Children Need Contact with Both Parents
It may be tempting to keep your children away from your ex when you are angry with her, or he is behind with child support. Are your thwarting time with the other parent for the children’s sake, or for yours? Be clear on the motivation behind your actions. A parent may think that they have good reasons to stop visitation, however youngsters need both parents in their lives. One may be angry at what a jerk a former partner is, however they still have the right to maintain a parent-child relationship. There are even programs to help inmates maintain a positive relationship with their kids while they are incarcerated. Kids are shrewd and will get it at some point that one parent is hampering contact with the absent one. One young women completely cut off ties with her father after realizing the wall he built between her and her mum was due to his lies and manipulations. A child did not feel close to her mother because of her frequent putdowns of her father and bursts of anger. Interfering with a child’s relationship with the other parent can come back and bite you on the bum. Instead, model generosity in sharing them with their other parent and being flexible if plans need to be tweaked for special occasions. Various studies have shown that kids who have both parents in their lives do better on cognitive tests and have less behavioural issues. The US Department of Health said children who have contact with both parents have stronger academic skills and more emotional control. A Swedish study found that stress caused headaches, stomach aches and insomnia in kids. In two parent homes when children had close contact with both mum and dad, these health issues were reduced. I have also seen kids…
Lowering Stress Post-Divorce for Optimal Well-Being
When we are stressed, the hypothalamus activates the sympathetic nervous system and the adrenal-cortical system (via bloodstream) to produce the fight or flight response. The problem is when we stay in this state, it wreaks havoc with the body’s functioning. Being chronically on red alert affects the immune system, decreasing white blood cells and making us more susceptible to colds and the flu. High cortisol (stress hormone) levels raise the heart rate, blood pressure and the probability of insomnia. Holy Basil is an ayurvedic medicine from India which has been around for over a millennium and lowers cortisol. It has helped my friends and I feel more balanced using it. Another great resource is Bach’s Flower Remedies which have been around since the 1930’s. They have homeopathic medicine for very specific anxieties. For example, Walnut is for those facing a change in their life, such as divorce or a new job. I use White Chestnut before I go to bed for a more tranquil rest. It is used for stopping persistent thoughts in one’s mind, which can be a problem post-divorce. Their Rescue Remedy is for an acute situation and I use it to stabilize one woman in a panic attack so she could get out of the building and be taken to urgent care. Bach’s Sleep Rescue Remedy is fabulous to use when one wakes up in the middle of the night or to get to sleep. I keep a bottle in my nightstand to squirt in my mouth. Consider adding supplements to your regime. Omega 3 helps to keep a steady heart rhythm and maintain flexibility with blood vessels. Stress depletes B Vitamins, which are crucial for the immune system, so it is beneficial to take these post-divorce. Up your intake of protein and green vegetables. If cooking is too overwhelming, get…
Is Dating a Liar a Deal Breaker for You?
It is a tough call whether to stay or bail when one’s partner emulates Pinocchio. Lies chip away at the foundation of trust and discovering the cause of them can determine how to proceed. Sometimes we women set guys up to lie and don’t realize it. In these cases the men feel trapped – say a white lie to keep status quo or tell the truth and risk hurt or angry feelings. An example of this is “Honey, does this (clothing) make my bum look big?” Of course he is not going to answer “Yes, about the size of the state of Kansas.” Most likely the reply will be along the line of “Not at all, dear.” Save these questions for your girlfriends. Also do not ask if you look old, fat or any other similar ones when you are really seeking reassurance rather than the brutal truth. Determine if your partner is a habitual liar. One woman found out that her boyfriend was not really in medical school, as he claimed. A family friend was the secretary in the med school and spilled the beans. The fellow said the secretary was incompetent and later admitted that he was just thinking of applying there. She foolishly gave him a few more chances before breaking up permanently. The woman could have cared less if he was enrolled in grad vs medical school and did not like having her friend disrespected to cover up his falsehoods. If you find out that your man lies just to lie, even about trivial matters, then run in the opposite direction. Some people are shy or feel awkward in social situations. They may exaggerate their job title, golf scores, or exotic vacation destinations in order to make connections with others. There may be a self-worth issue…
Men’s Divorce
Several men stated that post-divorce is the opportunity for change and be can be the catalyst for trying something new. They said when their divorced friends clung to the past they did not fare as well in the post-divorce period. The past cannot be altered, but knowledge gained can be invaluable for moving on. Terry was adamant that men have to do work on themselves after a bad break up before getting into a new relationship. His buddies that got divorce number two did not pause to reflect upon their part which ended the marriage and what could be done differently the next time around. He advises men not to rush into a new partnership too quickly and make sure they understand how to communicate more effectively. He had a session with a therapist and has been blissfully wedded to his second wife for fifteen years. One man feels that he got a divorce too quickly and could have worked out differences with his wife. He tells other men not to be in a rush for a divorce when hitting a bad patch during marriage. They did not have marital counselling which may have gotten their relationship back on track. He has a job which involves frequent travel and he misses his two young daughters. He jumped into a new relationship right away and has doubts about being with this new girlfriend. This “what if” situation is keeping him in a holding pattern and he is not moving on. Be clear that a relationship is truly over before getting into another one. Some men commented that some of their divorced peers were living on junk food. Dr Kawachi of the Harvard School of Public Health’s study of 30,000 men indicated this result. Take good care of yourself and prioritise your…
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