Visitation When There Has Been Previous Abuse Pre-divorce
During the divorce process, there are two attorneys and possibly an interim child psychologist looking over the parents’ shoulders during visitation. They are checking to make sure that a parent is not trying to alienate the other one and that the children are having smooth transitions. In the majority of cases visitation goes well with children benefiting with the presence of both parents in their lives. When there has been some past abuse or the children feel threatened, or unsafe, then measures can be taken. These tips help children feel more comfortable. Get a track phone for your child with an x amount of prepaid minutes. Some of these phones will let you program a few important numbers in them. I taped that track phone’s number and my son’s therapist one on the back for any emergency. Just carrying the phone discreetly in a pocket can help a youngster feel more secure. Bach Flower Rescue Remedy comes in a dose for children This is for an acute, stressful situation, if one should arise. I would only send this with an older child who understands how to correctly take this stress remedy. Another helpful hint is letting the child take a small object that helps her feel more powerful. It may be a saint’s medal or a special natural stone with certain perceived protective properties. My younger son got a Chinese character with a specific meaning from a compassionate shopkeeper. He still wears it around his neck for ongoing protection. My older son also included a smooth gemstone in his pocket that he fingered when upset. Maybe a small toy would be comforting for a young child. If the older child drops out of visitation when she turns 18 and the younger one refuses to go alone, then supervised visitation is…
Joint, Physical, Sole and Legal Custody
Joint, Physical, Sole and Legal Custody have distinct differences and it is important to understand these during divorce negotiations. Sole Custody can be granted to one parent when the other or the partner is abusive or impared. The courts across the country are moving away from granting this type of custody and are giving Legal Custody to both parents. In sole custody, the one parent has complete say in the child’s decisions and does not have to consult the other one. If one parent is completely out of the picture, then this is when sole custody is more likely to be awarded. Legal Custody is usually granted to both parents and this allows them to make decisions regarding the child’s medical, educational, religious and schooling even if one parent is in jail. The incarcerated parent can still have imput on the child’s upbringing. When a parent has alcohol or drug abuse, then visitation may be supervised, but legal custody can still be awarded. If a parent makes important changes, such as a school, the other parent can take that parent to court if he was not consulted in this decision. Although my children had visitation, I was reprimanded for not informing my son’s father that our child had gotten a job during our divorce. If the other parent is abusive, Legal Custody can still be awarded, with a court mediator being appointed. Then all communication between parents would go through this person. Physical Custody is granted to the parent where the child completely or mainly resides. This may be that the child lives with his mother during the week and stays at his father’s house on the weekends. It also is awarded to a parent when there is no overnight visits or in cases where visitation is supervised. Joint Custody is when the child spends…
Collaborative Divorce – A New Team Member
There is a new member on the Collaborative divorce team. A career coach is becoming an invaluable asset in collabortive divorce negotioations. Quite a few women have put aside their work aspirations to raise a family and have been out of the job market for awhile. A career coach may be brought in to help these women determine their strengths and weaknesses and develop a plan of action. An intial assessment of skills and interest is performed and then the woman and career coach investigate potential jobs and career paths. It may be that the woman has developed different interest areas and accomplishments from her previous jobs and requires some vocational guidence during and post-divorce. The career coach can assist with concrete tasks, such as helping to write a resume and check job wanted ads. Another function is to provide reassurance and support for the spouse who is now hunting for a job. An additional reason that a career coach is brought onboard is to help determine alimony and child support during collaborative divorce negotiations. These are determined by the earning potential of both spouses. If one spouse has to go back to school or training to update her skills or license, then the career coach can point this out for a fairer alimony/child support settlement. In an acrimonious divorce, the career coach is a neutral person who can help set alimony/child support in an impartial manner.
Bobbi Brown’s tips for life
In Bobbi Brown’s new book,” Beauty Rules”, she has nuggets of wisdom which apply to all of us. She states to “be nice” and that “you must be kind to others”. Also to “tell the truth”. She said “to take risks”, giving the example of going to NYC, without contacts and making cold calls to people in the beauty industry .Bobbi Brown said ” never give up”, even working for free on a trial basis to show your skills. “Be on time” and “be open” to whatever may be coming your way. Feel your passion and to “care about something”, whether it’s animals, the environment or whatever. She suggests “giving back” by finding a cause and that is special to you. Bobbi Brown advocates “working hard” even if this means starting from the very bottom and working your way up the corporate ladder. “Look people in the eyes” to show your confidence, even if you aren’t feeling it at the moment. Bobbi Brown learned that looking and feeling pretty matters to one’s self esteem. I am helped by reading of successful people’s struggles and the wisdom that they learned along the way. So many people have nuggets of wisdom that we can incorporate into our own lives, whether they are celebrities or a valued elderly neighbor.
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