Girlfriends Got Me Through My Divorce
Girlfriends helped me keep my sanity during the crazy time of divorce. When I was falling apart, they put me back together again. They were my cheerleaders and reality check. When teetering on the brink of a breakdown or meltdown, they knew just what to say. I would not have been able to move on this well without them. What is the difference between girlfriends and friends? I have an eighty-seven year old friend that I have known since the 1980’s. I can confide in her and we are close. There are boundaries that I do not cross, such talking about sex, or telling her what I really think about some of her family members. My girlfriends are more chatty and catty. They bluntly express when I am acting stupid, spending too much money, or need to step back from a college-age kid, to let him make his own mistakes. Friends may be more diplomatic, but girlfriends keep me right on track. Both friends and girlfriends are invaluable for reducing stress and getting on with life. One girlfriend bought me a relaxation CD at the onset of my divorce. Putting it on before bedtime, or to chill out in the afternoon, reduced the tightness in my muscles and induced sleep. Another gave me some spa items which were bliss. Going out for lattes helped me to feel connected to the outside world when my life centered around collaborative divorce meetings and the numerous e-mails in between. My girlfriends listened to my rants over and over again, while my friends were more impatient. My friends discussed many interesting topics which took the focus off me and I appreciated this diversion. Tell people what you want and need, since they most likely are not telepathic. Let others know that even going out…
You Can’t Change Someone Else, Only Yourself
Often we think that we can change someone else after marrying them. We can only change ourselves or our own reactions to people’s behavoir. We have excuses for partners’ actions, rather than accepting that maybe this is their true nature. Intrinsic values and ethics are part of a person’s core and not something that is easily shed after matrimony. Nina started dating a guy in her large company who worked in a different section. She knew that he had dated many others and had the reputation of being a ladies’ man. Her older cousin had been a player and settled down into domestic bliss. Nina remembered the old cliché that it takes the love of the right woman to get a man to settle down. The actor Warren Beatty left his wild ways behind when he married Annette Benning. Nina’s friends had their doubts about this union, but did not want to voice them and hurt her feelings. It is difficult whether or not to give your opinion to a friend, that their boy/girlfriend may have a darker side. If many pals give the same feedback to you, then keep an open mind about your date. You may be missing a major character flaw that is not going to change at a later point. Sometimes a person goes into marriage thinking a party person will change their ways. Divorced friends have expressed this wisdom, to marry someone as they are –not what they could be. Small foibles and quirks are okay, however lapses of ethics are not. If there is any hint of disrespect, then move on. Expect to be treated with courtesy and consideration by a potential partner.. You Can’t Change Other People, Only Yourself
Co-parenting with a Toxic Ex After Divorce
In many of cases, former spouses are able to co-parent peacefully together for the good of their children. They put aside any animosity for the well-being of their kids and set about the task of moving on in their own lives. Yes, there are some bumps in the road, but learning how to negotiate goes a long way in smoothing out these situations. In rare circumstances, one parent has a personality disorder in which their conscience or morality is faulty. There are ways to counterbalance the influence of a toxic parent after divorce. My older son said that the most important measure which helped him was volunteering. Volunteering offset the message that people are not important, and I in particular. My sons heard so many negatives that helping needy people and animals took the focus off them and onto how they could make the world a better place. We took supplies to hospitals in Asia and feline medications to a cat clinic in the Cook Islands. At home my sons volunteered with animals, at a homeless shelter, and tutoring youngsters in chess. Helping others is very rewarding and they enjoy doing so. Volunteering connects your children to others and connection is what a parent with a personality disorder lacks. As an added bonus, being of service to others fosters a work ethic for future jobs. It also teaches kids to get along with people of different cultures, ages, and classes, which is necessary in this global economy. Another aspect to help children not follow in a parent’s self-centeredness is by traveling and meeting folks from different cultures. They see others with their eyes and form their own impressions. This reduces prejudice, even if the other parent spouts vile opinions of others not in her ethnic group. We went to a Muslim…
Global Charities to Help with Divorce
During divorce there are online and offline groups to help one get through this life changing transition. In the States, it is common for a judge, interim psychologist, or the solicitors to mandate that the spouses take a co-parenting class (separately). However, after divorce, when I particularly wanted assistance for myself, it was scarcer. Of course I could have gone to a life coach, which is helpful, but I wanted the type of interaction only found in group setting. In the UK today, there are several organisations in the UK that provide post-divorce support and guidance in such a setting. The charity Divorce Recovery Workshops (DRW) is mainly staffed by volunteers who have gone through divorce themselves. Their six sessions are around two hours and cover such topics as “Coping with your ex-spouse”, “Letting Go and Forgiveness” and “Thinking about new relationships.” A video is shown first, followed by a discussion and sharing of experiences. The participants realize that others are going through the same problems and “recovery from traumatic experiences can bring opportunities for personal growth.” DWR has quarterly weekend retreats in lovely country hotels from Friday evening to after Sunday lunch. Since they are a non-profit organization, fees are kept reasonable. Go online to find a workshop near your area www.drw.org.uk Divorce Care is a global organization that has branches in the UK and elsewhere. I tested this by selecting the various cites of London, Cape Town, Auckland, New South Wales, Australia, Cincinnati (USA) and Chicago and yes there were groups in these places. Divorce Care meets weekly and shows a “video seminar” first and then there is a discussion and sharing of the participants’ lives. People learn practical tips that help them recover from divorce. Some Divorce Care participants have stated that it is like becoming part of…
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