Missing your Ex-spouse After Divorce
Now that you are divorced, you may be having second thoughts because you miss your ex. Even if you initiated it, you are not immune from this feeling. Maybe post-divorce is a bit lonelier than anticipated. There are ways to get through this period and confirm that your decision was the right one. Try to differentiate between actually missing him/her as a person, or missing the whole package of married life itself. Do you miss their qualities and characteristics specifically, or just being half of a duo? It is crucial to determine if this is more about losing a housemate, or rather him/her as an important person in your life. If your residence seems empty and you have to fill this void, that is not missing your ex as a person. How should you manage if you truly miss his jokes, advice, and other sterling traits? Let some time pass and do not contact him. Your emotions are still raw and you need to heal first. This would be a good time to discuss your feelings with a divorce coach to clarify them. Was your ex-wife extremely hurt or angry with the divorce? I know of some former couples who are good friends now but, took a long timeout after their breakups. This may be possible for you down the road. I know a young couple who got married right after high school when she became pregnant. The marriage only lasted a few years because they were young and constantly pushed each other’s buttons. Years later they felt that they had matured and could not live without each other, and so remarried. Unfortunately, they got married again without addressing the issues that initially drove them apart. They had another child and later an explosive divorce. Do not even think of getting…
Tips on How to Have Fun When the Kids are away on Visitation
The first several visitations post-divorce can be particularly difficult. I cried during the second one and realized that making an effort to do fun things was a logical solution to this situation. What worked was polling some divorced pals on what they did during visitations. The key to surviving visitations is distraction. Discover diversions and amusements to keep you occupied and the time can fly by. 1. Play tourist in your own city. Have you avoided your local art museum because it did not make your children’s top twenty list? Rediscover interesting and quirky places that might not appeal to the kids. Do you live near a winery that could be a leisurely day trip? Grey Line Tours and your local ones go to interesting sites around and beyond your locale. I sent my son and a house guest to a nearby tourist town and they had a great time. They enjoyed the others on this day tour as much as they did the itinerary. 2. Go to an amusement park, circus, or similar fun place. Post-divorce I took my sons to Disneyland for a long weekend and had a 45 minute chat in line with the lady behind me. Apparently her kids were at visitation and she “needed” to have a bit of fun. She was laughing and discussing the other rides that she had been on earlier. I had never thought about going to an amusement area by myself before, but this is something to think about for your situation. 3. Check out upcoming festivals in your town. There are crowds and I usually run into people I know. Quite a lot of singles are enjoying these fun events, so I don’t feel like I stick out in a crowd. In two places where I have lived, there…
Tips on Helping Others Get Through Divorce
Getting through an acrimonious divorce makes one an expert. You learned the ins and outs and discovered what worked. Making it through this difficult life transition enables you to illuminate the path for others. Just be careful of how you do this. 1. Do not give unsolicited advice to your friend during her divorce. None whatsoever. Yes, they may be making the same mistakes, but even well-meaning advice can be perceived as criticism or judgmental. Bite your tongue if necessary. There are ways to get information across plus share your wisdom by speaking about personal divorce experiences. 2. Pick relevant divorce scenarios that you survived and your friend is facing now. If you wished your ex’s pension plan had been divided in half and you received less of another asset, then let your friend know. She/he is making financial decisions too. Maybe you bought your spouse out of your marital home and wished that it had been sold and profits divided — that is a helpful tip. Letting them know what worked and what didn’t in your divorce gives one information to digest about their own situation. An acquaintance told me the best thing she did in her divorce was to select a strong therapist for her son who was comfortable going to court. I asked for his name and he ended up going to court post-divorce for my younger son. She never told me what to do. Use statements like, “Have you thought about,” or “Did your attorney consider?” 3. Inquire if they want some divorce resources to help get through divorce. Inform them of what helped you in your community. I tell people about our local community college’s women in transitions course which brought in speakers on a plethora of topics, such as finances, dealing with stress and moving on. This class is available across…
Custody Evaluation during Divorce
What is the Custody Evaluation Process? The whole process takes several weeks before a custody determination or Parenting Plan is done. The Custody Evaluator interviews the parents and children separately. The Custody Evaluator may request that you bring to your first meeting, a history of your marriage, specifics on children, and if there was infidelity or abuse. She is not a therapist and this is not the time to spill your deep, dark secrets. All of you will undergo extensive personality testing, including the MMPI (Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Index). Do answer these questions honestly and not how you think the Custody Evaluator would want you to. My friend Jerry’s friend administers this MMPI and he took this test as an experiment. First go around, Jerry answered how he thought his friend would like it and what would make him appear great. Then the second time, Jerry did the MMPI honestly, with how he perceived himself. What a difference between the two. The test administrator told Jerry that he got very low marks on the first test. When he answered exactly how he felt, he aced it and was rated a happy, stable person. When I took the test the thing that helped me to be seen as a “happy person” is that I did my testing outside in a lovely courtyard. The birds were singing, flowers blooming, so I was in a calm state taking these battery of tests. See if you could take your tests outside of the office with nature around you. Do meditate, watch a comedy, or whatever it takes to get you in a calm, centered state before doing each test. The results of these tests help determine shared time in custody, so do not do them in a panic. You may be asked to say…
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