Tips about the Divorce Process
Divorce is a life transition that generates permanent changes. One can never go back – only forward. Divorce affects finances, relationships and career choices. It can be a positive catalyst for a metamorphosis. Divorce is not a linear process, one can back track, hit a speed bump or nearly get derailed. My husband and I were in the collaborative process and he suddenly dropped out when it did not go as he expected. We had to start over with new solicitors for litigation. Then he decided to return to collaborative and luckily our original solicitors let us pick up where we left off from before. Divorce does not have to mean only negative changes –but can push people in a positive direction. Maribel was a stay-at-home mum who was bored out of her mind and felt unfulfilled. Getting a divorce forced her back into the working world. She opted for a lesser paying job in retail and is ecstatic about life. Maribel is much more vibrant now, than I ever observed in her marriage. Two co-workers lead busy, fulfilled lives now that they are divorced. Divorce has an end point. My maintenance and child support have finished which means contact with my ex is 100% in the past. I will be moving and can totally close that chapter of my life. Other people’s end point may be when their divorce is finalized, especially when there is a Clean Break. The divorce process seemed endless at the time, but it helped when folks said that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Get centred, clear your mind and think through your choices and decisions. I made stupid missteps in a panic – rather than stating “Let me think about it and get back to you.” An issue can…
How to Let Go and Move On Post-Divorce
The secret to moving on after a divorce is to let go. It may sound simple, but can be difficult to accomplish. Trying to hold on to something to prevent the enviable (like a divorce) is a futile effort. After trying to fix a marriage, prevent divorce, and do all that we can, just let go. If a spouse is going to leave, they will. So letting go of the marriage can mean a better period is on the horizon. You do not have to agree with a situation (departing spouse), but accepting that what is happening is partly out of your control, allows you to start getting unstuck and moving on with life. Recognize what is out of your control during the divorce process. Let go of the minutia and concentrate on the most important aspects of divorce, such as the division of assets. This will help you to let go of the small stuff and concentrate on what matters the most to you. Some people choose to allow divorce to rule their thoughts and emotions. They do not let go of the marriage, their spouse, or how ugly the divorce process came to be. Their divorce plays like an endless loop in their heads. Notice how this type of bitter person, who cannot let go, drives others away. Whether it is a marriage, a job, or whatever that ends, let go so you can move on to something else. Filling Up The Hole That Divorce Leaves: Filling that void is important. The gap of a departing spouse and end of a marriage needs to be filled. One way of plugging up this hole is to pour oneself into work. Take the course you have been meaning to which will advance your career. Take on extra projects which will…
Single Parenting Post-Divorce
It may come as a big surprise to discover that you are a better parent post-divorce. Being in a toxic marriage sucks the energy right out of you – so there is less available for the children. Youngsters are smart, so may act up to get your limited attention when you are still wed. After my divorce was finalized, I truly could then focus on my sons. Even my cats seem to appreciate the extra time we spend together post-divorce. I did not realize that being in survival mode meant trying to avoid conflict rather than being spontaneous. Now my sons and I can be vagabonds traipsing around the planet – budget and time permitting. Single parenting brings a flexibility which allows going to the cinema on the spur of the moment or indulging in an impromptu picnic. I do not have to check with the other parent or plan events far in advance. Instead of viewing life as an obstacle course, it is an adventure with serendipitous moments post-divorce. My sons give this feedback about single parenthood. They claim I listen to them intently now which in turn enables them to feel more valued. We discuss our lives in depth instead of merely skimming the surface as was done pre-divorce. As a stressed out married mum, I was more of a dictator echoing my German grandfather’s “and that’s that,” instead of hearing what the boys had to say. Although I set boundaries and make the rules – I am more willing to get the lads’ points of view in this new chapter of our lives. Single parents told me that they became more patient in the post-divorce period and do not get angry over every little thing. Being in a toxic marriage was like having road rage. One is…
Stress-free Travel with Youngsters
It may not seem like a relaxing holiday with a baby in tow – but with a little pre-planning it can be rewarding for all. These tips are especially helpful in the post-divorce period when you may be travelling by yourself with youngsters. Having a trip with a limited itinerary, such as a beach holiday worked well for us. My baby or toddler loved sitting in the sand playing with a plastic shovel and when older, making sand castles. The sea creatures and birds added extra entertainment to lazing around at the shore. One parent suggests going to an area that also has a bay, cove or sound near the ocean which is calmer water for the little ones. The South Pacific surrounding the Cook Islands, is like stepping into a warm, multi-coloured bathtub water – just perfect for tiny children. Taking my young sons to Na Trang, Vietnam required holding on to them in the large waves. Even beaches on the same island can be vastly different – a surfer’s dream or like a pond. Many parents have stated that staying in a condo, cottage or villa was worth the extra expense. They liked having extra room, a kitchen and more seclusion for toddler tantrums. The location, beach or mountains was more secondary as long as they had this bigger space than a hotel room. Another choice is staying with friends or family who may have baby necessities and other kids. We visited my mother in my old home which still had some of my toys and book. My mother purchased a stroller, travel crib, high chair, and car seat which remained at her place. I just threw a few clothes and essentials in our suitcase for an easy trip. The little ones had lots of playtime with Gran…
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