few important numbers in them. I taped that track phone’s number and my son’s therapist one on the back for any emergency. Just carrying the phone discreetly in a pocket can help a youngster feel more secure. Bach Flower Rescue Remedy comes in a dose for children This is for an acute, stressful situation, if one should arise. I would only send this with an older child who understands how to correctly take this stress remedy. Another helpful hint is letting the child take a small object that helps her feel more powerful. It may be a saint’s medal or a special natural stone with certain perceived protective properties. My younger son got a Chinese character with a specific meaning from a compassionate shopkeeper. He still wears it around his neck for ongoing protection. My older son also included a smooth gemstone in his pocket that he fingered when upset. Maybe a small toy would be comforting for a young child. If the older child drops out of visitation when she turns 18 and the younger one refuses to go alone, then supervised visitation is…
Joint, Physical, Sole and Legal Custody
Joint, Physical, Sole and Legal Custody have distinct differences and it is important to understand these during divorce negotiations. Sole Custody can be granted to one parent when the other or the partner is abusive or impared. The courts across the country are moving away from granting this type of custody and are giving Legal Custody to both parents. In sole custody, the one parent has complete say in the child’s decisions and does not have to consult the other one. If one parent is completely out of the picture, then this is when sole custody is more likely to be awarded. Legal Custody is usually granted to both parents and this allows them to make decisions regarding the child’s medical, educational, religious and schooling even if one parent is in jail. The incarcerated parent can still have imput on the child’s upbringing. When a parent has alcohol or drug abuse, then visitation may be supervised, but legal custody can still be awarded. If a parent makes important changes, such as a school, the other parent can take that parent to court if he was not consulted in this decision. Although my children had visitation, I was reprimanded for not informing my son’s father that our child had gotten a job during our divorce. If the other parent is abusive, Legal Custody can still be awarded, with a court mediator being appointed. Then all communication between parents would go through this person. Physical Custody is granted to the parent where the child completely or mainly resides. This may be that the child lives with his mother during the week and stays at his father’s house on the weekends. It also is awarded to a parent when there is no overnight visits or in cases where visitation is supervised. Joint Custody is when the child spends…
SIGN UP FOR OUR NEWSLETTER
© 2023 Wendi’s Tips. All Rights Reserved. Website by Noventum