Is Brexit Causing Couples to Get Divorced?
The decision to leave the EU seems a lifetime ago but there is still a lot of uncertainty surrounding what will actually happen when we do eventually leave the EU. There are concerns over specific laws, taxes, travel and our power as a nation but has anyone stopped to consider the fact that it can actually cause relationship problems? Well in fact, it is already. Despite politics being a high priority for many, it can often run much deeper than that. Your political beliefs are your own and should remain that way but many couples are allowing their differences to come between them and this is where the Brexit decision has cause problems. More and more Brits can now relate to the fact that political beliefs are driving a wedge between them and their partners. A new survey from the relationship charity Relate has found that 20% of relationship support counsellors have dealt with clients who have argued over Brexit. However, this is not the first time that Brexit has cause problems for couples because even before the decision was made to leave the EU, the stress of the Brexit was weighing heavy on the shoulders of couples, leaving many close to divorce. In some cases, it has gone beyond coming close because many couples are splitting up simply up simply because one voted differently to the other. Essentially, one voted to remain and the other voted to leave and that is where the problem lies. There is also a level of uncertainty because many Europeans who are living in Britain are unsure about whether they will still be allowed to live here once the wheels begin turning and Britain move away from the EU. What’s more is that they may not even want to remain here and that in…
Tips on How to Avoid Sabotaging Your Divorce
Your behaviour in divorce has an impact on its outcome. Attempting to score points with verbal sparring against your opponent (spouse) may temporarily feel like a victory. In reality, it raises legal fees and prolongs proceedings. Trading insults with each other distracts one from staying on task. Blow off negativity to friends before walking into a divorce session. Do not sabotage your divorce by confiding its details to people who may not honour your confidentiality. Your divorce can become the subject of juicy gossip. Instead, talk about your feelings or changes in your life, such as moving to a new place. I messed up on this one. A few things I said during my divorce got back to my husband, who brought it up at a collaborative meeting. My solicitor told me to zip up my mouth. If you are friendly with your spouse’s co-workers or friends – divorce is not the time to divulge deep secrets. Be discreet, so you do not learn this the hard way, as I did. Keeping quiet is especially critical if you both are in the same field. Disparaging remarks about your soon-to-be-ex, can damage their reputation or make encounters at professional events awkward. The last thing you need during divorce is to be sued for slander. Another problem area is revealing too much on social media. This has been the cause for divorce when an unsuspecting spouse discovers the existence of a lover. Solicitors have used what someone has posted on social media during proceedings. This is particularly important when the amount of shared care is being determined. Photos of a parent cavorting around at parties looking drunk, can make them appear a bit unstable. This can hurt one when applying for jobs, as potential employers check Facebook and other sites. One may…
Dealing with Anger in Divorce
Anger and other strong emotions are a by-product of divorce. It is natural to get upset over the crazy antics of one’s soon-to-be ex. Perhaps one’s partner sees divorce as a contest where there is a clear winner and loser. The word “compromise” is not in their vocabulary. There are ways to deal with anger during the divorce process without having an explosion. Anger in itself is okay, but how it is expressed may not be. An example of this is road rage. The driver takes out their hostility by ramming the car in front of them or threatening someone else. They over react to a slight provocation. An especially tragic act of divorce anger is when one parent retaliates against the other by killing their children. Anger is an emotion which needs to be acknowledged first before dealing with it and moving on. Anger is a response to a perceived threat or being the target of hostility. Analyze the situation to determine what action you can take. If it is out of your control, accept that and realize that you do have control over your reaction to it. When spouses get tangled up in anger, that can lengthen proceedings which results in higher legal fees. How to get rid of anger: Physical activity helps to release anger and anxiety. Exercise lowers the stress hormone cortisol which is responsible for raising blood pressure and the heart rate. Go running, to the gym, a fitness class, on a hike, or cleaning spree to keep you moving. Some people feel that striking an object releases anger better for them, such as by playing tennis, golf, or bowling. Others don boxing gloves and do sparring. Write a letter to your spouse about your grievances. Pour out your wrath in detail. Put down your…
First Steps During Initial Post-Divorce Period
Moving on after divorce can be done in small increments or in one giant leap. Sometimes one may need to get away in order to evaluate their options and just to think about things in general. One man had an ingenious way to get over a traumatic divorce and get past overwhelming feelings. His mind kept dwelling on his unhappy circumstance and severed marital relationship. What came as a surprise was the dramatic metamorphosis and finding his purpose in life. Alan’s career was in Martial Arts and his back, neck and joints cried out for him to retire. A Way to Recover Post-Divorce What is his secret? Alan left his job post-divorce and booked a Round-the-World (RTW) airline ticket which was for several months of travel. By immersing himself into the various cultures, Alan’s focus was off his own woes. He discovered that humans around the planet are more alike than different. People have more in common than not and he developed a respect for others’ customs, beliefs and spirituality. Self-Compassion This compassion spilled over to himself, enabling him to accept that his old life was finished. Forgiveness for himself and ex-wife set him free and he was transformed. Alan was on the last leg of his journey in Cape Town before flying back home, when he discovered that he could book another RTW ticket for half of what he had paid in London. He used this opportunity to fly back to Asia. Going on a retreat can be the key to gaining self-awareness. Alan attended a ten day retreat in India in which meditation was taught. The participants were silent for the first nine days and spoke on the last one. He had judged others and formed preconceived notions about who they were and what they did. On day…
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