How to Break up with Partner having Borderline Personality Disorder
Breaking up or divorcing a partner with Borderline Personality Disorder can be challenging. Have firm boundaries with consequences for violations. The men from these true life cases give advice to others who are going through similar break ups. Two men that broke up with women who have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) share their experiences and advice. One got a divorce and the other had great difficulty disentangling himself from his girlfriend. Both of the women tried to stop the break ups which seemed to trigger their fear of abandonment. Choosing Right Divorce Professional and Type of Divorce Jeff who is a martial arts instructor, reached his limit of tolerance and consulted with a highly recommended Family Law Firm. He was asked if he wanted a solicitor who was nurturing and would hold his hand all through proceedings. The other choice was an avenger who was no nonsense. He chose the second one and asked if she had dealings with anyone with BPD. Jeff cautions others to ensure that a potential legal representative is experienced with BPD cases. His solicitor kept emotion out of divorce for both him and the wife’s solicitor. Although a bit like a robot, she was effective and controlled proceedings in a matter-of-fact tone. They both agreed that litigation was the best type of divorce for this situation. He did not want to be in a room with his spouse and wanted a judge to preside over proceedings. Divorcing A Spouse with Borderline Personality Disorder They had a rocky marriage from the start, however Jeff stuck it out to be a good step-dad to Tara’s son. They had bought an expensive car when married, and Tara insisted upon receiving that one during the division of personal property. Jeff got the ancient one. The step-son called Jeff and demanded that…
Mediation, Collaborative or Litigation – Which is Best for You?
Mediation There are different ways to get divorced to fit individual needs and circumstances. Divorcing couples are required to have a mediation information and assessment meeting to cut down on the cases going to court. Mediation is particularly helpful for spouses who want to keep the door open for a good relationship post-divorce. Negotiating can be like a dialogue where husband and wife explain the rationale behind their requests, such as in dividing assets. They are in control of their outcome with the mediator’s guidance. Although many mediators are also solicitors, they do not give legal advice to either party. Mediation can be completed in as few as three sessions and the cost is much lower than in collaborative or litigation. People who are motivated to work together in discovering a mutually acceptable resolution do well with mediation. Each person can consult with their own solicitor between sessions before signing anything. Collaborative Some people who are divorcing difficult spouses may feel more comfortable having their own solicitor during proceedings, as in collaborative divorce. They have their own personal advocate to guide them through negotiations and look out for their interests. While the collaborative solicitors represent their own clients, they work together as a team to ensure a fair settlement for each party. We had a collaborative divorce and I still liked my husband’s solicitor when it was finalized. He even gave me ideas for financial help when his client refused to pay any university expenses for our sons. That would not be happening in litigation. Collaborative divorce brings in experts as needed, such as a financial advisor. Collaborative costs more than mediation but is much less than litigation. Many high profile couples prefer the privacy that is part of the collaborative type of divorce. Litigation There are times where litigation…
Divorcing a Person with Borderline Personality Disorder
Mediation and collaborative divorces have been referred to as “more friendly” with a goal to keep the door open to having a relationship post-divorce. Some people who divorced individuals with personality disorders, felt safer in the court room with a judge presiding. This is particularly true with spouses who have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Traits of Borderline Personality Disorder People with BPD have a fear of abandonment which can become worse with divorce. They have poor and unstable interpersonal relationships. They tend to put someone up on a pedestal and revere them. When that person does something not liked, they become bitterly despised. People are categorized as being wonderful or not worthy of their adoration. Folks with BPD have overly intense emotions which fluctuate vastly. They are controlling and this includes controlling communication between people they know. BPD people are threatened by a partner’s success so criticize in order to tear them down in the belief it will keep them dependent and prevent abandonment (divorce). Their impulsive behaviour – affairs, drug use, and alcoholism may be a factor in their partner wanting out of the relationship. People with BPD have a sense of emptiness with a distorted self-image. When married, one may have tip-toed around them to avoid activating the BPD spouse’s intense anger. The departing spouse’s self-esteem may be low after spending time with this judgemental person. Setting Boundaries Ways to get through divorce from a spouse with Borderline Personality Disorder include having clear boundaries. You can send a strong message that all communication goes to your solicitor and not to you. Have consequences if boundaries are violated. Follow through with consequences, such as blocking their calls and e-mails or changing your phone number. Instruct staff at work not to put those calls through to you or get a…
Dealing with Empty Nest as a Single Parent
It may be that you and your spouse waited until the last child was out of the house before filing for divorce. Or it could be that you both drifted so far apart that Empty Nest was the catalyst for going your separate ways. In my case, it was a few years post-divorce when I had to face being by myself. My married friends have their spouses for company and go dining out or make impromptu trips to the cinema. When alone in a quiet house without another adult companion, time may seem to stand still between their visits home. How to Get Through Empty Nest Part of getting through Empty Nest is reframing negative thoughts and looking for what is positive. I do not have a surly teen at home, but have a cuddly feline fellow in a tuxedo who enjoys hanging out together. I have more me time to read mysteries while munching on chocolate, instead of being a chauffeur. Make sure to nurture yourself when feeling morose. One dad said what got him through the early stages of Empty Nest was knowing his son was ecstatically happy at his university. He has many friends, activities, clubs, and is engaged in his courses. Some people stay in touch daily with their kids, by a short text and catch up with a call on the weekend. They feel connected to them and still part of their lives. Distraction helps ward off the Empty Nest Blues. Do something that you have enjoyed in the past, but maybe did not have the time to continue when raising youngsters. Some folks got back in to a sport and joined an amateur city league. I started Zumba classes the week my youngest left home. Every year, I plan get-togethers with pals for the…
SIGN UP FOR OUR NEWSLETTER
© 2023 Wendi’s Tips. All Rights Reserved. Website by Noventum