New Year’s Eve as Newly Single and Divorced
New Year’s Eve is just around the corner and many are thinking of how to avoid this whole holiday. Others are celebrating their newly found freedom and will be partying the night away. Decide if you want to be a hermit or around others and plan accordingly. One way to not be alone, yet be distracted from the holiday, is to work. On your job, you can treat the holiday as another work day/evening, or join in the staff festivities and potlucks. When you are serving the public or dealing with projects, your mind will be on the task at hand. Some newly divorced have shied away from small, intimate gatherings and gone for the big galas instead where conversation can be more superficial. One aspect of New Year’s Eve is that couples may be together, similar to Valentine’s Day and less apt to invite single friends as they do for Thanksgiving. I felt lonelier when still married, on New Year’s Eve than I ever did post-divorce. I then celebrated with my mother and sons watching the ball drop while eating a luscious treat. I slept in on New Year’s Day, watched a parade, went to the movies and made a simple, but delicious meal. Think about starting different New Year’s Eve/Day rituals like I did with my sons. It may be offering to babysit your niece and having a pizza party. Kids are a great distraction and provide amusement. If they aren’t yours, then their parents will love you for letting them get some couple time away. Other divorced friends have turned down invitations and enjoyed pampering themselves, such as with a facial mask and a great book. If you don’t want to go out for an expensive feast on New Year’s Day, then meet pals at a coffee shop. The Washington Post had an article that said 49% of adults…
De-cluttering During Divorce
When one is faced with major life decisions and transitions – having to determine what to keep is one more burden. Separate your emotions from the practicality of de-cluttering during divorce. Do not get rid of objects when in anger. My enraged spouse left behind the gifts that I had given him when he moved out of our marital home. I was overjoyed when they later sold on E-Bay. This is a project for a clear head. Reacting in haste can cause regrets down the road when you wished that you would have kept your cherished childhood toy. One woman got rid of her household goods after her husband departed during their divorce. She was fuming and claimed that she did not want the “junk” from her marriage. When she went to refurnish her house, she got a big surprise. Prices had gone up on these items and she struggled to replace them on her meager post-divorce budget. Her friends had not heard of the new trend, “Divorce Shower” so this woman was out of luck. Getting rid of some things to start anew makes sense, starting out from scratch when flat broke does not. However, several people I know mainly left with clothes and personal items and never looked back. See what works best for your situation. Be cognizant of items that have particularly painful memories and possibly eliminate these first. What to do about your wedding gown? If a daughter or niece does not want it, consider donating it to charity. When I tried to sell mine online, they were only going for a pittance. Last Halloween, there were several wedding gowns as costumes and that is one creative solution. These “Gruesome Brides” had fake blood dripping down their gowns and were having a great time at the…
Supplements for Stress and Divorce
Going through divorce takes a toll on emotions and can wreak havoc on the physical functioning of one’s body. Stress puts the body on red alert, that one is facing danger and to get prepared. Chronic stress keeps the body in a hyper vigilant state instead of having down time between episodes. Stress in divorce can particularly affect the cardiovascular system. How to mitigate the damage? Take supplements with your health care provider’s guidance. Omega 3 protects the heart by maintaining an optimal rhythm and increasing blood vessel flexibility. Stress increases inflammation in the body and Omega 3 decreases it. The Journal of Psychiatry is studying the use of Omega 3 for people with depression and other mental health disorders. A study done at Ohio State University on medical students indicated that it decreases mild anxiety. Participants took either a placebo or Omega 3 over a three month period. The results showed a 20% decrease in anxiety with the Omega 3 group, plus a 14% decrease in the pro-inflammatory compound interleukin 6. Interleukin 6 can be an anti-inflammatory when within normal limits. It relays information between cells, regulates the immune system functioning and cell growth. It helps to stop colds and infections. When the body has chronic low grade inflammation due to psychological stress, then interleukin 6 increases too much and becomes pro-inflammatory. This leads to diseases such as autoimmune disorders including rheumatoid arthritis. Co-Enzyme 10 (Co Q 10) is an element found in the mitochondria of cells and is especially concentrated in the heart. It converts food into energy and reduces free radicals. A study at Tulane University in New Orleans indicated that Co Q 10 increased the ejection fraction (pumping ability of the heart) by 3.7%. It promotes healthy heart functioning. Antioxidants are nutrients that include flavonoids that…
The Dos and Don’ts of Co-Parenting
Co-parenting is a modern term in the divorce world. When my parents walked out of the divorce court, they never communicated with each other ever again and certainly not about me. Co-parenting implies cooperation and dialogue. The former spouses are no longer partners in marriage but are so in raising their children. Society today may be more complex with so many choices, or parents like mine did not consider the need to discuss children with each other post-divorce. Custody is usually joint, which means both parents have the right to decide what schools and activities their children will attend. Cooperative Parenting Tips For Success: There are ways to make co-parenting easier on the parents and more effective for the kids. Consider having a regularly scheduled meeting, perhaps monthly, to discuss issues or activities of the kids. Have an agenda, just as you would for a conference at work. If one parent veers off course into blame or other toxic areas, calmly steer them back to the topic being discussed, “We were talking about Jane’s wish to change schools….” Keep emotion out of the discussion and treat the other parent as you would an excitable co-worker. These meetings do not have to be in person if it is difficult to be in their presence. Using Skype or the phone is fine, even if they only live a few streets away. Co-parenting is easier when both are on the same page and do not feel left out of anything. There are various online calendars and apps which let each parent view and add activities or events in the youngsters’ lives. It is easy to put in dance recitals, sports tournaments, and school concerts into a schedule. This way one parent cannot blame the other one for not notifying them of something. Remember…
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