Losing Your Family Members with Divorce
One would think family members would be supportive during divorce, but that is not always the case. There are a myriad of reasons for this with one being not wanting to take sides. My mother would often hang up on me when I called during my divorce. She had a summer place, so this necessitated having a girlfriend drive over to her house and tape a note to her door. My husband and I jointly owned a house with her, so financial discussions were imperative during these proceedings. She wanted to pretend this event was not happening. Fortunately she gave unconditional love and support to her grandsons. Be forewarned that this could happen to you. Some relatives may have anger towards you. While they are unsupportive, it does not mean that they are on your spouse’s side. It could be that your divorce elicits painful memories of theirs and they do not want to relive them. Do you have a relative who is just a bitter, mean person? Your divorce is another thing to hold against you. Remember that this nonsupport and unkindness is their issue. It is something that they are dealing with, even though it can be hurtful for you. In one case there was paternal abuse and the sons had very limited visitation. The grandfather told a crying grandson over the phone, that they were severing ties unless those boys resumed a relationship with their dad. How do you deal with unsupportive relatives? One solution is to limit visits to an hour or so once a month, never on a holiday. You might consider meeting in a public place for these. If something rude is said, leave immediately. Decide what you will and will not tolerate and go from there. It may be best to limit contact to…
Valentine’s Day Adventures
Get out of your comfort zone and boost your self-confidence and fitness level. Challenge yourself to train and complete charity treks and cycling trips over Valentine’s Day. On February 13th, VSO Charity has a climb up Kilimanjaro and Charity Challenge has a cycling trip from Saigon to Ankor Wat. Great Ormond Street Hospital has a cycling trip around Rajasthan, India starting on the 14th. There are many possibilities such as going to the Rift Valley, Morocco, hiking the Inca Trail, and other exotic locales. Check charity web sites for these adventures and up-to-date departures. Gwen was devastated to be newly single and dreaded being alone. Her adult children were sympathetic, however they had their own lives elsewhere. A girlfriend told Gwen about a charity trek to Kilimanjaro and the two pals commenced training and hiking together. This trek required a certain amount of pledges to be raised for a charity, so these two were busy asking co-workers, businesses, and family to donate money. Gwen and Rose bonded with others in similar situations on this trek and made life-long friends. They felt empowered, fulfilled and loneliness was a thing of the past. Gwen’s children were relieved that she moved on with her life in such a positive way. Outward Bound has programs in the wilderness with some around Valentine’s Day. Participants “emerge to find out that they can do more than they thought they could.” You leave with a sense of personal growth. If you want to get out of town before Valentine’s Day or other holidays, check on volunteer trips. You can assist archeologists on intriguing research right in the UK. Or you can travel to far flung places with volunteer associations. I went to a travel talk by a person who did scuba diving in Australia, counting marine life for…
The Valentine’s Day Blues
Facing your first Valentine’s Day during or post-divorce can be like pouring salt into an open wound or a “non-event” as many people disclosed. You may feel like holing up at home screaming at the world, or out and about as if it were any other day. Assess your feelings to see which strategies would work best for you. Those that did not really celebrate Valentine’s Day while married had the easiest time post-divorce. A few who had been married to doctors that either were too busy, or chose not to commemorate this occasion, did not even remember their first Valentine’s Day when newly divorced. Kelly has been divorced twice, yet can only recall recent ones. People who had the most difficult time when newly single, were the ones who had been wined and dined on this holiday. This would be the time to start inventing new Valentine’s traditions that are special for you. Some friends have said that their children have been a happy distraction on Valentine’s Day post-divorce. They have a special dinner and play games or watch a movie. They stated that it is difficult to feel lonely or “poor me” when busy with youngsters. Endear yourself to friends by offering to babysit their little tykes on this night. Invite your niece over for a pajama pizza party and show chick flicks. Veronica had a full-blown party for her young son and his buddies on her first post-divorce Valentine’s Evening with yummy food, fun activities and luscious treats. She was having a great time and was too busy being hostess, to dwell upon any sad thoughts. This is still Veronica’s best Valentine’s Day. Coffee shops and cafes often have a communal table where solo diners can enjoy being around others on Valentine’s Day. These gatherings sometimes become a…
Divorce tip: Beauty for Less
When you are going through a divorce or other life transition, you may be on a tight budget. You still require high quality products that are plant based for healthy skin. You do not have to down grade to cheap products full of chemicals, but rather upgrade to ones that deliver a powerful punch for rejuvenation. Your skin becomes sallow and more wrinkled with insomnia and stress. Boots pharmacies in the UK, have their own lines of skin care and are available stateside at Target and other retailers. Botanics are particularly packed full of botanicals and are endorsed by Kew Gardens in London, along with Oprah and some leading physicians. Theses products are reasonable starting at $8.99 to around $24.99. I really like the Facial Oil 100% organic which is $8.99. The Facial Serum Triple Age Renewal and the matching eye serum have orchid as one of the plant ingredients and sell for around $16.00. I use the facial super balm($8.99) as both the top layer of moisturizer and as a night eye balm. Boot’s No. 7 line has the popular Protect & Perfect skin serum which has undergone studies endorsing its qualities. The No. 7 Overnight Hand Treatment ($14.69) makes my middle aged hands look young. The No.7 foundation and blush is made in France and is every bit as good as the high price department store ones that I used in the past. Lumene skin care from Finland also is plant based and usually under $25.oo. These can be found at CVS Pharmacy and Walgreens, sometimes on sale. Prevent future problems by taking care of your skin now with these nurturing and reasonably priced items. Not only will you look and feel better, but your budget will too.
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