Reconnecting with Former Love

It is so easy nowadays to reconnect with a long ago love. There are various online sites from social media to searching for classmates, which facilitate getting in touch again. What starts out as curiosity regarding the one who got away can end up as an affair that rips families apart. It may be innocence or nativity that views exchanging a few updates as no big deal. If rekindling a relationship with a former flame cannot be discussed with a spouse, then it falls into the danger zone. In the majority of these cases, at least one spouse is married.

When the old sweethearts meet up again, it has been described as being like a vacation in Disneyland. There are no mundane tasks or bills, just fun activities. The reunion may have already budgeted expenses, so the day to day juggling of finances is not present. This situation is similar to episodes of bachelor/bachelorette television shows filmed in an exotic locale. The people stay in a five star hotel, with great meals and amenities. There are exciting diversions without the stresses of daily life. When former lovers reunite, this new relationship is built upon the quicksand of fantasy without a firm foundation. No wonder these relationships have a higher rate of divorce or not making it to the alter.

This true story echoes so many of the other ones they were shared with me. Jerry’s wife decided to go online and discover whatever happened to her college boyfriend. He was single and just seeing his photo brought back happy memories. They decided to get together for a weekend. Soon after this initial meeting, Carol decided on a divorce and left Jerry. Carol and this college flame got married, but this relationship did not work out, so she got divorced again. Having a whirlwind courtship while getting a divorce, did not give a realistic picture for this new relationship. It is not just picking up where both parties left off over a decade ago.

People searching for old flames do so for different reasons, such as being bored in their marriages. They may want to relive their youth or now have that middle age itch. There may be something lacking in their lives now, so they feel if they had married their former fling, they would have been fulfilled. They are not taking responsibility for a void and think a past love could fill it. They want excitement, or say they are hooking up just as friends.

If you are married – do not look up former boy/girlfriends. If you are single and do –please respect the other person’s marital status by not contacting them if they are married. If you both are unattached, then consider giving this a go. The relationships that seem to be most successful are the ones that broke up due to parents’ interference or because they were too young. There have been reunions which led to successful marriages, but both were single and did not leave marriages to reunite. If one’s marriage is unhappy, go for counselling to fix it or end it, before pursuing a former partner.

Originally published in The Divorce Magazine  thedivorcemagazine.co.uk