Dating Again When Over 45
Getting back into the dating scene after celebrating your 45th birthday can be a bit scary. Whether due to divorce or death, you lost your safety net for going out as part of a couple. Married friends may be out of date with their advice on dating etiquette. Before signing up for various online matchmaking sites, get yourself ready for this new adventure
How to Spend Mother’s Day Post-Divorce
When Mother’s Day comes in the midst of divorce proceedings, it can be upsetting if your children are not scheduled to be with you. Some parents have put in their parenting plans that the kids spend Mother’s or Father’s Days with the parent that is being honored. Others do an informal trade for the day. Post-divorce, my sons and I started new traditions to make the day seem more like it belonged to us. We exorcised the ghosts of Mother’s Day past, and did not do anything like we did when I was still married. We shook up our routine and had a simple meal out followed by an anticipated movie. Celebrate in a new way, whether or not you have the kids with you. My mother was happy to go along with our changes. Here are some ideas for embarking on new traditions for this day. Have a brunch at your place and invite other women, whether or not they are mothers. Make it extra festive with some champagne or Bloody Marys. If you have family nearby, get together with them and the kids will have fun with cousins. Ask your children for suggestions on how to celebrate this occasion in other ways. When I was little, I treated my divorced mother at a reasonably priced restaurant in a nearby town. The scenic drive was half of the fun. Give your kids the chance to do something nice for you. What to do if you are alone on Mother’s Day? See what your single friends are doing, or be the social director and plan an outing with them. Distraction is the key when feeling lonely or melancholy. Going to a cinema or watching a boxed set at home can help. My mother would get a great mystery to read on Mother’s Day when I was not home, or…
Single and Wanting to Meet People?
Whether one has been divorced, taken a sabbatical from dating, or recently arrived from the International Space Station, there are ways to get back into dating after a hiatus. It may seem easier today to find a special someone in the age of online matchmaking. Personal introductions seem almost old fashioned. Look around your immediate environment for potential relationships. I worked in a large university hospital and many happy unions were between doctors and nurses along with other staff. There are lawyer couples with long-term marriages too. Be careful of boss/employee relationships, where one person holds most of the power. Where else to look? Join a group or cause which you feel passionate about to encounter like-minded people. Several people I know became friends with another in their charity. They were not trying to impress anyone and felt comfortable with these pals who eventually became their spouses. These groups may be political, religious, save the environment, animal rescue or whatever floats your boat. One divorced friend’s Anglican Church has an active singles group with a variety of social activities, such as movie nights, pot-luck suppers and more. She has met some great people at these gatherings. MeetUp.com is global and has a plethora of special interest groups. This is a wonderful way to make friends which may lead to something more romantic. Groups include hiking, dining, going to the theater, volunteering and so forth. Go to festivals and community events where people interact with each other. I met my former fiancé at our local Greek festival. It was such a lively atmosphere which made conversation easy. Bars can be tricky. If your locale has pubs where people of various ages go for a sense of community and camaraderie this may be an option to meet someone respectable. Some bars are…
Self-Esteem in Children Including after Divorce
Children may have gone through trauma with their parents’ divorce resulting in a dip with their self-esteem. Correct any misconceptions tied to divorce “I’m bad and that is why my parents broke up” or “If I was better, they would still be together.” Reassure children that they are not to blame for any aspect of the divorce and compliment them on their resilience for getting through the process. Rather than trying boost self-esteem in a general way “You are so great and everything you do is great” determine what their core issue is. If their core issue is “I’m unlovable” then work with them on showing that they are lovable. My sons have volunteered with an animal rescue group and the critters have demonstrated great affection towards these boys. There are many other family and community examples of showing that the kids are loved. If a child feels unworthy, then perhaps a divorce professional could help them see that this is a false belief. Hypnotherapy also excels in debunking limiting beliefs that are keeping kids feeling stuck. Work with the negative image that the child may have about themselves in order to achieve a healthy self-esteem. Having a healthy self-esteem is an intrinsic value and not dependent upon a cheering squad telling kids how special they are. The trick is to help the child feel good about themselves and not be reliant upon others to give them validation. Relying on external factors (continual praise for example) is not the path for a strong self-image. Rather than piling on the compliments, help youngsters discover areas of expertise, skills and hobbies where becoming proficient is what helps them feel good about themselves. A bonus when their validation is internal instead of external, is having less of a chance succumbing to peer pressure….
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