Single Parenting Post-Divorce
It may come as a big surprise to discover that you are a better parent post-divorce. Being in a toxic marriage sucks the energy right out of you – so there is less available for the children. Youngsters are smart, so may act up to get your limited attention when you are still wed. After my divorce was finalized, I truly could then focus on my sons. Even my cats seem to appreciate the extra time we spend together post-divorce. I did not realize that being in survival mode meant trying to avoid conflict rather than being spontaneous. Now my sons and I can be vagabonds traipsing around the planet – budget and time permitting. Single parenting brings a flexibility which allows going to the cinema on the spur of the moment or indulging in an impromptu picnic. I do not have to check with the other parent or plan events far in advance. Instead of viewing life as an obstacle course, it is an adventure with serendipitous moments post-divorce. My sons give this feedback about single parenthood. They claim I listen to them intently now which in turn enables them to feel more valued. We discuss our lives in depth instead of merely skimming the surface as was done pre-divorce. As a stressed out married mum, I was more of a dictator echoing my German grandfather’s “and that’s that,” instead of hearing what the boys had to say. Although I set boundaries and make the rules – I am more willing to get the lads’ points of view in this new chapter of our lives. Single parents told me that they became more patient in the post-divorce period and do not get angry over every little thing. Being in a toxic marriage was like having road rage. One is…
Stress-free Travel with Youngsters
It may not seem like a relaxing holiday with a baby in tow – but with a little pre-planning it can be rewarding for all. These tips are especially helpful in the post-divorce period when you may be travelling by yourself with youngsters. Having a trip with a limited itinerary, such as a beach holiday worked well for us. My baby or toddler loved sitting in the sand playing with a plastic shovel and when older, making sand castles. The sea creatures and birds added extra entertainment to lazing around at the shore. One parent suggests going to an area that also has a bay, cove or sound near the ocean which is calmer water for the little ones. The South Pacific surrounding the Cook Islands, is like stepping into a warm, multi-coloured bathtub water – just perfect for tiny children. Taking my young sons to Na Trang, Vietnam required holding on to them in the large waves. Even beaches on the same island can be vastly different – a surfer’s dream or like a pond. Many parents have stated that staying in a condo, cottage or villa was worth the extra expense. They liked having extra room, a kitchen and more seclusion for toddler tantrums. The location, beach or mountains was more secondary as long as they had this bigger space than a hotel room. Another choice is staying with friends or family who may have baby necessities and other kids. We visited my mother in my old home which still had some of my toys and book. My mother purchased a stroller, travel crib, high chair, and car seat which remained at her place. I just threw a few clothes and essentials in our suitcase for an easy trip. The little ones had lots of playtime with Gran…
When to Consider Divorce
Some people have said that they waited too long before divorcing, but I have yet to hear someone say they jumped the gun and initiated one too soon. There are many factors involved in determining if and when a divorce ought to commence. A main one seems to be regarding children and their ages. One man felt that he stayed seven years too long in his marriage, choosing to wait until the last child went off to uni. He stated that the love was gone and the marriage was dead – however he stayed because he wanted to see his kids every day. In hindsight, he thinks it harmed his sons witnessing coldness and disinterest between a married couple. Another stayed in an unhappy marriage since her husband was their sons’ Boy Scout troop leader. She thought the boys would feel more secure with both parents in the home. Eight years post-divorce her sons are still asking what took her so long to file for divorce. For those on the fence about whether to stay or go, The Divorce Magazine UK has a link to various resources that are invaluable in the pre-divorce period too. Maypole Women has resources as well for women and children in a potential divorce situation. Relate and Retrouvaille do marital counselling to see if the relationship can be repaired. There are instances when a line is crossed and one spouse chooses to exit the marriage quickly. For example, a lad let slip that his father was showing him and his brother internet porn. The woman confronted her husband who denied it, but she said that she was having it investigated. He left her right away and she filed for divorce a week later. No amount of counselling could have changed her opinion to stay in…
Go on a Christmas Cruise Post-Divorce
One way to start new Christmas traditions is to get away from it all and wipe the slate clean after divorce. No more “this was what we did when we were still married last Christmas Eve.” One happily divorced woman who is now my friend, went on a Christmas/New Year’s cruise solo. She chose to surround herself with many people and felt the Christmas spirit. Not needing a date to dance the night away on New Year’s Eve was a bonus. On cruises, there are often get-togethers for the single passengers of all ages. Beats moping around one’s flat when friends are occupied with their own holiday plans. Both my sons and I did two holiday cruises on Cunard’s QE2 with my husband and mother. Then just the three of us did two post- divorce ones on Holland America. What are holiday cruises like? The anticipation starts months ahead of time when selecting the destinations. The cruises are a nice mix of exploring other cultures during the day and consuming scrumptious meals on board while possibly being serenaded by a string quartet. It was a unique experience hearing a steel band in the Caribbean playing carols and seeing Gibraltar decked out in Christmas decorations. There are different types of entertainment – concerts, musicals, comedians, magic shows, plus much more. Other activities are lectures, cooking demonstrations, computer classes, quizzes, and bridge, just to mention a few. One can be sociable or chill out reading in a quiet corner. The kids are kept busy and the single parents get some alone time or to interact with other adults. The staff puts on a show and sings carols. The QE2 had a traditional British Christmas which included a hilarious pantomime. Holland America embraced its Dutch heritage with their special foods and celebrations. I…
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