The Dos and Don’ts of Co-Parenting
Co-parenting is a modern term in the divorce world. When my parents walked out of the divorce court, they never communicated with each other ever again and certainly not about me. Co-parenting implies cooperation and dialogue. The former spouses are no longer partners in marriage but are so in raising their children. Society today may be more complex with so many choices, or parents like mine did not consider the need to discuss children with each other post-divorce. Custody is usually joint, which means both parents have the right to decide what schools and activities their children will attend. Cooperative Parenting Tips For Success: There are ways to make co-parenting easier on the parents and more effective for the kids. Consider having a regularly scheduled meeting, perhaps monthly, to discuss issues or activities of the kids. Have an agenda, just as you would for a conference at work. If one parent veers off course into blame or other toxic areas, calmly steer them back to the topic being discussed, “We were talking about Jane’s wish to change schools….” Keep emotion out of the discussion and treat the other parent as you would an excitable co-worker. These meetings do not have to be in person if it is difficult to be in their presence. Using Skype or the phone is fine, even if they only live a few streets away. Co-parenting is easier when both are on the same page and do not feel left out of anything. There are various online calendars and apps which let each parent view and add activities or events in the youngsters’ lives. It is easy to put in dance recitals, sports tournaments, and school concerts into a schedule. This way one parent cannot blame the other one for not notifying them of something. Remember…
Christmas Experiences Beat Materialism
Budgets may be stretched to the breaking point after a divorce – so think about concentrating on experiences vs a mountain of presents during the holidays. If you reminisce about your childhood, it is the fun times during the holidays that you remember – not the particular Barbie outfit or model airplane received. Taking the focus off materialism and on to what is really meaningful, is a life lesson in itself. The children are now getting two sets of presents after divorce. Do not try to compete with your former spouse in the gift arena nor try to make up for their divorce experience with extravagant material goods. Shift traditions from having the opening of gifts as the main event, to more of a short activity before the festive feast, visiting grandma or whatever. Explain to the children that you have less money to spend on gifts and to let you know one (or several) things that are most important to them. My sons’ favorite present is their stocking bursting with chocolate and small goodies. Decide together what holiday activities would be fun to do. Here are a few suggestions mainly supplied by my sons, to do before Christmas instead of blowing money: Go to a live nativity and especially enjoy the animals who are stealing the show. A nearby church has one every year with hot chocolate, cookies and carols. The sheep, donkeys etc. are just adorable (and ornery). Walk downtown in the evening and enjoy the festive holiday displays. It is like wandering around in a fairyland of lights. We top that off with lattes and a treat afterwards at a coffee shop which is opened late. Check your Chamber of Commerce or another local guide for free holiday events, such as a tree lighting, Santa parade, children’s…
Banish the Holiday Blues Post-Divorce
It can be difficult facing the holiday season when still recovering from divorce. Reliving the past can make the season be less merry. Your life may seem like the subject of Elvis’s Blue Christmas song: I’ll have a Blue Christmas without you I’ll be so blue just thinking about you Decorations of red on a green Christmas tree Won’t be the same dear, if you’re not here with me Acknowledge your emotions such as sadness. Burying them does not make them go away, but rather backfires when they surface at inopportune times. Recognize that you are facing a loss and are still grieving when the rest of the world seems caught up in the frivolities of the season. What helped me was watching comedies and reading humorous stories. Laughing a lot lessened any pain. Do what works best for you. Many have mentioned that taking a break from their surroundings helped speed them along in healing. Not going to where they celebrated Christmas Eve dinner or to other places that they went as a couple, reduced dwelling in the past. Skipping some holiday rituals that were done when married, contributed to being able to move on. You are making a break from your old life this holiday season and embarking on a new adventure. One way is by taking a trip – whether to the heart of Europe or discovering new sights in the UK. There is something mystical about the Highlands for me. When I was in Australia and New Zealand for two holiday periods with my sons, people did not seem to be depressed. They were busy going to the beach, hiking and enjoying the various outdoor pursuits. The sunshine was a mood lifter during the holidays. The Aussies’ Christmas cheer was contagious during this extended daylight. A…
First Christmas Together When In A New Dating Relationship
In a new dating situation when Christmas or Hanukkah are looming on the horizon and you are not sure what to get or how much to spend on a present. The holiday season is about celebrating with family and you have not even met your date’s relatives yet. Here are some tips on getting through the holiday season with a recently met love interest.
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