How to Achieve an Amicable Divorce
A key piece to having an amicable divorce is what is happening pre-divorce. If discussing whether or not to part-ways, do it in a calm manner without assigning blame. Use I statements to describe your feelings and unhappiness with the marital situation. Respecting each other is the cornerstone of having an amicable divorce. If you are the one delivering the news, try to have compassion for your spouse and do it in a gentle way. Think about what brought you two together in the first place and what characteristics that you like about them. This helps in seeing the big picture where divorce is part of what happens in your relationship, but does not end it. Some couples become better friends after divorce, especially when the process is conducted with integrity. Select a friendlier type of divorce such as mediation or a collaborative one. Litigation in court is adversarial where one spouse is pitted against the other one. In mediation or collaborative divorce, the spouses and their legal representatives work together as a team to accomplish splitting assets and finalizing the marital split. Gov.uk has much information online regarding divorce and needed forms. It is possible to find online companies who provide guidance and a divorce kit for what is required by the court for spouses who want a divorce in this manner. Some spouses want a DIY divorce to keep things simple. Choose what is most comfortable for you. Discuss how the divorce papers will be delivered to the other spouse if applicable. This can sabotage having an amicable divorce when they are served to a spouse in front of their boss or clients. Receiving divorce papers can be a shock, even when following a discussion about separating. To keep divorce amicable there is give and take. Negotiations are…
Divorcing a Passive-Aggressive Person
Having a rough marriage with a passive aggressive person, gives a glimpse of what lies ahead with divorce. The characteristics that drove you nuts may be intensified during this process. When contemplating divorce have an exit plan ready. When actually leaving, do this swiftly and be prepared for the charm to be turned on full force. They may not want to let you go, and make promises that will not be kept. Ways to Know if Your Spouse or Ex is Passive Aggressive: 1. Passive aggressive people do not deal with anger in a direct way. Be prepared for longer court proceedings. This will mean higher legal costs with these stalling tactics. Tell your attorney right away about this personality disorder so she plan strategies accordingly. Mosby’s medical dictionary states they have “indirect expression of resistance to occupational or social demands. It results in a persistent ineffectiveness, lack of self-confidence, poor interpersonal relationships and pessimism.” By not openly expressing anger, this sabotages proceedings. 2. They avoid confrontations. Strong emotions are hidden and hostility fuels their actions. On the surface he/she appears calm, so it is difficult to know what they are really thinking. 3. Passive aggressive spouses are big blamers. Others are to blame for the problems in their lives and nothing is their fault. It is his wife’s spending that caused their financial woes, not his vintage car collection. Her boss is keeping her from getting the promotion, not the quality of his work. The spouse is a target of this blame which spills over into the divorce proceedings. 4. Passive aggressive people excel with the silent treatment. By not having confrontations, this can result in silence. They sabotage communication by not being an active participant, or may answer questions tersely. 5. The essence of being passive aggressive is not following through with something. …
Negotiating a Settlement in Divorce
In divorce negotiations, who gets what asset can be the most difficult part of the whole process. People sometimes have the winner-take-all mentality, which leads to prolonged divorces. Negotiating is like a dance. One person takes a step backwards and the other one goes forward. The partners move in sync and sometimes apart from each other. They dance around some of the lesser issues to concentrate on what is most important to them. As in dance – flexibility is important. If your spouse is not going to budge on one item, go after something similar, or two smaller ones which may have an even greater value when combined. Here are tips for negotiating a fair divorce settlement: 1. Lawyers and mediators are quite skilled in assessing and dividing property and investments. That said, consider having a neutral financial consultant on-board to help with a fair distribution. They can look at the assets in totality and advise a balanced split so one party does not get mainly retirement pensions and the other one cash. A few women now in their 50s who got more in liquid assets and very little in retirement benefits are worried about their futures. Who knows what social security payments will be in the next decade and beyond. 2. Look at what your present needs are in order to determine what assets are most advantageous to you. If you are a few decades away from retirement, it may be in your best interest to receive a bigger chunk of liquid funds. This way, you can buy a house and pay off the mortgage. Being free of a mortgage puts more money in your pocket even with property taxes, upkeep, and insurance bills. Perhaps student loans could be paid off if getting a lump sum settlement. If unsure…
Why People Stay in an Unhappy Marriage
Sometimes we miss the first signs that our marriage is over. It is not because we are dense, but rather that we choose not to notice these clues. Are we so wrapped up in our lives that we cannot recognize when a marriage is dead and is on life support? Avoidance is a way of not dealing with a situation. By wearing blinders – one can pretend all is fine. Admitting that there are problems is a given, that effort will be required to address them. It takes a lot of energy surviving in an unhappy marriage, and some do not want to exert more energy in fixing it or getting a divorce. This is taking the path of least resistance and keeping the status quo. Fear. One may be in a dead marriage, but fear of change can keep someone trapped. Some women enjoy their lifestyle of being a soccer mom and household manager. When not needing to bring in a second income, they can volunteer, be active in their children’s school and have more time to get together with friends. Getting a divorce is unknown territory that potentially affects their social standing, where they live and finances. Now days, alimony is usually given for a few years or so after a marriage has ended and this can be a motivator to stick out a loveless marriage. Divorce often involves moving, which is especially traumatic when liking the neighbors and house location. Divorce may feel like a gamble – so some choose to stay put in their current marital situation where they know what to expect. For the sake of the kids. People may stay in a bitter marriage because they think that is best for the children. Some dads are very hands on and active in their kids’ lives,…
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