Forgiveness Sets You Free Post-Divorce
Forgiving your ex-spouse is not about them – but is about you. Forgiving a former partner gives you closure before embarking upon a new chapter in life. Forgiveness is like when a business stamps a receipt “Paid in Full.” That bill is paid and the account is closed and back to zero. Forgive your ex and visualize “Paid in Full” stamped on that relationship. You then emotionally do not owe each other anything else and can go your separate ways. You made mistakes in your marriage and so did your former spouse. Some were petty and others seemingly monumental. Both spouses contributed to the demise of the marriage. Forgive yourself. In hypnotherapy school – we learned that people do the best that they can in their circumstance. Feeling overwhelmed in a stressful situation is like having tunnel vision. Not all information can be absorbed when on the verge of a breakdown during a toxic marriage or divorce. Reactions are quite different than when not in crisis and being in a more relaxed state. Give yourself a break and realize that hindsight is 20/20 when ruminating about the past. You did what you could at the time, so forgive yourself. By forgiving your ex – that affects the present. Forgiving them severs the bond between you and sets you free. When no longer tied to your former partner, then interactions can be more impersonal – polite with less of an emotional charge. Forgiveness lessens any power that an ex may try to have over you. Please read more http://www.divorcemag.com/blog/forgiveness-after-divorce
Emotionally Preparing for Divorce
Whether divorce was discussed by you both as a possibility or if taken by surprise, it still comes as a jolt. Calmly talking about an imminent split does not take into consideration all of the legalities and hoops to jump through to complete the process. It can feel as if one is drowning in all the minutia that comes along with divorce. How to climb out of this pit? Discuss with your solicitor or mediator how you are feeling, such as discouraged and overwhelmed. They want you to be at the top of your game so may be able to streamline the process by bringing some experts on board. Our collaborative solicitors called in an interim child psychologist to set up and monitor visitation during the divorce itself. This took that burden off us parents. She met with our sons to ensure visitation was working out and if the boys were okay. They were not, so she arranged for them to have a therapist. Lighten your load with the expertise of other professionals to make the process go more smoothly. Another example is having a financial advisor work with the divorce team to oversee the division of assets. It is easy to get so immersed in proceedings that one lets other areas slip, such as sleep, nutrition and emotional well-being. Stress decreases the efficiency of the immune system which makes one more susceptible to colds and the flu. Realize that you will have good days and bad ones. Sometimes you feel that you are on top of things and other times that you are skittering on the edge of a breakdown. Divorce is not a straight line, but looks like a graph with peaks and troughs. Do not think of being stoic or going though divorce alone. This is the…
First Meeting with Divorce Attorney/Mediator
Getting records together for your new divorce solicitor or mediator is a first step in the divorce process. Sometimes one’s financial state seems to be a jumble of loans and assets and the solicitor will have to get a general idea of the situation. A financial advisor may be called in to sort out the records and give the solicitors an idea of the assets involved in the case. Do your part by getting copies of bank statements, loan papers, taxes and whatever else you can lay your hands on to get the ball rolling with your divorce. Your solicitor or mediator may give you a list of what is needed for your initial encounter. The following information will get you started on what data to bring with you. The best advice is to bring everything: Financial records include taxes paid, both personal and business. All loans, including student ones are needed. Did either set of parents loan money for example, as a house down payment or for a credit card bill? The amount of your rent or mortgage (plus balance owed on the mortgage). Do either of you pay anything for children from previous relationships? List all bank accounts/investments/pension plans with their account numbers and balances. Do either of you have any automatic deductions withdrawn from pay checks? Jot down any stocks, bonds, or mutual funds. Do either of your work places contribute to investments or retirement plans? Could there be an off shore account or does some money appear to be missing? Next, think about some other assets that you have either jointly or individually. List assets with approximate net worth: Vehicles with model and year Value of property including marital home. Mention any bolt holes and holiday homes, including timeshares Art and any big ticket items Jewellery…
Unhappy Holidays May Trigger Divorce
Some people have chosen to stay together until after the holidays for a variety of reasons. It may be to give the children one last Christmas together. One agony aunt printed a letter from a woman whose daughter-in-law is filing for divorce at the beginning of the year. She questioned what to buy an exiting in-law for Christmas and how to deal with this charade around her grandchildren (who are not informed of the upcoming parental split). A couple may be hoping that the holiday season will patch up any holes in their relationship. The magic of Christmas does not extend to fixing a broken marital partnership. The holidays can shine a spotlight on problems that are bubbling up just under the surface. Busy day to day activities with a packed schedule can mask issues that are not being addressed. When one or both have long job commutes or kids with jammed agendas, this enables a couple to pretend that everything is okay. When interacting with each other (or attempting to avoid it) during holiday time off from work, spouses can feel empty inside. When holidays are lonelier being married than they ever were when single, this is a warning that something needs to be done. Holidays can be the big wakeup call that you really do not want to be with your partner for the next set of holidays the following December. After a few excruciating New Year’s Eves with her husband, a woman thought over their relationship. Coming to the realization that she did not ever want to be alone with him, pushed her into ending her marriage. Although now divorced, her solo New Year’s Eves are something she anticipates rather than dreads. The holidays are over and people are thinking about New Year resolutions or changes that they…
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