Practicing Gratitude during Divorce
Practicing gratitude during divorce may seem as much of a dichotomy as an elephant riding a bike. Various studies validate the link between keeping a gratitude journal which results in the outcome of increasing joy, enthusiasm and the feeling that life was getting better. These individuals were more apt to reach out to others and willing to offer support. These are all actions which will enable divorce to be an easier experience. In a study done at university of California, subjects either kept a gratitude journal or wrote about problems or neutral subjects weekly. At the end of the study, those in the gratitude group achieved their goals quicker and scored higher in feeling more positive about their lives. Psychologists Robert Emmons and Michael McCullough are in the forefront of doing research in the field of gratitude and find that those who practice it, have an increase in their amount of exercise and are more optimistic about what is happening that week. Medical research looks at an EKG as one tool in determining the effects of gratitude on the heart. These studies are indicating that practicing gratitude has a positive effect on the parasympathetic nervous system which regulates heart rate, rhythm, blood pressure, and other body functions. Thoughts influence body functions. Happy thoughts (like gratitude) increase endorphins (the feel good neurotransmitters) and angry ones cause constriction of blood vessels, leading to cardiac disease. Energy goes where your thoughts are, and if your focus is on misery, then that is what you’ll experience. Just as weight training enlarges muscles, gratitude is a way of training yourself to notice the good things that are happening around you. – See more at: http://www.divorcemag.com/blog/gratitude-during-divorce#sthash.tyvwXPFy.c054U9OX.dpuf
First Step When Dating After Divorce
It may be tempting after signing the divorce papers to jump back into the dating scene. Many people skip the first crucial step and then start dating the same type of person over again. What is this first step? Do a self-assessment. A self-assessment clarifies one’s needs, values, strengths and problem points. Be clear who you really are and what you are looking for in a relationship. Find yourself first before finding a new partner. Someone who went straight from the parental home or dorm room into marriage may not have a good sense of self, merely being a reflection of their mate. Some people are like a fragment or piece of the puzzle and only feel complete when part of a couple. I call this serial dating when a person flits from relationship to relationship without a break for introspection. One thrice married woman was bemoaning being single again at age seventy-two, and wanted a new husband. Almost like any port in the storm would do. When taking stock of yourself, analyse what went wrong in your relationship. It is imperative to take responsibility for your part in the demise of your marriage. Replace blame with forgiveness for your ex. Forgiveness severs the bond that keeps one tethered to a person or the past. Forgiveness is part of moving on after divorce before being in a relationship again. Forgive yourself and remember that hindsight is 20/20. We all make mistakes and these are life lessons. After taking stock of your own qualities, determine the ones that you are seeking in someone else. Assess if you are being too picky – wanting the same qualities that you did eons ago in college. Someone looking like she stepped out of Sports Illustrated is unrealistic. Wanting a buff guy driving an expensive…
Tips for Packing lighter on Trips with Children
There are tricks to packing for a holiday to make life easier, whether going alone or with the kids. My sons and I usually only have carry on, and in order to do this we have perfected a few practices. We save socks and underwear with a hole in them for holidays, so they can be worn and thrown away on the trip. Trousers and shoes that still look okay but are getting a bit worn, are also packed and discarded too. When my sons were little, I took almost outgrown clothes and left them behind in the hotels with a note. I went to South Africa right after my divorce and the nice looking shirts that my ex had given me, were worn and donated to a local charity. I went to Egypt with a stuffed carry on and got rid of most of my clothes and had room for many souvenirs. I do not take a handbag, but only a money pouch that can also hold a few other essentials like lip balm. I carry a small bag for books, snacks, an umbrella, etc around the city or while on tours which takes up no space in my suitcase. I take a larger tote bag as my personal item when travelling, that is roomier than a handbag. Have a small travel wardrobe that washes well in a hotel or cabin’s sink and can be hung up to dry. This includes nice dresses in washable silk, for more formal affairs. I use the shampoo to wash clothes that is provided by the hotel or ship. Magazines have foundation, lotion, and serum samples that I save for holidays. I get facials at Neal’s Yard and they are generous with trip size containers of their wonderful products. A pharmacy has special…
Travel the World and Not Break the Bank
There are ways to explore exotic locales or places closer to home and not break the bank. The Travel Bug is in our family’s DNA, so I had to learn some financial shortcuts to make this possible. I am in a group which meets regularly to swap travel stories and tips. Cruise and tour companies that I patronize, send e-mails with promotions and savings. My travel agents have alerted me when there were travel bargains. Ask around for friends’ travel tips. One recommended an agency with incredible prices for package tours and my sons and I went to India with them. I have been to nearly seventy countries and have a few tricks to make globe-trotting feasible. One major method for getting airline tickets is my credit card through an airline. I rack up more miles by having an airline sponsored one, rather than a generic card through a bank, with miles used for various airlines. My friends that have cash back cards do not get enough for the equivalent of free airline tickets. Usually I have enough miles for my two sons to go to another continent every year or so. I skip the airline credit card with extra perks- such as several passes to the airport lounge – and get the one that accumulates the most miles with purchases. I put everything on that card. I only get a haircut or pedicure with aestheticians who take plastic. Any repair or tradespeople have to accept my visa, or I get someone else. I pay utilities, grocery, petrol, and school fees with my Visa. Gov.UK charges a 1.4% fee for using a credit card to pay taxes. Even with a fee, it is still worthwhile for me to pay all of my taxes with my airline Visa card. I only charge what…
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