Fear Is A Stumbling Block In Divorce
Fear can be paralysing. In divorce. One can be hesitant to take a step in any direction. Afraid whatever move made will be wrong. One is stuck in status quo and wants to stay in the same place. Movement is perceived as leaving the safety zone. Staying rooted in one spot only delays the inevitable, the divorce will be finalised at some point. Not wanting to think about divorce during this process does not stop it. It makes it worse by dragging it out longer.
Hanging on to something out of fear, backfires
I hung on to the marital house during divorce. It prolonged the proceedings. It delayed the sale, since it needed some refurbishing before going on the market. We signed the divorce papers before the house sold. Our assets could not be split until the sale since the final number could not be determined at that point. Fear of not being able to get a loan for another one kept me clinging to the marital home. The issue does not go away by ignoring or refusing to face it. Instead, it gets worse like cancer would if not delt with at the onset.
Knowledge is the antidote to fear
Perhaps it is fear of the unknown – the outcome of your divorce – which is keeping you rooted in one spot. Not knowing what lies ahead. Ask your lawyer what is realistic. Many have imagined a worst-case scenario which had no connection to what could really happen. You may be pleasantly surprised what is a realistic expectation for dividing assets.
If scared about what financial future will be post-divorce, consider paying for a consultation with a financial advisor. Things most likely will not be as bleak as they seem. They will get an idea of your situation and can reassure that you will not be destitute. This is what helped me to relax during my divorce. Also, this person can make helpful suggestions how to invest and make a budget.
Fear can keep you clinging to people who drain you
Better to be alone than being in the company of these energy vampires who suck the life right out of you. I dropped a few doom and gloom acquaintances who tried to predict a catastrophe during proceedings. Instead of being around those who escalate your fears, choose spending time with optimistic individuals who encourage you to see the positives. This is the time to strengthen other relationships and make new friends who are supportive.
Dealing with Fear
Make a list of the top fears you are facing in divorce in one column. Next to them, write what can be taken to deal with them. For example, for finances one could get a job or increase hours of a current one. One divorcing friend asked to clean our houses for a little extra cash. Sell personal property. I sold presents from my mother, who put in writing that these had been mine alone. This included Waterford light fixtures. (Be careful not to sell joint property during proceedings).
Writing fears down is a way to overcome them. Get them from swirling around in your brain to being out in the open. A parent shines a light in the darkness when a child fears a monster is hiding under the bed. They see nothing is there. Or perhaps it is something that can easily be dealt with like a kitten playing with a toy under the bed.
Express fears to friends
Brainstorm together. Friends will give opinions how to get past your stumbling block, the fear holding you back. They may have faced it too in their divorce and have practical advice. Support is crucial in this turbulent time. Talking out your concerns and fear shares the load. You have a team on your side who will cheer you on. After my friends had a good laugh over my financial fear, they quickly let me know it was out of line with reality. I was relieved.
Whatever your fear is, talking to a knowledgeable expert in that field will give you accurate facts. You will be in control, instead of the fear controlling you.
Author Wendi Schuller has travelled to around seventy countries. She is a moving on coach who especially helps people getting back into dating after a break up or divorce globalguidetodivorce.com/shop/ globalguidetodivorce.com/coaching/
This was originally published in The Divorce Magazine www.thedivorcemagazine.co.uk/
How Single Parents Can Better Manage Stress
Life can be stressful for single parents and their kids. For parents, there is financial stress, job stress, interpersonal stress, and the overarching stress of having to raise the kids alone. For kids, there is a completely different type of stress – fear of the unknown and feeling self-conscious about coming of age without their mother or father in the picture. As a single parent, it’s hard to manage it all.
Here are some tips to help give you some ideas on how to minimize stress.
Cut Yourself Some Slack
The first tip is likely the hardest, but it’s something you must strive toward. Single parents often set high expectations for themselves – often too high. However hard it may be, try to cut yourself some slack. Despite any shortcomings, you’re doing the best you can.
Practice Relaxation Techniques
The seemingly obvious way to reduce stress is to remove the stressor from your life. Unfortunately, when it comes to managing a single-parent household, this isn’t always an option. So take steps to alleviate the effects of that stress instead. This is where relaxation techniques come into play.
Meditation can be very effective. Listen to guided meditations or try to focus on whatever brings you inner peace. Simply put, meditation is being mindful in the moment.
You can repeat a mantra, or you can just be in the moment consumed by your present surroundings. If your kids are old enough, you can even get them in on the practice. As Psychology Today points out, meditation is scientifically proven to boost all the best parts of life while removing negativity.
When you’re meditating, make sure you’re in a quiet space in your home to promote relaxation. Wearing comfortable clothes like leggings and a roomy T-shirt can also help you focus.
Get Your Kids Involved
You’re not being a bad parent if you want some free time. You need it if you want to keep your sanity. One way to increase your alone time is to get your kids involved in activities. After-school clubs, sports, community arts groups — you can find an organization that specializes in facilitating the exploration of their interests.
Cultivate their love for community service and volunteering by registering for animal welfare or environmental organizations. If your child is athletic, team sports are a great way for them to meet new people and encounter new role models. Talk to your kids about their interests, and there will surely be something they’d love to get involved in.
Foster a Stress-Free Home Environment
You spend most of your time at home, so it’s naturally going to have a lot of impact on your stress level. A messy, disorganized home is a stressful home. Even if you aren’t a super tidy person, excess clutter can be a problem. This is especially true for a family run by a single parent who is already busy. Take some time to fully declutter your home from top to bottom so it’s more manageable. You can also use some sensory tips and tricks to reduce stress. Plants, essential oils, aromatherapy candles, and natural light can help people feel relaxed. Open those curtains and let the sun shine in.
As a single parent, you are managing a family alone. There’s no way around that. There will be a lot of stress to deal with — both your own and that of your kids. Try to combat this stress by getting your kids involved in engaging activities, making sure you have a clean, organized, calming home environment, and setting some time aside to practice relaxation exercises.
Author Janice Russell believes the only way to survive parenthood is to find the humor in it. She created Parenting Disasters so that parents would have a go-to resource whenever they needed a laugh, but also to show parents they aren’t alone. She wants every frazzled parent out there to remember that for every kid stuck in a toilet, there’s another one out there somewhere who’s just graced their parents’ walls with some Sharpie artwork!
You 2.0: How to Regains Confidence After a Divorce
None of us get married planning to be single again. But, whether it be for incompatibility, infidelity, or money issues, divorce happens in about 50% of all first marriages, and the rates are even higher for subsequent nuptials. No matter how many people you know that have gotten divorced, it is still a personal challenge that can have a serious impact on your finances, emotions, and health.
Here are some tips on how to take back your life.
Wait to date.
While there is no magic formula that can tell you when the time is right to date, most experts – and divorcees – agree that it’s best to wait until you know it’s truly over so that you can really focus on yourself. While it’s perfectly normal to get lonely, you must learn how to be comfortable in your own presence so that you can truly figure out what you want. Although dating apps might provide you with some form of affirmation, you’re not going to find happiness in the praise of others, but in the love of yourself.
Check your finances.
Money is a significant issue, especially for the economically disadvantaged spouse. But, money is not everything, and what you lose in financial support, you may gain in freedom, independence, and happiness. If you’re concerned about your finances, Global Guide To Divorce suggests examining your credit, making a budget, and giving yourself an emergency fund.
Consider making another major change.
A divorce changes your life significantly, but many aspects may still stay the same, especially if you remain living in your marital home. If you want to truly break free from the memory of your marriage, you might want to make other life changes, such as going back to school to earn your master’s degree. Even if you have kids and a full-time job, getting a degree in a field that you’ve always been interested in (perhaps education or business) will give you the credentials and skills you need to break out of your comfort zone and into a new life. Similarly, you might even go back to school to learn skills, such as accounting or business, so that you can become an entrepreneur, which Biz Journals acknowledges gives you a chance to build a future for yourself.
Improve your self-image.
If you have put on a few pounds after divorce, you’re not alone. Men’s Divorce explains that marital transition changes a person’s eating habits. This can lead to weight gain or weight loss, either of which can have a negative impact on your self-image. If this is the case, you can start working on your weight by exercising and eating well. That takes time, so, in the interim, focus on buying clothing and accessories that make you feel attractive right now. For women, a pair of butt-lifting leggings or a cozy sweater will go a long way. Jewelry, such as a Tiger’s eye necklace – Tiger’s eye shows with alternating colors, depending on the light source, making it a versatile piece – can also go a long way toward improving how you feel about your appearance. For men, a new pair of jeans or a nice suit will enhance a lackluster wardrobe.
Change your habits.
Habits are hard to break, especially for those of us who were in long marriages and are now divorced. But, you have to give yourself permission to live your life on your terms. Don’t be shy about breaking habits, such as having tacos every Monday or visiting a specific city on vacation. You now have a precious opportunity to build your world the way that you want it, you don’t have to let relics from the past define what you do in the present.
Divorce is not easy for anyone. It’s difficult to find your sense of self and to be confident enough to live your life on your terms. But, trust that with a few habit changes and a positive mindset, you will get over the greatest challenges. Good luck in your new single life, may it be better than you could have imagined.
Visit Global Guide To Divorce often for more tips from experience dating coach Wendi Schuller.
Author Rhonda Underhill is a classic example of a health scare leading to a complete lifestyle change. She hopes her site, Getwellderly.com, can encourage adults approaching their golden years to get serious about their physical health now rather than later.
The Key To Effective Communication During and After Divorce
Divorce is hard enough without communication throwing a spanner in the works during proceedings. Spouses are angry or hurt and these strong emotions are often reflected in their choice of words. Think about your purpose with communication – to relay content or to use as a weapon to get back at a former partner. Getting into a verbal battle can bog down negotiations and prolong your case. Here are some tips for communicating more effectively to get through divorce in a better way.
Leave emotion out of communication
Treat it as you would a business one – just the facts. The innuendos and thinly veiled barbs can be triggers that set off the other person. They react to the negative words instead of to the message. Be straightforward, such as when tweaking a shared care schedule. Yes, we are annoyed with our spouse/ex, but vent to friends. Get the anger out of your system before you send that text.
Respectful communication gets results
In the States, there is an expression which is applicable in divorce. “You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.” In the splitting of assets, if there is a painting that you really desire, be nice about it. Perhaps say “I really want the landscape one – what pieces would you like in order to make this happen?” Politeness will get you a lot further than angry demands in the minefield of dividing personal property. Hateful words said during divorce makes it harder to have a good relationship down the road with an ex.
Communicate directly if possible and do not use the children as messengers
Do not burden mutual friends to act as a go-between with you two. If communication is breaking down, discuss this with your solicitor as there are ways to decrease interactions. An online calendar or app lets the parents insert the kids’ activities into a schedule. Both have access to check on school events, recitals, parties and other things happening in their children’s lives. Each parent then is responsible for keeping track and cannot blame the other one for not telling them about an event. There are services where spouses/exes send e-mails to the company, who deletes the naughty words. They edit the message to get to the point in a neutral way.
Language is important in communication
Take responsibility for your feelings by using “I” statements. “I feel frustrated when you pick Maisy up late. Last week I got to the theatre after the play started and had to wait to be seated during intermission.” Show a willingness to work out the kinks. Say something like “If you are in a bind – please call me so we can figure out what to do.” Avoid using the words “always” and “never.” “You always do….” “You never are…” These are a block to effective communication.
Getting a divorce changes lives in my ways and one of these is with how you discuss issues with your soon-to-be ex. Communication is a work in progress with some days being great and other times with a bit of tension. Some people I know feel it is easier to talk with their former partners after parting ways. They view their exes as friends with less baggage and issues, than they did when married. One guy brings new girlfriends to meet his ex to get her valued opinion. Others enjoy meeting up with an ex from time to time. These examples show that while speaking with a divorcing spouse now may be fraught with anxiety, it can be much easier down the road.
Tips For Getting Through The Holiday After a Divorce, Break-Up Or When Single
The holiday season can be hard to face after a break-up or divorce. If you want a quiet season, then let people know. They may be trying to fix you up with a date or adding your name to guest lists. Be direct and state that you will sit this one out and not be on the party circuit this year. Some single people want to escape the frivolities and this is fine. One way to get out of your environment is to go away and rent a flat, as one acquaintance did in Rome. She gorged herself on pasta, wine and ancient ruins. Another divorced friend went to Asia over these holidays on a tour. She enjoyed the sunshine and fabulous temples. Post-divorce, my sons and I took a cruise around New Zealand and to Australia. We felt the stress and tension from my acrimonious divorce melt away. It was healing. There are some great last minute deals for those that want to take a break from divorce in an exotic locale.
Others may want the distraction of throwing themselves into the frenzy of the season. Individuals might revel in attending office parties, neighbourhood potlucks, films and more. There are plenty of places that you can go solo, to enjoy the festivities. I go to concerts at St. Martin- in- the- Fields in London by myself. Weeks before my marriage was over, I went to a Christmas pantomime of Cinderella. It was hilarious and took my mind off my situation, plus many other singles were in in the audience. Post-divorce I have gone by myself to the lighting of Oxford Street, yet have been surrounded by thousands. You can have fun going to functions alone, when no longer part of a couple.
One can concentrate on family gatherings and avoid the rest of the seasonal events. Borrow some nieces and nephews and do kid related activities. Release your inner child by going ice skating or pursuing other amusements. If you are a parent, ask your youngsters what holiday rituals that they would like to continue and what new things can be added. Shake up your routines during divorce and adopt a few new holiday traditions. This helps one to let go of the past and to move on. My sons and I changed what we do on Christmas. We substituted a big brunch for Christmas dinner and go to a movie. Afterwards, we partake in a simple, but elegant supper. The bonus is I now have more fun and am not stuck in the kitchen.
Be kind to yourself. Buy yourself a present, such as something pampering like a luxurious skin serum or decadent chocolates. One guy is purchasing fitness equipment this year that he has been coveting. Take a pause this season to put your feet up with a good book, go on a hike or whatever is rejuvenating. Whether or not you are staying in, consider the short-cut of buying delicious take away and bakery items to savour over the holidays. When feeling overwhelmed during divorce, see what can be eliminated in your life.
When children are in the picture, you may be splitting up the holidays with the other parent. This is hard, so have an activity planned for their absence. Perhaps go over to your parents’ or get together with other singles for a meal. Some meet up with friends at the pub. Have a distraction ready, so that you are not sitting around feeling blue. My sons would ask me what I was going to do when they were gone. I did not want them to worry about me, so this forced me to find something enjoyable. Celebrations do not have to happen on the actual day and if presents are opened before or after Christmas, then okay.
Post-divorce, I make less types of cookies, do less decorating and entertaining. Instead I have gained so much more quality time with my sons and am relaxed. I enjoy the holidays now that I am divorced, instead of running around ticking things off my to-do-list as I did when married. If you are struggling, talk to friends about your feelings. They can be a source of support.
Co- Parenting: How To Keep Your Kids Safe While On Their Phones
Co-parenting is not an easy path. For couples preparing to go through a divorce, or for already divorced couples working together to create a safe, consistent co-parenting arrangement, there are countless logistics to sort out.
In the digital age that we live in, ensuring that both parents are able to keep in touch with the kids means giving kids access to digital technology. But there is a tricky balance to strike, between allowing your kids freedom to use their phones as they wish, without interfering in their communications with their other parent, and keeping them safe as they navigate social media apps and potential spammers.
In this article we will take a look at some tips for co-parents who want to keep their kids safe while on their phones.
Clear Expectations, Clear Communication
One of the key elements of creating a successful co-parenting dynamic is to establish clear expectations and boundaries. Both parents should be willing to communicate their expectations and preferences when it comes to their kids’ cell phone use. And equally both parents should be open to negotiating and listening to what the other parent has to say.
Alert the other co-parent far in advance of purchasing a phone or phone accessory for your child, so there is ample time to discuss how and when your child will be allowed to use the phone and whether they will bring the phone with them between houses. The last thing you want is for your child to feel they are carrying a “secret device” that one of their parents is not aware of. That would make it clear that both parents are not on the same page.
Consistency is key for maintaining a peaceful home atmosphere for the kids’ sake, so both parents should agree on a clear set of rules before explaining them to the kids. If one parent household allows certain things that are restricted in the other home, power struggles and insecurity can result. Co-parents may want to consider drawing up a contract before they give their children free range to explore the internet and the world of social media.
With the rules clearly set down in writing, children can have a definite understanding of what is allowed and not allowed when it comes to phone use. And so can both parents. Drawing up a contract or tech management plan can clear up any potential misunderstandings and help co-parents work together to maintain healthy boundaries that both parties have agreed upon ahead of time, keeping tech rules consistent across both households. Or, if both households do not agree on the same tech management plan, establishing the written rules can help kids know what rules they are expected to abide by when they visit each home.
What Kinds of Risks Do Kids Face on Their Phones?
There are several types of risk that children can encounter while using a cell phone. Some of these can be filtered out more easily, such as setting parental controls to restrict access to websites with adult content, like pornography, black market trading sites, drug paraphernalia online shops, video sites that feature violent or sexually explicit content, or gambling websites. But there is another layer to keeping your kids safe while using their phones: cybersecurity.
Even people who already take precautions to protect their email inboxes and home internet connection from possible cyberattacks often forget that their phones also present a risk. In fact, 1 in 36 mobile devices already has high risk software installed. Social media apps like Facebook messenger, Snapchat, TikTok, or Instagram can provide a space for unsafe characters to access your children’s personal accounts. This may come in the form of an innocent-seeming message or a message that appears to be coming from someone that your child already knows.
When a bad actor attempts to steal personal information, access login details, or pin the geospatial location of a phone or app user by impersonating someone that seems legitimate, it is called phishing. A hacker that uses phishing techniques can then install malware (malicious software) or spyware on the device in use. Without knowing they have done so, your child may accidentally grant a bad actor access to their personal device or to sensitive information, like your home address or credit card information.
Share Oversight Responsibilities
In order to keep your kids safe from potential hackers, spammers, or other bad actors, it is important to share monitoring responsibilities wherever possible. If you are comfortable with new tech, you can install monitoring software on all devices your child or children may use. This can help ensure that your children are not accidentally accessing pornography, gambling sites, or other forms of adult content that are inappropriate for their age group.
Both parents can agree to install apps like Qustodio, Kidlogger, and Family Shield, among others. Share the research to find the best tech monitoring app to satisfy the safety requirements for both households. Co-parents may want to split the cost of tech monitoring software, to ensure that they are on the same page when it comes to protecting their kids online and on apps.
Then, when you install the monitoring apps, you can set the notifications so that both parents receive alerts if there is some suspicious activity online. Co-parents can also agree to share their kids’ log in details and passwords for every app across devices, so they can regularly check in and monitor activity as needs be.
Both parents should, however, be sure to respect the privacy of the other household. Some tech monitoring apps include real time live tracking information, including the child’s whereabouts. Respectful co-parents should avoid using the tracking software as an opportunity to spy on the other parent household. Establishing healthy boundaries with both children and co-parents is key.
Working Together Across Two Households
Wherever possible, talk to your co-parent to communicate any concerns, apprehensions, or ideas you may have about your child’s phone usage. The more consistent and clear both households are, the more peaceful a transition your child will have as they move across homes. If both co-parents are able to communicate, it it much more likely that your child will maintain consistent tech safety as they use their phone and other tech devices in both households.
Establish clear boundaries, stay firm, and be willing to work together with your co-parent and child to set up strong household rules that can protect your child and allow you to monitor phone usage.
Author of this article is Deb Smythe
Universal Children’s Day: Tips to Help Kids Cope with Divorce
November 20th is Universal Children’s Day, a time dedicated to improving the welfare of all children. When two parents get divorced, children must transition into a new lifestyle as several aspects of their living situation are changed. Not seeing both parents all the time or having to split time spent with both of them may bring on a mix of emotions including feelings of confusion and guilt.
Mr. David Badanes Esq. of Badanes Law Office on Long Island shared his suggestions for co-parenting and helping kids cope with divorce in healthy ways.
Create a Parenting Plan: Keeping in contact with your former spouse will help proactively avoid confusion and conflict regarding custody dates and times outlined in the court order. It is important not to argue about custody or visitation in front of your children. Once a plan is established, familiarize your child with the agreed-upon routine. This will help them find stability in all the changes going on around them. It is important for children to understand that both parents will still be present in their lives.
Keep Conversations Age Appropriate: Divorce impacts children of all ages. When talking to your children about the divorce, tailor the conversation to their understanding. Since kids develop emotionally at different rates, the way you discuss divorce with an elementary-aged school child is different than the way that you would introduce the topic to a college-aged child. No matter the age of your child, ensure them that they are still loved by both of their parents. Maintaining positive relationships with both parents will help with the coping process.
Validate Your Child’s Feelings: Every child responds to divorce differently. A school-aged child may react to the divorce with moodiness and a desire for their parents to get back together. Adolescents may experience depression, aggression, and trouble focusing on their work. Make sure to reassure your child that the feelings they are experiencing are normal. Being a good listener will go a long way in helping your child adjust. You may also want to consider counseling for you, your children or family counseling.
Keep Routines as Consistent as Possible: Children positively benefit from structure and routine. With all the changes that come along with a divorce, try and keep certain elements of their routine that are in your control consistent. It is also important to have a conversation with your child to see what they like or don’t like about their current routines to see if any positive changes can be made. Making certain changes within reason can help with adjusting to a new lifestyle as it allows your child to feel heard. If your children split time between two households, discuss rules and boundaries with your ex-spouse to enforce similar rules in both homes. This will prevent conflicts between child and parent and between former spouses.
The circumstances surrounding every divorce are different and it is up to you to decide what is right for your children. If you are having trouble figuring out your co-parenting situation and would like some advice, there are plenty of resources available to you, including counseling for yourself or your child.
Author of this article, David Badanes, Esq. and the Badanes Law Office, P.C. provides real-world advice to help you through this challenging time. If you are contemplating getting a divorce, and need an attorney to represent you, call David Badanes and the Badanes Law Office today at 631-239-1702, email at david@dbnylaw.com. The Badanes Law Office has offices in Northport, Suffolk County and Uniondale, Nassau County.
Please like us on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or LinkedIn to get important legal news, tips and articles.
How to raise a baby as a single mother?
Raising a baby with your partner is an easy and loving experience because you both support each other while caring for your child together. However, raising a baby without your partner is really a challenging situation, especially if you are a woman.
The way you raise your kids highly affects their personality type, as explained in Baumrind parenting types. A single woman may have to work to fulfill her needs and take care of her child simultaneously. Handling both situations at the same time is challenging. However, If you have finalized your decision to raise your baby alone, you don’t need to worry anymore. We have got some useful and practical tips that can help you a lot in this journey. We understand that the first few months will be tough for you, but you will get used to it with time. After few months, you’ll start to love this experience.
Define some rules
Let your child know that you are the boss and they have to follow the rules no matter what. We are not saying about too many strict rules that make your child depressed, but they should know the time to enter or leave the house, limit the time on screen, self-care, and about good behavior. That’s how your child will stay under your control and tend to become a well-mannered and obedient person in the future.
Encourage good behavior
You have to spend some time enforcing good behavior in your child. If your child behaves well or does something right, reward them for their behavior. That’s how they will know that they have done something great. In response, they will try to do something even greater to please you. If they do something wrong, tell them that they have done wrong and need to fix it. You don’t need to shout or correct their behavior with anger. You can just tell them politely, and they’ll learn with time.
Maintain a positive relationship with your child
Children feel secure and loved when a mother maintains a positive relationship with them. You have to create a comfortable environment for them. Try following things to maintain a positive relationship.
- Spend quality time with your child every day. You can talk about dinner, their favorite things, or toys. You can even watch tv with them.
- Play different games with your child. It will help you create a strong bond with your child. Moreover, physical games also help in good physical and mental growth, which can be really beneficial for the child in the future.
- Try to praise your child for their actions and good habits. Whenever they achieve something even, it’s a small task. Say you are proud of them. Show your excitement for their achievement.
- Always pay positive attention. You can hug or kiss them to show your affection. Your child should know that you love them more than anything in this world.
Spend time with each child alone
You should focus on this point if you have more than one child. It’s good to spend time together as a family. However, spending some time alone with each child can help you understand them better. You can spend this time either by reading a book or just talking.
Maintain a balance
A single mother needs to maintain a perfect balance between work and family life. However, it is a tough situation for both parents as well because they have to figure out several things like who will pick up kids from school and who will make breakfast and dinner for them. However, a single mother has to perform all these duties because she doesn’t have her partner anymore to support her.
She needs to make a perfect schedule to maintain the right balance between work and family life. You should know about your busy days in your week, so try to give extra time to your kid for the rest of the days. Try to spend the whole weekend with your kid. You can go out for a picnic, for a movie, or to the parks.
Managing budget
Managing your budget is important, and it’s really tough for single mothers because they no longer have a partner to support the family expenses. Make a good estimate of your monthly expenses, then spend accordingly. You can divide the monthly expenses into two parts; variable and fixed expenses. Your fixed costs include house rent, loan payments, and kids’ school fees.
In comparison, the variable expenses include fuel cost, food, clothing, car maintenance, electricity bill, phone bill, and entertainment cost. You can do nothing in the fixed expenses because you have to pay them at any cost. However, you can reduce your variable expenses by using them smartly. Your variable expenses should be according to your budget. That’s how you can efficiently manage your monthly budget without any worry.
Author is Rob Smith info.babyswing@gmail.com
Tips For The Solo Woman Traveller
Maybe you had a travel partner and lost them through divorce or death. People move away or develop health issues. What do you do when the travel bug bites you? Stay home? No way! Plenty of solo travellers told me they enjoy taking ocean or river cruises. They select ones with a specific dinner time and open seating. They have a blast interacting with others at large tables. They enjoy the group shore excursions and mingling at the activities onboard.
Safety in numbers
Before you go wandering around, inquire at the hotel front desk if there are any risky areas. They have pointed out on a map where to walk and the areas to avoid. In Nairobi another tour member asked the hotel staff where the ATM was located. The desk clerk said “Across the street at the grocery store.” He insisted upon escorting us there and even waited while we made a few purchases inside. He made sure we got back to the hotel without being robbed. Accept help and advice.
Wait until a group of people leave your hotel and go out with them. This discourages a thief from following you. People on their own have recommended finding a program where you take a walk with a local. They show the sights for a nominal cost or a tip. These informative walks can be booked ahead of time online or ask about it when you arrive at your hotel.
Safety in hotel rooms
Avoid a late-night break in when you are snoozing. There are special locks to put on the door from the inside to prevent an intruder from entering. This keeps a person out even if they pick a lock. Other travellers attach a string of bells to the hotel room door. They give a jingle warning when the door opens.
Consider a tour group
You get to places easily with pre-arrangements. You have companions, particularly when exploring more remote ruins, etc. Tours do give down time to do activities on your own or with another member in your group. I have hiked glaciers, tramped around in the bush looking for lions and walked through jungles which I would not have attempted on my own. When a stop on the Kenyan tour became dangerous, it was instantly changed to another place. The tour guides are kept informed of the latest updates.
Tour groups are not just about sightseeing. They can be very active – climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro to a relaxing retreat in India. They have special interest ones, photography, cooking, motorcycling and more. There are tour companies for solo travellers. Some wave the single supplement or match you up with a roommate.
New Travel Companions
My travel partners were my mum and two sons. She died and they flew the nest. I got an email from a river cruise company I had sailed with previously for an incredible price to fill a few cabins at the last minute. I called immediately, but the single supplement was a whopping 85%. Wow! I decided not to go.
I had a coffee already scheduled with a friend an hour later and poured out my disappointment. She said “When is it? I’ll go.” We booked the cruise in Germany from the coffee shop table. We took three more together. Point is – talk up the cruise holiday with friends. You may find a new travel buddy.
That friend has now decided not to go abroad for the next few years. I was telling another one how much I missed these river cruises. She said “Do you want to go to Holland on one?” Her husband does not like to travel and we got a great deal. I had never thought to ask her since she is married. Looking forward to our cruise next summer.
Stay vigilant
There are ways to ensure you are safe and are returning with all of your possessions. The big one is to stay alert to your surroundings. It is easy to consume extra alcohol when trying the local specialty concoctions. We let our guard down, lose a few inhibitions. We make new friends, and not everyone is what they seem to be.
It is easy to get distracted. When you have a bag on the floor, put the straps around your legs. Make sure handbag, rucksack, whatever, is attached to you in some way. A thief is quick to grab something from behind or underneath a chair. In Honk Kong I kept a tight grip on my bags. When I got to my hotel room, I was missing one. How could that be possible? I retraced where I had been and on the side entrance of the hotel on a step, was a piece of hot pink plastic. That was from my missing bag. The thief cut the handle with a razor. I was lucky to have only lost that one. I had made an abrupt turn to go up the stairs and there was not time to slash more of them.
Other tips
Dress like the locals. Women in minis with spaghetti straps in conservative countries can get unwanted attention. They may seem like any easy pick up for sex. If one is wearing jeans, sports shoes and baggy t-shirt while the other women are stylish, this screams tourist. You do not want to get mugged.
I take a carry-on suitcase and a tote bag. I wash out my clothes in a hotel or cabin sink. I take older undies and socks and toss them out to lighten my load. I do not carry a handbag, and instead wear a travel pouch with a strap across my chest, anchored by a safety pin. A small cloth bag has my book, sunscreen etc. in it.
The point is to have fun on holidays, but not be paranoid about looking for danger lurking around the corner. Listen to your gut instinct. If something or somebody does not seem right, then walk away. It is more important to leave a potentially dubious situation than to worry about hurting someone’s feelings.
Author Wendi Schuller has travelled to around seventy countries. She is a moving on coach who especially helps people getting back into dating after a break up or divorce globalguidetodivorce.com/shop/ globalguidetodivorce.com/coaching/
She is a hypnotherapist, nurse and Neuro -Linguistic Programming (NLP) practitioner. She is a speaker whose goal is to inspire people to move on in their lives. She helps people transform their dating goals into reality. She is passionate about international travel and helping wildlife thrive in their environments. She wrote The Global Guide To Divorce and the children’s book series Jack Jack The Cat.
4 Practical Tips to prepare for mediation
Family attorneys soon realize that planning is the secret to success when it comes to court proceedings and trials. Preparation is also essential for increasing your likelihood of succeeding during mediation; here are 4 Practical Tips to prepare for mediation.
1. Choose Your Mediator Wisely to Improve Your Chances of Success in Family Law Mediation.
You may be familiarized with the mediators under evaluation, but examine the individuals involved in your situation and whether a certain mediator would effectively deal with you and your clients. In addition, consider the possible interaction between the mediator and your opposition. Mediators bring a variety of experience, skills, attitudes, and styles to their work.
The mediator who is ideal for settling a case involving complicated assets and property partition issues may or may not be the right person to mediate custody and support dispute. Therefore, it is worthwhile to investigate the mediator’s background. It can also be quite beneficial to seek the opinion of colleagues who have already participated in mediation with a certain mediator. Finally, be ready for your defence attorney to disagree with you on the best person to manage the mediation.
Finally, be prepared for your defence attorney to disagree with you on the best candidate to manage the mediation.
2. Before mediation, present your argument to your mediator.
I have a law partner who meticulously prepares for depositions. His opinion is that a case is frequently won or lost during the deposition stage. One reason is that an effective deposition – one that you have fully prepared for – can enlighten the opposing party on the strengths and flaws of their case and drive the matter toward resolution. Similarly, preparing your mediators so that he or she can better grasp your case will significantly improve your chances of victory.
You must provide the mediator with the information he or she requires to prepare. This entails presenting a detailed position statement that not only clarifies your client’s viewpoints but also admits where your case’s shortcomings are. Share with the mediator your evaluation of what you feel are your client’s main priorities or goals, as well as your opinion of what you think are acceptable and unreasonable requests and why. Send necessary pleadings or constitutional power with the position statement if applicable. Asset, liability, revenue, and cost schedules are also useful.
3. The mental states of the parties are critical.
Mediation can only be effective if everyone involved is in the right frame of mind. Therefore, at the start of each mediation, ask each side to promise to accomplish two things:
Be patient and have an open mind.
An open discussion is crucial because it emphasizes mediation’s single biggest advantage over litigation or other conflict resolution approaches – flexibility. As a result, mediation is the finest platform for parties to substantially affect the specifics of their post-divorce life. Between them, the participants know everything there is to understand about their situation.
They understand what will make their life better or worse in the future. However, a trial court is restricted in its ability to learn about the parties and their concerns. Time restrictions, evidentiary requirements, and procedural barriers prohibit a trial judge from fine-tuning a ruling in the way that the parties can.
Mediation participants are not restricted by limiting circumstances. Perth Mediation offers us flexibility and the capacity to tailor an agreement to your client’s case specifics. Positively engage your client for mediation. Be a proponent of the procedure. Make it clear to your client that, while mediation may not always succeed, when it does, everyone benefits.
Patience is also essential due to what we refer to as the “first rule of mediation,” which is that the mediation process rarely obtains momentum in the first 2 or 3 hours. Instead, this initial phase is invariably occupied by the parties’ urge to “vent” or “explain.” While this stage of the process may appear pointless, it is frequently a necessary, therapeutic process that helps each party proceed with confidence that the mediator knows their case and, more significantly, their worries, aspirations, and dreams.
Also, start to prepare your client for the possibility that the mediator may spend a significant amount of time with the other side. Assure your clients that this does not imply that a mediator favours one party over the other. Each “round” of negotiation has its own set of dynamics. Good, productive time may be had by going over the state of the day with your customer – verifying what has been agreed upon and what concerns remain. One component of mediation that we feel is underappreciated is the chance to regroup and reflect on the problems at hand while the mediator is negotiating with the other party.
4. Successful Family Law Mediation: Final Closing
Arrive for the mediation, certain that you will be effective. Prepare to conclude the talks by having an agreement developed and signed before the sides leave the mediation. If draught agreements have been exchanged, bring them with you on your notebook or iPad. Instead, make a version available for change to the mediators. It is not always feasible, but if the parties can depart with a signed agreement – their understanding – the sense of closure might begin to set in. At this time, you will have provided excellent service to your customer and, in certain circumstances, their children.
You can also begin preparing for your next effective Brisbane mediation.
Bio-
It might be difficult to choose the right mediator for your family conflict. However, their peers globally know our family law mediators team are leaders in professions.
- All of our Mediators operate on a national and international scale. Therefore, we can assist you in resolving your family law case regardless of the nature of your family conflict or your location.
Real Estate Industry 2021: What Can the Sector Look Forward to? Is the Worst Behind Us?
Real Estate Industry 2021: What Can the Sector Look Forward to? What Is The Next Real Estate Hurdle or Milestone?
Description: What can be expected in 2021 for the latest real estate marketing trends? Will the price of homes rise or fall? Will mortgage rates remain at historic lows or rise as the economy improves? What lasting impacts could Covid-19 have on the housing market in 2021?
Introduction
The year 2020 left many people reeling after losing their homes. Others were left looking over their shoulder, worried about the future of real estate. It makes a person wonder, “With what happened to homeowners and renters in 2020, what is the future of real estate in 2021? Will the housing bubble burst just as it did in 2008, or will it defy expectations?
Impact of COVID-19 and lockdown
Covid-19 put the brakes on housing sales across the country at the beginning of 2020. Many states instituted stay-at-home orders, and closed many businesses deemed “non-essential”, effectively halting home selling for a time. People were furloughed or laid off from their jobs, thereby cutting off their supply of income and affecting their ability to buy homes or pay mortgages on existing homes. But then, against all odds, real estate started going through the roof again in 2020. Once the real estate market started picking up again, the demographics and reasons for home-buying changed. More young people are looking for homes than ever before. More people are working remotely out of their home offices as employers and employees adjust to a new “pandemic normal”.
What will happen with housing prices?
Strange but true, housing sales and mortgages seem to be running counter to the rising number of foreclosures and evictions many Americans are facing. 2021 housing market predictions indicate that home sales will continue to rise. Real estate website Zillow predicts that sales will rise a total of nearly 22% over the course of the year 2021. That would be the biggest housing sale increase since the early 1980’s. Prices are also expected to increase an average of three percent, according to the National Association of Realtors. The average median price will have an expected going rate of just under $350,000.
Will mortgage rates remain low or rise?
Mortgage rates are expected to keep pace with the housing demand in this seller’s market, but still should remain surprisingly low. As of February 4th, a 30-year fixed rate mortgage rose to 3.11%. Rates are expected to stay in the high 2% to low 3% range, with Fannie Mae predicting an average of 2.8% for home mortgages.
Challenges ahead
There are several challenges ahead in this age of Covid-19. Sellers must find creative ways to sell their properties and stay on top of the latest real estate marketing trends. Several states remain under or have reinstituted Covid-19 protocols, including shutting or restricting how businesses operate, including realtors. People in a position to buy a home are looking at the challenges of rising home prices and figuring out how to afford them. Relatively low mortgage rates may offset the expense of a home purchase. However, prices of new and existing homes are not expected to drop anytime soon in this seller’s market. Also, if interest rates rise, sellers could look at their homes being on the market longer. Higher rates would contribute to the overall cost of a home in a dwindling supply market. And lastly, as 2020 taught everyone, circumstances can change in an instant. Prolonged economic woes could impact both buyers and sellers if current circumstances continue.
What the Government is doing for the housing market
The government is trying to stabilize the housing market by helping those at risk of losing their homes. The CARES Act freezes mortgage payments for those claiming hardship due to Covid-19. Several things have been done since the new administration stepped in, to help stem the real estate crisis. One of the first things President Biden did after taking office was to ask federal entities to extend eviction and foreclosure moratoriums. And the following are also being proposed as part of the President’s $1.9 trillion dollar Covid-19 relief plan:
- Extending the aforementioned moratoriums through the end of fiscal year 2021
- Provide $30 billion for emergency housing & rental assistance
- Funding legal assistance for people facing losing their homes
How to navigate the next real estate challenges
Aside from the federal government extending moratoriums & loan forbearance s, there are other ways to stabilize the market and stop the next real estate crash. Consumer advocate David Ramsey suggests these steps for buyers and sellers:
For buyers:
- Go for a 15% fixed rate mortgage.
- Limit your housing payment to no more than a quarter of your total expenses.
- Do not go for zero-down payment loan; put down 10% to 20% of the total purchase price.
- Do your research on different mortgage lenders.
For sellers:
- Look at nontraditional options for selling homes, including third-party sellers and online showing options
- Have a game plan for after the home is sold.
Conclusion
So, what is the future of real estate? It will continue to be a sellers’ market in 2021, albeit at a slower pace than 2020. Even with historically low mortgage rates, buyers still face challenges with rising home prices as demand outstrips supply. Some of the real estate facts for sellers are that they may be in the driver’s seat at the moment. But they shouldn’t count on things lasting forever. That’s especially true if Covid-19 continues to impact job and financial markets worldwide through shutdowns and various restrictions. However, with careful planning on buyers’ and sellers’ sides, America can continue to ride the housing wave in the coming years while contributing to its stability.
Author Yuriy Moshes is the CEO of Moshes Law and attorney with broad expertise. He has two bachelor’s degrees. Being an experienced expert, he is considered one of the most in-demand specialists in the personal injury law field
3 Tips on How to Deal With Divorce and Depression
Depression can be debilitating, and it can permeate every part of your life. Just getting out of bed to go to work can be a major undertaking if you’re struggling with depression. Divorce can trigger a major depressive episode that may seem endless when you’re in it.
When you’re going through a divorce, you’re dealing with grief. Except instead of the death of a person, you’re dealing with the death of a life. You have to let go of the future you planned, the lifestyle you lived, and the family you created. It’s even harder if you’re not the person who initiated the divorce. Usually the person who initiated the divorce has had time to think about it for a while, plan an exit, and mourn the life he or she lived. But the other person, who may have been taken by surprise, will have to go through those feelings, plus the shock of learning that the relationship wasn’t going as well as he or she thought. The situation is exacerbated further if your partner is keeping your child from you or is trying to turn your child against you, leading you to feel the loss of both a spouse and a child. It’s a heart-wrenching feeling and one that causes feelings of anger, sadness, and depression.
As much as you’d like to bury yourself under the covers and sleep until spring, you can’t. Your kids depend on you to keep fighting for what is right, so you have to put one foot in front of the other and make it happen.
The following are some tips on how to deal with divorce and depression.
Keep communication open
It may be difficult, but you will have to communicate with your ex-spouse in ways that you might not have been able to do so before. However, due to your ex-spouse’s malicious ways, it is best that you keep a paper trail of all communications both with your ex and your children so that nothing can be wrongly held against you. Try not to let interactions devolve into a fight, which will only add more stress and pain for your children. Speak clearly and calmly, and if it starts to become a battle, say something like, “I will speak to you about this later, when we are both calm,” and hang up. Keep trying to communicate. If communicating with your ex is too painful or just downright impossible, stay in touch with your children as much as possible via letters, emails, cards, phone calls, texts, or video chat.
Keep the focus on the children
Children take divorce very hard and often feel it’s their own fault. The fact that you are being kept from seeing your child makes it impossible for you to be able to remind them that absolutely nothing is their fault. Keep going, and let the future of being reunited propel you forward. Consider keeping a journal of all the things going on in your life so that you can share it with them once this horrible separation has passed. Show up to scheduled pick-ups even though you know deep down they won’t be there. Make it a point to never speak negatively of your ex-spouse in front of anyone, especially your children. In everything you do, show that you have the interest of your child at heart, and let cool heads prevail. You might feel like lashing out, or leaving a voicemail really letting them have it, but keep your focus on what is most important — your children.
Keep self-care in check
Your mind is consumed with your mission to once again be reunited with your family, and in doing so you may find that your emotions are all over the place. Continue to take care of yourself by eating right, including introducing mood-boosting foods to your diet like avocados, wild salmon, kale, and spinach. Find ways to exercise regularly as well. Many people find that a smartwatch can help them achieve their fitness goals and monitor progress. You can shield your device with a protective covering to ensure it doesn’t get damaged. You should also seek support for your mental health via a therapist, counselor, or trained coach like Wendi Schuller.
Don’t let yourself feel guilty for continuing to pursue happiness. You need to be the best version of yourself you can be for your children, and actively implementing self-care into your life is a great way to do so. It can also be a healthy distraction from the pain you are feeling, and serve as an outlet for the mixed up bottle of emotions.
Remember that any major loss is going to be difficult, but you can do this. Practice self-care and allow yourself some time to grieve. Keep the vision of a brighter future for you and your family at the forefront at all times to motivate you on those days when all hope seems lost, because it isn’t.