Why I Like Being Divorced
Sometimes our happily married friends pity us divorcées and wonder how we can manage without a spouse in the house. Here is what I have to say to them: Dear Married Friends, You do not have the flexibility or freedom as we do to be nomads in India or get lost in the labyrinth of Venice. I pull a painting off the wall or raid my china cabinet and use that money for new adventures. Post-divorce, we take off for parts unknown and I do not plan trips with military precision as I did when married. We do not have the constraints of a spouse’s schedule and take journeys when our time and money allows. I am glad, dear married friends, that you enjoy your lives filled with cocktail parties and soirees. You are happy with this, and I am so glad to be off that party circuit. I spent a chunk of my life preparing hors d’oeuvres and entertaining my husband’s friends and colleagues that could have been spent with the kids. I feel that I missed out on some of their fleeting childhoods and I grab every minute of it post-divorce. Instead of attending long business dinners as when married, I catch up with friends for quicker lattes. I have more me time post-divorce, and spend it reading a great Scandinavian mystery or lounging on the couch with my cats and a magazine. I have the time and energy to try new pursuits, such as Zumba. Dear Married Friends, I told you while married, that I was like a single mother without the sympathy. Now I am one and can enjoy the autonomy that goes with it. I no longer cook huge meals, but make quick and easy ones. I am not tethered to my kitchen, as a few…
Avoid these Legal Traps in Divorce
It is easy to make some mistakes during divorce and not realize that some rules are being violated. Some common legal traps of divorce that trip up people occur when they do not realize that they are violating basic rules. During the divorce proceedings, here are a few things to keep in mind: A big no-no is taking a child across the state line or out of the country, even during the proceedings. Permission is required from the other parent and a notarized statement if going abroad. I got accused of planning a trip overseas without my ex being informed of it ahead of time. Luckily all of our communication went through a mediator and he resent the original e-mail that he had indeed notified my sons’ father. When selling something that was bought with marital funds, check with your attorney regarding the legality of this first. I apparently violated this by selling my sons’ play structure without my spouse’s permission during divorce. My children and I were moving out of the marital home during our divorce and the realtor said to get rid of it ASAP. I put an ad in the newspaper and let the boys split the $100 received for their play structure. My spouse was livid and my attorney gave me a lecture. I insisted that my ex would have to collect any money he felt that was owed to him, directly from his sons. As you are finalizing your divorce, put as much detail as possible in the divorce decree. It is the little items omitted that can cause bumps in the road when the divorce has been finalized. Please read more http://divorcedmoms.com/articles/how-to-avoid-common-legal-traps-of-divorce
Importance of Sleep in Divorce and Life
Sleep is crucial in divorce to ensure that information is retained and appropriate decisions are made that can affect the rest of one’s life. Both the Slow Wave sleep of Delta and REM are required for optimal processing of material taken in and new skills that are learned. There are three parts to memory formation and these are Acquisition where new material is obtained, and Consolidation when memory is stabilized in the brain. During sleep the neural connections that form memory are strengthened and this stage is called Recall. The hippocampus is the region of the brain that goes over the events of the day. When there is poor quality of sleep, Researchers at University of Berkeley found that memories do not travel from the hippocampus to the prefrontal cortex, where long-term information and memories are stored. Not retaining information can impact divorce hearings or cause complications post-divorce if a client feels that he never received important facts. In Delta sleep, the growth hormone is released and is the stage that consolidates new memories and learning. Cell growth and repair of cellular damage occurs in Slow Wave sleep. Too little Slow Wave Sleep can cause weight gain, increases the risk of pre-diabetes, and affects the functioning of the immune system. Not having enough deep sleep can affect a divorcing person’s health. In the REM stage of sleep, it is as if a secretary is going through memory files and sending less important ones to the archives. New research indicates that REM increases activity in the right hemisphere of the brain which is linked to creativity. Some inventors, such as Thomas Edison, have gotten ideas and answers in their dreams. Insomnia decreases the ability to focus and take in facts. Various studies indicate poor quality of sleep hinders being able to…
Whether to Keep or Sell the Marital House in Divorce
A big issue in divorce proceedings is what to do about the marital home. Is it to be sold or does a spouse buy out the other one? Would one spouse be able to handle the upkeep, taxes, and mortgage? A factor to consider is if the mortgage is already paid or will be by the time alimony has run its course. I have seen several women post-divorce who got the marital home and are living paycheck to paycheck. They are barely keeping their heads above water financially. Consider hiring your own financial advisor to see if buying your spouse out of his share is really feasible. Keep in mind that two 100K assets are not equal. An investment or money market account accrues interest and a house requires an outlay of money for expenses. That said, a house can appreciate in value or be in such a lovely setting, that ever selling it would be out of the question. Two divorced women said the only way that they would permanently leave their beautiful houses would be by hearse. If you are on the fence about what to do regarding the marital home in your divorce, consult with a real estate agent regarding projected future trends in the housing market. You would have an idea if the property values are going down or up. If your children and pets are happily residing in the marital home then it may be the better choice to hang on to it. If you like your neighbors and the amenities of your neighborhood, then that is another reason to stay put. When you are in a great public school location, you may not be able to find a home in the same district. It is not guaranteed that your kids could get an inner…
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