Advantages of Low-Key Dating Post-Divorce

After a breakup of a long-term relationship, one may feel desperate to meet someone.   Dates turn into assessing people for marriage material. Somewhere along the line, the fun of going out for laughs gets thrown out the window. Consider doing what you did back in college – date just to date. Go out with people who share your interests and wicked sense of humor. This is what I call “Low-Key Dating.”

Low-key dating helps one to really be in the moment and enjoy what is happening right then – not be daydreaming about what the future may hold. One young man says that it is easier if you go out without the pressure of a relationship. If a date turns into a relationship, then wonderful, if not, that is okay too. What low-key dating does is to let one be more relaxed and not feel judged. One can have dates with individuals who might not be at the top of the list for marriage. Several folks with different backgrounds and religions dated when newly single again. They were drawn together by common interests and gradually fell in love. Had they been actively seeking a new partner instead of some companionship, these happy unions never would have taken place.

One women said that she was having a dry spell between dates. When questioned further, this was not the case, in fact she was doing low-key dating. She recently had a coffee date with a younger DJ whom she is sometimes a guest on his radio show. She had a series of lunches or coffees with a single former classmate. Since those took place in the patio area at Whole Foods, she did not consider those slightly flirty get-togethers as dates. When I lived in another city for a year, I went to jazz concerts with a nice guy. I insisted on buying my own tickets and he paid for our meal afterwards. This is another example of low-key dating. There was no pressure to make it more than pleasant interludes.

Before you turn down a date because he/she is not “The One” reconsider it. Do something that you both enjoy – a movie, bowling, hiking, street fair and so forth. You two have a great time, good conversation and are staying active instead of moping around. It is interesting meeting different types of people. Broaden your horizon with low-key dates which are informative or amusing. Going out with an accountant helped me to get a better handle on my finances. I dated a medical student when I was in nursing school and we studied together. A friend dated a conditioning coach for a while and received great fitness tips.

You may be friends with a person and setting up a low-key date lessens possible rejection. Going out for lattes or to a get-together are relaxing ways to connect. Several colleagues went on low-key dates and sparks started to ignite when away from the work place. This casual way of dating resulted in discovering they had romantic feelings for each other and there were a few marriages. If these dates only led to deeper friendships, then that would have been good too.

In one case, a man confessed that he had been harboring a crush on a woman for a few years. She explained that she would be moving out of state in a year or two and did not want to get involved with anyone at this time. He agreed to go on platonic dates. She got the vibe that he would try to get her to change her mind or get hurt in the process. This is not the circumstance for low-key dating when the other person wants a lot more than you do. We tend to take life too seriously and low-key dating is a way to lighten up.

My article was originally published on Digital Romance   http://digitalromanceinc.com/