Keep Your Power – Stand Your Ground

Keep your power and stand your ground

It may seem easier to acquiesce and give in instead of taking a different path. Some people are like marionettes with a controlling person pulling the strings. Others can be stuck in a pattern where their partner makes most of the decisions large and small.

This is a true-life example of not keeping your power. A customer in her fifties tried on many dresses for an outdoor wedding in Florida. A floral one was stunning and Susan was lovely in it. She also bought a blue linen one which had her looking like a princess. An hour later she returned both. “My husband said the floral one would clash with his Hawaiian shirt. He insisted that I take them back.”

Susan was told how lovely she looked in both and that they seemed comfortable, Susan answered how much she liked the dresses, but her husband said no and to return them. This is crazy for an adult to allow a spouse to mandate what clothes they can wear. Why did she want his permission? This adult does not need his approval for clothes purchases.

Controlling people want to be in the spotlight and not share it. They don’t want a wife who looks ravishing in her new dress to be the star. Others have an insecurity issue and deal with that be controlling others. They attempt to micromanage people around them in-order to feel powerful. By pushing someone down, they feel like they are on top.

Steps to take

When told what to do, treat it as a suggestion and not a command. Respond accordingly. “That’s a good idea, I’ll considerate it.” Or “I’ll get back to you and let you know.”

Avoid being confrontational. “Thanks for your input. I’ll think about it when I make my decision.” You are making it clear that you are in control and have the power over your actions. If the controlling person states firmly, “You are to…..” You can respond “I respect your opinion and I respect mine. I will decide what to do.”

Tactics

Some people use humor. “Yes mother. I know you’d do it differently” said with a smile. Think about negotiating. “Let’s talk about this. Maybe we can meet in the middle.” I asked a woman who has been married for around fifty years if she ever had experiences when she lost her power and was not in control. She got back to me later and said no. Neither one of this couple ever felt the other had controlled them. Other long time married people said this same thing. The common denominator seems to be respect.

You have power over your actions.You may be influenced by others but ultimately it is your decision what to do. If belittled, consider couples’ counseling. Learn to say no when co-workers, committee members, etc are pushing you around. Or state what you are willing to do. Keep your power.