Is Dating a Liar a Deal Breaker for You?
It is a tough call whether to stay or bail when one’s partner emulates Pinocchio. Lies chip away at the foundation of trust and discovering the cause of them can determine how to proceed. Sometimes we women set guys up to lie and don’t realize it. In these cases the men feel trapped – say a white lie to keep status quo or tell the truth and risk hurt or angry feelings. An example of this is “Honey, does this (clothing) make my bum look big?” Of course he is not going to answer “Yes, about the size of the state of Kansas.” Most likely the reply will be along the line of “Not at all, dear.” Save these questions for your girlfriends. Also do not ask if you look old, fat or any other similar ones when you are really seeking reassurance rather than the brutal truth. Determine if your partner is a habitual liar. One woman found out that her boyfriend was not really in medical school, as he claimed. A family friend was the secretary in the med school and spilled the beans. The fellow said the secretary was incompetent and later admitted that he was just thinking of applying there. She foolishly gave him a few more chances before breaking up permanently. The woman could have cared less if he was enrolled in grad vs medical school and did not like having her friend disrespected to cover up his falsehoods. If you find out that your man lies just to lie, even about trivial matters, then run in the opposite direction. Some people are shy or feel awkward in social situations. They may exaggerate their job title, golf scores, or exotic vacation destinations in order to make connections with others. There may be a self-worth issue…
Men’s Divorce
Several men stated that post-divorce is the opportunity for change and be can be the catalyst for trying something new. They said when their divorced friends clung to the past they did not fare as well in the post-divorce period. The past cannot be altered, but knowledge gained can be invaluable for moving on. Terry was adamant that men have to do work on themselves after a bad break up before getting into a new relationship. His buddies that got divorce number two did not pause to reflect upon their part which ended the marriage and what could be done differently the next time around. He advises men not to rush into a new partnership too quickly and make sure they understand how to communicate more effectively. He had a session with a therapist and has been blissfully wedded to his second wife for fifteen years. One man feels that he got a divorce too quickly and could have worked out differences with his wife. He tells other men not to be in a rush for a divorce when hitting a bad patch during marriage. They did not have marital counselling which may have gotten their relationship back on track. He has a job which involves frequent travel and he misses his two young daughters. He jumped into a new relationship right away and has doubts about being with this new girlfriend. This “what if” situation is keeping him in a holding pattern and he is not moving on. Be clear that a relationship is truly over before getting into another one. Some men commented that some of their divorced peers were living on junk food. Dr Kawachi of the Harvard School of Public Health’s study of 30,000 men indicated this result. Take good care of yourself and prioritise your…
How to Keep Your Sanity When Getting Divorced
There are ways to get through the divorce process in an easier manner. Allow yourself to fully feel and express your emotions. Keeping a “stiff upper lip” or bottling up angry feelings prolongs getting over an issue or risks an explosion in the courtroom. I would scream in the car when driving on an isolated stretch of road, saying what was happening was not fair. I was quite calm when arriving home afterwards. One divorcing person stated: “Honestly, in my darkest moments, the only thing that helps me is laying on the floor in front of my altar and allowing myself to cry for as long as I need to. In these times, the pain is so intense that I can barely move. And because I’m in that state, I am able surrender to it (because there is nothing else I can do!) and surrender to God…knowing that eventually the pain will shift. And knowing (reminding myself) that the pain will shift, helps me tremendously. Every single time I think “this pain is too great…I cannot survive….” I am proven wrong. It DOES shift. The waves of emotion come and go. Knowing that has helped me every single day!” Shari’s husband had an affair which led to their divorce and has this advice: “Consciously breathing into my heart helps me tremendously. It’s about going into the feeling/emotion and sticking with it….knowing that only I can shift it, only I can ultimately heal myself. Being willing…not looking to the outside…recognizing that LOVE is always there deep inside me. Imagining my teacher, Amma, holding me is soothing. (My real mother did not do this for me). Using the imagination and visualization process helps me feel the deep LOVE that is ultimately me. (I can go into fear quite easily but visualizing being…
When and If to Get a Divorce
Some people have said that they waited too long before divorcing, but I have yet to hear someone say they jumped the gun and initiated one too soon. There are many factors involved in determining if and when a divorce ought to commence. A main one seems to be regarding children and their ages. One man felt that he stayed seven years too long in his marriage, choosing to wait until the last child went off to uni. He stated that the love was gone and the marriage was dead – however he stayed because he wanted to see his kids every day. In hindsight, he thinks it harmed his sons witnessing coldness and disinterest between a married couple. Another stayed in an unhappy marriage since her husband was their sons’ Boy Scout troop leader. She thought the boys would feel more secure with both parents in the home. Eight years post-divorce her sons are still asking what took her so long to file for divorce. When to Divorce For those on the fence about whether to stay or go, The Divorce Magazine UK has a link to various resources that are invaluable in the pre-divorce period too. Maypole Women has resources as well for women and children in a potential divorce situation. Relate and Retrouvaille do marital counselling to see if the relationship can be repaired. The admission of an affair brings on the death of a marriage. The betrayed spouse may not want to bestow another chance on the guilty party, so proceeds with filing for a divorce. When there is abuse – get yourself, the youngsters and pets out of the house. That does not automatically mean a divorce is imminent – just that safety is the top priority. Sometimes with therapy and anger management classes, the…
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