Reconnecting with Former Love
It is so easy nowadays to reconnect with a long ago love. There are various online sites from social media to searching for classmates, which facilitate getting in touch again. What starts out as curiosity regarding the one who got away can end up as an affair that rips families apart. It may be innocence or nativity that views exchanging a few updates as no big deal. If rekindling a relationship with a former flame cannot be discussed with a spouse, then it falls into the danger zone. In the majority of these cases, at least one spouse is married. When the old sweethearts meet up again, it has been described as being like a vacation in Disneyland. There are no mundane tasks or bills, just fun activities. The reunion may have already budgeted expenses, so the day to day juggling of finances is not present. This situation is similar to episodes of bachelor/bachelorette television shows filmed in an exotic locale. The people stay in a five star hotel, with great meals and amenities. There are exciting diversions without the stresses of daily life. When former lovers reunite, this new relationship is built upon the quicksand of fantasy without a firm foundation. No wonder these relationships have a higher rate of divorce or not making it to the alter. This true story echoes so many of the other ones they were shared with me. Jerry’s wife decided to go online and discover whatever happened to her college boyfriend. He was single and just seeing his photo brought back happy memories. They decided to get together for a weekend. Soon after this initial meeting, Carol decided on a divorce and left Jerry. Carol and this college flame got married, but this relationship did not work out, so she got divorced again….
Helping Friends Get Through Divorce
Your good friend down the street just told you that she and her husband are divorcing. You want to give her all of your wisdom and advice. That would really help her….or would it? The first thing to do is just listen. Really listen. It is not the time to scare her with what went wrong in your divorce or to bombard your friend with what she ought to do. Your friend may be numb with shock and wants you as a sounding board so that she can process her emotions. Respect your friend’s privacy and do not ask him/her for the gory details to satisfy your curiosity. They may have had a picture perfect marriage on the outside, but what went on behind closed doors was personal. Instead, just be there even if sitting in silence. Let your pal know that you are there for them in whatever way is supportive. Gently ask is they could use some divorce resources. MeetUp.com has divorce groups in London and in other parts of the UK. MeetUp.com has men’s and women’s groups which can provide camaraderie and interesting activities. There are various divorce support groups, retreats, and workshops in the UK and elsewhere which can be beneficial. Perhaps check for these online and report back to your friend. I sometimes stumbled around in a fog during divorce and could have used help from friends sourcing this type of support. I had a birthday during the middle of my divorce and people queued up to help me celebrate it. Perhaps have a group celebration for their birthday in the midst of an acrimonious divorce. Small treats are great, such as a bag of Thornton’s decadent chocolates or a gift card for something fun. Are their kids with the other parent for the first time…
Why I Like Being Divorced
Sometimes our happily married friends pity us divorcées and wonder how we can manage without a spouse in the house. Here is what I have to say to them: Dear Married Friends, You do not have the flexibility or freedom as we do to be nomads in India or get lost in the labyrinth of Venice. I pull a painting off the wall or raid my china cabinet and use that money for new adventures. Post-divorce, we take off for parts unknown and I do not plan trips with military precision as I did when married. We do not have the constraints of a spouse’s schedule and take journeys when our time and money allows. I am glad, dear married friends, that you enjoy your lives filled with cocktail parties and soirees. You are happy with this, and I am so glad to be off that party circuit. I spent a chunk of my life preparing hors d’oeuvres and entertaining my husband’s friends and colleagues that could have been spent with the kids. I feel that I missed out on some of their fleeting childhoods and I grab every minute of it post-divorce. Instead of attending long business dinners as when married, I catch up with friends for quicker lattes. I have more me time post-divorce, and spend it reading a great Scandinavian mystery or lounging on the couch with my cats and a magazine. I have the time and energy to try new pursuits, such as Zumba. Dear Married Friends, I told you while married, that I was like a single mother without the sympathy. Now I am one and can enjoy the autonomy that goes with it. I no longer cook huge meals, but make quick and easy ones. I am not tethered to my kitchen, as a few…
Avoid these Legal Traps in Divorce
It is easy to make some mistakes during divorce and not realize that some rules are being violated. Some common legal traps of divorce that trip up people occur when they do not realize that they are violating basic rules. During the divorce proceedings, here are a few things to keep in mind: A big no-no is taking a child across the state line or out of the country, even during the proceedings. Permission is required from the other parent and a notarized statement if going abroad. I got accused of planning a trip overseas without my ex being informed of it ahead of time. Luckily all of our communication went through a mediator and he resent the original e-mail that he had indeed notified my sons’ father. When selling something that was bought with marital funds, check with your attorney regarding the legality of this first. I apparently violated this by selling my sons’ play structure without my spouse’s permission during divorce. My children and I were moving out of the marital home during our divorce and the realtor said to get rid of it ASAP. I put an ad in the newspaper and let the boys split the $100 received for their play structure. My spouse was livid and my attorney gave me a lecture. I insisted that my ex would have to collect any money he felt that was owed to him, directly from his sons. As you are finalizing your divorce, put as much detail as possible in the divorce decree. It is the little items omitted that can cause bumps in the road when the divorce has been finalized. Please read more http://divorcedmoms.com/articles/how-to-avoid-common-legal-traps-of-divorce
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