Emotional Aspects of Searching for an Ex-Partner Online
The internet has made it easy to check up on former spouses and boy or girlfriends. In some cases, one may feel relief, “I dodged a bullet on that one.” In other instances, it can lead to the what ifs – “What if I had stayed with him/her.” When deciding whether or not to look up an ex-partner, first think about your motivation. Is it idle curiosity or pondering the question of getting divorced, if an ex may be available? One acquaintance’s wife went on social media to discover the whereabouts of an old boyfriend. She contacted him and they started having long weekends together that she passed off as business trips. When her suspicious husband confronted her, she confessed about the affair. This couple soon divorced and she later married her former boyfriend. Be clear why you are seeking out information, especially when already in a committed relationship. People may be delving back into the past to see if they have made good choices. This can get into the dangerous territory of regrets. There may be one person who slipped through their fingers and got away. Seeing that individual’s fabulous lifestyle online can have one questioning why they broke up with them, especially if currently going through a divorce. People may wonder if they were too hasty in letting a love interest go. Instead of saying “what if” think about the great children you now have or the life experiences you would have missed if you did not take the road that you did. Social media and online searches hit the surface- the great professional accomplishments- but usually do not get at the character traits and values. What tore you apart before, can still do so today unless you both have changed or had some type of enlightenment. After…
New Trend for Second Marriages
There is a new trend after divorce when getting remarried, which is each person keeps their own home. Some divorced folks whose subsequent marriages are in their second decade or so, claim living apart is their secret to marital satisfaction. Keep in mind, these are people who do not have a child together who would be shuttled back and forth between two places. These couples are childless or have offspring who have flown the nest. Why is this occurring? In one case, a couple could not decide which location to live in. Although neither had nine-to-five jobs, they had work commitments tied to their residences. He free-lanced in London and she was an artist near Cornwall who painted exquisite landscapes. They felt that they had loads of time to decide where to live which turned out to be the key to making this work. He spends long weekends enjoying the bucolic countryside around her cottage and she likes the excitement of a few days in London. They use their time apart for some solitude or getting together with local friends. What surprised these two was that they had already hit upon the solution – to continue their current lifestyle permanently . When together, they are very focused on each other. How does living in separate households work? Are you both independent types who crave alone time or do not want someone around 24/7, no matter how much you are in love? One couple who each have been divorced, are both in education. He is on the faculty of a college and she is a therapist in a primary school. They live nearby in their own houses and have been together for nine years. She states that they would “Drive each other crazy” if they ever lived under the same roof….
Online Dating Tips
Online dating has created many happy unions. Sometimes it works out well and other times it fails. The intention of both parties may not be in sync which can derail the success of their first date. Ascertain if the other party seems to be on the same page as you. If you are seeking a new partner – is the other person also, or merely looking for a good time? Several men in their twenties have clued me in on a point. Young people may not be searching for a committed relationship, but instead are desiring a hook up. They rapidly swipe on the left just by looking at the picture (Tinder). If the photo looks like “that person will put out the first time” then they swipe on the right. Keep this in mind if you are the one receiving the swipes on the left. Do not think of this as rejection, but rather saving you from a date who only wants sex. A fellow said that one can go through a lot of people’s profiles quickly online and view them superficially. This is particularly done when looking for a short-term fling or an easy conquest. Put some thought into how you are presenting yourself on dating sites. Have a friend check your profile and photo. What you think shows your fun-loving side may be misinterpreted for something more shallow. That is why having another pair of eyes going over your profile and picture is important. You want your profile to reflect the different facets of your personality. If you are wanting a long-term relationship, then be clear about that so people after a one night stand are not contacting you. Take safety precautions when going out with someone who was met online. Meet in a public place. If…
Post-Divorce, Spend Time vs Money On Your Children
Divorce takes up a lot of time – preparation, getting records together and the proceedings itself. It can be easier to buy X-Box games or toys to keep your children occupied while you focus on your divorce. Buying expensive stuff is a way to assuage your guilt, but is not what kids need in this chaotic period. Their world is changing and what they require is your extra attention. Take time to stop what you are doing and make eye contact to be fully present with them. Give them undivided attention daily, even if in short bursts. Ask them open ended questions to facilitate communication and encourage the little ones to express their feelings. There is an ongoing debate about quality vs quantity of time spend with your youngsters. Various studies suggest it is quality which is more important. Many parenting experts disagree and claim it is quantity that matters in the long run. Hang out with your kids even if doing separate activities as the close proximity is beneficial. I tend to be in the middle where we have special family activities, but also do our own thing nearby each other. Doing errands and chores together counts as spending time with your sons and daughters. Consider having a routine where you have scheduled events. It may be a picnic in the park every Thursday in the summer, or excursions to the ice cream shop. My sons and I enjoyed pizza while watching DVDs one night a week year-round. When my sons reminisce about our new lives post-divorce, it is not about any gadgets, but rather our family togetherness. Children understand more than we give them credit for – and can come up with low cost fun. Like other families we knew, my boys and I also enjoyed playing board…
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