The Divorce Magazine was launched today
The Divorce Magazine @thedivorcemag Follow ITS LIVE!!! Why Forgive by @WendiSchuller thedivorcemagazine.co.uk/forgive/ I wrote the article on Forgiveness for this first issue. Please check this web site. Wendi
Use Language to Propel You in Right Direction
Language is a powerful tool to enable you to reach goals. Or it can derail you. Use positive words to point you where you want to go and to achieve your desired outcomes. I f you want to remember your lunch for work then state it that way, not “I can’t forget my lunch.” Otherwise you are putting forget and lunch into your brain. Certainly in a divorce situation, you would think, “I have to get the house” not “Oh, I might lose the house.” Stating what you want is clearer to your divorce attorney. Say what you desire to achieve from asset division or visitation, not what you do not. With a little practice, it becomes easy. Think where you want to go and phrase words accordingly. Don’t make statements about what you don’t want to happen. A school district in the US, spent about $40,000.00 writing a conduct code manual which included bullying behavior and consequences. This took months to complete. When the committee went over the final results the whole project had to be scrapped and redone from the beginning. The entire manual contained “don’t” statements, not what students and staff were to do. It had behaviors and strategies that were unacceptable, not clear instructions about what was expected. Using positive language of what is expected is also a more effective way to deal with children. “Bums in the chair” or “feet on the floor” is clearer than “don’t jump around here.” Even instructions to dogs are positive words for outcomes, “sit” instead of “don’t run around.” Before I used positive language, there was more confusion. I got a call from my son “where are you?”. I had said that I could NOT pick him up and later he remembered something about picking him up. Stating “walk home from school today” (desired outcome) would have been the way…
Children of Divorce at Christmas and Holiday Visitation
It is a frenetic time with all we have to do at Christmas. We have our own stress level to deal with and children can get a bit lost in all of this. They may be more quiet or acting out for your attention, but there are ways for all of us to thrive during this busy time. If your kids are bouncing off the walls, then do a physical activity together, possibly taking a walk around the neighborhood. The key to this is distraction. Find some fun or relaxing distractions for you to partake in during the holidays. It may be reading a best-seller or being curled up with some special British magazines. The important idea is to have something concrete to do. Then let your children know what this specific distraction is. Whether it is reading with your cat nearby or going out for lattes with a friend at the only coffee shop open on Christmas. If your children know you are doing a certain activity, then they can be more relaxed and enjoy their time with the other parent. Mine were more reluctant to leave me until I showed them my pile of magazines. My cat just had emergency surgery early in the morning on Christmas Eve, so I said we’d hang out together in front of the tree. It also helps if you have a special holiday ritual to do when they return. The kids have something to look forward to do with you and be a part of your Christmas celebration, even if late in the evening. If you take care and nurture yourself, then your tank won’t be so empty that you can’t give to others. If friends ask what you’d like for Christmas, then hint that pampering spa products would be appreciated. Take deep…
Buy from a tree farm and help preserve nature
Think about preserving our open spaces for the wildlife and us to enjoy. Buy your Christmas tree from a tree farm, particularly smaller family owned ones. Some people think they are doing their part for the environment by purchasing factory made Christmas trees and “going green.” Well, think again. Near my house growing up in the Midwest, was a small, locally owned tree farm. I would strap on my cross country skis and glide amoung the firs. There was a higher concentration of wildlife in this small tree farm and I loved having this bit of nature in the suburbs. It was in the late 1970’s and artificial trees were in vogue, especially the aluminum ones. Well you guessed it. People patronized big box stores instead of this neighborhood oasis of green. The tree farm couldn’t make it financially without consumers’ support and it closed. It was traumatic seeing it paved over to make a parking lot and several buildings. My sons and I are able to walk down our street and buy trees and wreathes brought in from a small family owned tree farm outside of our city. The trees are so fresh, that I maybe sweep up 5 pine needles when I take out the live tree in January. The city recycles these firs for needed mulch. Do you want to support Chinese factories or local families making a living? It’s a no brainer for me.
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