10 Tips for Getting Through Thanksgiving When Alone
Thanksgiving can be a challenging time especially when going through a divorce or newly widowed. You may be undecided whether to crawl under your covers or do something more social. If you are experiencing grief, it compounds the situation. If your children are spending the holiday with your ex, then it can be an extra sad time. Thanksgiving can be easier if you stay busy. 1. See if there is a singles’ group in your town or church who may be getting together on this day. My local MeetUp. com group is meeting at a fun restaurant for a Thanksgiving Day lunch. This is especially nice when you don’t have the cash or time to travel across the country to be with your family. 2. My sons and I started our new tradition of going to a movie before our feast at home during my divorce. We watch the Macy’s Day Parade, then have a latte near the cinema and see a much anticipated movie. Choose new rituals for this day. It may be breakfast out and then TV and a hike. New traditions may include friends. See what fits for you. 3. Many people volunteer on this day and say they get so much more back than they give. Classic volunteering is cooking or serving at a homeless shelter or soup kitchen. There are other options. Remember animals still need to be fed, loved and have their cages cleaned at an animal shelter, etc. 4. Go to a restaurant or an upscale grocery store and eat their ready made food at their community table on Thanksgiving. My former boss goes to Whole Foods and eats turkey while enjoying talking to the others. 5. Shake up your day by having a breakfast feast at a restaurant and then veg out in front of the TV. You can do your normal…
Have Laughter & Fun and Live Longer
The health benefits from having fun and laughter are many. Different organizations from the Center for Disease Control (CDC) to WebMD agree on the same principles that it increases one’s well-being. I like the following quote from Roald Dahl: “A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest of men.” When you have fun and laugh, that relaxes your muscles relieving or diminishing chronic pain, by releasing endorphins which are natural pain killers. More oxygen and blood circulate around one’s body increasing blood flow to the heart. The stress hormone, Cortisol is lowered which then aids in improving the quality of sleep. Norman Cousins wrote the book “Anatomy of an Illness.” He was incapacitated by a spinal column illness and in great pain. He tried both conventional and more holistic types of remedies without a cure. For one month he closeted himself away and watched comedies and read jokes. After that time period, he presented himself to his stunned doctors who could not find a trace of the disease. At Cancer Treatment Centers of America, CTCA, “Laughter Therapy” is an integral part of cancer treatment. Having fun and laughter boosts the Immune System, increasing natural killer cells which destroy tumor cells. Laughter aids is boosting one’s positive outlook on life, which is important particularly when facing challenges like cancer or life transitions such as divorce. Having fun connects you to others and various studies have shown the positive affect of socialization on longevity. Go to a comedy, have lattes with friends, go to Disneyland as I did right before my divorce. Think of what you enjoyed in the past and view this as just what the doctor has ordered, to increase your well-being.
10 Ways to Deal with the Empty Nest Syndrome
The Empty Nest Syndrome is especially challenging for single parents who now have a quiet house. When one has recently gone through a divorce or loss of a spouse, it can be traumatic. Expect to mourn for a loss of what was and may never be again. You may go through the anger and eventually moving on to acceptance. This is the time to reinvent yourself and rediscover long lost passions. 1. Start a group up of other Empty Nesters for support and fun. Tina, a stay-at-home mom, was bereft when her youngest went off to college. This came about when her oldest son was about to get married and possibly move to another city. She called the mothers of her son’s classmates and formed a group that met once a month. At first it was for tears, but now it is teas and laughter. They claim that getting together is much cheaper than therapy and full of companionship. 2. Wait and do big projects after your kid goes off to school. This is the time to organize and clean out your basement or garage. I bought some bins and shelves and it is easy to find gardening supplies, holiday items plus much more in my garage now. 3. Expand your social or professional networks. I joined two Meet.Up.com groups and have coffee or go to events every week. The intelligent women are stimulating and now we are discussing quantum physics over lattes. I am a new member of Toastmasters International to make me a more effective speaker. There are many other groups to choose. 4. Challenge yourself and build self-esteem. Join an Outward Bound Expedition in your own back yard or across the globe. UK charities in particular have fundraisers in far flung places. One charity had a trek up Mt Kilimanjaro…
Happiness and Meaning in Life
Viennese Viktor Frankl was sent to a concentration camp with some family members and he wrote about this ordeal in his book “Man’s Search for Meaning.” While imprisoned he discovered that others who had meaning in life were more apt to survive. Frankl stated the Nazis could not take away one’s attitude, outlook on life. He met several men who gave up and were waiting to die. Frankl delved into their lives and found out what was important to them, waiting on the outside. For one it was a family member safely tucked away from harm, and the other had a special project that was left unfinished. These two men then became determined to live. The Center for Disease Control said that 4 out of 10 Americans have not discovered their meaning in life and that negatively affects their health. What is the difference between just having happiness or having meaning/purpose in life? You are happy because you have money to buy expensive gadgets and goods. If something took those away, then happiness fades. Having meaning in life is more lasting, not the here and now of happiness without a purpose. Meaning in life is more enduring, things may not be great now, but you are reaching out to others and enlarging your supportive social network. Frankl stated that the more one is focused outside of yourself – reaching out to others – the more human you are. Most people that I interviewed, claimed that they got more out of volunteering, than the recipients did. Since happiness is a more transient feeling there are ways to boost its level every day. Spend your money on having experiences, rather than on more material goods. Think about travel for example. You open your eyes and mind to new cultures, sights and ideas which…
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